Everything I want: Will Alfie and Lily's love survive?... (4 page)

Lennon’s eyes flicked to Cody, and he scowled, “It’s nothing, it didn’t come to anything.” Cody shifted uncomfortably, and Lennon shook his head at him when he thought I wasn’t looking. I could see they were l
ying.

“Okay, what am I missing here?” I stood up and slapped my hands on my hips, walking around the sectional. Lennon’s eyes followed me, running his hands over his head nervously. “We were invited to play at the ‘On the Verge of Fame’ Fest
ival.”

I knew all about music festivals and what they could do for a band. This one in particular was a huge deal. This was a music promoters’ gig that was seen as a huge stepping stone into wider recognition for bands. It was by invitation
only.

Some of the best bands in the world had started at this particular event, and I knew that ‘music suits’ used these gigs in search of the next big t
hing.

“Wow! And we’re not going, why?” Cody stood up and wandered over beside me, placing his hands on my shoulders. We stood eye to eye with him gazing at me sympathetically. “They always have a big band to headline. The headliner this year is Crakt Soundzz. We’re not going, Lily.” I took a minute to digest what he was saying to me. These guys were willing to sacrifice everything because of my previous relationship with A
lfie?

I looked between them, and Lennon gave me a small smile. “It’s okay, Lily, we discussed it between us, we all feel the same.” I was angry and hurt, they had been talking behind my back and discussing what was best for me without discussing it
wit
h
me.

“Am I even part of this band or just window dressing? No one fucking discussed it with me,” I spat, annoyed at their efforts to keep something this important fro
m me.

Lennon sat looking up at me with his elbows balanced on his knees, his hands spread out at me, palms up. “We don’t want to put you through that, Lily. We know what splitting from that guy did to
you.”

I shook my head, trying to be measured in my response. “So you would put my personal life before what’s best for the band? You’re all unbelievable. Touched as I am, this is about our careers here. Not my love life. Or the lack of it. If this had been Cody or any of the others and a girl, would you have considered not g
oing?”

Cody grimaced at Lennon. “She has a point, dude; we would still have played regard
less.”

I smirked, exhaled loudly, and threw my hand out at Cody. “See? We still have time right? You didn’t tell them we wouldn’t be going did
you?”

Lennon began to protest, “But it m
eans…”

I cut in. “Damn, Lennon, I know exactly what it means, and I’m fine wit
h it.”

“It’s in two weeks, Lily. You can face him again without going to pieces like before?” Lennon asked, clearly worried. I twisted my mouth. I was angry with Lennon, but my heart burst with the consideration he was trying to show me about potentially having to face Alfie a
gain.

“It’s been over a year, Lennon. I pretty much doubt we’d run into them during the event anyway. We’re small fry compared to
them.”

I huffed, and Cody walked over and sat back down. I squeezed between them and took their hands in mine. “Look, they’ll be somewhere separate from us. Besides, there isn’t any rule that says I have to stay there after we’ve performed. Crakt Soundzz is the headliners, so chances are we’ll have played and gone by the time they even get there.” I smiled, trying to reassure them that it would be okay to accept the o
ffer.

Lennon still looked worried. “If you’re sure… I’ll call them l
ater.”

I smirked, feeling smug that I had won the argument. “You do that Lennon, there’s nothing and no one that is going stop us as a band. Do you hear me? I gave Alfie up to do this, Lennon. Don’t you get it? I walked away from his life to follow my own dr
eams.”

Cody pulled me against him and kissed my cheek, offering me support for my admission. I glanced up smiling at him. “We’re playing at ‘On the Verge of Fame’ OMG!” He chuc
kled.

It took some convincing for Shawn and Digs to get that I really wanted to go perform at the festival, but once I had them on board, we had intense rehearsals during the following two w
eeks.

We knew we had an hour slot at the event. Some of the bands were only given half an hour, because they didn’t have sufficient material the sponsors felt they wanted to hear. So we must have impressed somebody, somew
here.

On the day of the festival itself, I was getting dressed, and I had some killer heels that I wanted to wear with my outfit. I was having difficulty locating exactly where I had put them and was rummaging through my cl
oset.

I crouched down low, pulling out boxes, trying to find the shoebox containing the navy blue Jimmy Choo shoes. I had almost forgotten I had them. It had been so long since I’d worn
them.

I knew I bought far too many shoes when I could almost forget I had these. As I stood up, I bumped into the pole I used to hook on to things when I needed to retrieve items from the top s
helf.

It accidently knocked against my memory keepsake box and sent it tumbling to the floor spilling the contents. A picture of Alfie and me wrapped in each other’s arms lay on the floor, taunting me from where it had landed. There we were; Alfie and me, the once briefly happy couple. The smiles and mutual looks of adoration between us, as we looked at each other, had been captured in the photograph perfe
ctly.

My eyes immediately filled with tears at the sight of this picture. It reminded me of a day we had spent on the beach. We had spent the whole afternoon lying there, in a romantic embrace, until the su
nset.

I gathered up my keepsakes from the floor and scooped them back into the box. My eyes fell on the letter Alfie had written to me. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of it. He’d written it a couple of weeks before I ended th
ings.

My fingers were shaking as they unfolded the paper. I sat quietly reading, remembering the effect the letter had on me at the time. I was delighted and couldn’t have been happier to get it. Seeing it again, it still had the same effect on me. It was like a punch to my h
eart.

{To my beautiful, incredible, amazing girl who holds my h
eart.

Today my life is perfect. Thank you, darling, for giving me another chance. I won’t squander it, I promise. I love you too much to ever let you go again. I will try with all of my heart never to let you down again. You make the sun shine brighter, music sound sweeter, and my heart feel fuller. I could never do justice to how I feel about you, or the love I have for you, by trying to express those feelings in words. I need you to breathe. You are like pure oxygen to me. When I touch you, we are amazingly connected. I think somehow my feelings radiate throughout your body. Your feelings ignite mine. You once gave me the perfect lyric for my favorite song, ‘Insatiable’, and I hope when I next play for you you’ll listen to my feelings for you. Until then know that you have
my heart, my body, my soul, and all that I am. I am yours and you are mine, always and forever. I love you. These words are hollow and nowhere near what I want to convey to you, Lily, but I will do whatever it takes to be everything you
need.}

Alfie x

My heart cracked, and I began to cry. I still loved him so much, but I knew I had to stay strong. I shook my head as if to try to shake the memories from my brain and stuffed everything back in the
box.

I didn’t even know why I kept those trinkets. We had been over for a long time now. I pushed it to the side and placed some boxes on top of it. I trembled when I thought about the reality that I faced t
oday.

It was a distinct possibility that I might just bump into him at the festival, if I was unlucky. Before the timely appearance of the memory box, I had been mentally preparing myself just in case I saw A
lfie.

Now, I wasn’t feeling so confident about managing to keep it together. I had to find the confidence for XrAid, as well as myself, no question abou
t it.

I kept telling myself if I came into contact with him I was going to keep it light and professional. I really didn’t believe it would happen th
ough.

There were eight stages, and Crakt Soundzz was playing on the biggest one at the end. Never for a moment did I think we’d end up playing on the same stage, but that’s exactly what the running order said when it was emailed t
o us.

All the bands on our stage had an hour slot. XrAid was fourth in the running order. So, there was a three hour gap until Crakt Soundzz took the stage. I figured we’d be long gone by
then.

Holly stared past me, into the mirror, where I was applying kohl to my eyes. “Are you sure about this, h
oney?”

I smiled softly and turned to face her. “Honestly Holly, Alfie’s long over. I purposely didn’t put myself in situations where he was, because I didn’t want any more angst about our situation. I think I can safely say we’re both over it
now.”

She hugged me tightly. “Well, if you’re
sure.”

I smirked and tried to sound convincing. “Positive,” I concluded with what I hoped was a finality to my voice, even if it wasn’t what I was fee
ling.

Lennon came over and picked me up with the rest of the guys apart from Digs. Lennon told me that Digs was coming under his own steam, since he was bringing his si
ster.

The radio was blaring, and Shawn was already getting into the zone, tapping out the percussions in time to a song I had never heard be
fore.

“Damn, wish we’d written this. I could have done so much better with it.” He sounded frustrated about the percussions. I smirked at him, and he held his hands up. “What… I definitely could have.” He grinned, and his eyebrows rose up into his hair
line.

We arrived at our stage area to check out the running order. Lennon’s eyes scrolled down the list, and his head spun to stare wide-eyed at me. His face had gone pale, and I just knew there had been a last minute change that would affec
t me.

“We’ve been moved up to sixth now.” Cody looked at me, and I tried hard to appear unaffected
.
Damn, it was too close to Alfie’s slot for com
fort.

I schooled my face, smiled, and put on a brave face. “It’s fine guys, I’ll do my bit, but I’d appreciate if you would grab my stuff afterwards. I’ll just head out as soon as we’ve finished pla
ying.”

Lennon nodded. “Sure thing, h
oney.”

Chapter 4
– Bumping chests

T
he festival itself had a fantastic buzz. There were all kinds of people, young and old, and the music was extremely loud. We walked around, checking out the competition, and I actually began to enjoy my
self.

Maybe I was relaxed because, in the back of my mind, I knew Alfie would never be out here among the crowds of people. He was far too famous to do that. He would get mo
bbed.

Lennon and the others were happy to hang out there with me until we had to check in backstage. We made arrangements, with the production team, to be in our dressing room thirty minutes before our set. They knew we were there, and what we were d
oing.

In my mind, it was less likely I’d have any awkward moments coming face to face with Alfie, Drew, or any other Crakt Soundzz band mem
bers.

I stood out front watching the band before us. They had an hour set as well. The daylight had faded, and it was dusk by the time they had sta
rted.

I was pleased we were getting to perform outside in the dark. I had only ever done that once before, at a beach party, when I performed with Will when I first came to M
iami.

I had loved the atmosphere that night. I smiled to myself, thinking I had come a long way from the innocent little girl I was
then.

Glancing at my phone, I saw it was almost thirty minutes until we were up for our set. The guys left me ten minutes ago and headed back there to give me a buffer before I joined
them.

I headed to the side of the stage and wiggled the backstage pass on my lanyard at the security guy. He was standing guard at the barriers, which separated the public from a huge set of black curtains. They provided a screen to protect the artists from the c
rowd.

He moved the metal barrier and smiled as he waved me inside. I asked where the XrAid dressing room was, and he pointed to an area with makeshift dressing rooms that were painted mainly black, like plywood encased porta-ca
bins.

On the door was a laminated name tag, which bore our familiar logo in black, white, and silver; X
rAid.

I pushed the door open and saw Shawn pulling up his pants. He’d obviously just been changing into them. “Argh, quick get me some bleach for my eyes,” I shouted, pretending to be bli
nded.

“Didn’t someone tell you that it isn’t the army you signed up for? It’s a band, Shawn. You’re not a commando. It
is
okay to wear briefs now and again you know.” I smirked and pretended to look disgu
sted.

Cody and Digs chuckled and quipped in unison, “And she’s
back!”

I had long ago forgotten about modesty when I was dressing in front of the guys. I pulled my t-shirt over my head as I walked over to the suit bag in the co
rner.

Pulling out a little jade green, leather thigh length dress from it, I pulled it over my head and smoothed it down the front o
f me.

“Fuck,” Lennon gru
nted.

My eyes flicked to his. “Do we really need to go there with my outfit again? Now? T
oday?”

He shook his head, and I took my black patent six inch stiletto heels out of my bag. “Fuck, I know you’ve heard this before, but damn you have hot legs in those,” Digs mutt
ered.

“Digs, shoes don’t keep your legs warm… they keep your feet warm honey.” I smirked and continued to slip the second shoe on. Cody snickered but said nothing, and I turned my head to Shawn. “Comm
ents?”

He shook his head. “I’m quitting while I’m ahead… I
am
ahead, r
ight?”

I chuckled and pulled on the door handle, just as the five minute knock came. “If you say so, S
hawn.”

When I opened the door and began to stride out I walked straight into a solid wall of muscle. His body heat instantly radiated toward mine as soon as our chests coll
ided.

His smell instantly drew me in, and I had a tingling sensation inside of me, which coursed through my veins, as his hands gripped the bare flesh on my arms. His touch ignited a rash of goosebumps over my flesh and a pool of moist, wet, slick juice trickled into the thin material between my
legs.

Outwardly, the effect of him being there almost paralysed me. Even after a year or more, the sight and smell of him affected me so much. It was truly a heart stopping moment as I stood there feeling dizzy, my throat constricting, and I found swallowing impossible. I looked up slowly. Just seeing the silky skin of his neck made me want to press my lips t
o it.

Alfie was standing right in front of me. A ghost from my past. He looked perfect. His tongue darted out, making his plump lips look positively edible. “Hey,” he cooed, his eyes lighting up as he saw me. I froze completely, stopped in my tracks, and my eyes were instantly locked into
his.

“Two minutes guys, you need to be up front right now,” the stagehand called. I couldn’t move. I just stared at his face until a hand slipped into mine, gripping it tightly. It was
Cody.

He pulled me past Alfie and began tugging me along. “Keep it together, Lily, you can do this,” he whispered into my ear as he hauled me in the direction of the stage. “We’re on. You need to let it go for
now.”

I shook my head as I rushed along the dark passage and up the stairs leading to the stage. “Please give it up for XrAid,” the emcee announced. I had no time to dwell on anything. I had a job t
o do.

The crowds at the festival were insane. The noise and buzz were like food to us, and it helped me push past what happened right before we went on stage. We couldn’t have wished for a more rowdy and enthusiastic bunch of people. They were so suppor
tive.

As bands go, we played flawlessly. I had found myself playing my guitar with an aggression that worked great for the band, but only made me feel more frustrated with myself for allowing Alfie to affect me this way a
gain.

Despite Alfie’s presence, everything was going great with our performance, and I coped much better after seeing him than I thought I w
ould.

We only had three more numbers left of our set, and I would have been able to get the hell out of there. Far away from Alfie. I wasn’t relishing the thought of making small talk and acting like we were okay. I just knew I couldn’t have stood around pretending like
that.

Just being so close to him even for a few seconds, had made my body hum. When my eyes had connected with his, after the initial shock, my heart had begun to race and my body spontaneously reacted to the chemistry we
had.

From the brief, close-up glimpse I caught, he looked even more stunning than he had when we were together. His scent was like a warm blanket that I wanted to snuggled into. Alfie was still both dangerous and irresistible. Hence, my emotional conflict, as far as he was conce
rned.

His wealth and fame suited him. He appeared a little more mature but even better looking. Just thinking about him again gave me an instant feeling of heartache. I missed him desperately. After more than a year apart, then seeing him again, I realized the despair for my loss of him was as strong as the day we pa
rted.

The next number was one that Lennon and I sang together. Cody played keyboard for us. It was a slower rock ballad, and one of my favorites. Lennon wrote it, and it was about a guy who caught his girlfriend cheating. The words were pretty dark, but it was full of emotion. I had a hunch that it was a personal experience of Lennon’s. He always connected instantly with this song and had a troubled, far- away look in his eyes whenever he san
g it.

Lennon also had a lot of issues with women. He was a stunningly handsome, tall, slender guy, with mussy, sandy brown hair. His deep brown eyes and sallow skin caught the eye of all of the women he came into contact with. He could flirt easily enough, and hook up with girls, but he never let them get close. I wondered if he’d been burned by a girl in his past. He was polite and respectful but never allowed any girl to get close to
him.

During the song, I turned to walk to the edge of stage left. Alfie was standing there in the wings. He was watching me intently, his arms folded across his chest. His confident stance added a dangerous ‘bad boy’ vibe to his aura. His face was serious. Unsmiling. I couldn’t allow my eyes to linger on him. Just the briefest glimpse left an ache in my h
eart.

My feelings were too painful to deal with. I changed direction and walked over to the right, getting as far away from him as possible. I usually walked back and forth across the stage this way, during this song, but I found myself hanging out over the other side of the stage from where I usually stood for the remaining time I was up t
here.

Cody squeezed my hand before the last number. “Are you holding up okay, babe?” His voice was full of concern of how Alfie being there was affecting me. Cody’s eyes flicked to the left, where Alfie was still standing, as he s
poke.

“Yeah, no sweat, don’t worry.” I forced a smile and hoped it appeared gen
uine.

As we finished the last number I waved to the crowd, and they cheered appreciatively, but as soon as Cody had secured my guitar in his hand, I left the stage to the right. Running down the dark passageway, I passed by a constant stream of people. There were technicians and roadies, wardrobe people, and musicians. I dodged them and the equipment as I headed toward the general public
area.

When I reached the security guys near the exit, I remembered my purse was in the dressing room. I asked one of them to go back and grab it for me, explaining that there was someone I needed to get away from. Without it I didn’t have any money to get
home.

This was the flaw in my plan to escape without running into Alfie. I knew I couldn’t face going back there. So I stood for about five minutes and realized that the big bearded guy I had asked to help me probably wasn’t coming
back.

I felt sick at the thought of going back in there, but I was feeling more confident, because enough time had passed, and Alfie had probably realized I’d left. Besides, I thought his band would be preparing to go on stage by
then.

I walked back slowly retracing my steps in the direction of the dressing room assigned t
o us.

As I neared the door, I heard Cody’s voice sounding slightly raised. “Leave her the fuck alone, dude. She’s been doing just great without
you.”

Lennon’s voice interjected. “Alfie, she’s gone, doesn’t that tell you everything you need to know? She didn’t want to see
you.”

Someone cleared their throat, and I heard Digs add, “Sorry, dude, you’re too late to want to talk to our
girl.”

Alfie chuckled. “Will you listen to yourselves. ‘Our girl?’ She collectively belongs to y’all now? All I want is to talk to her, make things okay betwee
n us.”

Cody’s voice sounded impatient with him. “She. Doesn’t. Want. To. Know. Besides, dude, it isn’t all about you. This is about Lily, and she’s doing what’s best for her now. The fact she’s left already makes me think her not talking to you makes things okay with you both in her w
orld.”

XrAid’s dressing room door opened, and I ducked between two roadies and several groupies that were milling around. I swallowed noisily as I hid myself while Alfie stormed past
them.

I quickly scooted across to the dressing room and rushed inside, banging the door behind me, and leaning against it. “Lily!” Shawn’s eyes were wide, and Lennon’s head snapped around, his eyes connecting with
mine.

“What th
e fu…”

“I forgot my purse, and my money is i
n it.”

Cody jumped to his feet and tugged me in for a hug. “He was here looking for you, just
now.”

I nodded, and the look on my face told him I already knew this. “Yeah, I know, I almost walked in on you
all.”

“He’s gone back to his dressing room now, quick give me my purse, and I’m gone.” Digs swiped it off the table and tossed it at me. I caught it, and Lennon came along
side.

“You want me to walk you
out?”

I shook my head. “He’ll be busy now. I’ll just sneak past, and I’ll be gone in a few minutes. Don’t worry. I’m fine. I just need to get out of
here.”

I pulled the door open and ran past Alfie’s dressing room with my heartbeat pulsating rapidly in my neck. I headed for the dark passage again that would connect me with the general pu
blic.

The corridor was nothing more than some chipboard painted black, but it separated me from the backstage army working on the other side o
f it.