Everything He Wants (15 page)

I lowered my gaze and swallowed around the lump in my throat. "No. But how does that work?" Completely blown away by the fact that Marisa was with child just as much as she was still able to scene, I had no idea what to think.

"You aren’t asking for a lesson on the birds and the bees, are you?" Jake asked, his grin widening. "Because if you are, I can’t say I’m the best person to ask about that."

"I know how normal couples handle pregnancy, but how does it work...with us?"

Jake furrowed his brow. "We are a normal couple, Kira."

"You know what I mean."

He sighed. "Yes, I do. And pregnancy for those in our lifestyle works the same way as any other couple. There are changes they’ll have to make—sacrifices as well. But like most couples, the child is their biggest concern."

"What about play? Doesn’t Marisa...doesn’t she need it?"

All I could think about was the impact play she enjoyed so much that I wasn’t sure how she’d survive the next eight months without it. I hadn’t cared for the flogger at first, but through my training, I started to anticipate pleasure shortly after being flogged. In turn, that meant flogging felt good as well. But if Marisa couldn’t be flogged, what
could
she do? 

"Kira, the play doesn’t change as drastically as you might think," Jake said. "Listen. When a couple gets pregnant, they might need to change from their favorite position to something that makes her feel more comfortable, especially if she ends up being the kind of woman who gets extra horny while she’s with child. Play works the same way. Her tastes for it might change, and they may not. Even so, Devlin will make sure the activities they take part in are safe for both her and the child."

"I’m sorry, I don’t understand," I said, unable to wrap my head around it. "After she has the baby, they won’t even have time to—"

"Kira, stop this." Jake’s tone was firm. "You’re looking at this the wrong way. They’re like every other couple. They have jobs—like everyone else. They have every right to have and raise a child. And they will. More importantly, they won’t leave the lifestyle just because they have children. They’ll need to adjust, but..." he cut himself off, possibly trying to find the right words. "They can and will still play. There are safe ways to continue in this lifestyle without endangering the mother or the baby."

"Like what?"

"You want me to spell it out?" He sighed. "Ice, hot wax, even some impact play is safe. Nipple clamps as well, but only until maybe the second trimester, otherwise she’ll be too sensitive. But this all depends on the sub and how she feels while she’s pregnant. She might want sex all the time or none at all." Jake waved his hand, dismissing the subject altogether. "But that isn’t why I told you about them. Devlin has asked me to demo in his place at
The Limelight,
and I accepted. But I need you to do it with me. I need you to be open to the idea of being in the spotlight instead of watching from the shadows. I know you’re more than capable of doing this with me, but it’s up to you."

"And if I refuse?"

"I’ll still be doing the demos, but with another sub while her Dom explains the bondage to our audience. I’m the most experienced with rope bondage aside from Devlin. You’d be in good hands, but I know this is a limit we’ve avoided more often than not."

"For how long?"

"Until we can find another couple to take our place, or until Marisa is able to play in public again. She could still play now, but some of the new Doms and subs coming in might not like the idea of a pregnant woman being bound and gagged. Can you do this for me?"

I looked at my lap. "Are you sure I’m ready?"

"Yes. I wouldn’t be asking you if I thought otherwise."

"And the crowd?"

"You won’t even notice them. I promise."

Running a hand through my hair, I closed my eyes. I’d seen Devlin and Marisa do the demo a few times in the past, and it had always intrigued me. I just wasn’t sure if I was ready to do it myself. In front of all those people.

"Kira?"

Clenching my jaw, I said, "I can try."

"That’s all I ask. If you are unable or are unwilling to do so, would it be okay if I did the demo with another sub? You can meet her first, but her Dom isn’t ready to use rope yet—not on his own."

"Why are you asking me for permission to tie up another sub?" I winced at the last two words.
Another sub.
He’d actually considered playing with another sub.

It’s not like he’s having an affair.

Wasn’t it?

He’s already told you about it. He wants to make sure you’re comfortable.

I wasn’t sure that was a possibility at this point.

"I’m not asking for your permission," Jake said. "I’ll do this with or without you as it’s my responsibility to the community to make sure they take part in safe play. What I'm asking you to do is to do it with me—for a few months. I’ll be helping this other Dom on the side, that is, unless you’re okay with doing the demos until Marisa returns."

"I’ll try," I said again, my voice shaking the slightest bit. "I can’t promise more than that."

"That’s all I ask."

He stood from his side of the booth and helped me out of mine. I let him guide me back outside and onto the streets of Seattle.
The Limelight
wasn’t too far from where we were, so when he turned down a side street, I wasn’t far behind him.

You can do this, Kira.

I had to do it. I couldn’t let him down.

You won’t.

I feared by questioning him at dinner, I already had.

We kept walking.

L
eather, rope, charms, and bands.
I added the dwindling materials to my shopping list and frowned at how different it was compared to when I first began. The feathers, sequins and other decorations were nearly forgotten, hidden in a drawer only to be brought out when I thought a piece needed that extra flash.

Selling my masks in town had taken off a lot sooner than we’d expected, and once one shop took off, everyone else wanted in on it. I honestly wasn’t even sure what customers did with my masks once they took them home. It wasn’t like there were a lot of costume parties around here, and I admit, the prices weren’t easy to swallow, either.

The leather got more extravagant and came in different colors. I’d gotten used to the idea of braiding strands together into a stronger cord, almost replacing my need for rope entirely. I used sterling silver charms in place of sequins along with bits of turquoise to give the leather that extra pop. 

But the price of the materials wasn’t what increased my cost. I spent more than double the time on my lifestyle inspired masks than I’d done with the more festive ones. And people actually liked them. At first, I made them because Jake had asked me to. But then I started to enjoy it, and little by little, I moved away from the usual materials and spent more time looking through catalogs for just the right charm for any given project.

I was about to place a stack of masks inside one of my boxes when Jake stepped through the front door. He hugged his arms around me and nuzzled my neck.

"That the next batch?" he asked.

"It is." I turned around to face him. "But I haven’t written the receipt yet."

"It can wait until later. They don’t need them until Saturday, anyway."

I smiled and melted against him. While I didn’t mind the creative side of things, I was more than willing to leave the billing and customer interactions to him. For starters, everyone knew him as soon as he walked in the door. I was also extremely shy when it came to shopping my masks to someone else.

Jake had more than enough confidence for the both of us.

"Oh, I wanted to run something by you," I said, taking his hand so he’d follow me over to one of the work tables. I held up the beginnings of a mask along with a braid of leather cord. "What if I made it so the masks had matching collars for the sub who wore them?"

His brow knitted above his eyes as he gave it some thought. "In theory, it sounds like a wonderful idea, but in practice, I don’t see many in the lifestyle using the collar as they may already have one of their own."

I chewed my bottom lip. "You’re probably right. I hadn’t even thought of them already having one."

"Now wait a minute, I’m not saying to scrap the idea completely. I could see this working if you meet with collared subs and made them a mask to match, as a commission of sorts."

I nodded. "That could work, but that causes an even greater problem if a Dom doesn’t want his sub discussing his or her collar with others."

"That it does. It isn’t a bad idea. It just needs some polish. Hold on to this though," Jake said, gesturing to the mask I had in my hands. "I may have a use for it."

"But it isn’t done yet."

"So finish it."

"What are you planning?" I placed the mask on the table.

"I’m not sure, but I like this." He held one of the turquoise stones between his thumb and forefinger. "It’s a great contrast to the black and grays of the leather."

I checked the clock above the counter, then looked back at him. "You’re home early."

"We have plans, remember?"

I closed my eyes and drew in a breath. "I do."
Not that I'm ready.

My demo at
The Limelight
had gnawed at the front of my mind all day. Most days I could lose myself in my work, but today proved to be exceptionally difficult, and Jake's reminder only made matters worse.

Jake rubbed my shoulders. "You’ll do fine."

I winced as he worked out a few kinks in my back—the same kinks I was sure to have once the evening was through. "You keep saying that."

"And I'll keep repeating myself for as long as it takes. It isn't as bad as you think. That's your anticipation, and while I love making you anxious, I prefer doing it during a scene, not before. Now, go on and get cleaned." He turned me toward the door and swatted me on the ass. "We need to arrive early to get everything ready."

* * * *

I
t was strange, visiting
The Limelight
before it actually opened. I'd stayed after the demos a few times to talk to Marisa about them while our masters caught up on current events. But never this.

"You don't even realize you're being watched after you've done it a few times,"
she'd said when I asked about being bound in public.
"It was a little scary at first, but also exciting. The one thing you need to remember is that the crowds are here to see you and to learn the art of bondage. Be proud of your submission and trust your Dom. I've known Jake for years, and he'd never put you in any real danger so long as he's the one controlling the situation."

My vision swept from one corner of the main room to the other. Most nights it was packed, and I didn't doubt tonight would be any different.

Jake assured me those in our audience—the regulars—knew they wouldn't be getting Marisa tonight. According to him, Master Devlin had made the announcement last week, along with the necessary call to make sure it was noted in the ad
The Limelight
put out every Tuesday.

But even with Jake's reassurance, I couldn't help feeling like the lesser sub when trying to follow an act such as Marisa's. Years of theatrics and trying out for school plays made me appear as though I was on this side of calm but, under that exterior, I was freaking out.

Stage fright wasn't even the half of it. What if I wussed out? What if I ran off stage in the middle of the demo?

I forced a smile when Jake glanced at me. He returned it, with a lot more enthusiasm, and carefully guided me backstage. The knots in my stomach doubled when I came face to face with Marisa.

She threw her arms around me, mindful of the small bump of her belly. "Nervous?" she asked, separating us so she could get a good look at me.

I sucked on my bottom lip in hopes of hiding my nerves.
Way to fail, Kira.
"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in bed?"

"I'm not crippled, Kira."

"But I thought you were going to take it easy."

Jake set a hand on my shoulder. "I'm going to set up while you two talk." He looked to Marisa, then continued. "Think you can keep an eye on her for me?"

Marisa bowed her head. "Of course." She met my gaze again and took my hands in hers. "We should probably get you ready."

I frowned. "I thought I already was." I touched the edge of my corset.

"Only if you want to strip down one item at a time on stage." She passed me a knowing smile. "We have a small dressing room down this way you can use."

Looking around for an escape that didn't exist, I followed Marisa back to the changing room. It was small, but private.

After closing the door behind me, I stared at my reflection, focusing on the windswept hairs that had managed to cover my eyes. "You have an extra brush?" I called out to Marisa who was more than likely standing on the other side of the door.

"Bottom left drawer," Marisa replied. "Let me know if you need help. You can use my robe. It should be behind the door."

"Got it."

I ran the brush through my hair a few times, and before I could lose my nerve, I stripped down until I had nothing on at all.

The robe Marisa mentioned was warm against my chilled skin, creating a barrier not only from the cold but from Marisa's eyes once I opened the door.

"Oh good," she said. "It fits. It might be shorter than you're used to, but it doesn't stay on for long."

I shuddered and stared at my bare legs.

"It's best not to think about it," Marisa said, taking me in her arms. "If you get nervous—well, more than you already are, I guess I should say—I'll be in the front row."

Jake walked in the back just then wearing a sheepish grin on his face. I tried not to glare.

"Thank you, Marisa. I can take her from here."

Marisa inclined her head and threw me a final glance as she made her way toward the main room. "Good luck."

I managed the best smile I could until she turned the corner. When Marisa faded, so did the little confidence I had left.
I shouldn't be doing this.
I wasn't qualified.