Then Elaine was surprised to hear Drew take in what sounded like a deep, stress-filled breath.
“I know I couldn’t do it—get rid of Lacey’s stuff like that.”
“Well, the circumstances are a bit different; at least you still have the hope of her coming back.” She hesitated. “So
have
you heard from Lacey yet?”
Elaine watched Drew’s shoulder droop. He did not look up from his pancake flipping.
“No,” he said, his voice listless.
Elaine watched him for a few moments.
“Why did she really leave?” she asked.
Drew shrugged. “Apparently I wasn’t man enough.”
“That’s not what you said the last time.”
He finally looked at her. “Yes, I did; I told you she left me for someone with more testosterone.”
“That’s not necessarily the same thing. In fact if I recall correctly, you said she wanted something new; she was bored. That you probably weren’t making enough money for the life she wanted to live and she needed to do something else to spice up her own life. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing…”
“Don’t defend her.”
“I’m not defending her! I’m just saying. People need to feel alive sometimes. One way or another.”
Drew turned back to the pancakes.
“Drew, think about it. You’re with her and like her so much because she excites you. But what do you do to excite
her
?”
“Look, what I did was love her with all I had okay? That should have been enough.”
Elaine shook her head.
“I don’t know about that, Drew. What’s enough for you, might not necessarily be enough for someone else. Just because all you wanted from her was the same love you gave doesn’t mean she wanted the same thing. Drew, she spoke another language; I’m not sure you bothered to learn it.”
Drew’s dark eyes flamed but he said nothing.
“Okay, Drew, here’s my idea. If you get the chance again, try to get her attention—and not by using puppy dog eyes.”
“What, you think I should pretend not to care? Act like I don’t want her?”
Elaine hesitated. “Well…maybe not exactly. Lacey’s a special case; she might be unaffected. She might even genuinely feel happy for you for getting over her. But maybe she won’t like the idea of being replaced…”
“You’re saying I should, what, refer to some girlfriend that doesn’t exist or something?”
“Along those lines, yeah. And make sure she gets the impression that she’s second rate looks-wise in comparison.”
Drew laughed.
“Elaine, that’s just ridiculous. Childish even. I mean, that has to be the oldest, most juvenile trick in the book. Inciting petty jealousy?”
Elaine shrugged.
“Why do you think it’s still around? Drew, in some way or other, you’ve got to put your foot down.”
A sound made them both turn toward the entrance of the kitchen where they saw Alice stepping in.
“Ah—my children together again, how lovely. Don’t know when last I’ve seen that.”
She smiled.
“Good morning. Glad to see you, Elaine.”
Elaine was glad Alice did not try to hug her; it might have tipped her over the edge.
She could not keep the ice from her voice however.
“Good morning, mother.”
“Um…mom—want some pancakes?”
Drew tried to tempt her with the ones he had made so far by making the plate of finished ones dance.
“Oh, that’s quite all right, dear, I think I’ll just have some oatmeal.”
Elaine watched her move toward the food cupboards. Then she heard: “I want pancakes!” shouted in a loud, high-pitched voice.
Everyone turned to see Jack crossing the threshold of the kitchen.
“Of course you do, little man,” Drew said, smiling wide at his son.
Elaine went to Jack and bent to him, hugging him tight.
“Hi, you! You remember me, right?”
Jack rolled his eyes. “Yes, Aunt Elaine. It’s not like I’m five you know.”
Elaine laughed. “Well, Jade’s five and she remembers everything just fine!”
When she stood up again, she watched her mother bend toward Jack and kiss him on the cheek, then pinch both his cheeks lightly.
“Such a cute boy,” Alice said.
“Don’t I know it,” Drew chipped in. “But of course he couldn’t help it, given his genes.”
Alice slapped him on the shoulder.
“Oh, hush you. And where did you get
your
genes from?”
They smiled at each other.
Elaine felt her eyes narrow. She looked away.
“Should I set him up with another movie or is it time for this young man to do some reading?” Alice asked Drew.
“Grandma,” Jack whined, “it’s summer!”
“Yeah but that doesn’t mean you should let your brain rot away.”
“Dad...” Jack pleaded.
Elaine could see Drew trying to suppress a laugh.
“You can watch some more TV today. And when your cousins get up, you guys can probably play some games.”
“Amber and Jade are here?” Jack’s eyes got round in excitement.
“Don’t you dare wake them up, young man.”
Alice walked over to Jack and grabbed his hand. She started to lead him out of the kitchen.
“I’ll go set him up,” she said.
Drew had gone back to frying some more pancakes, finishing off his own as they cooked.
He turned to her. “So, Lainey, do you know what lawyer dad got to handle his assets? We found the name of a financial advisor in his files but…”
“I’ve got a copy of the will, Drew, if you guys really wanna see it.”
Drew’s eyebrows furrowed together.
“But what are
you
doing with a copy of his will? I mean, I know you’re a lawyer and all but I didn’t think…”
“That’s no surprise,” she interrupted.
When she saw the look of hurt on his face, she mentally kicked herself; he didn’t deserve her venom. She tried to soften the blow.
“Drew, I’m sorry—I didn’t mean it. It’s just that this is all so stressful…” She smiled at him. “I’m sorry bunny.”
“Oh, no you don’t—don’t call me that,” he said lightly, feigning his usual false irritation. But his face did not reveal forgiveness. She could tell he tried to smile as she brought up his childhood nickname but he was not even looking at her, just looking off to the side with an expression she could not read. Then he turned back to the frying pan. She made a note to make it up to him later.
“Anyway, do you guys want to go over it today or…”
“We figured we’d wait until after the funeral. I’m having him cremated,” Alice said as she returned to the kitchen.
Elaine looked at her.
“Cremated? Why? Because it’s cheaper?”
Alice shook her head.
“Elaine, you know it has nothing to do with money…”
“Well, whatever.” Elaine pushed back the fury rising within her. “So which crematorium? And what day and time? Let me know what the deal is so we can get this thing moving.”
Elaine felt herself go into business mode and she took comfort in it. It was at least another way to keep her distracted.
CHAPTER TWELVE
At first, Elaine had no trouble going along with Alice’s plans. Alice wanted them to have a single memorial service at the church and had decided she would be the one to talk to Reverend Brown about conducting the service.
She also decided there would be no music, and Elaine would give the eulogy, arrange the flowers, and take care of the programs, guest book and thank-you cards. Alice would place the obituary and make arrangements with the chosen crematorium, and correspond with the funeral director. And Alice of course, would buy the urn.
It all sounded fair to Elaine.
As for Drew, he was delegated the task of making and fielding calls, sending e-mails, notifying relevant establishments.
Alice and Elaine had decided to divide the costs among them according to their various roles, leaving Drew without any expenses.
Elaine told him not to worry about any costs since he seemed so eager to contribute; between her and Alice and the insurance money they expected, they would be just fine.
Elaine briefly wondered how badly her brother was actually doing financially.
Then she returned to the task at hand.
She told Drew and Alice about her idea of having a luncheon afterward; to serve food and talk with the others who had come to grieve and pay their respects. A final sendoff with all of them sharing stories of George to bring laughter after the tears, or at least through them. Her mother and brother thought it was a fine idea.
At this, Drew jumped in and volunteered to arrange the catering. Elaine laughed, knowing her brother’s taste and organizational skills could be problematic. She told him she would arrange it. She saw his face fall and knew she had inflicted emotional injury; his sense of manhood, his pride was being hurt by their pity, so she told him he could pay for catering since he wanted to contribute money so badly. Still, she planned to help defray the costs.
While they were still conducting their meeting, Elaine suggested having photos of her father up for the ceremony—larger-than-life photos of him smiling, looking kindly at them, looking the way she wanted to remember him. Alice shot down the idea, citing she would not be able to handle his staring face, that it would be too difficult to look at him when she could look at him no more in person.
It was the final straw for Elaine.
She swung her head toward her mother and said:
“This funeral’s not only about you mom—why does everything have to go your way? He’s ours too! Hell, he’s even more ours than yours since we actually have his genes; we should have a say in this goddamned thing! Dammit, Alice—why do you have to cremate him? I want to have a gravesite to visit damn you!”
She knew her eruption was unexpected to both Drew and Alice, but Elaine had had enough of her mother controlling so much of the important aspects of her father’s memorial service. She wanted to memorialize him properly, and she wanted him to have what other people had—a place in the earth that anyone could visit if they wanted.
Drew was watching her with widened eyes but Alice looked unmoved. She didn’t even look at her when she responded, her eyes on her knitting.
“Elaine, calm down. We can still do it—have a place for you to visit. That’s fine and you’ll pay for the lot. But wouldn’t you rather just have a piece of him to take with you? Wouldn’t it be easier to visit your container than a grave?”
It infuriated Elaine even more that Alice did not rise to her level; instead, she kept her composure. Her voice showed no sign of upset, rage, defensiveness. She spoke as if Elaine was being unreasonable and she needed to calm her down by speaking to her like a child. And as much as she resented it, she knew what her mother was saying made some kind of sense. There was even something comforting about having some of his remains near her instead of buried in the cold, damp earth alone.
Elaine looked at her brother’s alarmed face and relented reluctantly, turning back to her pencil and pad.
“Fine, we’ll divvy up the ashes after.”
For her sake, for her brother’s sake, for her father’s sake, she would try to keep the peace. At least until everything was over.
Alice was quiet for a moment.
Then she said:
“Well, while we’re doing this, I might as well tell you all my wishes.”
Elaine looked up again and saw that Alice was looking at Drew as she said it. Drew’s eyes narrowed as he looked at her.
“Mom, what are you talking about?” he asked. His voice sounded the way his face had looked just a moment ago—raw with worry.
Alice shrugged.
“Well, who knows when I’ll kick the bucket…”
“Mom, you stop it right now, you’re not going anywhere anytime soon.”
Drew looked more and more like he was going to cry like a baby, but Elaine felt mild curiosity about Alice’s wishes.
“Oh, I didn’t realize you had become psychic dear. Does this mean you foresaw your father’s death?” Alice said, looking at Drew pointedly.
God, but she was such an insensitive bitch sometimes; couldn’t she see she was upsetting Drew? That he needed no more stress at this time? Elaine bit her tongue from verbalizing her thoughts.
“Mom, please, let’s just not talk about this now,” Drew said as he sighed heavily. “I can’t handle…I can’t think about losing you too.”
“Well, okay dear. But I want to be cremated as well. You can scatter my ashes in the ocean or something. I would like that.”
“Mom!”
“All right, all right, I’m done.”
***
Drew was both happy and upset about the duties he had been relegated. He liked having so little to do, but he also felt like sort of a failure, or at least a lazy bum for not having a bigger part in the planning of his father’s funeral. Still, he was glad he did not have to pay for much; glad his sister was the organizing queen. He was also happy he had more time to spend with Jack, especially since Elaine sometimes sent David off to run errands for her.
He answered and redirected phone calls as needed like a good little secretary, but for the most part, he hung out with Jack.
Jack had been rather quiet the whole time he had been there, but Drew understood why: besides his recent losses, he was in a strange house, away from soccer camp, and with people he only saw or heard from every once in a while. Drew wanted to talk to him about the various things bothering him, but instead, found himself spending time watching movies with his son. Jack had insisted they watch the same two films he had seen the day before.
Drew could never understand how children could watch the same thing over and over and still get enjoyment out of it; he did not remember being that way as a child, but he was aware that children constantly amused themselves with familiar things. But following one movie, it was like the proverbial lightbulb went off over Drew’s head; he finally figured out a way to talk to Jack about Lacey.
He waited until the next time Jack brought up the topic.
Sure enough, right after
Chicken Little,
Jack asked:
“Do a lot of kids have to grow up without their mommies?”
Drew figured Jack was used to that family structure in animated films; after all,
The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella, Snow White, Aladdin & Jasmine, Nemo
—they all had dead mothers; it was the way of most fairy tales.
Drew pretended to think hard about it.
“Maybe not a whole lot, or most,”—he thought about Elaine—“but in some way or other, yeah, a lot of kids have to grow up without their moms.”
“Why?”
“Well, for many reasons, Jack; sometimes the mother goes to heaven, like Chicken Little’s mom. Sometimes they have to go somewhere else.”
“But why do they leave? Aren’t mommies supposed to stay with their kids?”
“Yes, Jack, you’re right. That’s how it usually is.”
“So then why did mommy leave me? She didn’t go to heaven right?”
Drew was proud of his son for asking such a smart question. He paused, thinking about the answer he had come up with.
“You know how in
Madagascar
, Alex the lion wanted to leave the zoo and find and explore the wild, even if it meant leaving his best friends behind?”
Jack nodded.
“But that didn’t mean he didn’t love his friends, right?” Drew asked.
Jack nodded his head.
“It was just something he had to do for himself,” Drew continued. “He was curious and wanted to know what it was like outside of the zoo, to see what else the world had to offer. The world’s a big and wonderful place and a lot of people try to see as much of it as possible. So you see, Jack, your mom is like Alex—she’s curious about some things and she wants to explore them right now. And she can’t take you along because you have to go to school and things like that. And you’d be away from me and all your friends and soccer.”
Jack was silent for a moment. Then he said:
“But Alex’s friends still went after him. He got lost and they found him, and they still ended up together. So does that mean we’re going after mom? Is she lost? Are we gonna bring her back home someday?”
Drew sighed.
Forget it
, he thought.
No use sticking to real life.
“Well, Jack, who knows? Maybe we’ll find her. Maybe she’s waiting for us.”
Drew watched the smile form on his son’s face and knew the misinformation was worth it. After all, some hope was better than none at all, wasn’t it?