Everything I want: Will Alfie and Lily's love survive?... (2 page)

I just couldn’t separate my emotional feelings from a sexual relationship, so I tried to resist Alfie on multiple occasions during that first year. He was quite relentless in pursuing me th
ough.

Alfie would turn up at my gigs or catch me on my own, playing mind games and plucking at my heart strings. He even found me in Lo
ndon.

Every time I tried to resist him, he would tell me he “needed to be with me,” and that “he wanted me.” Not enough to put me first though. I had never come first in Alfie’s list of priorities, yet he still managed break down my resistance to
him.

It was probably that, and maybe, if we had started out differently, with him being more honest with me, I would have felt more secure in the relationship. Who knows, I might have given everything up for him. Deep down, though, I knew that would just have made me bitter in the
end.

I could analyze how things were and what might or might not have happened between us some time down the line, but it wouldn’t change my rea
lity.

Alfie was on the verge of being discovered when I met him two years ago. His band, Crakt Soundzz, has been signed, and he was going places. When it finally looked as though we could be together, and he had declared how much he loved me, I just couldn’t be what he wanted fro
m me.

Besides, although he could have been my everything, he had repeatedly proved to me that I wasn’t his. There would have been no compromise. He was in a band that was going to the moon as far as their career was concerned. When Crakt Soundzz was signed, I was still playing pub gigs with
Will.

Chapter 2
– End of an era

A
s painful it was, I had ended things between us for the second time with a phone call. We had made love all night, the night before, then he’d left me without telling me, because he, “could never say goodbye t
o me.”

I haven’t seen him face-to-face or spoken to him since. Although it almost broke my heart, it was the right thing for me. If I had given up my music to follow Alfie’s dream, I just knew I would have lived to regre
t it.

Now Alfie was a global superstar, from zero to millions of followers, idolized by women the world over. His name has been linked with various models and movie stars. I didn’t actively follow how he was doing, it was just… unavoid
able.

His beautiful image or voice seemed to be everywhere I went, like he was haunting me. His eyes always drew me to his image on posters or on web pages. They were a constant reminder of the way he used to stare at me intensely, unblinking, except for the hazel color staring back a
t me.

Apart from the pictures, live images on TV, and chat shows and of course the unmistakable rich, deep timbre of his voice during radio interviews or when singing his music, which played on a loop on the radio stations and in stores, I didn’t think about him at all, well that’s a lie as
well.

I coped okay with these constant reminders of him, but I have to admit, my heart still thumped faster, or I got a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, when I heard ‘our song’, or saw him linked to some glamorous model o
n TV.

As for me? I was tremendously busy with XrAid and loving every minute of it. My heart has mended to some degree, but I was too busy with the band to be in a relationship with anyone. I had gone out with guys for dinner and even kissed a few. However, that was the extent of my contact with the opposite
sex.

Mostly, I spent time with my four bandmates, Holly and her fiancé, Brett, and my friends in London, Jack and Elle. They were still the two most important people to me, apart from my parents, and had stuck with me through thick and
thin.

Jack was more than my friend though, he was my platonic soul mate, and we had been in each other’s pockets emotionally since we were four years old. I’d like to think I never took Jack for granted, because he was the single most important person in my life. He was the family I c
hose.

Elle, on the other hand, was a free spirit. She happened to be engaged to Drew, the lead guitarist of Crakt Soundzz and one of Alfie’s closest friends. If I were Elle I would have felt weird being around Drew and Cody together; Elle had a ‘thing’ with Cody once too, but they all seemed fine toge
ther.

She met Drew for the first time when Crakt Soundzz played in London a couple of years ago, then met him again when she came to see me in Florida. Being with Drew has added a bit of a complication in our friendship, but we made it
work.

Elle and I saw each other when Drew was over in the USA, or if we happened to meet up in London. Unlike me, Elle gave up her career to follow her man and has spent the last eight months on a world tour with Crakt Soundzz. Being a dancer, Elle knew her career as a performer would have a limited shelf
life.

We had an agreement that we wouldn’t talk about the band. She could talk about Drew, but I didn’t want her to tell me what was going on in Alfie’s
life.

“You all ready and set to go?” Holly’s voice broke into my thoughts. I looked wistfully at her. “What?” She stared at me with bunched b
rows.

“Just thin
king…”

She cut in, “Well, don’t. Let’s go.” She tugged at my wrist. “Think of all the people that love and are waiting for you, honey.” I smiled at her and nodded. “You’re right. Come on, we don’t want to keep them waiting in the suns
hine.”

Holly turned on the radio in the car as we headed to campus. The Fray ‘How to Save a Life’ was playing. We sat through it silently. To be fair, it was a great
song.

Afterwards, the DJ said, “Now for one from one of my favorite bands, this is Crakt Soundzz, ‘Insati
able.’”

My eyes darted to look at Holly. This was the song that Alfie was writing the day we met. I had helped him with a line when he had hit a sticking point. That line? ‘Music is the sound of feelings, and she listened to what he
felt.’

The timing of the song, and hearing his voice, couldn’t have been worse for me. It had been there at the beginning of my college time, and now there it was again. At the end. Holly quickly switched channels on the radio, and Kelly Clarkson’s ‘What Doesn’t Kill Us Makes Us Stronger’ filled the
car.

My eyes had been welling up with tears, but we both burst out laughing. “Now Lily, listen to Kelly, that’s definitely a sign your college days are over.” She chuckled and leaned over to squeeze my hand. Sucking back the tears, I forced myself to s
mile.

We arrived in the college parking lot just in time. I dug deep not to cry, even though hearing his voice singing that song had felt as if he’d picked a scab off my heart. It felt
raw.

Will, Mandy, Neil, and Nick were all waiting for me. They were the perfect distraction from Alfie. Will came over and hugged me tightly. It was great to see
him.

We had gone through a lot in the early days of college. He was a fabulous saxophone player. Will took me under his wing when I first arr
ived.

Musically, we had been good together, until one night of insanity between the both of us nearly ruined our friend
ship.

I didn’t know how, but we managed to recover from it. Maybe it was because we were both playing music in bands now, and not working together. Anyway, I was so happy that we were able to remain friends; he meant a lot t
o me.

Mandy and Neil were with Will the first day we met, and it was actually Mandy’s invite to watch them perform that began the friendship between all o
f us.

I remember envying Mandy’s sense of identity back then; she looked fabulous with her petite frame and dark, almost black, edgy, bobbed hair. She seemed so self-confident then and was a brilliant si
nger.

Who would have thought I would progress to be more successful than she was with my career to date? Strange how fate took that turn wit
h me.

There have been a few ups and downs between Mandy and me. She was still in contact with Alfie, but we had the same arrangement as I did with Elle. I didn’t want to know about Alfie’s life, and I didn’t even suppose he’d be that interested in mine these
days.

Nick was Neil’s friend first but was now also one of mine. If he hadn’t invited me to an ‘Open Mic’ when I was at a low point after Alfie, I would never have met Louie Dyer or been invited to audition for X
rAid.

Nick’s always had a soft spot for me. He was a great-looking guy, tall and muscular with dark brown cropped hair, chiseled sharp features, and almost black eyes. He had olive skin, and the way he seemed to always have a five o’clock shadow of hair growth to his jawline made him very appea
ling.

We’ve never been anything but friends, which I was really glad about. Nick never seemed to let girls get close. I’ve lost count as to how many girls I’ve been introduced to by him in the past two y
ears.

Although Nick was instrumental in Louie discovering me, I liked to think that fate had more to do with my life than I had given it credit for. I had always thought we made our own luck in this w
orld.

All of us stood in line to collect our graduation cap and gown. We had opted for a rental company who provided them. None of us wanted dusty old graduation gowns hanging around for the next forty y
ears.

“Sexy!” Nick chuckled at the strange cap and gown with my killer heels. “Do you have any black rimmed spectacles you could put on, Lily. I feel a fantasy comin
g on.”

Will let out a loud, rumbly, belly laugh, and Neil snickered, but his eyes flicked to Mandy, checking to make sure he hadn’t been caught getting involved in their ba
nter.

We took our places in the rows of seating at the front of the auditorium. I knew that there were a lot of people rooting for me back there in the ‘spectator’ sec
tion.

I had seen my mother, father, and Jack when they arrived last night. Jack had brought his girlfriend, Rosie, with him. He joked that she might be a keeper, because she was named after a flower just like me. It felt weird to have him here in Miami, but not with me at the apart
ment.

I was very fortunate that Will’s surname was Patterson. We were placed in alphabetical order, and because I was Parnell, it meant that he was sitting next t
o me.

Will clutched my hand and squeezed tightly. “You look wonde
rful.”

He smiled, glancing down at me with affection in his eyes. “Life friends, Lily, r
ight?”

I smiled back at him. “Absolu
tely.”

We sat patiently while the dean droned on about how well this year’s group had done and how proud he was of each and every one of us, then we had to file row after row up toward the stage to collect our pretend parchment paper with a red ribbon tied around it. The real diplomas were being sent to us through the mail. It was all about the ceremony and what it symbol
ized.

There were a few people that had gotten loud cheers, and we just knew they were either the ‘bad boys’, or there was some kind of special story behind them being up there t
oday.

When the ceremony was over we went to find our visitors. Jack gave me his usual greeting, running toward me with his legs slightly bent and his arms wide to receive me. “Oh. My. God. You look absolutely ravishing in that, you don’t have any eye glasses do
you?”

I snickered and looked past him to my parents. My eyes caught the look on Rosie’s face, and boy, she looked pissed over Jack’s comments. I made a mental note have to have a word with him about toning his flirting
down.

“Thank you for coming,” I said, making a special effort with her to appease Jack’s behavior. She nodded, but pursed her lips at me, not smiling at all. I immediately thought she was going to be hard
work.

My mother pushed past her. “Lily, darling, I am so proud of you. I can’t believe how much you have grown as a person since you came here. I’m glad I talked your dad into accepting your choice to study here.” I grinned at my dad. My mom never missed a chance to get back at him if he was wrong about somet
hing.

When my mom released me, I moved over to my dad and cuddled him tightly. He whispered in my ear, “My beautiful little girl’s all grown up now,
huh?”

Tears pricked my eyes and I squinted up at him; the sun was behind his shoulder and made his face difficult to see. “I guess.” I smiled, and he kissed the top of my
head.

I heard a loud whistle behind me. My bandmates were standing there smiling. Lennon asked, “Anyone comment on that hot outfit you’re wearing
yet?”

Jack smirked. “Beat you to it, mate.” He grinned, looking
smug.

I smirked and shook my head. “Actually, Nick beat all of you, even down to your spectacles comment,
Jack.”

He muttered, “Jesus, the guys here are predatory. I hope you’re taking precautions, h
oney.”

Rosie shifted from one leg to another. “Don’t mind the silly talk, Rosie, these guys are all hot air.” I smiled, trying to include her, but she threw me a dagger-look back. Somehow, I knew we’d be having words at some point but definitely not t
oday.

Louie, our band manager and owner of three of the best nightclubs in Miami, arranged for my friends and me to have our graduation party at D’mond, one of his c
lubs.

We were due to play the day of our graduation and I asked him to keep us on the usual schedule. My parents had never been to one of our gigs yet, and I wanted them to see the progress I’ve
made.

We had late afternoon drinks on one of the balconies at D’mond, and it was lovely. Will’s dad came, and I met all my friends’ parents in one hit. Everyone got along well, and I was so happy to see that they mingled easily with each other. Cody signaled to me when it was time for my sound c
heck.

I slipped out and went through it with the sound guys, then headed back to let them know I would see them after our perform
ance.

Lennon came over and put his arms around my shoulders from behind. “So… you’re ours now.” He smirked. “Now, we can make lots more music!” He grinned and scooped me up in a
hug.