Eminent Love (16 page)

“Oh, who am I kidding? You wouldn’t understand.”

I tossed my knife down and turned to face her, catching her waving me off with a flick of her wrist. “Do I look like some kind of pansy to you?”

She cocked her head and twisted her lips as she scrutinized me. “No. I wouldn’t say that. But I also know my sister. If you two have ever had sex anywhere but a bed, any other way than missionary, I’d be highly surprised.”

“It worries me you’ve thought about this.”

She smiled and wagged her eyebrows. “It’s fun to picture how people fuck. Just as long as it’s not your parents. Because that would be gross—not to mention, slightly insane. And I’ve got to say, Creed, imagining you and Layne bores me.”

I was about to paint an extremely graphic visual about just how wrong Drea was regarding my sex life with her sister, but before I could utter a single word, the front door opened and closed. I turned away from Drea and stepped out of the kitchen, catching Layne coming in. I didn’t hesitate before taking her in my arms and locking my mouth on hers. Then I pushed her against the wall in the hallway. It’d been thoughtless and unplanned, and it caught Layne completely by surprise.

A picture fell off the wall and shattered on the floor at the same time the water bottle slipped from her hand and landed at my feet with a splash. We immediately separated and turned our attentions to the wet shards of glass.

“Don’t move. I’ll get something to clean this up.” My words were nothing more than a whisper, because I’d grown too breathless to speak any louder.

“Holy shit,” she said in a wave of heated air. “Keep that up and it’ll look like a twister whipped through here.” Layne stepped around me and headed into the kitchen while fanning her face. “You don’t have any shoes on. Let me get the broom.”

I followed her to grab the kitchen towel so I could help her clean up the mess. But as soon as I saw Drea, I stopped and glared at her. She sat on her stool with her forehead pressed to the top of the bar, her shoulders shaking manically. Then she gasped, which was followed by hysterical laughter. The sound of it almost made me join her, but I was too embarrassed or pissed—or both—to even smile.

“What’s going on?” Layne asked from behind me. I could tell by her tone how confused and lost she was.

“Your sister here doesn’t think we have any passion in our relationship.”

Drea lifted her head, tears falling from her smiling eyes as she fought to catch her breath. “I didn’t say that.” She shook her head as if trying to clear her mind, yet she couldn’t seem to stop laughing long enough to finish her thought. Finally, she cleared her throat and wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Okay…maybe I did. But you can’t really argue with me. You tried, I’ll give you that…but if you keep it up, I’ll have to hide all the breakables.”

I rolled my eyes and went back to the hallway to tend to the mess I’d created by trying to be spontaneous. I soaked up the water and Layne swept the shards of broken glass into a dustpan. While we were both kneeling, she whispered to me, “Are you serious? This whole thing was because she said we don’t have any passion?”

I couldn’t hold her gaze. I dropped my attention back to the floor and nodded.

The only noise around us came from Drea at the bar. It seemed as though she still found humor in my humiliation—and by the looks of it, Layne’s, too. I took the towel to the sink to wring out the water, and Layne emptied the dustpan in the trashcan, across the counter from her sister. I watched as she bore holes into Drea’s head before hitting the side of the can a little too hard, and a little too long before gaining her attention.

“Oh, come on Layne. Don’t be mad. I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I just meant you guys have love. Not everyone has that.” Her bullshit couldn’t have gotten any thicker, but I wasn’t about to be the one to call her on it. I didn’t want to upset Layne even more, nor was I dumb enough to get in the middle of a fight between sisters. “And you’re this sweet and innocent person who’s only ever been with one person—again, not a bad thing.”

“Just stop, Dre.” I finished cleaning out the towel and went back to pack my sandwich.

Drea slapped her hands on the bar and leaned forward, closer to Layne. “Listen, I’m sorry if it upset you, but you have to admit, you guys are sweet. You’re good. Creed loves the shit out of you and would never do a thing to hurt you. I’m sure the thought of bending you over terrifies him.”

God, I wished she’d stop talking. My dick began to stir at the image in my head.

“I’m not mad,” Layne said confidently. “But I’d like it if you stopped making accusations regarding things you know nothing about. Creed and I have a lot of passion. Just because he doesn’t attack me when we’re in the same room together doesn’t mean we aren’t passionate about each other.”

“Yeah…but don’t you wish he’d just take charge and make you scream?”

I couldn’t even look at them. The tension in the air was enough to picture the scene without watching it unfold. Layne could say she wasn’t mad until she was blue in the face, but I could practically feel the angry heat rolling off her in waves. I needed to finish making my lunch and get her out of here before they both ended up saying things they regretted.

“What you’re talking about is fucking, Drea. Anyone can fuck. Hell, you don’t even have to know the other person’s name. It’s lust, plain and simple. I’d much rather have love,
feel
the way he loves me, than to have my hair pulled or be slammed against a counter. You make it sound wrong to be undressed, admired as each piece of clothing is removed. But honestly, what’s so bad about that? And why is it better or sexier to have a guy lift your skirt, bend you over, and fuck you instead of taking his time, making sure you’re taken care of as well?”

I needed both girls to stop talking before I had a full-blown hard-on.

“I never said it was better one way or the other. But don’t you want to know you’ve turned him on so much he just has to have you this minute? Right this second? That he’s so hot for you he physically can’t waste the time to take your clothes off?”

Before I could interject, Layne spoke, and what she said left me calm, a little heavy. The weight of her words settled into my shoulders and prevented me from moving. “That’s what you don’t seem to get, Drea. I already know he wants me like that—
all
the time. I don’t need him to act on it in order to show me; otherwise, we’d be at it all the time and never get anything done. But if
you
have to be fucked like a one-night stand to feel attractive, then go for it. I just hope you never look at your boyfriend or husband one day and question if he finds you desirable because he’s watching football instead of bending you over the couch.”

Drea huffed, and when I turned to face them with my plate in my hand, I noticed the way her shoulders slouched and her posture had weakened. Layne’s words had really gotten to her. What had begun as a joke ended up turning into bruised feelings, and I regretted ever bringing Layne into it. I gently held onto Layne’s arm and directed her into the bedroom, ending this once and for all.

“What the hell was that about?” She tossed her purse onto the bed and sat on the edge while I took the computer chair at the desk. She sounded pissed, although her body language seemed more upset than anything.

“It was nothing. Just your sister being your sister.”

“How did it even come up, though?”

I shrugged and took a bite. When she continued to stare at me after I swallowed, I decided to answer. “We were talking about Colin being gone and the things she missed. I told her to go find someone to fill the void, but she said it wasn’t the same and then went on to explain the difference. Which, of course, led into her twisted logic about our relationship. Then you came home. The rest is history.”

“Does it bother you? I mean…not having wild and crazy sex?”

I spun in my chair to face her, every muscle in my face twisted with confusion. “Are you kidding me? No. Don’t let her get to you, Layne. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She has no idea what it’s like to be in the kind of relationship we have.”

“So then that kiss…when I got home…that had nothing to do with what she said?”

I leaned back farther in the chair, tilting it until I could easily see the ceiling. I concentrated on the fan for a moment to gather my thoughts, and then turned back to her worried expression. “I don’t know…she made me question if you thought the same way. I thought maybe you wanted those things but just haven’t said anything about it. Then she mentioned you—or, more accurately, our sex life—and it made me think you’ve talked to her about it.”

“She’s my sister, of course we’ve talked about it. But I’ve never complained. Not once. Because there’s nothing to complain about. I mean sure, being welcomed home like that—minus the mess—is
hot
…but I’m not some girl who needs you to grope me every five seconds in order to feel the love. Trust me, I can tell by the way you look at me how much you desire me.”

“Okay then. So we’re on the same page.” I sat forward and took another bite, thinking the conversation was over with. But it wasn’t.

“Just to clarify…it doesn’t bother you how we always do it in the same position?”

I nearly spit out my food as I choked and coughed. “We don’t always do it in the same position, Layne. We switch it up. Why? Does it bother
you
?”

She rolled her eyes at me, kicked off her shoes, and turned her attention to the floor in front of her. “It’s either me on top, or you’re on top. Kinda the same position either way. It doesn’t bother me, probably because I’ve never had it any other way. But I assume you have. And it makes me question if it’s not enough for you.”

I leaned forward until my elbows rested on my knees, making sure I had her undivided attention before speaking. “I need you to really listen to me when I say this. And I need you to believe me, because I’m telling you the truth. I don’t care if you’re against a wall, against a dresser, bent over in the shower, or beneath me on the bed. I don’t care because the only part of it I even care about is
you
. It doesn’t matter
how
we do it, or
where
we do it at, as long as I’m with you.”

She nodded, and once again, I thought the conversation was over. But with Layne being Layne, I should’ve known better. She stood up and made her way to me after pulling her shirt over her head. She tossed it to the floor and then sat on my lap, straddling me in the computer chair. Her lips met mine, her tongue fighting mine for control, all while she attempted to grind against me.

I gripped her hips roughly and leaned into her. The chair wasn’t the best place to try something new. I thought if I could get her up, we could move somewhere else, but as soon as she backed away, I could tell by the emotion in her eyes she had misunderstood my intentions.

“Our jeans, Layne. We have to take our pants off first.” I hoped by getting her to stand up, I could do the same and maybe direct her to the bed…or even the dresser. Anything but where we were. The desk was too small and too cheap to withstand sex, and the chair was too awkward. But Layne had been right earlier—I did want her all the time, and had no intention of ending this without showing her just how much.

Somehow, she managed to get her jeans off first, and before I could direct her somewhere else, she practically jumped on me, pushing me back into the seat. It was on wheels, and the backrest reclined with very little pressure, so when she collapsed onto it with me, the entire thing fell backward, throwing us to the floor.

Layne rolled to her back and covered her face. The rumble of humor in my chest died before it even made its way out at the fear of her being hurt. I hovered over her and grabbed her wrist, pulling her hand away from her face. I didn’t need to ask if she was okay, because her expression said it all. She was laughing so hysterically no sound came out, like she couldn’t even breathe. My face fell to the crook of her shoulder as I joined her, letting out my amusement against her warm skin.

“Maybe the bed is safer,” she said once she finally caught her breath.

I grazed her skin with the tip of my finger from her collarbone down to her hip. “So is the floor.” As soon as I reached between her thighs, I lowered my mouth to swallow her moan. And then we enjoyed sex somewhere other than the bed.

A
fter speaking to Jason
, I felt better—more confident. I wouldn’t say more determined, because I didn’t think it was possible. From the moment I’d woken up Thursday morning and packed my bag, my determination had remained at an all-time high. Nothing would keep me from getting to Layne. Nothing would stop me from making this right.

I realized I hadn’t spoken to my parents in a while. We’d talked about me heading down to see them after the deposition, although we hadn’t made any real plans. It was time to give them a call and explain what was going on. I knew I didn’t need their approval—I was a grown man and could make my own choices—but I wanted to at least know they had my back. I’d possibly thrown away everything I’d worked toward, and their encouragement would’ve gone a long way. They’d always supported me, whether they agreed with my choices or not, so it wasn’t the words I sought when dialing their number. It was the comfort I knew I’d get from it.

“How did the deposition go?” my mom asked after answering the phone.

I should’ve expected it, yet I didn’t. I’d been too busy thinking about how I’d tell them I was a thousand miles away to contemplate explaining how I’d turned my back on my job. And while on the phone with Jason, he’d had me so sidetracked with talking about Layne, I hadn’t even thought to ask. “I don’t know. I left.”

“You left? Why? What happened?”

I studied the passing scenery, wondering how she’d take my news. She was devastated when Layne had left. I’m sure she had been mildly disappointed in my choice to stay back instead of going with her, though she never said otherwise. She understood my reason, considering they’d been the ones to pay my tuition, yet she never picked a side. Not once did she or my dad condemn Layne for following her dreams. They knew and loved her, expecting us to get married after college had ended. But after what Layne had been through, facing death, they didn’t blame her one bit for wanting to live her life. They’d only wished we could’ve lived it together.

I conjured an image of Layne in my mind, and then prepared myself to explain everything to my mom. “I am on my way to California. I’m finally going after her, Mom. I can’t live without her. After trying to get ahold of her several times, I finally made up my mind to stop waiting and do something about it.”

“You spoke to her?” The way my mom gasped at the end of her question told me she was either on the verge of crying, or the tears had already begun.

“No, not really. I got in my car the other morning and just started driving. I couldn’t wait any longer. She wasn’t answering my calls and it started to worry me, so I left. But I was able to get ahold of Drea.”

“Layne knows you’re coming, though…right?”

“I don’t think so. Drea believes she’ll be mad, so she hasn’t told her. I’m in Texas now, and will probably stay the night close to the Texas-New Mexico border. If I can make it that far, I could potentially get there late tomorrow night.”

She huffed, which spoke volumes. All my life, if my mom huffed, it meant discontent. “Why didn’t you call sooner? Let us know you were leaving? You know we don’t like you to be on the road for long trips without telling us about it. Anything can happen.”

I rolled my eyes, even though she couldn’t see me. I appreciated my parents’ concern for my wellbeing, but at some point, I wished they’d stop treating me like a child. I guess it was something I wouldn’t understand until I had children of my own. I’d never forget the lecture she gave me when I’d taken Layne on a spontaneous trip to Myrtle Beach without letting them know first. Needless to say, this was the first time since then I’d traveled anywhere far and not mentioned it to them.

“Had you talked to me about it, I could’ve told you everything was fine. I just spoke to her mother a few weeks ago. I’m sure if something was wrong, she would’ve mentioned it to me. Regardless, I must say I’m happy you’ve finally pulled your head out of your behind. One of you needed to. I can’t believe either of you have let this go on for so long.”

My thoughts couldn’t move past the news of her talking to Layne’s mom. To say I was surprised to the point of shock would be quite the understatement. I had no idea they still spoke, but then again, I had pretty much banned my parents from speaking to me about Layne, so it made sense they wouldn’t tell me. “How often do you speak to her mom?”

“Every now and again. They had sent us a gift and card for Christmas, and since then, maybe a handful of times. They were actually out in California visiting the girls when I called, so we didn’t talk for long.”

“Did she say anything about Layne?”

My mom hummed slightly into the receiver, probably running through their conversation in her head. “Just that both girls were busy working. I’d mentioned how I wish you two could have worked things out. She said everything happens for a reason, but I don’t know what she meant by it. I assumed maybe Layne had met someone. I couldn’t ask, though. I didn’t want to know if she had because I wasn’t ready to give up hope on the two of you getting back together. Have you thought about that, Creed? About her possibly being with someone else?”

“I have…but Drea said she hasn’t dated anyone.”

I let my mom go on for the next thirty minutes, although I barely contributed to the conversation. My mind had been too wrapped up in what Layne’s mother had meant by everything happens for a reason. I never understood why people said that. Sometimes the reason is because we are too caught up in our own crap to see the bigger picture. Sometimes the reason isn’t some complex metaphorical ideology. Sometimes it’s because of stupidity.

Regardless of
reason
, I’d fight with all I had to win Layne back.

I would worry about smoothing things over with everyone else later.

Then

L
ayne
and I had been together for two years, so for Christmas, I bought her a tiny diamond ring. It wasn’t an engagement ring, but a promise ring. I was in my first year of law school at Duke, on my last leg of the race. In a little more than two years, I’d be in the real world and ready to start my life. The ring was a symbol of that promise.

She cried when I gave it to her, even though I explained what it was. She said she loved it, but her emotions were all over the place. We’d spent Christmas Eve and a few hours Christmas morning at her parents’ house. After breakfast, we left to head down to my parents’ house where we ended up staying through New Year’s. However, Layne had spent the entire week in tears, and I hadn’t a clue why. I’d tried to talk to her about it, yet she came up with a laundry list of excuses, none of them believable. I’d never seen her so emotional before, and it had really worried me.

Finally, a few days after we’d gotten back home, she sat me down and explained.

I never expected to hear the words she spoke to me.

“So you know how last month I had to go in for my check-up?” she asked while holding my hand in her lap. We were on the bed, facing one another, and by the terrified expression on her face, I assumed the worst.

Since she’d been in the clear for over two years now, her doctor only had her going in every six months. I’d asked her how it went, and she said it was good. I didn’t have a reason to doubt her at the time, but now, I couldn’t stop the panic from enveloping me. I fought to keep my face stoic, bracing myself against the words that were on the verge of tumbling from her lips. Words that had my insides clenching, twisted up in fear. I silently waited for her to continue.

“Well, what you didn’t know, was I had to go back. A few days before Christmas, I went back in for more scans.” She paused, waiting for my reaction, but I couldn’t give her one. I had no idea what it was she was trying to tell me.

“Just spit it out, Layne.”

“The bloodwork showed my CA levels were elevated, more so than before.”

“Wait.” I held up my hand to stop her. “What do you mean more than before? When have they been elevated before, and why didn’t you tell me?”

“They fluctuate. You only needed to know everything came back clear. I learned very early on to not obsess over the numbers. They help, but aren’t always accurate. They could rise for so many reasons unrelated to the cancer returning. The main goal is to stay below a certain number, and they always have.”

“So…what does that mean now?”

“Six months ago my levels had risen a little, but were still within the safe zone. My scans came back clean, so I was fine. Last month, my levels had gone above the normal, but not by much. My doctor ordered more scans to be safe, although he didn’t seem worried about it. He said it could be a number of things and wanted to rule out cancer first. I didn’t think anything of it, considering the last scans—six months earlier—were fine. I figured I’d get the scans done, hear there was nothing on them, and then move on like last time. I didn’t see the point in worrying everyone since this same thing happened at the last appointment.”

“What did they find, Layne?” I bit out through my clenched jaw and tight lips. I wasn’t angry, but my words came across clipped and urgent. I was petrified. Panic burned like kerosene through my veins. My gut told me what she couldn’t, but my heart and mind refused to accept it. They were convinced she’d say something else. Wishful thinking at its finest.

Her chin dipped and her shoulders fell forward. A sigh slipped out. “It’s back.”

The worst two fucking words I’d ever heard in my life. They seeped in and cut me open from the inside out. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I didn’t know if I should hold her close to me or punch a wall. Anger curled beneath the surface at the unfairness of it all. Pain spread through my veins over my inability to protect her. Confusion and utter disbelief weighed me down until it felt like I had a thousand pounds of iron sitting on my chest.

“When did you find this out?”

She still refused to meet my gaze as she said, “Just before Christmas.”

I jumped off the bed and fisted my hands in my hair, pacing the length of the bed. “And you’re just now telling me?”

“Creed,” she said through a deep sob as she pulled herself to the edge of the mattress, closer to me. “I didn’t want to ruin your Christmas. It’s not like we could’ve done anything about it. I wanted to enjoy the holiday with you. I wanted you to enjoy it with me without worrying about what will happen next.”

I stopped my pacing and stood in front of her, taking her face in my hands. Tears flowed from my eyes, matching the ones tracking down her cheeks. “You made me promise to never lie to you. Do you remember that? And why? Why did you ask me to always tell you the truth? What was the reason you gave me, Layne? The reason why you hate being lied to?”

She shook her head, trying to pull away from me, but I wouldn’t let her.

“Because your parents kept it from you. And yet you just did the same to me.”

“I didn’t want to ruin your Christmas.”

Pain rolled through my chest and came out in a guttural cry as I fell to my knees in front of her. “And what happens if that was our last Christmas together? What if…God forbid…we don’t get another one? Did you think about how your choice would affect me?” I dropped my forehead to her knees and gripped her hips so hard I could’ve left bruises. “I’d hate myself for spending time with other people when I could’ve made memories with you.”

Her fingers ran through my hair, calming the debilitating tears that stole my breath. “You don’t have to worry about that, Creed. Because it won’t be our last Christmas. I’m going to fight this, like I fought last time, and I’m going to win again. I won’t let this disease take me.”

“
We
are going to fight. You won’t do this alone.”

She nodded and wiped the tears from my face.

“What did your parents say?”

“They don’t know yet. I wanted to get through the holidays first before telling anyone. You’re the first person I’ve told. I didn’t want anyone to know before you.”

“So what’s the plan? Where do we go from here?”

“That’s why I wanted to talk to you first, so we can figure this out together.” She traced the lines of my face with her fingertip. “They’re going to take my ovary, Creed.”

I stared into her eyes, seeing the agony and terror so visible it was almost as though I could touch them, feel them within myself. They were palpable and real, and no matter how hard I tried to stay calm, I couldn’t. “When are they doing that? When does this start?”

“I want to hold off on it so they can harvest some eggs.”

“
No
.” I stood up so fast it made Layne flinch and lean away from me. “You’re not holding off on anything. I don’t care what the reasons are, you
can’t
put it off, Layne. You
can’t
wait. You
have
to do this as soon as you can.”

“Without the eggs, I’ll never be able to have kids.”

“
I don’t care
!” I knew I scared her, and it was the last thing I wanted to do, but the alarm rolling through me wouldn’t settle, and it caused me to lash out. “What’s the point in having your eggs in some freezer if you won’t be here? You come first.
You
.”