Everything He Wants (18 page)

The magic stick had already predicted my future, but I opted for a second opinion. Then a third.

Every single test mirrored the one before it.
Pregnant.
The knot in my stomach grew, and I convinced myself it was a bad case of nerves for missing my period instead of the morning sickness I was bound to have weeks from now—possibly days.

It would be a lot easier if you knew when you conceived.
Try last night. The night before. Hell, every night for the last month would probably be a great place to start. It would’ve been easier if I wasn't pregnant at all.

The tests can have false positives.
But three times in a row?

I glared at my disc of birth control pills.
So much for being effective.
I'd started on the pill close to three months ago—
and now this.

I studied each of the pregnancy tests again, thinking—hoping they took longer to give me the answers I wanted.
Fuck.
The results were the same, and the ball in my stomach turned over.

I ran for the bathroom.

* * * *

"I
need a favor," I said, holding the cell to my ear.

After I lost half my breakfast to some random stomach upset—
yeah, random—
I decided to give Marisa a call. I could’ve called my mom, or possibly my sister, but in the end, I knew I needed more than just any woman who was ever pregnant. I needed one in this lifestyle, and Marisa was the best I had.

"Kira, what's up?" Marisa, asked, her voice uneasy. "Is everything okay?"

I considered telling her I was fine, but that wouldn't explain why I'd called. We rarely spoke outside
The Limelight
, and only when I had questions about the demo or something new Jake and I planned to try.

I took a deep breath.
Keep it simple.
"You going to be home this afternoon?"

"Umm..." she paused, and something sounding like a car door slammed. "I should be. Devlin, too."

"Oh. It can wait, then."

Marisa laughed. "I didn't mean it like that, sweetie. If you need a bit of girl talk, I'm sure Devlin won't mind giving us the living room."

I drew in a shaky breath. "And if we need someplace private?"

"Don't you worry, I'll find a place for us. You going to be okay?"

"Yeah, just need an ear I can trust."

"Well, you know mine are always available." Devlin said something in the background I couldn't understand. "Actually, he has some work outside the house, so we should be okay." She laughed again. "He says so long as we don't do any girl-on-girl action without him so he can watch."

"I wish. Trust me, I'd much rather we do that than—" I cut myself off.
Hold it together until this afternoon.

"Kira?" There were muffled voices on the other end of the line. "Is this about Jake?"

"Hmm? No, he's fine."
It's just me I'm worried about.

"Get here soon, okay? You have our address?"

"Jake has it in his GPS, but he isn't home."

Once she relayed her and Devlin's address, we hung up. Sitting in the silence of Jake's living room was almost as unnerving as the test results had been. I knew if I'd asked, Marisa would've driven over in a heartbeat, but Jake's house suddenly felt larger than it usually did.
Getting out of the house will do me some good.

That is, so long as I held down whatever was left in my stomach.

Knowing I'd probably hear about my lack of work on this week's order of masks once Jake got home, I headed out to my car. With the afternoon still too far away, I figured a drive to clear my head couldn't hurt.

Twenty minutes later, I found myself pulling into Devlin's driveway. I'd only ever been in their home once, and it was for a few minutes so Jake could drop off some papers.

Devlin and Marisa’s home was a quaint townhouse, which felt just as overwhelming as Jake's mansion when I walked up to the front door by myself.

Marisa opened the door and immediately hugged her arms around me. "Now I know something's wrong. You're pale as a ghost."

"Marisa, who's at the door?" Devlin called from somewhere down the hall.

"Kira's arrived early, Master." She dipped her head to me and stepped to the side. "Come on in. Would you like anything to eat? Coffee? Tea?"

I grimaced as each offer sounded less appealing than the last. "I don't think that's such a good idea." I groaned. "But thank you."

Marisa frowned, but said nothing.

Devlin walked out of the kitchen moments later. "Kira, I thought we weren't expecting you for a few hours."

"My apologies, but I'm afraid this couldn't wait," I replied.

Marisa clasped both my hands. "Come. We'll head upstairs for some privacy." She looked to Devlin who silently inclined his head.

"Anything I should be alerting Jake about?" He cocked an eyebrow at me.

"I'll let you know." I forced a smile. "But I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell him I was here until I've had the chance to talk to him myself."

Devlin's expression hardened, but whatever came to mind, passed. "Marisa, we will discuss Kira's visit later."

"Yes, Master," Marisa said before leading me up the stairs toward their room. As if she could sense my hesitation, she said, "Don't worry. He just wants to make sure you're okay. We talk about everything and know when to keep those things to ourselves."

Guiding me into their personal quarters, she closed the door behind us. Now that we were alone, I didn't feel nearly as anxious as before.

Marisa cradled her growing baby bump and sat on the bed, patting the mattress beside her.

"Trying to get me into bed already?" I asked, offering her a wry smile.

"Maybe. What are you going to do about it?" Marisa pursed her lips at me.

I took my place beside her and leaned my head against her shoulder. Hot tears stung at the backs of my eyes as I wrung my hands in my lap.

"I don't know what to do," I sniffed.

"Oh, sweetie." Marisa stroked my hair. "Do about what?" She lifted my chin and, if she wasn't already pregnant, I'd be willing to bet she'd have made an amazing mother. There was no judgment in her eyes. "Kira?"

I wiped my eyes on a sleeve, but that didn't help my throbbing temples. "I..." I shook my head. "I'm..." I pressed a hand to her stomach and lost all sense of direction as I fell into her arms again.

"Oh, Kira." Marisa held me. Rocked with me, and as I leaked tears onto her clothes, she never let go. "Hey...shh...shh...it's okay. Everything's going to be okay."

It took me some time to stop crying. Even longer to meet her gaze—to look at the same concerned eyes that had greeted me at the door.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to lose it in front of you like that."

"We all have our breaking points, hon." She caressed my cheek. "Bet you feel better."

I forced a laugh. "A little."

"Does Jake know?"

I shook my head. "Found out this morning. Not sure it's set in yet."

"Aren't you on the pill, though?"

"Yeah. Kind of ironic I didn't get pregnant until
after
I started taking it. So much for that, huh?"

She shrugged. "I've heard of couples changing pills and getting pregnant months later before it had its full effects."

"Sounds like what happened to me." I released a breath. "I wasn't planning to tell anyone, but..."

"These things do tend to get out." Marisa nodded to her stomach. "But I know what you mean. It's a heavy weight to carry on your own. I told Devlin as soon as I found out."

"How did he take it?"

"He was thrilled, but then..."

"It was planned," I finished for her, cringing at the bitterness in my voice. "Sorry."

"No need to apologize. So, what are you going to do? See the clinic you got the pills from?"

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Well then, if you want, I can check with my obstetrician to see if she can get you in sometime this afternoon. I can even go with you if you'd like."

"No, thank you, but I think this is something I need to do on my own."

"Let me call her while you're here just to see. You won't know the sex yet, but she should be able to give you an idea of when you conceived depending on how far along you are."

"A lot further than I'd like, that's for sure."

"Let me guess, morning sickness?"

"It’s pretty much why I looked into it in the first place, and seeing as I've been spotting so much since I got on the pill, I don't even know when my period is anymore." I stared at my hands. "You going to tell Devlin?"

"Yes, but I'll let you tell Jake. Just don't wait too long. I'm sure he'll be pleased." She squeezed my hands. "He's mentioned wanting a child for some time."

"It's not him I'm worried about."

I wasn't ready at all.

D
r. Cruz couldn't get me in until Tuesday morning, and keeping it from Jake got increasingly difficult. Especially when he worked from home. I'd already done the self-diagnosis crap online and read all the horror stories of women who had morning sickness all the way from week three until they gave birth. It wasn't the norm, but it was the only information I actually remembered.

Luckily, I was able to explain my morning sickness away as the stomach bug that was going around, but I wasn't sure what I'd do after my appointment. I was fortunate enough to not suffer the sickness later in the afternoon or at night. But between the hours of two in the morning and two in the afternoon, it was like playing Russian Roulette with the toilet.

I sighed. Jake had made it exceptionally clear he had plans for this evening. Whether or not they involved the Saint Andrew's cross, I had no idea.

Dr. Cruz's office was in one of the busier parts of Seattle, but at least it had a parking lot. Parking the car was easy. Getting out, on the other hand, proved to be difficult.

I eyed the front doors through my rearview, then decided to focus on the more scenic view of trees in front of me. I checked the clock on my dash, knowing I still had to fill out the usual forms new patients had.

At a quarter to one, I rounded up enough nerves to head inside. Expecting mothers, or even those with children in addition to whatever they had going on in the background, filled most of the chairs. I swallowed hard and approached the front desk, accepting the forms and a clipboard when it was handed to me.

Terribly outdated magazines sat on a table, along with children's books that were just as old. Seeing as all the seats were taken, I folded my legs and sat on the floor. The forms were repetitive, to say the least, but after about twenty minutes, I filled out what was needed and handed it back to the receptionist.

"Insurance?" she asked, reading over my papers.

I lowered my gaze. "No. Paying cash today."

She nodded and made a note in my file. "Someone will be out shortly."

Taking a breath, I sat back down. I probably had enough saved in my account for this appointment along with the follow-up. I'd brought in a lot from selling my masks, but I knew I'd have to pay taxes on what I made later in the year. No doubt I'd have to talk about health insurance with Jake once I got the guts to tell him about today’s visit.

An older woman came out with a child on either hip. And one by one, the women crowding the chairs filed into the back of the office. Marisa had warned me it was a busy office, and with good reason. Its reputation was well known in and outside our community.

I'd opted to visit the clinic for pills because it was easier.
Probably cheaper, too.

"Kira Thorn?" A woman called from the other end of the room. When I stood and met her gaze, she continued. "Come with me, please."

Once we got my height and weight, she set me down to check some vitals before leading me into a private room.

"Everything appears to be normal," she said. "Go ahead and have a seat. The doctor should be in to see you shortly."

There's nothing normal about this. I shouldn't even be pregnant.
She closed the door behind her, which made the room feel infinitely colder than I'm sure it actually was. I was hoping to see colorful mobiles hanging from the ceiling. It would've offered a bit of color instead of the gray on gray that surrounded me.

It was hard to imagine that, in a few months, my stomach would be as round as Marisa's, and she still had a few months to go according to when we first found out. We didn't talk about it much, but I had a feeling once I got through this appointment, it would be a common topic among us, instead of doing demos at
The Limelight.

And that was another problem in and of itself. I'd come to love doing the demos with Jake, and so did the audience if their feedback was any indication. I hated the idea of pawning them off to yet another couple, no matter how capable they were.
The Limelight's cursed.
It had to be. First Marisa, and now me.

She's ready for motherhood, though.
I didn't doubt that. The closer she got to her due date, the more maternal she became.

After Dennis's arrest, she called to check in on me while Jake was at work. She was the solid ground under my feet then, as well as now.
And Jake.
Once I found the nerve to tell him.

There was a light knock on the door as it opened. A woman who appeared to be in her late thirties poked her head into the room before joining me.

She shook my hand and then pulled a stool to the foot of the table. "Hello, Kira. How are you feeling today?"

I set my hands in my lap and tried not to fidget. "Doing okay."

She offered me a reassuring smile. "Says here that you've taken a home pregnancy test?"

"Three, actually." I coughed. "I could've brought one if—"

"We can do that here in the office. What we'll do today is get some blood work done, a quick urine sample to confirm what you learned at home, and get an idea of how far along you are." She grabbed a pen from her jacket pocket and glanced at my chart. "Morning sickness?"

"Yeah. It was the reason I bought a few tests in the first place."