Did You Read That Review ? (7 page)

70 of 87 people found the following review helpful

Lifechanging Watch

By
RatedAwesome
, July 15, 2013

I was kinda iffy about buying this watch. I’ve been trying to buy my parents a home for the last few months, so it was a tough call. After lots of thinking, I figured having a $112k watch (on sale from $205k, what a steal!) would be a better investment. After all, real estate is pretty scary. At first my parents were really mad. The second they saw this 8th wonder of the world, they understood. My parents said they were cool with living in the shelter or on the street just as long as they could keep a photo of the watch. I told them sure, for 10 bucks. (Paid for the shipping!) I’m also trying to make a career change and figured this watch would equal an MBA or law degree…I mean, look at it! So I had an interview with a custom tailored suit. I made sure my left arm length was 1 inch shorter than the right. That’s right. No way I can let some cloth cover up the love of my life! Right after I gave my handshake to the hiring manager, he offered me a job. In fact, he offered me HIS job. He said he’d love to be my assistant. He took off his nameplate on the door and Sharpied mine…class act! I was so pumped after that interview. I had my left arm hanging outside my car window blasting Mozart in my 1992 black and blue Geo Prism. I was stopped at a red light when I saw this amazing woman reading on a park bench. I waved my left arm and the massive amount of bling caught her eye (blinded her). She came up to my passenger door and asked if I could take her out for dinner. I was taken back at first, but this girl looked like Jessica Biel, Halle Berry, and Scarlett Johansson combined. I instantly said yes and took her to the first place someone wearing this watch would want to go…Chuck E. Cheese’s. After all, I just got a sick job. I could spend some cash, right!? The second children saw the Zenith Defy Xtreme Tourbillon Men’s Automatic Watch, they were in awe. After a few minutes, I was surrounded like I was Chuck E.! The girl couldn’t believe how good I am with children. Scored some major points with that. We even had some amazing pizza on the house! The manager saw my watch and figured I was from Chuck E. Cheese HQ and gave us free pizza, soda, AND 20 bucks in tokens! BALLIN!!! We played skeeball, and I kept getting the dead center hole. Oh yeah, this watch improves your aim with all throwing motions. I had over 5,000 tickets and got her a sick backpack. Told her, “That’s right, for all the books you like reading!” She gave me the biggest kiss ever! When we were leaving, a kid got stuck in the ball pit. Everyone was going crazy. I pushed the panic button on my watch, and the watch knows what’s up. I was able to clear the ball pit with a sonic wave of air pushing all the
balls to the other side of the pit. The EMTs were able to get the child, and he was safe. Again, scored some major points with the lady! When we were walking back to my car, she asked if I had a pool at my place. I said, “Of course I do. I got a sweet kiddie pool on my apartment patio.” I’ll let you figure out what happened from there, but here’s a hint…I was wearing my watch the entire time!!! The Zenith Defy Xtreme Tourbillon Men’s Automatic Watch improves EVERYTHING. Thank you, Zenith. I have a perfect girl and an amazing job. This watch has completely changed my life. :)

31 of 48 people found the following review helpful

UNBEATABLE DURABILITY

By
Nick Halden
, March 6, 2013

After spending a whopping 5 minutes looking for what I wanted as my anniversary present I came upon this watch (thank you Amazon god!). I overnighted it, and the next day this freaking armored convoy came barreling down my street while my wife was at the store. Some burly looking Swiss guy jumped out, shoved my package into my hands, and jumped back onto his chocolate-plated car yelling some stuff about being the new bad guy in the next
Die Hard
movie. So I put on this evil wristwatch and go about my business, aka standing around with my mouth open staring at my wrist. Shortly thereafter my wife gets back and sees me in all my glory. I swear, not even a charging rhino could take me down. When she found out how much I spent on it, she lawyered up right then. 2 months later this wise a** judge tries to give her my watch! So I proposed a contest. You know, “may the best man win” kinda thing. She would grab one side, and I would grab the other; we would proceed to pull as hard as we could and whoever ended up with the watch could have it. At first she was totally against it, but after talking it over with her lawyer it was decided that I could ONLY use my nondominant hand. So there we were, her on one side, me on the other; the judge gave us the countdown: “3!…2!…1!…GO!” It was a hell of a struggle (you guys really should have seen it). Long story short, right when she yanked with all her might, I let that thing go; it flew back in a blur and cracked her right in the head! Have you ever seen a Wildebeest go down? I imagine this was very similar. After the bailiff pronounced her as deceased, the judge looked over at me and asked if he could borrow it. Best hundred thousand I’ve ever spent!

3.5 out of 5 stars

Name:
     
UFO-02 Detector

ASIN:
     B000FVUKKO

Price:
     
$48.54

More than a third of Americans believe in UFOs, and one in ten Americans believe that they have seen a UFO, according to a study by National Geographic Channel. UFO sightings are reported all over the planet by thousands of people. The real question is whether UFOs are interstellar vehicles visiting Earth. Most UFO sightings can be classified as misidentified aircraft, planets, or other aerial phenomena, but not all of them. There is a small percentage of UFO sightings that can’t be explained by any known aircraft or natural phenomena. It is this small percentage of UFO sightings that creates an exciting possibility. Over the years, real UFO sightings have reported simultaneous electromagnetic disturbances. The UFO Detector is designed to sense these electromagnetic disturbances and signal their detection, flashing sixteen LEDs simultaneously and beeping. The elegantly designed, transparent plastic case is a handsome, sculptured conversation piece that allows one to see the electronics inside. Suitable for display on a desk, shelf, or bedroom dresser. Size is approximately 3 inches in diameter by 4.25 inches tall. Uses a 6V wall transformer (included).

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

4,749 of 4,798 people found the following review helpful

They’re here

By
George Takei
, May 29, 2013

I purchased this gizmo to play a prank on my husband Brad, who still prattles on about his “fourth-kind” encounter when he was just thirteen. (The fourth kind involves a probe, if you’re wondering. I keep saying it was likely his redneck neighbor dressed as ET, but that possibility is too dreadful for him to truly accept.) On the anniversary of Brad’s alleged abduction, I placed the device by our bedside, then set up an electromagnetic wave generator under the bed, with a timer to go off right at midnight. (If you’re wondering where to get one, I recommend the
SkyMall
catalog. I also picked up some motivational posters and fake garden rock speakers to save on shipping. You’re welcome.) But back to my prank. It was all set to go, and I was as giddy as a six-year-old waiting for Santa. But like a typical six-year-old, I fell asleep before the damn thing went off. I awoke to the flashing of multiple LEDs from the UFO-02 Detector and bolted up, eager to see Brad’s petrified face. Aha! But Brad wasn’t there. In fact, I wasn’t even in our bedroom anymore. Instead, I stood face-to-face with Leonardo da Vinci. Or perhaps it was Professor Dumbledore; I’m not really certain. In either event, it was a manifestation that the being I shall call the “Intelligence” had determined my brain would most easily accept for deliverance of The Message. You see, the Intelligence had come to convey to us humans that
the Imperative was nigh, that what we loosely dub the Singularity was only the beginning of a limitless existence unbounded by physical space and time and that sugar-free alternatives are actually WORSE for us than the real deal. He made sure that last point was clear by making me repeat it twice. When I came to, Brad was sound asleep in his tin-foil hat, the UFO-02 detector was gone, and, sure enough, all of my Splenda had been replaced with little brown raw sugar packets. When I tried to tell Brad about Leonardo/Dumbledore and The Message, he rolled over away from me, grumbling that I shouldn’t eat so much ice cream or any dairy product before bed.