When I wake, I'm lying in bed with Sabine looming over me, her face a mask of relief, her thoughts a maze of concern.
"Hey," she says, smiling and shaking her head. "You must've had some weekend."
I squint first at her and then at the clock. Then I spring out of bed when I realize the time.
"Are you feeling okay?" she asks, trailing behind me. "You were already asleep when I got home last night. You're not sick are you?"
I head for the shower, not sure how to answer. Because even though I don't feel sick, I can't imagine how I slept so long and so late.
"Anything I should know about? Anything you need to tell me?" she asks, standing outside the door.
I close my eyes and rewind the weekend, remembering the beach, Evangeline, Damen staying over and making me dinner, followed by breakfast—"No, nothing happened," I finally say.
"Well, you better hurry if you want to make it to school on time. You sure you're all right?"
"Yes," I say, trying to sound clear-cut, unambiguous, sure as sure can be, as I turn on the taps and step into the spray, not sure if I'm lying or if it's true.
The whole way to school Miles talks about Eric. Giving me the lowdown, the entire step-by-step of their Sunday night message breakup, trying to convince me that he couldn't care less, that he is completely and totally over him, which pretty much proves that he's not.
"Are you even listening to me?" He scowls.
"Of course," I mumble, stopping at a light, just a block from school, my mind running through my own weekend events, and I always ending at breakfast. No matter how hard I try, I can't remember anything after that.
"Could've fooled me." He smirks and looks out the window:
"I mean, if I'm boring you, just say so. Because believe me, I am so over Eric. Did I ever tell you about that time when he—"
"Miles, have you talked to Haven?" I ask, glancing at him briefly before the light turns green.
"I don't think so." I press down on the gas, wondering why just saying her name fills me with dread.
"You don't think so?" His eyes go wide as he shifts in his seat.
"Not since Friday" I pull into the parking lot, my heart beating triple time when I see Damen in his usual spot, leaning against his car, waiting for me.
"Well, at least one of us has a shot at happily ever after," Miles says, nodding at Damen who comes around to my side, a single red tulip in hand.
"Good morning." He smiles handing me the flower and kissing my cheek, as I mumble an incoherent reply and head for the gate. The bell rings as Miles sprints toward class and Damen takes my hand and leads me into English.
"Mr. Robins is on his way," he whispers, squeezing my fingers as he leads me past Stacia, who scowls at me and sticks out her foot, before moving it out of my way at the very last second.
"He's off the sauce, trying to get his wife back." His lips curve against my ear as I pick up the pace and move away I slide onto my seat and unload my books, wondering why my boyfriend's presence is making me feel so edgy and weird, then reach inside my iPod pocket and panic when I realize I left it at home.
"You don't need that," Damen says, reaching for my hand and smoothing my fingers with his. "You have me now."
I close my eyes, knowing Mr. Robins will be here in just three, two, one
"Ever," Damen whispers, his fingers tracing over the veins on my wrist. "You feeling okay?" I press my lips together and nod.
"Good." He pauses. "I had a great weekend, I hope you did too."
I open my eyes just as Mr. Robins walks in, noticing how his eyes aren't as puffy, his face not as red, though his hands are still a little shaky
"Yesterday was fun, don't you think?" I turn to Damen, gazing into his eyes, my skin infused with warmth and tingle merely because his hand is on mine. Then I nod in agreement, knowing it's the response he wants, even though I'm not sure that it's true.
The next couple of hours are a blur of classes and confusion, and it's not until I get to the lunch table that I learn the truth about yesterday.
"I can't believe you guys went in the water," Miles says, stirring his yoghurt and looking at me. "Do you have any idea how cold it is?"
"She wore a wet suit." Damen shrugs. "In fact, you left it at my house."
I unwrap my sandwich, not remembering any of it. I don't even own a wet suit. Do I? "Um, wasn't that Friday?" I ask, blushing when all the events of that day come rushing back to me.
Damen shakes his head. "You didn't surf on Friday, I did. Sunday was when I gave you a lesson."
I peel the crust off my sandwich, and try to remember, but it keeps coming up blank.
"So, was she any good?" Miles asks, licking his spoon and gazing from Damen to me.
"Well , it was pretty flat so there wasn't much to surf. Mostly we just lay on the beach, under some blankets. And yeah, she's pretty good at that." He laughs.
I gaze at Damen wondering if my wet suit was on or off under those blankets, and what, if anything happened under there. Is it possible that I tried to make up for Friday, then blocked it out so I can't even remember it?
Miles looks at me, brows raised, but I just shrug and take a bite of my sandwich.
"Which beach?" he asks.
But since I can't remember, I turn to Damen. "Crystal Cove," he says, sipping his drink.
Miles shakes his head and rolls his eyes. "Please tell me. I you're not turning into one of those couples where the guy, does all the talking. I mean, does he order for you in restaurants too?"
I look at Damen, but before he can answer Miles goes, "No, I'm asking you, Ever."
I think back to our two restaurant meals, one that wonderful day at Disneyland that ended so strangely, and the other at the racetrack when we won all that money. "I order my own meals," I say. And then I look at him and go, "Can I borrow your Sidekick?"
He pulls it from his pocket and slides it toward me. "Why? You forget your phone?"
"Yeah and I want to text Haven and see where she is. I have the weirdest feeling about her." I shake my head, not knowing how to explain it to myself, much less to them. "I can't stop thinking about her," I say, fingers tapping the tiny keyboard.
"She's at home, sick," Miles says. "Some kind of flu. Plus she's sad about Evangeline, though she swears she no longer hates us."
"I thought you said you hadn't talked to her." I pause and gaze up at him, sure that's what he said in the car.
"I sent her a text in history."
"So she's okay?" I stare at Miles, my stomach a jumble of nerves though I can't begin to grasp why.
"Puking her guts out, mourning the loss of her friend, but yeah, basically fine."
I return the Sidekick to Miles, figuring there's no use in bothering her if she's not feeling well. Then Damen puts his hand on my leg, Miles goes on about Eric, and I pick at my lunch, going through the motions of nodding and smiling, but unable to shake the unease.
Wouldn't you know it, the one day Damen decides to spend the whole day at school just happens to be the day I wish he would've ditched. Because every time I get out of class, I find him standing right outside the door, anxiously waiting, and asking if I'm feeling okay. And it's really starting to get on my nerves.
So after art, when we're walking to the parking lot and he offers to follow me home, I just look at him and say, "Um, if it's okay with you, I need to be by myself for a while."
"Is everything okay?" he asks for the millionth time.
But I just nod and climb inside, anxious to close the door and put some distance between us. "I just need to catch up on a few things, but I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" And not giving him a chance to reply, I back out of my space and drive away.
When I get home, I'm so incredibly tired I head straight for my bed, planning to take a short nap before Sabine comes home and starts worrying about me again. But when I wake up in the middle of the night, with my heart pounding and my clothes soaked with sweat, I have this undeniable feeling I'm not alone in my room.
I reach for my pillow, grasping it tightly as though those soft downy feathers will serve as some sort of shield, then I peer into the dark space before me, and whisper, "Riley?" Even though I'm pretty sure it's'not her.
I hold my breath, hearing a soft mummer sound, like slippers on carpet, over by the French doors, and I surprise myself by whispering, "Damen?" as I peer into the dark, unable to make out anything other than a soft swishing sound.
I fumble for the light switch, squinting against the sudden brightness, and searching for the intruder, so sure I had company, so positive I wasn't alone, that I'm almost disappointed when I find my room empty.
I climb out of bed, still clutching my pillow, as I lock the French doors. Then I peek into my closet and under my bed, like my dad used to do those long ago nights he reported for boogeyman duty. But not finding anything, I crawl back in bed, wondering if it was possibly my dream that sparked all these fears.
It was similar to the one I had before, where I was running through a dark windswept canyon, my filmy white dress a poor defense against the cold, inviting the wind to lash at my skin, chilling me straight through to my bones. And yet I barely noticed, I was so focused on running, my bare feet carving into the damp, muddy earth, heading toward a hazy refuge I couldn't quite see.
All I know is that I was running toward a soft glowing light. And away from Damen.
The next day at school, I park in my usual space, jump out of my car, and run right past Damen, heading for Haven who's waiting by the gate. And even though I normally do everything possible to avoid physical contact, I grab onto her shoulders and hug her right to me.
"Okay, okay, I love you too." She laughs, shaking her head and pushing me away. "I mean, jeez, it's not like I was going to stay mad at you guys forever."
Her dyed red hair is dry and limp, her black nail polish is chipped, the hollows under her eyes seem darker than usual, and her face is decidedly pale. But even though she assures me she's okay, I can't help but reach out and hug her again.
"How're you feeling?" I ask, eyeing her carefully, trying to get a read, but other than her aura appearing gray, weak, and translucent, I can't see much of anything.
"What is going on with you?" she says, shaking her head and pushing me away. "What's with all the love and affection? I mean, you of all people, you of the eternal iPod hoodie combo."
"I heard you were sick, and then when you weren't at school yesterday—" I stop, feeling ridiculous to be hovering like this.
But she just laughs. "I know what's going on here." She nods. "This is your fault, isn't it?" She points at Damen.
"You just had to come along and thaw out my icy cold friend, turning her into a sentimental, warm, fuzzy sap."
And even though Damen laughs, it doesn't quite reach his eyes.
"It was just the flu," she says as Miles loops his arm through hers and we head past the gate. "And I guess being all depressed about Evangeline made it that much worse. I mean, I was so feverish, I actually blacked out a few times."
"Seriously?" I break away from Damen so I can walk alongside her.
"Yeah, it was the weirdest thing. Every night I would go to bed wearing one thing, and when I woke up I'd be wearing something entirely different. And when I'd go looking for what I had on before, I couldn't find it. It was like it'd vanished or something."
"Well, your room is pretty messy." Miles laughs. "Or maybe you were hallucinating, you know that can happen when you have a monster fever."
"Maybe." She shrugs. "But all my black scarves were gone, so I had to borrow this one from my brother." She lifts the end of her blue wool scarf and waves it around.
"Was anyone there to take care of you?" Damen asks, coming up beside me and taking my hand, his fingers intertwining with mine, sending a flood of warmth through my system.
Haven shakes her head and rolls her eyes. "Are you kidding?
I may as well be emancipated like you. Besides, I had my door locked the whole time. I could've died in there and nobody would've known."
"What about Drina?" I ask, my stomach clenching at the mention of her name.
Haven gives me a strange look and says, "Drina's in New York. She left Friday night. Anyway, I hope you guys don't get it, because even though some of the dream-state stuff was pretty cool, I know you guys wouldn't be into it." She stops near her class and leans against the wall.
"Did you dream about a canyon?" I ask, dropping Damen's hand, and moving so close I'm right up in her face again.
But Haven just laughs and pushes me away. "Um, excuse me, boundaries!" She shakes her head. "And no, there were no canyons. Just some wild Goth stuff, hard to explain, though plenty of blood and gore."
And the second she says that, the second I hear the word "blood," everything goes black as my body tilts toward the floor.
"Ever?" Damen cries, catching me just seconds before I crash to the ground. "Ever," he whispers, his voice tinged with worry.
And when I open my eyes to meet his, something about his expression, something about the intensity of his gaze seems so familiar. But just as the memory begins to form, it's erased by the sound of Haven's voice.
"That's exactly how it starts." She nods. "I mean, I didn't pass out until later, but still, it definitely started with a major dizzy spell."
"Maybe she's pregnant?" Miles says, loud enough for several passing students to hear.
"Not likely," I say, surprised by how much better I feel, now that I'm wrapped in Damen's warm, supportive arms. "I'm okay, really." I stagger to my feet and move away.
"You should take her home," Miles says, looking at Damen.
"She looks awful."
"Yeah." Haven nods. "You should rest, seriously. You so don't want to catch it."
But even though I insist on going to class, nobody listens to me. And the next thing I know, Damen's arm is wrapped around my waist and he's leading me back to his car.
"This is ridiculous," I say, as he pulls out of the parking lot and heads away from school. "Seriously, I'm fine. Not to mention that we're totally gonna get busted for ditching again!"
"No one's getting busted." He glances at me briefly, before focusing back on the road. "May I remind you that you fainted back there? You're lucky I caught you in time."
"Yes, but that's the thing, you did catch me in time. And now I'm fine. Seriously. I mean, if you're really so worried about me, then you should've taken me to the school nurse. You didn't have to kidnap me."
"I'm not kidnapping you," he says, clearly annoyed. "I just want to look after you, make sUre you're okay."
"Oh, so now you're a doctor?" I shake my head and roll my eyes.
But he doesn't say anything. He just cruises up Coast Highway, passing right by the street that leads to my house until eventually stopping before a big imposing gate.
"Where are you taking me?" I ask, watching as he nods at a familiar attendant, who smiles and waves us right through.
"My house," he mumbles, driving up a steep hill before making a series of turns that lead into a cul-de-sac and a big empty garage at the end.
Then he takes my hand and leads me through a well appointed kitchen and into the den where I stand, hands on hips, taking in all of his beautiful furnishings, the exact opposite of the frat-house chic I expected.
"Is this really all yours?" I ask, running my hand over a plush chenille sofa as my eyes tour exquisite lamps, Persian rugs, a collection of abstract oil paintings, and the dark wood coffee table covered in art books, candles, and a framed photo of me. "When'd you take this?" I lift it off the table and study it closely, having absolutely no memory of the moment.
"You act like you've never been here before," he says, motioning for me to sit.
"I haven't." I shrug.
"You have," he insists. "Last Sunday? After the beach? I've even got your wet suit hanging upstairs. Now sit." He pats the sofa cushion "I want to see you resting."
I sink down into the overstuffed cushions, still clutching the photo and wondering when it was taken. My hair is long and loose, my face is slightly flushed, and I'm wearing a peach colored hoodie I'd forgotten I had. But even though I appear to be laughing, my eyes are sad and serious.
"I took that one day at school. When you weren't looking. I prefer candid shots, it's the only way to really capture the essence of a person," he says, removing it from my grip and returning it to the table.
"Now, close your eyes and rest, while I make you some tea."
When the tea is ready he places the cup in my hands, then busies himself with the thick wool throw, tucking it in all around me.
"This is really nice and all, but it's not necessary," I say, placing the cup on the table and glancing at my watch, thinking if we leave right now, I can still make it to second period in time.
"Seriously. I'm fine. We should get back to school."
"Ever, you fainted," he says, sitting down beside me, his eyes searching my face as he touches my hair.
"Stuff happens." I shrug, embarrassed by all the fussing, especially when I know nothing's wrong.
"Not on my watch," he whispers, moving his hand from my hair to the scar on my face.
"Don't." I pull away just before he can touch it, watching as his hand falls back to his side.
"What's wrong?" he asks, peering at me.
"I don't want you to catch it," I lie, not wanting to admit to the truth—that the scar is for me, and me only. A constant reminder, ensuring I'll never forget. That's why I refused the plastic surgeon, refused to let him "fix" it. Knowing what happened could never be fixed. It's my fault, my private pain, which is why I hide it under my bangs.
But he just laughs when he says, "I don't get sick."
I close my eyes and shake my head, and when I open them I say, "Oh so now you don't get sick?"
He shrugs and brings the cup to my lips, urging me to drink.
I take a small sip then turn my head and push it away, saying, "So let's see, you don't get sick, you don't get in trouble for truancy, you get straight Xs despite said truancy, you pick up a paint brush and voila, you make a Picasso better than Picasso. You can cook a meal as good as any five-star chef, you used to model in New York—which was right before you lived in Santa Fe, which came after you lived in London, Romania, Paris, and Egypt you're unemployed and emancipated, yet you somehow manage to live in a luxuriously decorated multimillion-dollar dream home, you drive an expensive car, and—"
"Rome," he says, giving me a serious look.
"What?"
"You said I lived in Romania, when it was actually Rome."
I roll my eyes. "Whatever, the point is—" I stop, my words caught in my throat.
"Yes?" He leans toward me. "The point is..."
I swallow hard and avert my gaze, my mind grasping the edges of something, something
that's been gnawing at me for some time. Something about Damen, something about that almost, otherworldly, quality of his—is he a ghost like Riley? No, that's impossible, everyone can see him.
"Ever," he says, his palm on my cheek, turning my head so I'm facing him again. "Ever, I—"
But before he can finish, I'm off the couch and out of his reach, tossing the throw from my shoulders and refusing to look at him when I say, "Take me home."