Dipping Into Sin (a BWWM Alpha Male Romance) (12 page)

“W
hat do you mean that you cannot find her?” I shouted through my phone.

“Mr. Balducci, she went into her school and never came out. She’s been in there for the past five hours,” said Lenny, my personal driver.

“Find her,” I commanded, before ending the call.

For the longest time, I stared at the clock in my office and could only think about her. A thought crossed my mind, as I shot up out of my desk chair and darted in the direction of my bedroom. Once inside, I kneeled down in front of her heavy black duffle bag. I unzipped the bag only to find a letter on top of the…

So that explains why she took out the $200,000 so abruptly,
I thought as I recalled her recent bank activity.

My body shook with rage, as I grabbed the envelope with a great vengeance, and I tore through the paper to read the letter that held my fate.

Andriano,

I never expected to fall in love with you, or for our relationship to go this far. Ever since we came back from Las Vegas, you’ve been acting different. A part of me wished that you never told me that you loved me. It seems as though those words caused you to treat me differently. Being pregnant was the last thing that I expected. To be honest with you, I’m scared. With everything that took place these past few weeks, I think that it is best that we end our relationship regardless of what decision we make about my pregnancy.

Simone 

I re-read the letter over again before crumpling the paper angrily in my fist. The sound of knocking snapped me out of my angry trance. My heart felt as though it was ripped out of my body, as I rocked back and forth. I’ve never felt so much pain before. She does not have any idea what she brewed up inside of me. I never planned on falling in love with her, but I did. Now things have changed, and I know that the right thing to do is to abide by her wishes. But I refuse.

The relentless knocking on my front door caused me to viciously stand up. I walked slowly towards the front door and did not realize when I opened and closed the door for Chef Reed.

“What time is Simone coming over?” asked Chef Reed, as we entered my kitchen. Shocked into anger, I focused on the wall and began counting backwards from 10. Exhaling at the number one, I attempted to erase the painful afflicting tug at my heart.

“She’s not coming,” I answered solemnly.

After Lenny dropped me off, I strolled into the south end of campus and walked out of the west end of the campus. Once on the train, the salacious paranoia escaped with an episode of emitting deep breaths. After purchasing a bus ticket to the nearest town that was close to where Victoria lived, I reiterated the need for proper discretion about my location. I made her promise not to reveal any information about my whereabouts to anyone. Briefly looking at my watch, I realized that I only had thirty-five minutes to complete all of my errands before I left. Quickly entering the bank, I emptied the remaining balance on my account. Looking over at the wall clock with perspiration forming above my upper lip, I had twenty-five minutes until my bus loaded. Staring back at the bank teller, I asked her how long it would take to close my bank account.

While on the bus, I searched for clinics in New Jersey that were safe and affordable. Since I did not have private health insurance, I knew that I couldn’t afford to pay more than $3,000 for the procedure. Narrowing my options to three clinics, I called each and finalized my choice by securing an appointment two days from today. Leaning my head back into the headrest, I drifted off into a deep sleep. Two hours later, I woke up to the sound of the bus attendant announcing the first stop. After stopping at two more bus ports, I finally reached my stop. I walked towards the pickup section and dialed Victoria’s number. Victoria hopped out of the black SUV and waved her hand to catch my attention.

“He keeps on calling my cell phone. Once he started calling Daddy and Mother, I knew that the best thing for both of us was to go to my beach house before he shows up at my front door,” Victoria said after our period of silence during the ride.

“He wants me to get an abortion,” I whispered. “I just wanted to get out of there.” This is all my fault, and I knew that I had to take full responsibility for my current situation. But, I couldn’t deny the hurt that engulfed my heart.

“Did you ask him about why Josephine were hand in hand at his club?” asked Victoria.

Shaking my head, I said, “We never got a chance to talk about anything other than getting an abortion.” I couldn’t reveal to her that I was scared to confront the inevitable truth about his lies and deception. Perhaps, I still felt a twinge of hope that there was a sensible explanation as to why he and Josephine entered
The Land
together, hand in hand.

“Did you make an appointment yet?” she asked with hesitation.

“Yes, I was able to get an appointment on Friday morning at 10 o’clock,” I said, as it dawned on me that it was just two days away. Holding back tears, I turned away from Victoria.

“I’ll go with you,” Victoria said, as she draped her arm over my slumped shoulders. I could no longer contain my emotions, as everything poured out through hot tears.

“I should’ve listened to you…I should’ve listened,” I said in between sobs. 

T
he past two days were a blur. Andriano’s phone calls were more persistent, followed by swarming text messages. His questions led to a series of crude demands. He couldn’t even hide his anger. By now, he must have read the letter that I put in the duffle bag. Consumed by anger and depression, I eventually turned off my phone. I knew that I was not ready to be a mother, but somehow a part of me knew that this was wrong. Despite my continuous battle to avoid attachment to the baby growing inside of me, I continuously rubbed my belly and silently spoke to my unborn baby. Besides my heightened senses causing me to be overly sensitive to certain smells, my pregnancy seemed to flow perfectly.

Victoria was the only other person who knew that I was pregnant. As much as she was supportive and attentive, I wished that I could talk to my grandmother. I avoided her phone calls—mainly because of the guilt that tugged at me. I was afraid of her reaction and the disappointment. She called last night and left a message on my voicemail telling me to call Andriano because he called two times asking for me. Judging by the tone of her voice, I knew that she was worried, and I felt even guiltier for my sudden isolation. Staring up at the ceiling, I inhaled and exhaled for a brief moment before I hopped out of the bed.
Today’s the day
.

A part of me felt that I was going to die today with my unborn baby.
I can’t back out…it is for the best.
I attempted to reassure myself with reasons why this was for the best. I had already cried enough during the past two days, and I practically willed myself to hold back my tears while in the shower. Although the hot scorching water burned my back, I was numb to the feeling. As I got dressed, I silently spoke to my baby and begged for forgiveness. I willed myself to remain strong, as a single tear slid down my cheek. Grabbing a hair clip, I quickly twisted my hair into a tight knot bun and threw on sunglasses to hide my red puffy eyes. Tossing my purse strap over my shoulder, I looked at my reflection in the vanity mirror with shame and disgust. A soft knock on the door interrupted my thoughts, as I motioned for Victoria to come in.

Victoria hesitated before she withdrew an envelope from her back pocket. “I have something to show you, but please promise me that you won’t flip,” she demanded.

“It can’t get any worse than this,” I responded dryly, as I slid the sunglasses up towards the top of my head.

“Read it,” Victoria insisted, as she shoved the elegant card into my hands.

You are cordially invited to the surprise engagement of and celebration for Andriano Balducci and Josephine Capparelli on the 10
th
of August.

Dropping the card on the floor as if it had burned my fingers to the touch, I backed up and shook my head. “No, no…no—this can’t be true,” I said, in denial of what I just read. Backing up into the bed, I slowly sunk down into the pillow top mattress as I dropped my purse with a light thud on the floor. As reality started settling in, everything seemed to be clearer.

“Victoria…he never loved me—it was all a lie,” my voice shook as I wrapped my arms around my waist and leaned forward, slightly rocking back and forth. It was all about sex with Andriano, from the moment that I met him.

“I’m so sorry, Simone,” Victoria said softly, as she kneeled in front of me. “We received it three days ago, and I didn’t know how to bring this up to you.”

“I’m so stupid. Even after I saw Josephine and him walking into
The Land
the other night, I still didn’t put two and two together. Our relationship never existed.” My eyes became wider at my new found discovery, “That is why he wanted me to get an abortion. I should’ve listened to you.”

“Simone, when I saw how much time you both spent together, I thought that maybe you meant more to him. I thought that maybe he decided to give up everything for you,” Victoria blurted out.

“Everything? Being with me did not mean giving up everything. He could’ve continued to run his businesses. We gave each other space to do our own things,” I said, confused by her statement.

“Simone, I have to tell you something that you must promise not to ever repeat to anyone,” she said, as she stared at me squarely in the face. With a light nod, she continued, “Andriano’s family and most of the other families that attended our Christmas party are in…” She paused briefly before finishing, “…the Mafia.”

After a brief pause, a chuckle escaped my lips as I shook my head in disbelief. “I’m really not in the mood to laugh,” I said.

“Simone, I’ve never been more serious in my life. Andriano is going to be the boss of the Balducci family after he marries Josephine. Don’t you get it—all of his businesses are a front to hide the other businesses. My father has worked for them for over 20 years as their accountant to hide the money trail. The Balducci’s own this whole state. This is bigger than you’ll ever know,” she said, with certainty in her eyes.

At that moment, I knew what she said must have been true because she looked completely scared. “I thought that the mob existed only in movies. How do you even know about this?” I asked, shaking my head in disbelief.

“I have been around these people my whole life, and I have learned so much along the way. It’s way more than I should have known. When I was sixteen years old, while on our trip to Jamaica, I asked my dad why Andriano Balducci, was on the front cover of the newspaper with big bold letters etched out saying Mafia King. Instead of sugar-coating the answer, my father broke it down to me,” Victoria explained.

Victoria stood up and sat on the bed beside me before she continued. “I think that is the reason why the Balducci and Capparelli families are determined to make this matrimony between Andriano and Josephine happen by any means necessary, even if that meant getting rid of you. It will not only expand their businesses, but this will also make them the most feared families in the history of the mob,” she finished.

“Oh my God—am I in danger? Do they know about me?” I asked, frightened by the possibility of being murdered because of my association with Andriano. If I was not convinced before of my decision to have an abortion, I was surely convinced now.

“I doubt that they know about you, but if the relationship continued, they would’ve learned about you. Hell…if Josephine was even suspicious of you, she would have happily told her father. Maybe that is the reason why Andriano wants you to get an abortion. Going through with this pregnancy will put both you and the baby in danger,” Victoria said, as she stood up again and walked towards the bedroom door. “The car is waiting outside for us. Are you ready to go?” she asked. With a slow nod, I stood up and grabbed my purse and left the room.

I
reluctantly kept re-reading the letter and crumbling it over again. I love her more than anything in this world. She epitomized everything that was perfect, and she was what I needed in my life. But I knew that I couldn’t be with her. She was my greatest
Sinn
against all of the rules that I was taught by La Cosa Nostra. We didn’t have room to love anyone. It was all about loyalty, family, duty, and protection. She would be considered an enemy of my family for many obvious reasons. I knew that if I continued to pursue her secretly, eventually, she would be in danger. Because she was African American, she wouldn’t have been worthy to be my
goomah.
She was a mistake and…Christ… if I didn’t love her with all of my heart, I would’ve had her killed the moment she became pregnant. It was an act that my family would’ve expected me to do as part of duty and protection to La Cosa Nostra. In a perfect world, I would’ve married her. I would’ve been elated to know that she carried my seed. But the reality is that Josephine is my fiancé, and we will have children that will continue to carry the strong Italian bloodline for the next generation.

Staring at my empty glass, I knew what I had to do.
I had to let Simone go
, I announced out loud. According to Lucas, she just walked into the abortion clinic five minutes ago.
She is aborting our baby,
I shamefully thought. Hurt and anger tugged at my heart. Grabbing the bottle of Scotch, I poured the smooth liquid into my cup for the fourth time in the last hour. Filling it up to the rim, I thought about the last time I drank like this. It was the day I landed in Italy, after my first kill. I needed to drown out the blood and grievous act I had committed.
You always remember your first kill
, I remembered my father telling me.
I left the states as a boy and returned home as a man who embraced his destiny with loyalty, duty, and family as the only emotions I needed. Everything else outside of that was non-existent—until I met Simone. I never knew that I could love anyone that much. I would kill anyone, including family before I let anything happen to her. Swallowing the remainder of the Scotch in my cup, I stood up and strolled out of my office. I needed to see
her
, my
bella mia
, my greatest
Sinn.
Signaling the driver, I hopped into the back of the truck and ordered Lucas to take me to the address of the clinic in New Jersey.

Staring up at the ceiling light, I took in the silence that was all around me as I lay on the examination table. After paying $1,200 and signing consent and privacy forms, I was ushered into this private room. Victoria waited for me in the guest lounge area. I tried to shut out the guilt that crept up inside me, as I thought about what I was about to do.

“Hello, Ms. Sinn. I am Dr. Plainfield,” said the middle-aged doctor, as he waltzed into the room more chipper than he needed to be. “According to your chart, you are not sure how far along you are, correct?” he asked, as he looked up from my file in his hands.

“Correct,” I said somberly.

“That’s fine. Since your chart indicated that you took an at home pregnancy test,” he said. “We are going to do an ultrasound testing to see how far along you are. This is just a gel we use in order to perform the test. It will be cold at first, but you’ll get used to it,” he said, as he rubbed the cool gel on my stomach. After moving the transducer around my pelvic and abdomen area, he sighed and looked down at me.

“Well Ms. Sinn, you are indeed pregnant. Judging from the screen, you are fourteen weeks.” He hesitated slightly before he continued, “I see two sacs.”

“What does that mean? Can you still perform the procedure?” I asked, confused by his terminology.

“Ms. Sinn, you’re pregnant with triplets. Look at the two sacs. One has two fetuses, which will be identical twins. And this sac shows a fetus that will be their fraternal singleton,” he said, as he angled his pen to point out the sacs on the screen. “This is baby A, baby B, and baby C. Being pregnant with multiples without any fertility drugs is rare. Would you like to hear their heartbeats?”

Shocked with disbelief, I couldn’t hear anything else that he said after he revealed how many babies were in my stomach. Waving his hand in my face to get my attention, he broke me out of the unsettling thought.

“Hello, Ms. Sinn…hello…are you ok?” he asked after I realized where I was.

“I can’t do this. This is a mistake. I’m so sorry for wasting your time. Please keep the money,” I said, as I hopped off of the examination table and reached for my pants. After sliding up my pants, I quickly walked out of the room before I changed my mind.

Stopping dead in my tracks, I came face to face with Andriano. For a long moment, we stared at each other before I diverted my eyes to Victoria.

“Did you call him?” I asked her. She shook her head emphatically as if she was stunned to see him as well.

“
Bella mia
…” he began.

“Don’t call me that. Are you here to make sure that I had the abortion? Huh? Well, it is done, and so are we,” I said angrily, as I grabbed my purse from Victoria’s lap and started walking out of the guest lounge area.

Once outside, I walked over to the car that awaited us. As my hand touched the car door handle, Andriano grabbed my arm and forcefully brought me towards his truck. At that moment, all control shattered as my hands flew into a violent rage. I smacked and punched him. He stood firm as steel, as he endured my hits that landed on his face and chest. I continued until I grew tired and collapsed with a vengeful stream of tears spilling out of my eyes. He wrapped his arms around me and held me for what seemed like hours.

My head was buried deep into his chest, as I cried out my love for him, my pain, my hurt, and my sadness. He didn’t know that I decided to keep our babies and that I will now be raising our children by myself. He didn’t know that I had to give up all of my dreams and what was familiar to me in order to protect our babies. He didn’t know that I had to flee from him. I reveled in the moment, knowing that this will be the last time that he would hold me.