Authors: Eileen Cook
I let myself be pulled to him. In my mind I could picture Princess Diana. She would be standing watching us with her arms crossed and her upper lip was slightly drawn up. She would look like she had just stepped into a pile of steaming corgi poop.
“You disappoint me,” she would say in that slight English tone. I had a sense what she would think of the whole situation.
“Earth to Erin.”
“Huh?”
“Caught you daydreaming. I’ve got to leave. I wish I could stay but I can’t. You have a choice. You can listen to what others are saying about me or trust what you feel.” He leaned in and gave me a kiss, and for a moment everything seemed secure and stable. I followed him to the door. He opened it and then leaned back in to give me another kiss.
“See what you can’t do to move your homeless friend along by Wednesday. Otherwise I’ll slip her a twenty and see if we can’t convince her to go to the movies.” He gave my thigh a slap. I heard a small clearing of the throat. Please God, don’t let her be right there. I opened the door the rest of the way and Diana was standing there.
“Hey, kiddo!” Jonathon said in one of those fake hearty camp leader voices.
“I prefer not to be referred to as ‘kiddo.’ In fact I would prefer if you didn’t refer to me at all.” She stepped past him and into the condo.
“For a poor kid she sure as hell is haughty,” he said in a low voice. I hushed him with a quick finger on his lips.
“Just let it go. I’ll see you on Wednesday.”
“Deal.” He gave me a soft kiss and then turned. I could hear him whistling in the stairwell until the sound grew fainter and fainter.
I could still smell him on me, a mix of expensive aftershave and the Ivory soap. I breathed deeply several times, trying to hold the smell close before it drifted away.
“Okay. Where are you?” I finally yelled out into the condo. “Come on. I know you’ve got something to say.”
“Kiddo?” Diana said peering out of the kitchen. “Does he talk like that to his own kids? They must hate him. You could do better. You really could.” She turned and went back to filling Rooster’s bowls.
“Is it not enough to drive me crazy, you have to sit in judgment on me?”
“What did I do?”
“You snickered,” I sneered.
“Please. I pointed out that he’s nothing special, which if you haven’t figured out by now, then I was wrong when I thought there was hope for you. His lines have all been used a million times already.”
“Leave Jonathon out of this. Whatever
this
is.”
“How can I leave him out of it, when he keeps shoving his way right in the middle? You know he’s the kind who is never going to leave his wife, don’t you? Trust me, I know. My mom has dated her share of married guys. They never really leave.”
“He and his wife have grown apart.” The words stuck in my throat as I spit them out. I hated myself for even saying them.
“Just because it isn’t easy doesn’t mean it isn’t worthwhile.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Don’t curse at me. You know what it means. There are things that are worth working for, worth the time it takes. You need to stop wasting your time with a man who will never be in a position to give you what you want because you’re scared you won’t find someone who will.”
“I always knew this relationship had limits. I’m not asking for more than he can give me right now.”
“Really? This is all you were looking for? You’ve obtained your dream come true? Ever wonder what would happen if you set the bar a bit higher?”
“I’ve set it higher. You ever wonder if people get tired of jumping?”
“I would rather keep jumping than miss what I really want.”
“You are sixteen. You give me all this advice as if you knew what you were doing, but you don’t. All of this is imagination.”
“Maybe my imagination knows more than you give it credit for.”
“You spend too much time with shrinks and school counselors. You’re starting to sound like one,” I spat.
“What do you think a shrink would make of things with you and Colin?”
“What do you mean by that?”
“There was a story on the Internet that you two broke up.”
“We were never dating. You know that. There isn’t anything between us except a competition for airtime,” I said.
“That’s kind of a shame, isn’t it? Maybe that’s what you’re afraid of—that nothing happened. That nothing would happen. You don’t leave room in your life for something to happen, you’re too busy filling it with things that don’t matter. Jonathon is nothing but empty calories.”
I opened my mouth to tell her what I thought of her empty calorie theory.
The phone rang and both of us looked over at it. It rang again, splitting the air. I pointed at her indicating I wasn’t done. You had to put your foot down with these kids or they started taking over the place.
“Yeah, hello,” I barked.
“Hi, pumpkin.”
“Mom? Hi.” I tucked the phone between my ear and my shoulder, darting glances over at Diana. “How are you? Is everything okay?” My mom never called in the middle of the week. Never. She and my dad always called first thing on Sunday 8:30. It was a tradition set in stone. You could set your watch by their call. Diana leaned forward while I talked. I had the feeling she was trying to listen in and I found myself turning away from her.
“I’m good. Is this a good time to call? I know you’re busy.”
“It’s always a good time for you, Mom.” This is a lie. My mother has an innate ability to pick the worse times to call. I’m shocked she didn’t call when Jonathon and I were making out on the sofa. Second best is calling when I’m having a fight with the psychic connection of Princess Diana in the form of a teenage know-it-all.
“I’m thinking about coming back out to Seattle.”
“That would be great. When were you thinking? Things are a bit busy with work right now for me.” My voice trailed off. Diana had dodged out in front of me and was busily making hand motions like she was the world grand champion charades player.
“Oh. I was hoping I could come this weekend.”
“Are you sure everything’s okay?” My folks had moved to Phoenix after the last of my sisters were out of the house. My mother said she couldn’t bear to live any place that measured the rain in feet any longer.
“Things are a bit complicated right now.” My mom paused. “I could just use a good visit.”
“What about dad?”
“What about him?”
“Can he get time off to come out here?”
“He isn’t coming.”
I didn’t say anything. The only time I can remember my parents not traveling together is when my dad had to go out of town for business. They have matching luggage and were getting to the stage where they were starting to wear matching sweaters when they go out.
“Why the sudden interest in coming for a visit?”
“I thought it would be nice to spend some quality girl time. I was telling a girlfriend about how nice it was to see you at the wedding and how I thought it would be fun to get away from it all with my single girl, and she tells me you aren’t so single.”
“What?” I knew my mom had a good network, but I never would have guessed they would have found out about Jonathon from across the country. Never underestimate the power of the ladies who lunch.
“Don’t play coy. It’s in the paper.”
“Jonathon and I are in the paper?” I squeak.
“Who is Jonathon? It says you are dating a fellow named Colin. I love that name.”
“At least your mother has taste,” Diana offered, leaning in so she could hear more of the conversation.
I drew my finger over my throat indicating that she needed to shut her yap. Honestly, didn’t they cover the idea of silence is golden principle in princess school?
“I knew you would find the right fellow. Someone where you had some kismet. A spark. A mother knows these things. I wasn’t too happy to hear the news in the paper. I know we aren’t close, but I would have thought this was the kind of news that might get you to pick up the phone. Honestly, Erin, I was starting to wonder if you would ever find someone.”
“Thanks, Mom. That is really refreshing.”
“I’m not trying to be a bother, but anyone special to you is special to me.”
“Oh, he’s special all right,” Diana mumbled. I shot her a look and then pointed at the sofa.
Sit
, I mouthed. She acted like she didn’t know what I was saying.
“That is sweet of you to say, Mom,” I mumbled into the phone and then pointed at the sofa again, motioning for Diana to park it. “It might be better if we made plans for a few months from now. I just heard that my trial on Colin’s show has gone well so the station is offering me a permanent slot. There’s even a chance they’ll let me do my own show. I’ll be quite busy for the next bit. I’ll tell you what, how about I come out and see you? I’m sure Colin could join me and then you won’t have the hassle of travel.” When it comes time to go home, Colin will of course have some tragic work conflict that will keep him from coming, but she doesn’t need to know that right now. In fact, that might be right about the time to tell her that Colin and I have ended the relationship, deciding we make far better friends than boyfriend/girlfriend. She would love to wallow in a good breakup story. She loves soap operas.
“I know you’re busy as can be, but I’d just love a chance to catch up and to get away.”
There is no nice way to tell your mother that you don’t want her advice on relationships. She simply doesn’t have a frame of reference. My mom met my dad when she was in high school. They were “pinned” and promised to each other by the time she graduated. Her prom picture and wedding picture look nearly the same. She has the same adoring look for my dad, just a different dress and a couple years of school. She didn’t bother to finish college. Once my dad popped the official question, she dropped out.
“How about you float me a few dates in an e-mail that would work for you and I’ll check my schedule.”
“Actually, I already bought tickets for this Friday. I thought I might try and see if I can get tickets to
Phantom of the Opera
. It’s showing there in town. I know it’s been kicking around forever, but I’ve never managed to see it.” Diana stood up and started wandering toward the bedroom.
“Stay,” I hissed to Diana, pointing back down at the couch.
“Are you sure?” My mom’s voice raised in excitement.
“Pardon?” I asked
“Are you sure staying with you is no problem? I would just love to. I won’t be a bother at all. It will be so much fun, like a slumber party.”
“Here?”
“Well then it’s set. Perfect. I’ll just bunk down on your couch.”
“My couch?” I asked again. My mother never stays with me. At college, I shared a place with half a dozen other girls. Then I lived in a few tiny studio apartments that were no larger than my mom’s walk-in closet. My mom always got along better with my sisters who were more like her. The only thing she and I had in common was a desire to cook. As a child I had fully expected to discover at some point that I had been switched at birth.