He needed to tell Phan. Tobias shouldn't have to make that call, not in his state. So as soon as the dishes were put away and the leftovers wrapped, Noah picked up the kitchen phone anddialed Bradford.
"Hello?" came Bradford's cheerful voice over the line.
"Bradford? It's Noah."
"Uh-oh. What's the matter, boy?"
The informality in his address must have given him away. "I've got some... very sad news, Bradford."
"Oh, Lord, Noah. What is it?"
"Mrs. Miller passed away this morning."
Bradford sighed heavily. "Is he all right?"
"No. No, he's very upset."
"I can imagine. What can I do?"
Noah cleared his throat. Somehow being offered help made him more emotional. "Nothing at the moment, but tomorrow... maybe you could bring Phan out?"
"Oh, damn. Phan."
"I'd like to tell him."
"Sure. Sure, Noah, hold on. And count on us tomorrow."
"Thankyou, sir." Noah heard Bradford put him on hold.
Then the line clicked again and Phan's voice came to him, sounding cautious. "Noah? What's wrong?
Master Bradford won't tell me."
Damn it, hearing Phan's voice only made this harder. "Oh, Phan... it's Mrs. Miller..." He choked on the words.
"Elizabeth? What?" Phan demanded. "Did she have a stroke? A heart attack? Noah, where is she? Is Tobias with her?"
"Phan, honey, she passed away this morning. I'm with Tobias at the farm."
"Oh!" Phan gasped. There was a long silence and then he asked, "Really? But she's...Elizabeth."
Noah felt a knot form in his chest, and his voice was tight with emotion, but somehow he held the tears
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back. "I'm so sorry, Phan..."
"Oh," Phan said again. "I'm... wow. Is Sir all right? No, of course he isn't, never mind. Listen to me. Are you?"
"Yes, I'm listening," Noah closed his eyes and nodded, not that Phan could see him.
"She told me once, way back at the beginning when Tobias first took me there, before we were together? She told me a story about him having nightmares when he was a kid. His parents were away, and she had him at her house for the weekend, and he was missing them. She gave him something, it was a doll, but not a girly thing -- like a charm. About the size of your hand. She called it her good dream doll, and she told me that she let all her kids use it when they had nightmares. It's in her room, probably still on her dresser. It was then, anyway -- she let me use if for about a month. Take it to him, yeah?"
Phan suddenly seemed to run out of words. "I... damn it. Thankyou for calling. I gotta go."
Noah blinked. He'd never been in Mrs. M's room; he'd been told it was strictly off-limits and had never so much as peeked in the door. "Oh. Uh, sure. Sure, okay. Bradford said he would bring you out to see us tomorrow. Sir did say he'd had some bad dreams while he was napping..."
"Really? We're going out?" Noah wasn't sure if Phan was asking him or Bradford, but he could hear Bradford in the background. "Okay, yeah," Phan said, and then he sniffled. "Take care of him, Noah," he said softly, his voice starting to break. "And don't forget you can cry, too. She loved us all, and we'll all miss her."
Noah took a deep breath and sighed. Funny that Phan of all people was telling him it was okay to cry.
"Oh, I've done a good bit of that, and I don't imagine I'm done yet." He coughed. "So uh, take care of yourself too, Phan, okay? See you tomorrow."
"See you, Noah," Phan said softly. The line went dead with a soft click, and then there was nothing left to do but go up the stairs.
Tobias was staring at the ceiling when Noah came in. He hadn't heard Noah moving about the house, hadn't heard his step on the stairs or anything. He sat up slightly and blinked, not sure what he was seeing. "Is that... is that?" he started to ask after a long pause.
"Her good dream doll." Noah said with a nod. "I talked with Phan." He placed the doll in Tobias' hand.
"He told me to get it for you. He and Bradford are going to come out and visit tomorrow." Noah tugged his sweater off and sat on the edge of the bed.
Tobias stared at the doll. It was made of thick cotton and had a painted-on face that he'd always thought looked particularly kind without being saccharine. The clothes had changed a couple of times over the years, but the little yellow suit it had on was the one it had worn when Mrs. Miller gave it to Phan. It didn't look like a child's doll, and it wasn't a plaything, but something indefinable instead.
The last time he'd had it given to him had been by Mrs. Miller, the night his parents died.
"Thankyou," he whispered. "This is perfectly right." He set the doll on the night table and turned to watch
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Noah get ready for bed. "How did Phantom take it?" he asked, feeling guilty for not calling Phan himself.
"He's hard to read. He did a good job of covering it up by worrying about you and telling me it was all right to cry." Noah shook his head and shucked his jeans. "And then he suddenly had to go."
Tobias sighed and nodded. "That sounds right. Bradford was right there?"
"Right there, I'd told him first." Noah stepped into the bathroom and turned on the light. "I'm sure Bradford will take good care of him," he said loud enough to be heard over running water.
"Yes," Tobias called back. "He'll be fine." Now all he had to do was worry about Noah. He sighed and looked at the doll again. Maybe it worked for two. "Will you ride with me in the morning?" he called. "Or will they be here early?"
Noah poked his head out of the bathroom. "I don't think Bradford knows how to get up early," he said around his toothbrush. "And I'd love to ride." He disappeared again, and soon the water stopped, the toilet flushed, and then Noah was climbing into bed.
"Great," Tobias said, waiting for Noah to slip into his arms. "Crispin needs a workout."
Noah pressed against him and kissed him. "Sounds good. Some air will be good for us."
"Yes," Tobias agreed, taking another kiss. And then another, his tongue pushing into Noah's mouth.
Noah opened his mouth and yielded to him easily, cupping his jaw with cool fingers.
Unexpectedly, Tobias found himself achingly hard, kissing Noah like his life depended on it, depended on the passion behind every breath. "Oh, God," he said when he stopped to breathe. "Oh, God."
Noah rolled onto his back and pulled Tobias over him, his hands roaming over skin down his back to his ass. Noah's lips found Tobias' throat.
Feeling utterly out of control, beyond it, Tobias thrust against Noah. This was rutting, though he tried to make it more than that. It was feeling and sensation, and it was pure hunger. "Noah," he growled.
"Need." He moaned and bared his neck for more of Noah's mouth, needing something powerful.
"Yours, baby," Noah replied. He continued to explore Tobias' neck and shoulder with his lips and teeth.
He rolled his hip into Tobias' erection and held it there as he reached into the bedside table for lube.
"Better in a minute, promise," he panted and flipped the cap off.
"Hurry," Tobias groaned. "Hurts." And it did, if felt like his heart was pounding in his dick, like if he didn't get off he was going to explode, shatter, scatter, splinter and fragment. He keened and thrust against Noah again, looking for friction.
Noah reached down and slicked Tobias' cock quickly, his hand warm and strong against the rigid flesh.
He held Tobias off with his hip just another moment, shoving those same slick fingers into his own ass.
He groaned and his brow furrowed for a moment, and then he rolled flat, raising his knees. "Come on...
come on, it's okay."
Tobias shook his head no and shoved his cock into Noah's ass anyway, plunging into him and going deep with a grunt. Noah was tight around him, too tight, but he felt so good, so hot and alive, that Tobias
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almost didn't stop. He managed to freeze before pulling back, staring down into Noah's face.
Noah gasped and grimaced, but it was nothing Tobias hadn't seen before and, he knew, nothing that Noah couldn't handle. Warm fingers reached up and tugged his face lower, catching his lips in a hard kiss. Tobias felt Noah relax a bit, and Noah's ankles crossed at the back of his thighs.
As if something inside him had snapped, Tobias started to thrust, stabbing into Noah again and again, harder and harder. He gripped Noah's hips, pulled him up onto him, and growled. He felt like he could go on for hours, although logic told him that was impossible.
Noah grunted and whimpered. One hand reached up and gripped the headboard and the other seized his cock, stroking himself in time to Tobias' thrusts. "Sir..."
"Go ahead," Tobias said, not stopping or slowing. "Come. It'll relax you." He felt rather clinical about it.
Tobias had no idea if Noah even heard him. "Oh, God," Noah panted. He let go of the headboard and plunged his fingers into Tobias' hair. "I love you."
"Love you, too," Tobias whispered, grinding his cock into Noah's ass. "So much."
Noah whimpered, then shivered and shot upwards, slicking Tobias' belly. The look on his face was pure pleasure, as if he'd been waiting all night for this moment. A couple of deep breaths later, Tobias wasn't surprised to find that he was right, Noah's body relaxed around his cock and Noah moaned softly.
"Jesus."
"Love you," Tobias whispered again, his hips driving. "And I'm going to hurt you, I'm sorry." He could feel a tear track down his cheek. "Love you, love you," he chanted, thrusting into Noah again and again.
Noah reached up and slid his fingers across Tobias' cheek -- a surprisingly tender gesture in contrast to the strength and urgency of Tobias' own need. "I'm yours, Master," Noah told him quietly. Sincerely.
Tobias shuddered. "Again," he demanded, his rhythm faltering.
"Yours. Only for you," Noah panted. "I am yours, Master." Noah gripped his shoulders and arched his head back with a groan.
"Ah, fuck," Tobias groaned, his hips stuttering. He could swear he felt his cock swell further. "Mine," he said, slamming into Noah, balls deep.
"Yours to--" Noah hissed, twisting his hips a bit. "To fuck, to have, to please you. Your boy. Oh, God."
Tobias nodded, past words, and pulled almost all the way out of Noah's ass before going deep again.
He wanted to come. Needed to. And he had no idea how to get there. He fucked Noah hard, finally bending to kiss him, to taste his mouth.
Noah opened his mouth for him and accepted his tongue, caressing it with his own as they kissed.
Fingers dug hard into Tobias' arms, hard enough to leave bruises if they stayed there too long. "Master,"
his boy gasped between kisses, and Noah's body started to move. He locked his thighs around Tobias'
hips and clenched hard around his cock, restricting Tobias' ability to thrust.
Only able to push in a little, Tobias growled. Noah had given him something to fight against, something to
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battle and overcome, and he reveled in it. He could feel his balls pull up as he moved harder, rocking more than thrusting. He sucked on Noah's tongue and panted into the kiss, his body sliding along Noah's wherever they touched, sweat making them both slick.
"Mine," he growled again, breaking the kiss. His orgasm started to roll through him, fire roaring through his veins.
Noah arched and groaned, fighting to keep his grip on Tobias' hips and on his cock. His eyes were closed, and the grimace on his face proved to Tobias that every bit of him, physically and mentally, was wrapped up in this moment, that he'd committed himself to Tobias' release as much as Tobias himself had. "Sir!" Noah gasped and whimpered at him.
"My boy," Tobias said again, still coming, still filling him, still lost on another plane of existence where all that mattered was sensation and connecting to the one in his arms. Nothing else mattered, nothing else could touch him, nothing could hurt him. "Love you," he whispered, finally falling forward onto Noah and panting, tears pricking the back of his eyes.
Noah relaxed as he did and opened his arms, wrapping them around Tobias' shoulders as they settled back together. "Yes. I love you," Noah whispered, pulling Tobias into his chest.
"I know you do," Tobias said softly, not even bothering to try to catch his breath. His panting was rough and harsh, his throat aching. "I'm sorry, baby," he said. "I must have hurt you." Carefully he pulled out, wincing himself. "Oh, God."
Noah's voice was soft, soothing. "Shhh. Right now I feel great, we'll see what tomorrow brings."
Tomorrow. He didn't want to think about tomorrow. He didn't want to move, didn't want to clean up, didn't want to do anything but sleep and hold on to Noah. He heard a sound and knew it had to be a whimper; after a moment he decided it had to have been him. He closed his eyes and held onto Noah, hoping the good dream doll would do its work.
The sun was streaming in the window when he opened his eyes again, and Noah was smiling down at him, a cup of steaming coffee in his hands. "Good morning, sir," Noah said, waiting until he was sitting up to pass him the mug.
Tobias took the mug gratefully and drank half of it before taking in the state of the bed and himself.
Noah was suspiciously clean. "Couldn't take the mess?" he asked with a grin. "Can't say I blame you, I'll be showering before and after taking care of the horses." He looked at Noah with a keener eye. "Are you all right?"
Noah grinned, looking smug. "I'm pretty sore, sir. Riding will be... challenging."
Tobias shook his head. "And you're okay with that? I'm not going to make you ride if you'd rather not."
He finished his coffee in three quick swallows and swung his legs out of bed. "Ew."