Diva Rules (19 page)

Ooh yes, gawd, hunni! Just the chick I been meaning to check
, I think as I see Quanda coming outta one of the girls' bathrooms on the third floor. One thing about me, honey-boo, Fiona don't let nothing slide, okay? Trust. And I don't always check a ho right away. Oh no, oh no. Sometimes I let 'em think they got it off, then I swoop in on 'em. Chickie hasn't been in school in over a week 'n' this is the first time that I've caught her by herself since that day she spotted me with Pauley in the hallway 'n' called herself tryna bring the rah-rah.

I hoist my purse straps up over my shoulder, then run a finger through my hair. I'm looking dead in her face, eyeballing her real hard 'n' reckless. She shoots me a crazy look, then shifts her eyes.

“Yeah, sweetie. I
see
you, boo,” I say, stepping right up in front of her, blocking her way. “What was all that slickness you were talking a few weeks back? Yeah, I know you thought I forgot. Not.”

She steps back a pinch, putting some distance between us just in case things pop off with the hands. And
trust
. Quanda already knows my handwork. “Girl, bye. Not today,” she says, putting a finger up. “I don't give a damn if you forgot or not. I'm not in the mood, okay. So go have a seat.”

One foot in front of the other, I place a hand up on my hip. Tilt my head. “Sweetie,
boom
! I don't care about what ya mood is. I'm comin' to you like a woman to let you know don't ever step up in my face 'n' play ya'self like that again, especially over some boy.”

She frowns. Tells me she'll come at me however she wants to come at me if she sees me or any other trick all up in her man's face.

I laugh. “Ooh, you done got you a lil taste of vanilla 'n' now you think you done snatched you a door prize. Hahahaha. Hoes like you stay delusional.”

She sucks her teeth. “I don't
think
I snatched anything. I
know
I got that on lock. So I'ma need you to respect my relationship.”

I keep laughing. “Then why are we standing here again?” I snap my fingers. “Oh, right. 'Cause you jealous of all this fabulousness.”

She scoffs. “
Jealous?
Of what?
You?
Never that. We
standin'
here 'cause you stay doin' too much, obviously feeling some kinda way, get it right.”

I toss my hair. “Sweetie, save all that yip-yap. All I know is, don't ever step to me about Pauley, or any other boy, again. 'Cause
trust
. Fiona ain't ever gonna be hard-pressed to mess with any boy after
you.
If these clown mofos wanna run up in that sewer hole of yours, then good for 'em 'n' good for you.”

She rolls her eyes. “Whatever. Anything else? 'Cause if not, you can step up outta my face so I can meet my boo.”

“Ya
boo
?”

“Yeah, that's what I said,
my
boo,” she snaps. “So I'ma need you to save ya trollin' for somebody else's man 'n' stay the hell away from mine.”

I laugh. “Med check, med check. Trick, did you just escape from da loony bin? That boy ain't ya boo. He doesn't even
want
you. All you were—all you
ever
gonna be—is an easy lay, boo.”

The bell rings 'n' everyone is now piling outta classrooms into the hall 'n' now all'a sudden this chicken hawk gotta lil fan club situation going on 'n' she wanna turn up, talking with the hands 'n' cursing all loud 'n' crazy, like she's really 'bout that life.

“Like I said,
bish
, stay the eff away from my man or I'ma have'ta take it to ya face! You don't wanna see me, boo! So step aside 'n' stay in ya lane!”

I clap my hands. “Ooh, real cute performance.
Not.
Sweetie, you better go buy a vowel 'n' snatch a clue! You wasn't poppin' all that yippity-yap just a few minutes ago when it was just you 'n' me out here. Now all'a sudden 'cause the bell rang 'n' you got you a lil audience, you wanna grow wings. Hahaha. Booga-roach, bye! You better go fly ya bird-azz off a stoop!”

“Ho, please!” she snaps, rolling her neck.

I laugh. “Sweetie,
boom
! Come again. I know I'ma
ho
, boo. It ain't no secret around these parts that Fiona likes to get it in. And,
whaat
? But I ain't a desperate one. I ain't the one begging 'n' stalking boys. So instead of being on ya knees givin' out brain 'n' prowling the boys' bathrooms, you need to go find you a bottle of self-esteem, chasing behind boys who don't even want you. Trick, please. Where they doing that at?” I pause, covering a hand over my mouth. “Oops. I forgot. Only at Thots R Us.”

A few kids laugh as they go by.

“What the hell y'all laughin' at?!” she barks. “Mind ya own damn business!” She snaps her neck, shooting her glare back at me, then starts going in with a buncha threats about how she's gonna take it to my face after school.

“
Bish
, you ain't gotta wait 'til after school. Leap now.”

“No, I'ma handle you—”

“Ha! You gonna handle
what
?” I flick my fingers at her. “Poof, trick! If you not tryna go with the hands, be gone! No, better yet . . .” I drop my bag 'n' get ready to lunge at her 'n' take it to her face, when someone snatches me up from behind, wrapping their arms around my waist, catching me off guard.

I spin around to see who's yanking me up, ready to go off on 'em. But I kinda ease up when I see who it is. It's Cease.

“Yo, chill, chill. Why you snappin' off, babe?”

“ 'Cause that trick wanna turn up,” I huff, tryna break free, “like she ready for some work. I'ma beat her skull in.”

He grabs me tighter. “Yo, chill, chill. You lookin' too fly, baby, to be tryna tear up the school. It ain't worth it.” Cease scoops up my bag. “Let that silly ish go. Eff fightin', yo! Let's go eat.”

I bring my attention back to Quanda. “Thank this nucca right here for savin' you from these hands. But know this, skank: You got a azz-beatin' on layaway waitin' on you, boo.”

“Yeah, whatever, whore!”

“Good day, ma'am,” I say, waving as Cease is pulling me away from all the ruckus. “Bye, bye! Get ya IQ up, sweetie! Go read a book! Better yet, go have ya dumb azz several seats over in da whore section at the library.”

The crowd starts breaking up as soon as they see Mrs. Dean, the vice principal, coming down the hall with two security gurards. “Okay, ladies 'n' gentlemen, let's get moving. Clear these halls. Quandaleesha, please tell me you're not in the middle of all this commotion.”

Of course I don't hear what chickie says since Cease is run-walking down the hall, dragging me with him.

“Daaaaamn, Fee, baby,” Travis, says as he walks by us. “You be wildin', yo.”

“Boy, bye!” I snap. “When is ya face transplant scheduled?”

He sucks his teeth. “Yo, you stay talkin' slick. I got—”

“Yo, Tee-man, chill,” Cease says all calm, draping his thick arm around me. “I got this, feel me?”

He cuts his eye over at me, then at Cease. “Oh, a'ight, a'ight. I got you.”

The fourth-period bell rings.

“Boy, get ya arm up off 'a me,” I say, nudging him away from me, “before you have these clowns thinkin' we got something goin' on.”

He laughs, pulling me back into him. “Why you care what they think, huh? It's true, though. We do got something goin' on, girl.
You
the only one frontin' like it ain't.”

“Lies,” I say, laughing as we head down the stairs to the lunchroom. “I don't know what news feed you reading, boo, but you need an update.”

He laughs, grabbing me again. “Nah, the only update I need”—he leans in, then whispers—“is you.”

“Boy, boom! I keep telling you, Fiona ain't on the menu.” I tell him this, but now I'm not sure if even I believe it anymore.

He cracks up laughing. “Yeah, right, right. I forgot. You got them silly lil diva rules.”

I suck my teeth, rolling my eyes. “Whatever.”

He holds open the cafeteria door for me. “I keep tellin' you, yo. I ain't tryna hear all that. You my baby, whether you wanna be or not.”

“Come again. Lies, lies, 'n' more lies.” I lower my voice, walking through the doors with him following behind me. “Just 'cause you had me all up on ya bedsheets 'n' I let you feel up on my goodies, that does not give you boo-daddy status. Trust.”

He laughs 'n' shakes his head as he reaches for my hand. “Yeah, a'ight, Fee. Whatever you say, ma. Wit' ya sexy self.”

O
ooh, Fiona doesn't ever kiss 'n' tell, but
baaaaaby
, trust. Cease finally got his mind right 'n' gave Fiona the business. Smack it! Flip it! Beat it down! Yes, gawd,
hunni
! And the last two weeks it's been nonstop. Every day after school. Outside, inside, my house, his house, in his truck, the old teacher's lounge down on the third floor, wherever the mood hits, it's been going down. Hot kink, boo! Ooh, thought you knew!

And somebody pull over 'n' blow the whistle! Fiona ain't even been checkin' for any of her other boos for the last two weeks. No ma'am, no sir. Cease has been the only one with unlimited access to heaven—for the moment, that is. 'Cause you know Fiona ain't one to keep the same boo around for long.

“Yo, what's good, Fee?” Pauley calls out, opening his locker as I walk by. “How you?”

I narrow my eyes. “Oooh, boy, you shouldn't even be speaking to me. Where's ya mutt today?”

He laughs. “Fee, you wild, yo.”

“And that ho you smashin' is ghetto trash. But I ain't messy, so good day, sir.”

“Yo, what up, Fee?”

“Ooh,
not
you in those Nike slides, boo.” I shift my handbag from one hand to the other, sweeping my bangs from outta my eyes. “Good day, sir.”

“Damn, it's like that? Ya boy can't get no love?”

“No, but he can get a prescription for some antifungal cream. I hear he's got a nasty case of jock itch.”

He laughs. “Yo, Fee, you still my peoples. Word is bond, yo.”

“Uh-huh. You still can't get no love.”

“Yeah, a'ight.”

“Fiona, wait up, girl,” Miesha calls out in back of me. I stop 'n' wait for her to catch up to me. “Hey, girl.”

“Hey, boo.” We air kiss.

“Ooh, you real fancy now. You ain't got time for ya girl now that you all up in ya feelings with Cease.”

“
Feelings?
Come again. Oh no, ma'am. Fiona don't do STDs, boo.”

She twists her face up. “STDs? Girl, who said anything about some damn sexually transmitted disease?”

“Girl, hush. I know what you said.
Feelings
are the new STD, boo. Thought you knew. Don't catch that ish. That bug'll have you all effed up. Crying 'n' stressing 'n' losing ya mind. Ooh, no, ma'am.”

She cracks up laughing, shaking her head. “Ohhhhh-miiiiigod! I can't with you!”

“Girrrrl, I'm serious.” We take the stairs down to the third floor. “I'm staying far away from that mess. Fiona ain't interested in no parts of that nasty syndrome. That ish will have ya edges all jacked up. No, ma'am. I ain't signing up for that.”

She smirks, eyeing me. “Mm-hmm. So you sayin' you not feelin' Cease?”

“Chile, what I'm sayin' is, I'm keeping my immune system up so I don't come down with nothing I can't get rid of. I'm not even about to have my hair falling out over no boy. Trust.”

She chuckles 'n' waves me on. “Girl, stop. You know you feelin' that boy. It's all over ya face. And it's definitely all over his. And listen, girl, you ain't hear this from me,” she says, lowering her voice, “but Antonio told me that Cease is real big on you, boo. You got that boy wide open.”

I grin. “That's that diva heat, boo. Does it every time. Trust.”

She cracks up laughing 'n' shaking her head. “Ohmigod, you a hot mess.”

“Ooh, but I ain't ever messy,” I say as we round the corner.

“Yeah, okay. You wanna hit the mall after school today?”

“I . . .” I blink. “Um . . .” I blink again.
Ohhhhh hell noooo!
I blink again 'n' again, hoping that somehow my eyes are playing dirty tricks on me. But they're not. My eyesight is perfectly fine. I narrow my gaze. And I know what the heck I see down the other end of the hall.

LuAnna 'n' Cease.

He's leaning up against some lockers with his back to us 'n' she's all kee-kee-coo-coo as he's talking.
Mmph. I wonder what they so deep in convo about
. LuAnna sees me 'n' Miesha just as we're about to turn the corner 'n' the
bish
starts grinning harder, touching his arm.

I grunt.

Miesha glances at me. “Girl, I know you not even tripping over that.”

“Psst. Come again. Never that.” I toss my hair. “That chick can't see me. Not even on my worst day, boo. Trust.”

“Oh, 'cause I was about to say.”

“Please, not a word. Cease can have whomever he wants up in his face. Fiona ain't even checkin' for him like that. Trust. It ain't even that serious.”

She eyes me like she ain't really believing a word coming outta my mouth. And truthfully, I don't blame her 'cause I ain't trusting nothing coming outta my flappers right now, either.

 

“I shoulda ran up on him 'n' punched him in the back of his head,” I mumble to myself, digging through my locker, yanking things out. “I knew I shoulda chopped this mess before I let myself . . .” I stop myself, shaking my head, disgusted at myself for not following my own dang rules. “That no-good motherf—”

“There's my sexy baby,” Cease says, startling me, cutting into my mini-rant. He grabs me up, acting like he wasn't downstairs three periods ago with LuAnna's moon-face self. So what if
he
didn't see me.
She
saw me. That's all I've been thinking about. I didn't like the way she was looking at him. Not one dang bit. Her up in his face, all grins 'n' giggles, like he just got done beatin' it down. Trick, please. Even if it's only in my mind. Still... she's lucky I'm not a jealous chick 'cause I woulda dragged her.

Cease growls into my neck, his lips tickling my skin. “Hmmmm. I just wanna eat you up. I've been thinkin' 'bout you all day.”

“Boy, get up off'a me,” I say, twisting outta his arms 'n' laughing in spite of myself. “You play too much.”

“Nah, I ain't playin'. You are
my
sexy baby. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, right.” I eye him suspiciously. “How many other chicks you runnin' that line on?”

He frowns. “C'mon, yo. Don't start that. I thought we went over this already. There ain't no other chicks. It's
all
you, bae. You the only one I got eyes for. You the only one I been checkin' for. So chill wit' that.”

Lips twisted, brow raised, I tilt my head. “Mm-hmm.”

“Yeah, a'ight. You already know what it is. Don't front.” He eyes me, then frowns. “Yo, why you lookin' all tight?” he asks, his finger sliding under my bangs, then down along my cheek, causing electric heat to shoot through my body. “Anything I can do to put a smile on ya face?” he asks, his hand now sliding around my waist. He pulls me into him.

“I don't wanna talk about it,” I say, blinking away the image of that messy
mitch
with her double-Ds all pressed up on him as I melt, helplessly, into his arms.

I swallow. Take a deep breath 'n' decide to let it go. Fiona ain't ever been that chick to go off on a boy about some other chick, 'n' she ain't about to go there now. Besides, do I really have a right, or reason, to set it off?

Nope.

Cease ain't my man.

Cease stares down at me. “What you wanna talk about then?” he whispers, gazing at me.

He takes his finger, the very tip of his index finger, 'n' slides it along my neck, then slowly traces the curve of my ear.

My lips quiver. Why the heck can't I stand my ground with him all of a sudden? Why does he make me feel so dang weak?

He grins, leaning in closer. His beautiful lips loom so close to mine that his mint-scented breath causes my mouth to water. And, yesss,
hunni
. I wanna slap up his face 'n' tongue him down all at the same time.

Oooh, this is soo not cute!

I glance away for a second, feeling stupid, embarrassed at myself for letting myself feel more than I should, for wanting to run up on LuAnna 'n' snatch her scalp off, for wanting to turn up on him. This isn't me. Caring. Second-guessing myself. Wanting to like him but not wanting to catch feelings for him at the same time.

Ooh, this is craziness. I go back 'n' forth between tryna convince myself that it ain't that serious 'n' tryna pretend that I'm really not that into him.

But I am!

I finally look back up at him, slamming my locker shut. “I don't wanna talk,” I whisper, holding my breath as his lips meet mine.