Double Clutch (23 page)

“
Of course I can’t wait. I mean, I was always excited, but now that I have you, I really can’t wait.” I could hear the smile in his slow, deep voice.

“
Why do I change things?” I had a good idea what the answer would be, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want to hear it from him.

“
Because I’m going to be able to drive you home. I won’t be so worried about you getting back and forth to school. And I’m going to take you on real dates. Like dates where I pick you up and drive you somewhere nice.” His voice mapped out so many delicious possible ways we could spend more time alone together.

“
Jake, you know my parents aren’t really okay with me dating yet.” I was, all at the same time, so ready for Jake to drive and so nervous for that time to come. I imagined sitting close to him, making mix CDs to listen to, parking and kissing. But I also imagined having to tell Mom and Thorsten that I was dating Jake and begging permission for him to come pick me up. I was desperate for the one equally as much as I dreaded the other.

“
You have two whole months to get them ready for it. I couldn’t stop thinking about you today.” I heard springs squeak on his end, like he’d turned over on the bed.

“
Really? Why’s that?” I turned over on my stomach.

“
I don’t really know. I was helping harvest pumpkins in the snow, and I couldn’t keep my mind on work.”

“
Do you mean to tell me even pumpkins in the snow couldn’t take your attention away from me?” I teased.

He laughed. “Smartass. I mean I couldn’t keep my mind on work. I was thinking about how much I wanted to kiss you again. And I was worried as hell about you getting home.”

“
It was fine,” I lied quickly.

“
It will all be different soon,” he promised. “Then I’ll come pick your cute little butt up and kiss you senseless in my truck.”

I felt a warm tingling. “You’ve got a one track mind.”

“
I like you for more than the physical stuff, Bren,” he said, suddenly all serious.

“
No, not me.” I felt a tickle of pure giddiness. “The truck.”

“
Well, she’s a great truck.”

“
Ugh,” I groaned. “You’re referring to your truck as a ‘she.’”

“
You would too if you could see how pretty she is.” The note of wistfulness in his voice was half endearing, half completely frustrating.

“
This conversation is too romantic for me, with all of the pumpkin and truck love. I’m going to bed.” I smiled and cozied down, ready for sweet Jake dreams.

“
Not yet,” he said, his voice low again. “I was trying to tell you, before you interrupted, that I couldn’t get you out of my mind all day.”

“
Are you complaining to me again?”

“
Not at all. I’m telling you I really care about you. I worry about you all the time. And I like you. I like talking to you on the phone. I never wanted to talk on the phone to anybody before. And I like looking at you working in class. I like reading the same books as you. I just feel like we’re going to be great together.”

There was a lump in my throat. “Thanks, Jake.” My voice quivered. “I feel the same. I feel like we’re so good together.”

“
I agree. And now that I got that off of my chest, I’ve got a sexy girlfriend wearing almost nothing to go dream about until I get to see her in school tomorrow.”

“
Oh, we don’t have school tomorrow, Jake. Snow day,” I said, remembering the news Mom had delivered.

He groaned. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but that sucks. Alright, this is scary.”

“
What’s that?” I asked, and I couldn’t stop smiling. I heard him get up, and a few seconds later he opened the fridge, popped a can, and drank. “Are you drinking soda?”

“
Yeah.” He laughed. “That’s all Dad buys. You sound so shocked.”

“
It’s the middle of the night, Jake. That’s so not good for you.” I felt a little gross just thinking about chugging a soda before bed.

“
Well, I’m not used to all this talking.” He paused and I heard him take a long drink and swallow. “I need to keep hydrated. And I’m in shock that I feel so sad about a snow day.”

“
Are you missing me already?”

“
Don’t joke about it. I really am.”

“
I miss you, too.” I ran my hands along the wide, empty bed. I was suddenly so tired I couldn’t keep my eyes open. “Wow, I’m tired.”

“
Sleep, then. Sweet dreams, Brenna.”

“
You, too,” I said through a long yawn. “I’ll see you soon.”

And then, I thought I heard something, but maybe it was sleep deprivation. Maybe it was the stress of all Jake had dropped on me in one night. But it could have been real.

I thought I heard Jake say, “I love you.”

The next morning, the sun was shining white bright against the snow, which was already melting. The weather had changed completely again, leaving a chilly, soggy day that was getting warmer by the minute.

“
Hey sweetie.” Mom peeked in my room. “I got my office assignment today and was going to run down for a bit and set up. I know it’s early, but the other adjunct will be there, and I can get some serious work done. Are you okay for a few hours?”

I rubbed my eyes and blinked. “Of course. Go! Get set up. Do you need help?”

“
Maybe later next week,” Mom mused. “But, no honey, not today. Are you sure you‘ll be okay all day alone?”

“
Mom!” I groaned. “I love you, but you worry too much. I’m just going to veg and watch TV and read my new book. I have my cell on.” I held it up for her to see.

She kissed my face and told me to lock the doors and keep the phone by me, then left. I went to the kitchen and watched out the window as her car pulled backwards down the driveway. I was glad she had her job, but there was something lonely about it, too. I had been with her every single day last year, just the two of us and Thorsten. Now we were both getting on with our own separate lives, and something in me ached for the time we had before with just the two of us, even as I reached out for Jake. And maybe Saxon.

I pushed boys out of my mind for a while. I made my oatmeal and ate, then flipped on the television. After about fifteen minutes, I turned it back off. How could people get addicted to this crap? There was absolutely nothing good on.

I took a long shower and got dressed, then straightened my room. I was just thinking about calling Jake when I heard the mechanical whine that had scared me before. I checked my makeup in the mirror, then burst through the door and into Jake’s waiting arms.

“
Jake!” I cried and pressed my mouth to his. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed back, opening his mouth and deepening the kiss like he was hungry for the taste of my mouth.

“
It’s so good to see you, babe.” He was a little breathless when he pulled away. “Are your parents around?”

“
No.” I felt a little bit of guilt at how happy that declaration made me feel. “Come in. I mean, do you want to?”

“
Seriously?” He grabbed my hand and followed me into the house.

I dragged him to my bedroom and we tumbled on the bed I’d just made. I was lying flat on my back and he was propped on his side, just looking down at me.

“
Hi,” I said, and felt shy suddenly.

“
Hey,” he smiled, and I put a finger on his eye tooth, then pulled away. He traced a finger down my nose. “You’re so beautiful.”

I swallowed hard. “You too.” He laughed. “Or handsome.”

“
Whatever,” he shrugged. “As long as you like what you see, I’m gonna consider myself lucky.” Then he lowered his head and kissed me softly on my lips. I stretched towards him for more, but he pulled back and kissed me on my cheek, then my jaw, then my ear, then my neck, then my collar bone. He stopped at the little dip between my collar bones. He was breathing pretty fast.

“
Is it hard to be with me?” I felt nervous about what to do next, how far to go.

“
No,” he said too quickly.

“
I mean, is it hard to kiss and fool around, even if you know it won’t lead to sex?”

“
No.” He shook his head so hard his hair fell into his eyes. “I want to take things slowly with you.”

“
You haven’t asked what I want.” I looked him right in his light gray eyes.

“
Don’t do that, Bren,” he whispered, pressing his forehead down on my shoulder.

“
Do what?”

“
Tempt me,” he said in a strangled voice that was muffled by my shirt.

“
I’m not trying to.” I immediately felt like a tease.

“
I know.” He looked back up at me. “It’s just easy to do more than you mean to. I don’t want to do that to you. But tell me what you want.” He closed his eyes and set his mouth in a hard line.

It was funny to see him so serious. It wasn‘t like I was going to ask him anything crazy. “I want to see you…” I started, then felt myself blush. “I want to see you with your shirt off.”

He looked relieved. He jumped back off of my bed and kicked his boots off. Then he lifted the hem of his shirt a little, showing me a glimpse of flat, hard stomach. I felt, to my complete shame, my mouth start to water.

“
Looking good.” I sat up on my elbows.

Jake shook his hips jerkily in what I imagined he thought was a sexy dance. I laughed so hard I could hardly draw breath in.

“
Are you ready for this?” He pointed at me and raised his eyebrows.

“
I was born ready.” I wiggled on the bed.

He turned so his back was to me and took his shirt off in that weird way guys do it; he pulled the back collar and yanked it over his head.

His back was nice, firm and bulgy with muscles. His shoulders and biceps were also bunched and powerful looking. When he turned, his face was bright red, but I can’t say I looked at it too long. His pecs were hard flat planes of muscle, and his stomach was ridged and defined all the way down.

“
Ooh,” I sighed. “You have a real six-pack.”

He smiled and crawled onto the bed, his strong arms boxed around me. I reached my hand up and moved it along his newly revealed body. He closed his eyes. I didn’t. Hello, I had the world’s hottest boyfriend! There was no way I wasn’t going to take a good long look.

I slid my palms along his ridged skin, bumping all the way down to the line of his boxers. It was a little strange to touch him so intimately, but the truth was, I’d thought about doing this a thousand times. If there was one word going through my mind, it was
finally
. His hips were narrow and a little boney. I could see them at the edge of his pants, which he wore a little too low. I dipped my fingers under the band of his boxers to the skin just above the region where I knew I shouldn’t go. He sucked his breath in through his teeth, and I ran my fingers under the elastic, in the front and back. I wasn’t going to go any farther, and that was a good thing. As far as I’d gone was far enough. I could tell that he was completely hard.

When I pulled my hands away, he let his body settle on top of mine and kissed me deeply, hungrily. I moaned into his mouth and felt my own sound tumble into his body.

He pulled away and steadied himself. He was pressed against me, and it felt good. I liked the fact that he was hard, and I liked that it was because of me.

His hands slid up my shirt, to just under where my bra ended. His fingers felt so hot on my stomach and rib cage that I was surprised it didn’t singe my skin. One thumb, then the other traced the skin just beneath my underwire.

“
Is this okay?” he asked vaguely, but I knew exactly what he wanted, and since I wanted it too, I nodded.

His hands pressed up under the cups of my bra, and the contrast of our skin made me gasp. His hands were rough, hard and scratchy. The skin of my breasts was very soft. His hands pulled against them firmly, squeezed and pressed. It didn’t seem like it should possibly feel as good as it did, but it did. He kissed my neck and the space behind my ears. I lifted my hips and rubbed against his thigh, pressing myself to him. He increased the pressure and speed of his sure fingers, and his lips traced down along my neck and to my collarbone.

I was warm and wet from it, and wriggling against him. His hands continued to move over my skin and my breath came out in short pants that made me want to grind my hips against him with more force. When I felt his calloused fingers on my nipples, there was a sudden shuddering between my legs. It felt like it radiated out, filling me with a warm, shaky heat. My body went stiff, and I pressed hard to him and moaned a little. Jake pressed his mouth over mine and kissed me fiercely again.

He closed his eyes and pulled his hands from under my shirt slowly, as if he were using all of the strength in his body to do it.

He rolled off of me, so we were lying next to one another.

Jake stared at the ceiling, breathing heavily. “Did you come?”

“
I don’t know.” I was surprised he noticed what I imagined was a very slight tremor in my body. “How would I know for sure?”

He laughed and reached for my hand. When he found it he squeezed hard. “It’s different for guys. I mean, I know when it happens for me.”