Authors: Eileen Cook
“All right, we’re supposed to call in here at the bottom of the trail to start the show off,” Scott said. He handed me the cell phone. “I’ve already patched you through the sound board. When Colin picks up you’ll be live on the air, so don’t say anything you don’t want broadcast. We’ll be quiet to maximize your sound quality and decrease ambient noise.” I gave him a nod and took a deep breath, pressing the phone to my ear.
“And now from the wild outdoors, we have Erin. Ready to give up yet?” Colin asked, his voice sounding a bit tinny through the phone.
“Colin, I have no plans of giving up.”
“That would seem like an admirable trait, except for the fact that you don’t quit even when you should,” he said, and I felt my back teeth grind down by a millimeter. I had the sense we weren’t talking about the mountain any longer.
“Say what you like, but it looks like a lovely day for a climb. I’m looking forward to it.”
“We’ll see how you feel when you check in with us later.”
“Care to bet on it, if you’re so sure of yourself?” I asked.
“Bet on if you make it to the top? On your own power or carried up by search and rescue?” he asked laughing.
“Yes, on my own power. You seem to think it’s so easy to be a woman; the cake decorating was a lark. Easy. No pain. Tell you what; if I make it to the top, you go to the spa and get waxed.”
“And if you don’t make it? What is in it for me?”
“If I don’t make it then I’ll give up my shoes. I mean, I’ll keep a pair, but otherwise you can hold the rest hostage.”
“What exactly am I getting waxed? I don’t fancy having smooth legs. You know you wouldn’t like that and my back isn’t hairy.”
“Although your eyebrows are at risk for complete overgrowth, I would have to go with south of the border.”
“You aren’t talking about what I think you’re talking about, are you?’
“Smooth as a billiards ball,” I said, and Colin made a non-committal noise. “What’s this? Suddenly your cocksure attitude doesn’t sound so sure. Performance anxiety?” I could hear Scott give a snort. He could hear Colin’s side of the conversation on his headset.
“Fair enough. You’ve got a bet. You don’t have all day though; you have to make it up by the end of the show and no help.”
“No help required.” I darted a glance up the trail and said a small prayer that my big mouth wasn’t making a promise the rest of me was going to regret.
“Let’s make it interesting for our listeners. Call in with your vote. Will Erin make it to the top or give in? We’ll choose a name at random at the end of the show and the winner will get either a day at the spa, waxing optional, or two tickets for the game on Friday. Our phone lines are open.”
I passed the phone back to Scott, looking up the trail. The show was three hours. I started walking.
“Come on, people. We’ve got a bet on the line. You know you want to see Colin facedown the waxer as much as I do. Let’s move it along. Avita, I need you to watch the clock. I know how you love to make sure I stay on track so you’re responsible for keeping an eye on the time. We’ve got to get to the top by the end of the show, so we’ll have to keep a steady pace.”
“I’ll call out the half hours. We should be able to match that against the trail markers and see how we’re doing.” Avita looked down at her watch, marking the time.
With the plan in place, we all took a deep breath and then started up. Avita matched my pace. The trail wasn’t technically difficult, but it was all up. Up up up. I could feel my breathing getting harder.
“Why did you make a bet with Colin?” Avita asked.
“I don’t know.” I looked over at her. “What? I don’t know. He was implying that I was going to back down. Wimp out. I finish what I start.”
“You ever wonder if sometimes you should quit while you’re ahead, or at least not any farther behind?”
“I want to make sure I don’t quit. If I hang on I have a chance to get what I really want.” I stumbled over a tree root. Avita’s hand shot out and grabbed me to keep me from falling. She looked down at her hand and then took it back as if she thought I might be radioactive. It seemed a bit much. Most of the fake tanner was gone, as was the top hundred layers of my skin. Not that either of us thought her reluctance to be near me was about the tanner reaction. I gave her a nod of thanks and kept going.
Scott was in better shape than either Avita or me. He walked ahead, all the while chatting on his cell phone, stopping every so often to wait for us to catch up. The more I looked at Scott, the more I started to think he looked strong enough that he could carry me. Good to know, just in case. There are times when being tiny and petite come in handy.
“You do a lot of things without thinking, don’t you?” Avita asked after a few minutes. We were both huffing and puffing pretty good by that time. It was a good thing there weren’t any piggies with sub-standard housing around because we could blow that thing down.
“It’s a character flaw.”
“I don’t mean it as an insult. I mean it more like spontaneous.”
“Uh-huh. Well, you may have been right about some things.”
“You and Colin are getting together, aren’t you?”
“What?!” I shot a look up at Scott to see if he was paying attention. “This has nothing to do with Colin. I was talking about Diana.”
“What about her?”
“I was treating the whole thing as a lark, a way to gain points with Wayne. She deserves better than that.”
Avita stopped and touched my hand.
“I always knew you would to a great job in the program. I hope you never thought I didn’t think you were mentor material. I just wanted to be sure you were doing it for the right reason.”
“Doing things for the right reason is not a specialty of mine.”
We started walking again. I could hear the blood rushing through my veins and feel my heart clamoring to free itself from my chest.
“Why would you think there was anything between Colin and me?”
“You guys seem comfortable together. When you aren’t yelling at each other.”
“We’re pretending to be in a relationship, as you recall.”
“Maybe you should stop pretending.”
“Maybe you should breathe more deeply, I think you are starting to hallucinate. It could be the altitude.”
Avita gave a laugh and kept walking. I bent over, taking a deep pull from my water bottle.
“You okay?” Scott asked, yelling down toward us. I had to crane my head up to see him.
“Yep. Just a water break.” I got my legs in motion.
“How are things with Jonathon?” Avita asked.
“Okay, I suppose.” I looked over at her. She was sweating, her upper lip covered in tiny water beads. “Honestly? I don’t know. One minute I think the whole thing is a waste and the next I think everything is going to work out. I’m not even sure what I want anymore.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“That you’re still my friend.”
“I didn’t stop. I just don’t understand. No, that’s unfair. It isn’t that I don’t understand. I get part of it. He’s attractive. He’s got a good job and can be really charming when he wants to be. He keeps telling you how he’s moments from leaving his wife and will be with you. He likes you and you want it to work. Here’s the thing: understanding isn’t the same as wanting to understand. At the end of the day he hasn’t left his wife. What he’s doing is wrong and if you’re a part of it, that makes what you’re doing wrong too.”
There didn’t seem to be much to say to that, so we stopped talking and focused on walking. My quads burned with every step. It felt like I had weights tied to my ankles, each step heavier than the last. I was sucking air in like I was coming into the final lap of a marathon race. I had taken off the fleece jacket and tied it around my waist. The back of my hiking boots, which had fit so nicely in the store, now felt like the heels were constructed from a cheese grater.
The woods were quiet. Every so often we would be passed by an annoyingly fit person who would be practically jogging up the damn trail. They didn’t seem to be breathing hard. I would have told them off except I didn’t have any oxygen to spare. Scott tried to point out the view at one point, but I couldn’t be bothered to look behind me. I just kept my eyes focused on the ground.
You pretty much had to keep your eyes on where you were going. It had gone from a friendly dirt path to a trail you would see in a Brothers Grimm story. Thick knotted tree roots jutted up here and there. Smooth rocks were half buried. If you didn’t place your feet carefully you ran the risk of having your ankle twist out from under you or sliding backwards a few feet. I had broken two nails from grabbing at tree limbs or directly into the mud to get a handhold. The station was going to owe me a manicure.
“We need to call in,” Scott said, pulling over to the side. He pulled his backpack off and started rooting around for the phone and his antennae. Avita leaned heavily against a tree. Hands on her knees, she bent over, trying to pull in as much air as she could. I wondered if I looked as bad as she did.
“I gotta sit down,” I gasped. “I need to get my air before we call.” I yanked my water bottle out and sprayed my face with a cool stream before taking another drink. Earlier I’d been afraid that if I kept drinking water at such a quick rate I would be at risk for having to pee out on the trail. I was not looking forward to getting up close with nature. I had this image of a bear sneaking up on me when my pants were down. I realized now there was no chance I would need to pee because I was sweating out every drop of water I took in. My T-shirt hung limp and soggy. I could feel my underwear sticking to me. I plopped down on the closest fallen tree that lay across the side of the trail.
My ass hit the log and a second later punched through so that I was sitting with my knees around my chin and my butt stuck in the tree. The log was rotten and hollow. Scott started laughing. I tried to get up, but my feet waved around uselessly.
“You look like Winnie the Pooh, when he got his fanny stuck stealing honey,” Avita said, giggling.
“Ha ha. Do you mind? I don’t exactly find this funny.”
“You’re lucky there wasn’t anything living inside that log. A raccoon sure wouldn’t appreciate your re-decorating efforts,” Scott said, moving to give me his hand.
Great, now I had to worry about rabid raccoon bites in addition to the splinters that were already there. I waved his hand away.
“I can do it myself.”
“Try pushing up with your feet a bit.”
“I am trying.” I wriggled a bit more. Avita was clearly trying hard not to laugh. She was lucky she wasn’t standing closer I would have smacked her. Scott looked down at his wrist.
“Oh shit. We’re running late. We’ve got to call in.”
“We can’t call in. I’m stuck in a log,” I pointed out in case Scott was missing the critical issue.
“No one can see you. It’s radio.”
“Besides, you went on TV when you had that allergic reaction to the tanning stuff. This isn’t as bad as that,” Avita added.
I sat and fumed while Scott made the call. I knew I was acting like a pouting toddler, but no one else had their butt trapped in the flora and fauna. I think I was entitled to a little self absorption and pity. What if they had to amputate my ass to get me out of here? Scott passed me the phone, motioning that the line was live.
“And we’re back live on He Said, She Said where we’ve got Erin on the line. How is it going out there, darlin’?”