Distinction: The Distraction Trilogy #3 (29 page)

Five years ago, if I’d had this kind of cash entering my account, I’d have probably been planning on how and where to gamble it. I’m not saying that the urge has gone but I’m not going to fall into that trap again.

I won’t deny that after rehab I haven’t completely avoided gambling, but I have never lost control. I’m fortunate. I haven’t gambled beyond the occasional bet with my dad for almost two years now, so I’m not worried about having a large amount of cash in my bank when it gets here. I’m more worried about Eloise’s reaction.

Jocelyn thinks I’m crazy for helping her and she might be right. Elle has… well she’s changed. The girl I knew is still in there somewhere hiding behind a bitter, untrusting facade. I can’t give up on her. I made her this way and I gave up on her for four fucking years.

I promised my life to her and wedding vows just aren’t taken seriously anymore. I don’t want to be that person. We may be divorced but I haven’t forgotten my vows. They don’t suddenly mean any less.

I don’t know why people can’t understand that.

In reality I haven’t even tried with her, not really. I’ve pushed myself onto her, had sex with her and dated her friend. I’ve fucked up. I’ve done nothing to show her that I actually give a damn about her existence. Begging her once or twice does not a convincing confession make!

Isaac
:
Please answer me.

I pack away my briefcase for my lunch break and neaten up the classroom. My students are exceptional this year. Their work is above par and their respect for me is amazing, but it’s not making me happy like it should.

It would be a happier day of work if I had somebody to go home to at the end of it and talk to about each student and how they’re doing and how I should handle certain things. I had that, once upon a time. I might not have been a teacher then, but I would have been eventually.

There’s a knock at the door and I yell for whoever it is to come in, thinking that it’s probably a student or another member of faculty.

It isn’t and it catches me off guard. “Tyler?”

He clears his throat and runs his hands through his dark hair. We stare at each other for a long moment before panic starts to sink in.

“Is Elle okay? Why are you here?”

“No, god no… that’s not why I’m…” He blows out a breath. “What I’m about to tell you… Hayley will kill me,
kill
me, if she finds out I’ve told you.”

I straighten from my desk and face him head on. “Go on.”

“The girls, they have their code, but I feel like as guys we have our code. I can’t… I don’t want to go behind Hayley’s back but if it were me in your shoes, I’d want to know.” He curses under his breath and my heart rate spikes and my palms begin to sweat. “Eloise, she’s… well she’s pregnant.”

A vice like grip tightens on my windpipe as I struggle to breathe. “W… what?” So that’s why she isn’t talking to me. My head swims and my vision blurs. I feel sick. Thoughts of Elle becoming swollen with Silas’ child kills me. I can’t cope. I want to kick something. I want to scream. “Are they getting back together?”

“No.” He shakes his head. “It’s not Silas’. It’s yours.”

Passionate kisses and gropes in the kitchen come to mind.

All envy seeps away and I find myself smiling. A joy I’ve never ever felt in my life starts to consume me, setting a fire from deep within and spreading outwards to every part of me.

“You’re sure?”

“They were both up gabbing in the spare room a couple of weeks ago.” His green eyes look dim as he chews on his lip. I wonder if he has more to say but I can’t wait a second longer. I grab my coat, still smiling, no, beaming, and pull it on. I’m going to Scotland. I’m going to track her down, no matter what.

“Thank you for telling me.”

“Wait.” He reaches out and grabs my arm. “I’m not here to give you good news, Isaac.”

My smile fades away. “Then why are you here?”

“Hayley went up to Scotland this morning. I found the pregnancy test an hour ago, in the bin in the spare room. The last time Elle was at ours was two weeks ago. I thought it was Hayley’s test, so I called her, obviously.”

“Get to the point,” I say, not wanting to be rude but needing him to confirm my fears.

“She’s gone to be with Elle for a reason.”

My heart stops at his words, my palms sweating and a painful throb echoing through my head.

“She’s gone to look after her while she has a termination.”

Tear after tear fall down my face. My eyes have become waterfalls. I could fill a glass.

Hayley holds my hand soothingly and leads me into the house. It’s the place I’ve been staying for two weeks. It’s cold, empty, hollow… like me. Like I’ve become.

“Nobody blames you, Elle.” She says softly, though it doesn’t soothe me like she intended.

“I just want to lie down for a while.”

I step through the front door of my ground floor flat and flick on the light. Hayley screams and I jump when a form takes shape before us.

Isaac sits on the couch opposite the door, hunched over. He slowly looks up, his eyes red rimmed, his hair a mess on his head from where he’s pulled on it too much.

“Isaac,” Hayley gasps and her hand tightens in mine. “What are you doing here?”

“H…” Tyler’s voice comes from the kitchen area and Hayley becomes angry in a second.

“You absolute bastard! How could you?”

“I’m sorry, Elle,” he says to me, his eyes round with sadness, but I just don’t have the capacity to feel much of anything right now.

“I can’t even… don’t even talk to me right now,” Hayley yells at him, holding her hand up to keep him back. “How fucking dare you?”

“Hayley.” I release her hand but my eyes don’t leave Isaac. “It’s fine. It’s too late to get upset over now. This is my problem.”

“But…”

“Let’s give them some space,” Tyler says softly to his wife.

“But…”

“Now, H. Come on.”

Her lips thin to a white line as she waits for my nod of approval.

“I’ll be back soon,” she says, and gives Isaac a pointed look that he ignores. They leave, closing the door quietly behind them.

I stare into the eyes of the man I once loved so much I would have moved mountains for him. He stares back into mine. I know he knows; why else would he be here?

“Do you hate me that much?” He asks me after a beat and the sadness in his voice breaks my fragile heart. “Did I make you hate me this much?”

I don’t know what to say, so I don’t say anything.

He stands and cautiously makes his way to me.

I know he’d never hit me, I know he’d never hurt me like that, yet part of me expects him to slap me. To shake me. To do something other than what he’s doing.

His thumbs smooth away my waterfalls as his palms cup my cheeks almost lovingly. The last thing I expected was to be comforted by him. “Did I do this? Is this how you felt? Feel?” I open my mouth to speak but then his fingers are lightly touching my stomach and I lose the ability. “Does it hurt?”

My legs give way and he catches me easily and holds me tightly as I cry uncontrollably into his neck.

“Elle,” he croaks and kisses my temple. “You’re breaking my fucking heart. I can’t stand to see you like this.”

“I hate myself.” I admit and take a deep breath to stop my trembling. It doesn’t work.

“No.” His whispered words caress my ear. “God, no, don’t hate yourself.”

Why isn’t he yelling at me? Why isn’t he angry? Why can’t I just admit it to him? Am I waiting for him to hate me? Am I trying to prove to myself that he’ll never change?

“Can I get you anything? Are you in any pain?”

I shake my head and pull back, freeing myself from his tight, soothing grip. My legs wobble as I try to move away from him and my trembling arms cross over my front protectively. “I… I didn’t do it.”

Blue eyes snap to mine, full of hope, longing. “You’re going to have to clarify, Elle. I don’t want to misunderstand.”

“I couldn’t do
it
,” I say quietly, hating my decision and loving it all at once.

“You’re still…?”

Nod.

A choked noise leaves him and he brings his lips to mine. He kisses me desperately, hungrily, painfully, roughly.

“Are we going to have a baby?” He says with swollen lips, pulling back to look me in the eye for any lie there.

“I assume that’s what happens when one falls pregnant… even unwillingly.”

His smile is blinding but I don’t want to bask in his joy. “I’m going to be a dad.” I blink down at the top of his head when he drops to his knees and then watch as he pulls my vest over his head.

His lips tickle the space below my belly button for a long moment and then I feel his forehead against my skin. I let him have his private moment to collect himself, though the sweet actions of overwhelming joy make me want to cry even more. I wish I could feel the same way but I’m still getting used to it all. I never really wanted to be a mother. It never appealed to me. Am I awful for feeling this way?

“I don’t want to get back together just because you’re pregnant.” He flips my vest from over his head and rubs his eyes. “We have a lot of issues to work through. I’m not naive enough to think that a baby is going to fix that.”

“I can’t handle this kind of talk,” I tell him and allow him to guide me to the couch.

“Are you hungry? Thirsty?”

“No. Thanks, I’m okay.”

“I want the chance to win you back… properly. I want to date. I want to travel. I want to do everything with you that I didn’t five years ago.”

My stinging eyes just want to rest but I owe him this. I owe my attention to him. “Okay.”

He smiles and kisses me on the forehead. “I want one chance… just one… to show you that I’ve changed. That’s all I need.”

“Okay.”

“But not because you’re pregnant, because you want it. Because you want me.”

I sniff and rest my head on his shoulder after he takes the seat beside me and stops pacing. “I do want you. I’ve always wanted you. I never wanted to leave you. I just… I don’t trust you.”

“I know. I want to fix that.”

I look at him and touch his cheek with my fingertips. “You really hurt me. Over and over again.”

“I know,” he breathes and we share another moment. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m tired.”

“Of course you are.” He takes my hand in his and brings it to his lips. “Is that your room?”

I nod and stare at the door to the left almost longingly. He helps me up as if I’m as fragile as a sheet of paper in a thunderstorm. He doesn’t even let me open the door but he does let me collapse on my double bed.

I’m emotionally spent.

“I don’t like it here. It’s cold and empty.” Isaac remarks, looking around the sparse room.

“Like my soul.”

He chuckles quietly and climbs onto the bed beside me. “I was wondering why it felt so familiar.”

My lips twitch so I bury my face into the pillow.

“Say you’ll be mine again, Elle, and I’ll never stop working for it.” He brings his arm around me and pulls my back against his front.

“Let’s talk in the morning.”

His response is to kiss the shell of my ear and nuzzle my neck with his forehead. He strokes my arm with his fingertips. It’s so relaxing that I find myself drifting to sleep.

This flat is awful; it has damp in places and mould coming from tiny cracks in the walls. What is she doing here?

I’ve left her to sleep after carefully removing her shoes and socks. It’s only six in the morning. I’m used to being up early and, as much as I’d like to stay in bed all morning with her, I need to make her breakfast and clean this awful flat up a bit. Maybe I can convince her to move back to Boston with me, though I don’t think it’s likely. She’s worked so hard for this apprenticeship.

At least the fridge is stocked with eggs and veg. I was worried that due to her predicament she’d be avoiding food.

I opt for making omelettes as I call work and tell them that I won’t be coming in today. I’m lucky they haven’t yet fired me. My bosses are very understanding and they have more than enough people to cover my classes for a day or two, but it’s not the point. I’ve been unprofessional lately.

After searching the kitchen I find the utensils I need and give them a rinse before placing them on the side. I don’t want to make her breakfast too early but I also don’t want her to wake up before I’ve finished.

I can’t believe I’m going to be a dad.

I always thought that when it happened I’d be horrified but, apart from Elle, I can’t think of anything I want more. An image of a little red haired girl clinging to my legs, calling me daddy and screaming for attention makes me smile.

I knew I didn’t give up on my marriage for a reason. This was it. Our child was supposed to be created. Maybe I’m an idiot for thinking so but I don’t care. That’s how I feel.

I take the plate of food and the glass of orange juice into the bedroom and put them on the bedside table. Elle remains asleep on her side, turned away from me toward the window. The room is cold. It’s no surprise she has the blanket wrapped around her the way she does.

Hayley
:
Is she okay?

I stare at the message on my phone. Hayley really loves Eloise and I know that it’s reciprocated.

Hayley
:
The fact that she didn’t call last night tells me that something went right… right?

Isaac
:
She’s sleeping. Thank you for being here for her.

Hayley
:
Remember what you promised me five years ago?

I think back to the night in the car when Hayley drove me around town as we looked for my mum who had wandered off. She asked to be godmother to our future babies.

I smile and respond.

Isaac
:
I remember. I’ll think about it.

Hayley
:
Woohoo!

“Morning,” Elle says from under the blanket. She slowly peels it from her face and gives me a weak smile. Her eyes are puffy and swollen.

“Hey,” I bend over her, pinning her in between my arms as I kiss her forehead.

“Yesterday was pretty dramatic, huh?”

Grinning, I kiss the tip of her nose. “You can say that again.”

“Why? Are you getting deaf in your old age?”

My grin broadens. “Cheeky.” I kiss her lips and pull back before showing her the food.

Shuffling up the bed she takes the plate from me and smiles meekly. “Looks great.”

“I was worried that maybe you’d have morning sickness or…” I let my words trail off when she winces. “Are you
that
unhappy about the pregnancy?”

She pokes the omelette with a fork. “I’m still coming to terms with it, I guess.” Taking a bite, she moans. “I’ve missed your food. This is so good.”

“Good.” I want to ask again. I want to know everything, every tiny detail, but something tells me that she won’t divulge much at this point.

“Shall we do something fun today?”

My shock at her asking me this is apparent. I can’t hide it. “You want to?”

“Don’t make me feel worse than I already do.” She looks down at her plate and starts to poke at the remaining omelette with her fork. “I know I haven’t been fair to you.”

“Clean slate, Elle.”

She blinks up at me and sinks her teeth into her lower lip. I want to sink my teeth into her lower lip.

“What do you want to do?”

“I want to search for Nessie.”

A bark of laughter escapes me. “Seriously?”

“Yes, it’s only a two hour drive.” Her happiness and giddiness at the prospect draws me in.

“Fine.”

“Really?”

“It’s on my bucket list,” I state, because it is. Not to search for a monster that doesn’t exist, but to visit Loch Ness.

“Yay,” she cheers quietly, giving me a glimpse of the old Elle. It’s been a while since I saw her. “I’m going to have a shower and then we’ll go. So be ready.”

“I’m wearing yesterday's clothes.”

“Buy new ones.” She waves me off, disinterested, and skips out of the room. Moments later I hear the shower running and moments after that I follow the sound and enter the steamy wet room. Then I rid my body of my clothes and enter the spray of water beyond the curtain.

She doesn’t hide her glorious body from me, nor does she seem upset or surprised that I’ve joined her.

“May I?” I hold out my hand and she passes me a sponge from the shelf behind her. I’m not sure why I find it sexy when she squirts shower gel from a pink bottle onto the sponge. It might have something to do with the way she’s holding it, but I’m guessing it’s because I’ve only had sex once in five years. I’m desperate to taste her, to touch her, to feel her. I just don’t want to push her too quickly.

I start at her neck and begin to rub the thick suds into her flesh. She moans and rests her head back against the wall. The water washes away the soap as I massage it onto her skin so I have her squirt more onto the sponge.

She knocks it away and almost aggressively squirts the soap into my palms. “Use your hands.”

“Yes, Miss,” I smirk and gladly acquiesce. My fingers wrap around her shoulders and move slowly down her arms. The slickness of the water and soap has them moving easily across her pink skin.

She moans hoarsely and her hands flatten against the wall when I bring my fingertips up, over her ribs and then cup her heavy perfect, perky breasts. One in each hand.

“They’re bigger.” I say, weighing them as I tease them in my palms and roll the nipples with my thumbs.

“They’re so sensitive too.” She pants, her eyes still closed.

I’ve never heard her moan this way.

I’ve never seen her shudder this way either.

It spurs me on. I use more soap and foam as I rub her body, taking my time and paying attention to every beautiful inch of her. She keeps her eyes closed until I find the spot between her legs and push against it with two fingers.

I ache to be touched. My cock aches for release but I don’t want it. Not yet. I want her to be…

My thoughts are cut off when I feel a hungry mouth claim mine. I almost slip on the tiles as I catch her body and pin her between myself and the cold walls. Hot water sprays heavily on us both so I turn her, trapping the curtain between the wall and her back.

“I need you,” she half begs, her heavy lidded eyes gazing into mine.

I don’t need telling twice. Fuck chivalry…

My fingers continue to tease her delicate folds as she lifts a leg and hooks it over my hip. It seems standing sex has become our thing. Not that I’m complaining.

I rest myself against her entrance and demand her eyes as I sink into her inch by fucking inch.

“I need this,” she says loudly and rakes her fingers through my hair. It only makes my body shudder with built up pleasure and a slight sting of pain.

“This feels insane,” she whispers when I bury my face into her neck and bury myself to the hilt inside of her.

She’s right. I’m about to lose it.

“Fuck,” she curses and hoists herself up my body, her hands grappling the shower rail above us both. “Don’t stop.”

Her legs threaten to slip from my hands and hips so she locks her ankles behind me. I grip her soft, warm and amazing arse cheeks with my hands as I drive myself into her, wanting to feel all of her wrapped around me. My teeth nip at her neck and jaw as I concentrate on pleasing her before I fall into bliss.

I luckily don’t have to do much, nor do I have to wait long because within minutes, if that, she’s crying out my name and shuddering against me.

I follow so hard I almost fall to my knees. My thrusts become erratic and powerful and it’s not until I feel the cold, hard tiles under my back and the shower curtain over my face that I realise we’ve fallen and Elle has brought the shower curtain down with her.

“I’m not done,” she pants almost desperately and pushes herself off my chest with her hands.

A strong, painful tingle sends a spasm through my body when she sinks onto me and starts grinding against me with wild abandon. I need a minute, but I also don’t. I’ve never seen her so loose, so free. She throws the shower curtain off us both and brings my hands up to her breasts. My body is uncomfortably positioned on the hard floor but I don’t care. I want to flip her over and continue but she’s in her own world and fuck if it isn’t the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

“Christ, Elle,” I moan, feeling the build-up in my stomach as she bounces and grinds. My thumb finds her clit and she’s there again. This time she’s silent and her movements slow.

Her head hits my chest as her core throbs, pulses and clenches my dick.

Now I flip her over. Now it’s my turn to finish.

“I love you,” I tell her and kiss her lips. “So fucking much.”