Enigma (30 page)

ENTRY 7

Evana and I spoke about the possible consequences of spending time together today. She has come up with an idea. She says if we are noticed that I will appear to be carrying out my assignment and she will tell others like her that she is trying to convince me to change sides. Though she doesn’t know it for sure, she wouldn’t be lying. I would follow her to the ends of the world if that is what she requested of me. I would do anything in my power to make her know how much I love her. Satan could come cast me into hell’s torture personally, and I would take it readily if it meant Evana could remain unharmed due to her affiliation with me.

I am still having a hard time understanding how anyone as perfect and pure as Evana could stand to be in the presence of someone as vile and horrible as me. There was no reasonable explanation as to why she should even waste her time, knowing I was a member of the army and belonging to the king of deception. How did she really know she could trust me? Wasn’t she scared that all of this was just an act? I knew it wasn’t and she had to be able to sense my sincerity for her. She must know that if it meant I could spend forever with her no matter how opposite we might be that I would fight Satan and find a way to win if it ensured our future together.

ENTRY 8

Today, for the first time since I’ve existed, I prayed to God. I prayed that even though I was a horrible, wretched creature that was cursed to a devil’s hell that He would forgive me of everything I’ve done. I prayed that He would find a way to cleanse my heart and soul. I prayed so hard and so fervently that hot tears began to fall down my face. I spent hours talking to Evana’s Father, knowing that He was the only true almighty God and that I had been wrong for as long as I’d been living. I prayed for all of the souls I had led astray and that God would have mercy on them, providing them with another chance to make the right choice and turn their lives over to Him.

I prayed that if it was at all possible He could provide me with another way to live. I don’t know if He heard me or if what I prayed even mattered, but I wanted Him to know I was a changed being and that I wanted to follow Him. I knew I would never be perfect and pure like Evana was, but I wanted what she had. I wanted to know God and to be able to talk with Him, to call upon Him in times of need. Evana had told me that God had created everything and He cared about everyone. She told me that He was a God of forgiveness and that He cast sin as far as the east was from the west.

I wanted to know what it felt like to be one of His children and to live according to Him. I wanted to know that I wasn’t cursed to an eternity in Hell. Even if I had to be stripped of my wings, immortality, or live a life of complete isolation, if He was my God and I had His forgiveness and love, I knew I would never be lonely or without hope. Evana had taught me that. She said there was nothing too big for God and that He could handle anything! I just hope He heard me and could find it within Him to forgive me. I wanted an eternity with Him!

ENTRY 9

I feel indescribable today. It feels as though I have been reborn. I wish everyone could see the way that I feel and know that it is genuine. I told Evana that I had prayed when I saw her today. She assured me that God hears everyone and that if my prayer was genuine, He would grant me forgiveness. She was so reassuring that I almost felt as if the message had been delivered from God straight to me through her. I couldn’t believe how incredible this felt! If I had known talking to God and having a personal relationship with Him had felt this good, I would have done it a long time ago! Evana warned me that since I had opened the line of connection that other heavenly angels would be more likely to keep an eye on me now and that they would probably be skeptical about my profession of faith. I told her I would be more careful and try not to do anything that would cause anyone to suspect me of doing anything dishonest.

ENTRY 10

It’s been a while since my profession of faith, and no one has suspected me of doing anything I shouldn’t. In fact, everything has been relatively calm. I have continued seeing Evana as much as possible, and today I told her I loved her. She didn’t react at all like I was afraid she would. She actually accepted it rather well, giving me a huge smile and a hug. She didn’t say it back, but I know she will when she feels ready.

I now know that love is not only an emotion or feeling, but it is also a process. I know it takes a while to learn to love someone, especially someone who has led a less-than-acceptable life in the recent past. I have kept praying every day, feeling better and better as the time has continued to go by. I am learning to let go of the guilt my past has caused me, as Evana has kept telling me that I should not hold on to things that God doesn’t even remember. She really is the most amazing thing ever created. I stand astonished at how astounding she is in every way!

ENTRY 11

Evana still hasn’t spoken the words verbally telling me that she loves me in return, but I know she is showing it through her actions. Even without the words to back it up I made her an angel’s promise today that no matter what the future may hold I would love her and be with her until the end of time. She accepted this with even more enthusiasm than she did when I told her that I loved her. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that as angels we cannot break a promise, so for us to make one is a very serious commitment.

I didn’t ask her to promise anything in return, which also proved to her that I was being completely honest. I do hope she feels the same, but I will never request anything of her that she doesn’t offer on her own. I never want to feel that she is only around me or making me feel important out of obligation. When the time is right, I know she will make everything known.

ENTRY 12

I never thought I could enjoy just being around someone without anything being in it for me or having some kind of ulterior motive. Life feels perfect right now. I haven’t seen Evana today, but just the thought of knowing I will see her again soon is enough. I always look forward to seeing her, but when I have to go more than a few days between visits, I always long to see her more. I can always tell she is near just from her sweet scent that lingers in the air all around her, announcing her presence. These days she takes up almost every thought that flows through my mind. I am worse than some of the love-struck adolescent humans roaming around this town! I know the angel Cupid doesn’t really exist, but if he did, I would imagine that he had spent all of his arrows on me. Sometimes I wonder if Evana thinks about me the same way that I am consumed with thoughts of her. It was to the point now that I even dreamed about her when I slept and saw her face every time I closed my eyes. I wanted everyone to know I was truly in love with her! I didn’t want anyone to question my intentions.

ENTRY 13

I met with Evana today. She seemed more nervous than I have seen her in a long time. I asked repeatedly if everything was all right or if there was anything I could do, but she told me everything was fine with a halfhearted smile. I may not be the supreme being she was, but I could tell when something wasn’t exactly as it should be. I also knew Evana and I knew her light-hearted spirit. Today her spirit seemed to be carrying more weight than usual. I wanted to let her know somehow that I would be there if she needed anything, but I didn’t know how.

Our visit was shorter than usual, and we didn’t get into very deep conversation. She kept looking around as if making sure no one was watching. She didn’t even give me a hug when she left like she normally did. It was almost like she thought someone was listening in on our conversation. Whatever was going on, it was obvious that it made her uneasy and she felt the need to make everything short and simple. I’m worried about her.

ENTRY 14

It had been a week since I’d seen Evana until she stopped by today. She apologized for acting so out of sorts during our previous visit. She explained that since she had recently slowed down on her efforts to find people to win over, they had sent someone with her to make sure everything was still on the up and up. One of the other angels had reported she was spending an excess amount of time trying to win over a rogue hell’s angel and former leader of their army. As a result, she had been under the watchful eye of her babysitter with wings.

According to Evana, the angel left content after seeing us act totally platonic and not detecting anything in her thoughts to suggest otherwise, convinced that she was simply doing what she could to win another powerful being to fight for their cause. She was sure that we were in the clear and that they had backed off. I could tell in her smile and countenance that she was feeling much more relieved than she had been the last time I’d seen her.

ENTRY 15

Evana left a note on my door telling me that she wanted to meet in the park. As soon as I found the note I hurriedly got dressed and made my way to where she had suggested we meet as quickly as I could. When I arrived at the park, I found Evana sitting under a large tree, twisting a flower between her fingers. She didn’t look up until I was right next to her, and I could see her eyes were watering. When she stood up and threw her arms around me, I wasn’t sure how to respond. What I did know was that I could stay in that moment for the rest of time. I didn’t want to let her go as she pulled back a little to make eye contact with me.

The look in her eyes let me know that there was something she needed to tell me before it was too late and she missed the chance. Before I could ask any questions, she told me she promised to love me until time was no more and she would remain by my side no matter who or what tried to part us. She ended by telling me she was in love with me and sealing it with the most earth-moving kiss I had ever felt. Within moments we were surrounded by angels both from heaven and hell. With so many people escorting us, there was no possible way to escape, and even if we tried, we both knew the punishment would be worse. Evana and I knew that the best decision was to be cooperative with them and do as we were told.

When we arrived at judgment there were angels from both sides all around us. I couldn’t believe how many scornful looks were being cast in our direction. All of the horrible things that were being said about both of us as we passed through the crowd were appalling. I knew I deserved it for the life I had led for years, but Evana didn’t! Even more shocking to me was that it was those from my previous side that were making all of the insults to us. How could they, of anyone, justify degrading anyone else at all after knowing what they had done since the beginning of their existence? I couldn’t fathom that this was even happening. About that time a hush came over the crowd as Evana and I were told what our charges were.

We had both been charged with treason due to loving one another. My charges were much worse because in addition, it was brought to light that I had sought redemption for my past and chosen to leave the work of evil behind, making a pledge that I would never go back to that life. Generally the punishment for my crime would have been to strip me of my wings and cast into eternal damnation and torment along with all of the sinners who had chosen to ignore or reject God during their lives.

As I was about to face this ultimate punishment, heaven intervened on my behalf, saying that due to the fact that I had repented and acknowledged God and accepted His Son as my personal savior, Hell had no right to me because I was one of God’s children. Due to this information, heaven gave me the same sentence as Evana. We are now in our human forms and happily in love. I am choosing
not to continue this journal because it isn’t just my own future anymore and I don’t know how she would feel about me recording our lives on paper. Hopefully in the future this will come in handy for someone for reasons unknown at this time.

CHAPTER 14

As I put the journal down on the couch in front of me, along with the letter my dad had written, I did not feel any more knowledgeable, secure, or safe. What I did know was that I was some kind of hybrid angel that had tons of powers to do all kinds of things like blow up banks. Unfortunately, no one knew the extent of these powers and I seemed to use them from time to time without knowing how I did it or how to control them. The other thing that I was sure of was that some really bad angels from the depths of hell were after me and had been since I was born so that they could capture me before I got my wings to turn me into their own personal hybrid angel, baby-making factory.

The scariest thing about that was the fact that I had recently been awarded into the custody of one by the great state of California and ended up living in the home of another with his daughter, who had been my best friend for the past few years. What did that mean Lena was? Could she be an angel from hell too, or was she a Nephilim? This was some deep stuff to think about, and I was unsure how to digest it all. I felt like I had just been told I was the love child of Cat Woman and the Incredible Hulk, only I had gotten the crazy powers of both and nobody could instruct me how not to destroy cities or stay off the endangered species list.

I had hoped that by reading these two things I would magically have all the answers to my millions of questions. Sure, I had received some hard-to-swallow answers, but now along with those answers I had also developed a few more questions as well, and unfortunately, there were no more letters or journals to give me any other clues to piece together. I was super confused about Lena, and rather than being skeptical of her as I knew I should be, I was worried about her instead. I hoped she was safe and nowhere near Damron, or Damien as I knew him. I wondered if he was really her dad or if she was aware of what type of person he really was. Had he kidnapped her as well? There was no telling what he was really up to when he went on all of his business trips. Knowing what I did now, I wondered if he was reporting every little thing about me to other dark angels like him. My dad had said in his letter that he was the second in command when my dad had taken his assignment. If that was the case when my dad was cast into human form, leaving hell and all its torment behind, Damron would have taken his place. This made him even more of a threat, knowing he was more than likely still in command of hell’s forces.