Duplicity (8 page)

“It’s a weakness.”

He ignored her attempt to lighten the
conversation.”But
you did what was best for me. Just like you did what was best for Dana.” He
pressed his lips together as he looked at her, and his shoulders slumped.
“Sometimes I think I’m just looking for a way to pay you back, even if you
don’t like it.”

“I’m fine, Mal. I promise.”

He held her gaze for a moment longer before he nodded.
“Yeah.
You always are.”

Chapter 9

In Lilith’s experience, an alarming portion of the population, men
and women alike, believed what a person wore, what they did for a living, what
they drank, what they said, were deciding factors in whether or not they
deserved a choice when it came to sex.

It shouldn’t have mattered if Lilith opened her legs to everyone
in a ten-block radius; she still deserved the right to say no. Working in the
industry she did, it was impossible not to be aware not everyone agreed with
that line of thinking. The men who frequented the club had every potential to
be several times as dangerous. Not only might they be the type who believed she
didn’t have a right to say no, they were also very powerful. Even the frat boys
who had never had a single responsibility in their lives had power because they
had money.
Many of them had never heard the word no from people
much more powerful than
a nobody
like her. She was
less than nothing, less than human, in their minds.

Frank was a solid member of this breed. It was the reason why,
despite the fact he’d been in the club off and on over the last few months,
looking in her direction, Lilith had always sidestepped him to engage someone
else. She’d warned the other girls not to take him outside the controlled
environment of the club.

Murphy’s bastard of a law had impeccable timing.

That night, Lilith’s costume of choice was the stereotypical
hooker getup. It was too perfect on so many levels. For those who had come
expecting the illicit, she was exactly what they were looking for. Shorts short
enough that her ass cheeks peeked out, a strappy tank top so tight even her
smallish breasts were trying to pop out of the top, torn fishnets, loose, messy
hair. She wouldn’t have looked out of place on a street corner in the middle of
the night.

It was the wrong outfit to be wearing when she ran into Frank
again.

Lilith didn’t see him. He must have been watching
her a
good portion of the night. He’d been drinking, and
whatever was going on in his head was nothing close to reality.

Along the walls of the club, there were several booths. It was
harder to engage a potential client there, so most nights they were reserved by
groups who wanted to watch everyone while they gathered the courage to get a
little closer to the stage. Most of the time, the club was dark, lights
flashing in time with the loud music.

There was one booth in particular that didn’t benefit from the
glow of the track lighting. He must have been waiting for quite a while, because
there wasn’t much reason for Lilith to pass by that booth. Being so far removed
from the pulse of activity, it sat empty most nights.

Often, like that night, Lilith ducked behind the booth when she
needed a moment to catch her breath after a dance. She didn’t see him until his
hand darted out, and he pulled her into the seat beside him, his arm tight
around her, pinning her to his side.

“Well, hello there, princess.”

His lips were curled in a sneer as he looked down at her.
The scent of alcohol was strong on his breath. Lilith
wrinkled her nose, leaning away from him. “Hey.
Creeper.
What the fuck is wrong with you?”

As she tried to get back up again, his arm tightened around her,
and he dragged her further into the booth. “Settle down, slut.” His words were
slurred, and his free hand was on her thigh already, inching higher.

“Get your fucking hands off me. I’m too dirty for your delicate
skin, remember?”

He scoffed. “I’ll take my chances tonight. Everyone has to slum it
every now and then.”

He was so big—tall and broad and just everywhere. Pressed up
against his body, she felt tiny. Lilith was not a statuesque woman, but most of
the
time,
she walked as though she were ten feet tall.
Most of the time, she could convince herself she was bigger than she was.

Not now.

He was strong enough to keep her from scooting away from him. His
hand was meaty on her cheek as he turned her face toward him and kissed her. It
was not a gentle kiss. It was aggressive, smothering her yell of protest. With
her hands splayed against his chest—good God, he was a wall of muscle—she tried
to push off him.

When he released his grip on her face, she dragged in a breath,
ready to scream for Ethan.
Before she could, his
hand was on her, groping her breasts.

It was as though her mind had turned inside out. Suddenly, she was
not herself—strong, capable, and in control. She was young, naive, and
confused. She didn’t like this. She didn’t like it at all. His hands on her
body made her skin crawl and twisted her stomach in knots, but her tongue was
tied. She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t tell him to stop.
She .
 . .

No.

She was in control. She could stop this.

Dropping her hand to his lap, she found the lump where his dick
was already straining against his pants. Getting a good grip, she squeezed.
Hard.

The effect was instantaneous. Frank screamed and his grip
loosened. Taking her window, Lilith shoved away from him, scrambling to get out
of the booth, back into the brighter light of the rest of the club.

She’d only taken a couple of steps away before an iron grip came
down on her arm and Frank twisted her back to him. His face was curled in a
snarl as he grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her hard enough her teeth
rattled. Wrenching her right arm out of his grasp, she drew back, intending to
shove her palm up his nose, but he caught her by the wrist.

And squeezed.

Lilith cried out, her legs giving out under the crushing pain. She
fell to her knees.

The whole scene couldn’t have taken more than a minute or two from
the time Frank grabbed her to when he had her on her knees in front of him.
In the next
heartbeat, everything was chaos
. Lilith was furious
and frightened and very confused as to why Mal was there, about to hurl himself
right at Frank. She yelled at him. Mal was not very big, and he didn’t have the
self-defense training she did. Frank would annihilate him. But it didn’t matter
because, by then, Ethan had made his way over. He grabbed Frank by the
shoulders, pulling him back, making him release his grip on Lilith’s wrists.

Mal diverted his attention, kneeling at her side.
“Lil?”

“I’m fine.” Her eyes were pinned in a glare on Frank who was
glowering back at her, oozing malevolence. “He’s had too much to drink,” she
told Ethan.

“This bitch—” Terry began, but Ethan was having none of it.

“Come with me, sir.” His tone brokered no room for argument.
“Let’s get some food in you. You’ll feel better then.” He had his hand was firm
on Frank’s arm, leading him away.

“That’s it?” Mal was incredulous, his voice a growl Lilith had
almost never heard. “You’re going to feed him? You should get his ass out of
here.”

Lilith got a hold of his sleeve and tugged to get his attention.
“Stop,” she said under her breath.

Of course, Mal couldn’t understand. Despite how careful they were,
what they were doing here still wasn’t legal. A tantrum from one of their rich,
powerful patrons could bring trouble down on all of them, so situations like
this had to be handled with finesse. Already, too many people were staring, and
if Frank was even a little bit less drunk, this would be going much worse than
it already was.

She got to her feet, not looking at Mal as Ethan led Frank away.

Of all the shitty timing, of course he had to take her up on her suggestion
to see for
himself
what the club was like. What a
vision she must have been: dressed like the epitome of a whore, forced into a
degrading position before a man who would face no real consequences.

She gnashed her teeth. This was not what he was supposed to see.

“Are you—” Mal started to ask, but she cut him off.

“I’m.
Fine.”
More than fine, she was
pissed as hell. Before she knew it, her feet were moving her forward. She
needed air. It was far too hot, too stifling in the club.

She knew Mal was following her as she headed for the side exit.
Outside, she began to pace, anxious to spend this excess energy. Adrenaline was
giving way to a wicked case of the shakes.

By the time Mal caught up with her, she was already mid-rant. Not
much of what she rambled made sense, even to
her own
ears. She was trying to outrun this sense of panic, and there were only so many
things she was capable of concentrating on at once. Right then, she wasn’t so
concerned with Mal seeing
her a
little undone—what
he’d already seen was bad enough.

So she paced, snarling and whisper yelling about idiotic assholes
who thought the world belonged to them. She couldn’t figure out how Frank’s
logic made sense in his own head. It was obvious he thought she was a lesser
creature. Why was he so fixated? Why couldn’t he just crawl back into whatever
hole
he’d come from?

“The bitch of it is
,
I should have been
with Trey.” She ran a restless hand through her hair. Trey had called. He’d
been calling. He wanted to see her. It had been a week and a half since she’d
run out of his apartment. She’d stopped ignoring him after a few days, but she
had yet to accept one of his invitations.

Lilith blew out a breath, trying to calm down.

She just couldn’t shake the idea he would look at her again the
way he had that day. She didn’t want pity from anyone, but from Trey, it felt
all the worse.

“Lily. What the hell are you talking about?”

Stopping short, Lilith looked at Mal. The skin around his eyes was
tight, his expression anxious.
“Who the hell is Trey?”

Her heart began to thud hard again, and she felt light-headed.

Mal held his hands out, palms up. “You know what? Never mind. Can
I .
 . . are you allowed to leave?”

That was what she needed to hear to get control again. Panic gave
way to complete exasperation. “Ugh. Yes. Yes, I can leave.” She turned so she
was standing right in front of him, her hands fisted at her sides. “I’m not a
fucking slave here, okay? Smith isn’t going to send some asshole to beat the
shit out of me because I wouldn’t fuck that prick.”

The look in his eyes darkened. “He seemed to be doing just fine
all on his own.”

Lilith rubbed her sore wrists. “Nothing was going to happen. Not
in the club.”

“Right.”

“
Mal .
 . .”

“No. I get it.” He took a deep breath. “Can I take you home?
Please?”

Lilith’s shoulders slumped, the fight going out of her.
“Yeah.”

He reached for her, but she recoiled. She didn’t want to be
touched. Not yet. “I’m fine.” Her response was ingrained and automatic.

Mal didn’t argue. He walked beside her, giving her some space as
she texted Smith letting him
know
both that Frank’s
advances hadn’t been welcomed and that she was going home.

“Who’s Trey?” Mal asked again when they were in the car.

Lilith bristled. She swallowed past the thick lump that had risen
in her throat.

“He’s no one,” she said as they drove away.

For three simple words, they felt foul in her mouth, just wrong.
The instant she said them, she wanted to take them back.

Trey deserved better. He was so many times the man Frank was. He
deserved to be more than nothing.

Chapter 10

Lilith wondered if this was what it felt like to be a high school
girl.

Trey hadn’t called or texted in two days, and while she should
have been relieved, she was beside herself.
Could it be he’d
grown tired of her aloof attitude? As well he should. Who did she think she
was, anyway? As if she could afford to throw away his business.

And .
 . .
She missed him more than she knew how to articulate. How
many hours they’d spent lounging in his bed, on his couch, even his floor, not
having sex, though they’d done that too, just talking.

Now that she was without them, she missed his incessant
questioning. Though it had been unnerving in some ways, it was thrilling in
others. When he sought her opinion, taking her thoughts seriously and drawing
out more in depth answers, she felt more aware—present in her own head when she
was usually so far lost.

A melodramatic, irritating voice in her head thought she might
just die if he didn’t want to be her friend anymore.

He’d said they were friends.

He’d made it clear she could call him.
As a
friend.

But that was too complicated, wasn’t it? There were lines she
couldn’t blur, no matter how sweet the bullshit Trey spun sounded. If he knew,
if he
really
knew her, this whole
friends
nonsense would go right out the window. He was just a peculiar boy; that was
all.
Noble.
Maybe he wanted to believe they could be
friends, but they couldn’t.

They shouldn’t.

He had gotten caught up in some altruistic, romantic idea. That was
what innocent college boys did. It was a matter of time before he lost interest
and life went back to normal again.

The thought made her more miserable than she was comfortable
acknowledging.

The giddy, relieved giggle that escaped her when the phone rang
late that second day was shameful. Her heart was pounding with anticipation and
exhilaration.

What are you, sixteen and about to be asked to prom?

Lilith cleared her throat and forced herself to take a deep breath
before she answered. “Hey.”
There. That sounded
flippant enough.

“Hey, you.”

Her chest felt warm.

“What can I do you for?”

He chuffed,
then
gave a nervous laugh.
“I,
um .
 . .”

Lilith sat up straight on her bed, cocking her head as she
listened to him stutter.

Though he was a sweet boy, Trey could also be very cocky. He was
almost always in perfect control of himself. She’d glimpsed this side of him
before, ever so briefly at the club that first night, but it was so rare it was
endearing.

“Spit it out.” Her tease was gentle, testing the waters. “I’m
listening.”

He paused before he spoke, his voice smooth and clear now. “You
always ask me why I ask you so many
questions?
”

Lilith jolted. It was like jumping into the middle of an intense
conversation. She had no idea where this was coming from after a week and a few
days of dancing around each other and two days without any sort of contact.

“
Yes,” she
answered,
her tone wary.
She didn’t know if she liked being led down a road when she didn’t know the
destination.

He took several deep breaths before he could speak. “When I was in
high school there was a girl.” His voice was soft, faraway. “Her name was
Kassandra
, and she was incredible. I was very much in love
with her. She didn’t know, but I was.”

Lilith found her throat was tight. “What happened?” She knew
something had. She could read that much in his voice.

“
She .
 . . we were ice
skating. It was our senior year, and we went together. She was racing around
the rink, smiling and laughing at me because I kept falling on my ass. She was
so graceful.”

He trailed off, and for a long while, there was only the sound of
his breaths coming and going. When he continued, his voice was rough with
remembered grief. “She was skating back to me, still smiling. She was halfway
across the rink when she grabbed her chest, and she fell down.

“
Kass
never fell.
Never.”

“
Trey .
 . .” Lilith
whispered, aching for him. She wished with everything inside her she could be
by his side.

“She died in my arms. After the autopsy, the doctors said heart
was a ticking time bomb, and that day it went off.”

Another handful of breaths.
Lilith had no idea what to say.

“You reminded me of her,” he said. “When you looked up at me at
the club that night, you looked like her for just a second.”
A
beat.
“I know you’re not her. That was just what sparked my attention.”

Lilith turned this information over in her head. “Okay. Well, I
get why you wanted to fuck me, then, but that still doesn’t explain why you ask
so many questions.” Maybe it was an asshole-
ish
thing
to say, but she was confused. She wasn’t at all sure why he’d called her out of
the blue to tell her this.

“
Kass
was
a .
 . .
unique girl,” he continued after a moment. “There was so much about her that
was a mystery to me. There was
a .
 . .”
He mulled for a second, as if searching for the right word.
“Darkness
about her.
Not a badness but something a little heavier than most of the
other kids. Maybe it was something, or I might have been imagining it, but I
never asked, so she could never tell.”

He exhaled in a long, slow gust. “You remind me of her.
A lot.
I suppose you’re getting all the questions I could
never bring myself to ask her.”

Lilith hummed and then huffed as she processed this information.
“Guess it’s the same variation of the usual.”

“How’s that?”

Though
he couldn’t see her, Lilith shrugged.
“A lot of
times, the guys who are with me? They say different names. They like to think
they’re with someone else.”

Trey didn’t speak right away. “I know I’m talking to you. I care
about your answers.

“Okay.” It was easier not to argue this point. “Why are you
telling me this now, anyway?”

“
I don’t know. I guess I figured I’d asked so much of you
and your past, but never offered up anything about me.”

“I never asked.”

“I know, and I think I would have answered if you had. It doesn’t
matter though. I think in any relationship—friendship or otherwise—there has to
be a give and take. I can give regardless of whether you ask for it.”

Lilith had to laugh. She’d missed this, missed his logical
reasoning, however ironically irrational it was.

“Okay,” she said again.

“Can I see you?” he asked after a beat.

Lilith was very glad then she wasn’t in front of him, because her
lips tugged up and her cheeks felt flushed.
“Yeah.”

~0~

Trey hadn’t said a single word when he opened the door to admit
her. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her inside at the same time
he tilted his head down to capture her lips.

It wasn’t even a matter of following his lead. Lilith had
genuinely missed him. Looking back, she couldn’t remember at all which of them
was in the driver’s seat. It rather felt as though they were in perfect sync.
Maybe it was just that over the time they’d spent together, she’d learned him
so well. She knew how to respond to his touch and knew when he wanted her to
make the next move.

One way or another, the next thing Lilith knew
,
her back was against the wall, her legs wrapped around his waist as he pressed
his body against hers. Her hands between them, she fumbled with the button of
his pants, helping him slide them down even as he hiked up her skirt.

Of course she wasn’t wearing any panties.

He growled against her lips, his tongue seeking hers. In stark
contrast to his hungry movements, his fingers were gentle. He traced along the
line of her neck so with tender strokes.

When he was inside her, Lilith felt a curious sensation of relief.
She got no physical pleasure from sex. What she felt, being with him again, was
like salve on a wound, water on a parched throat. The discomfort that had been
churning in her gut, niggling at the back of her mind was soothed.

This was
personal,
she realized when she
opened her eyes to find him looking back at her. She had no idea how to define
it but that: personal.

Feeling a little shaky, she wrapped her arms around his neck,
tangling her fingers in his hair as they settled into a hot, quick rhythm.
It didn’t take long. She squeezed around him, her grin smug
when he whimpered. She reached down, cupping his ass, letting her fingers
wander.

“I missed you,” he whispered against her lips.

She said nothing, somewhat tongue-tied and a tiny bit scared. She
was afraid to speak, because she didn’t know what she wanted to say.

Trey drowned the sound of his orgasm against her skin, nipping her
shoulder. His body trembled against her. Lilith unwound her legs from around
him, but didn’t let him go right away. She felt just a bit dizzy and rested her
forehead against his as they waited for his breathing to even out.

When he opened his eyes, his smile was small, pleased. He brushed
her cheek with the back of his knuckles and kissed her once.

Then he pulled away.

Lilith had the odd urge to pout, but he only let her go long
enough to haul his pants back up. He took her by the hand. When he looked at
her, his expression was so soft, her breath caught for a moment.

Something had changed. Lilith couldn’t put her finger on it, but
something was different. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it
was .
 . .

It was different.

She was about to pull her hand loose to go into the bathroom alone
when he blurted, “Would you like to take a bath?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Do
you
want to take a bath?”

Maybe that was the difference. They’d had something of a fight,
and he wasn’t sure what their dynamic should be. But they were still on his
dime. He called the shots, and it was time she reminded him of that.

“I’d like that,” he said with a sheepish smile.

Lilith was excited. His tub was one of those huge, fancy numbers
with jets and all sorts of lovely additions. It was contoured, for fuck’s sake.
She’d had fantasies of bathing in that tub.
So she was
eager as she wiped down the tub and started the hot water. She turned to him,
helping him undress in between the long, slow kisses she knew he enjoyed.

They got in the tub, and Lilith couldn’t help but relax. The hot
water was heaven, and getting to use Trey as a headrest was a perk to be sure.
They chatted about nothing and everything, as per usual.

It was nice.

“Oh, I almost forgot.” He was kissing along her shoulder, up to
her ear, so his voice vibrated against her skin. “I got you something.”

Lilith froze. “What?”

If he noticed her sudden discomfort, he didn’t let on. His hands
were making lazy circles against her thigh under the water. “I got you
something. It’s just—”

“No.”

He lifted his head.

Twisting her body so she could face him, she took a deep breath.
“No gifts.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not a fucking courtesan or any other romantic idea
you got
goin
’ in your head. You pay me what I’m worth
and no more than that.”

He stared at her, something Lilith couldn’t name flashing in his
eyes. “I could never pay you what you’re worth.” His voice disappeared into a
whisper at the end, and then it was Lilith who was staring.

The moment was pregnant, and Lilith found she wanted to smile,
wanted to be pleased. It was such a nice thing to say—maybe the nicest thing
anyone had ever said to her.

But she couldn’t afford for them not to be clear. “You
don’t .
 . .” She had to swallow before she
could continue speaking. “You’re not confusing what this is, right? We’re still
on the same page? It hasn’t gotten twisted?”

Trey studied her for a long moment, his mouth open as though he
was about to speak. Whatever he was going to say though, he must have changed
his mind because he closed his eyes and kissed the tip of her nose, his cockier
smile making an appearance for the first time that day. “I know what this is.”

She relaxed, but there was the weirdest twinge of regret at the
center of her chest, as though part of her had wanted a different answer.