Matt rumbled like a pissed-off bear. He came at Rivvie in a flash, shoving hard at his chest.
Rivvie wasn’t small by any means, but the weight of Matt’s fury and his own shock at being charged at worked against him. Rivvie was propelled backward, stumbling over the bottom of the doorframe. He flailed his arms, trying to keep himself upright, and slammed against the cave wall. When his head made contact with it, Rivvie saw stars, and pain flared out in hot streaks all the way down his back.
“Shit!” Matt yelled.
Rivvie didn’t understand how it was possible that he’d be melting, but it was happening. He dripped down the wall and onto the ground in a puddle of
oh fuck that hurts!
“Shit, shit, shit,” Matt chanted. He was right there on the ground with Rivvie, and the worry in Matt’s blue eyes was touching. Also, it was confusing.
“Fuck. Goddamn it!” Matt changed up the cursing. “So fucking stupid! Why can’t I act like a sensible goddamned human being!”
He began feeling along the back of Rivvie’s head. Rivvie figured out at that point that he hadn’t melted after all. He’d simple been stunned by a wallop to his head and had collapsed. What he didn’t get was Matt fluttering, swearing and being upset. Rivvie would have thought Matt would be crowing about taking down a physically stronger man.
Instead, Matt’s cheeks were suspiciously wet and he kept touching Rivvie and cursing himself.
Rivvie found himself reaching for Matt’s face, cupping one rounded cheek.
Matt gave him a startled look and quit babbling.
Silence stretched between them. Rivvie wasn’t certain if he was imagining the tension in the air or if it was really there. He tried to sniff, but as usual after even a mild head injury, that sense was skewed.
Then Matt moved again, a ragged sound escaping him as he crushed his mouth to Rivvie’s.
Shock held Rivvie still for all of one second, then he moaned and opened for Matt’s prodding tongue.
Matt stretched out on top of him, legs on either side of Rivvie’s waist. He grabbed two handfuls of Rivvie’s hair and held on tight enough to sting.
With his head pinned down, Rivvie felt wonderfully helpless. He could have bucked and fought, but why bother when he was sinking into one of his darkest fantasies? He kept his hands on the ground, the better to pretend he was tied down, and reveled in having his mouth plundered, his hair pulled.
And in the way Matt was grinding on him, rubbing a hot, hard erection against Rivvie’s stomach.
Rivvie’s cock was erect and likely poking out of the thin, short material he covered his genitals with. He spread his legs, aching for more of everything from Matt.
Matt bit at his lips and kissed him voraciously, as if starved for the taste of Rivvie. It was the most erotic experience Rivvie had ever had, and considering they weren’t doing more than kissing and some rubbing, that was saying a lot. Rivvie had fucked plenty of guys and even the occasional girl way back before he’d come to terms with his sexuality. None of those experiences compared to this one.
Matt jerked one hand, forcing Rivvie to turn his head. It broke their kiss. Before he could complain, Matt bit him right below the ear, then began to suck powerfully at that spot.
Rivvie whimpered and bucked his hips, unable to keep still. He clawed at the ground until his fingertips burned. Matt was driving him crazy with a mix of pleasure-pain, and Rivvie wanted more.
Matt sat up and let go of him. A wild look from the man kept Rivvie silent. He feared spooking Matt at that point.
With a quick movement, Matt had his shirt shoved up and his dick freed. He gave it a couple of tugs, then hunched over Rivvie and took his mouth in a lip-stinging kiss. He gripped Rivvie’s hair once more, as if needing something to hold onto. Grunting, thrusting, Matt chased after his release.
Rivvie was torn between touching him or not. He feared scaring Matt off if he moved very much.
But Matt’s desperation for relief became evident in the frustrated sounds he began to make and the hard, irregular movements of his hips. Rivvie had to risk it. He wedged a hand between them and fisted Matt’s fat, wet-tipped cock.
“Argh!” Matt shouted, throwing his head back. He sounded almost like he was furious as he fucked Rivvie’s hand faster.
Rivvie tightened his hold and brought his other hand up to press against Matt’s arched neck. He didn’t squeeze, merely let Matt know he was being touched there, too.
Matt cursed and drove his hips harder and harder. “Fuck, fuck!” He ground down against Rivvie’s hand and keened.
Rivvie felt Matt’s cock pulse in his grip. After a mighty throb, cum spurted out between them. Some of the hot jets splattered on Rivvie’s stomach and he whimpered, wishing he could jack himself off. He’d have to chuck Matt off him to get to his own dick, though, and he wasn’t doing that.
Matt panted and shook as if he were experiencing an internal breakdown and rebirth. He came for longer than Rivvie would have thought possible, then he collapsed suddenly onto Rivvie’s chest.
Rivvie had the air knocked out of him, but he liked it. He also still had a grip on Matt’s slick cock, and he liked that, too.
Damn it, the man had gotten to him all over again. Rivvie was so screwed, so very screwed. If he’d felt like his heart had broken after flirting with Matt once, then having to see Matt screw everyone he wanted to screw, how much worse would it hurt to have shared a moment like what had just happened, then have to let Matt fuck a dozen women to convince himself or whoever he was trying to convince, that he wasn’t interested in men?
Rivvie was fucked. Solidly, totally, fucked.
Chapter Five
Matt woke up in a bed that wasn’t his own. It was better made—with more stuffing, for one—and there was a warm, hard body taking up most of it. A nude, warm, hard body, he clarified to himself as he blinked the sleep from his eyes.
And it came back to him then—his horrible behavior, his violent outburst, his probably unwanted sexual attack.
Gods, what did I do?
Shame threatened to choke the breath right out of him. Matt’s chest felt as if steel bands were tightening around it.
What monster was he that he’d hurt a man then sexually assault him? That was what he’d done, when it came down to it. Rivvie had been hurt, for fuck’s sake, by
him
, and what had Matt done? Jumped on him then humped away, kissing Rivvie until he’d tasted blood, pulling at Rivvie’s hair because Matt needed the control.
Then another memory popped up—that of Rivvie reaching between them and fisting his dick, of Rivvie jacking him off, moaning, kissing Matt back.
Fuck the world, Rivvie had wanted what Matt had done to him, had enjoyed it, even, despite the fact that Matt had acted like a colossal asshole.
And he hadn’t bothered getting Rivvie off in return.
Gods, he was such a shit.
“Stop thinkin’ so hard,” Rivvie slurred.
Matt turned his head to look at Rivvie, who was on his side, facing him.
The light was dim in the room. Had it not been for a candle on a stone table, it’d have been dark. Matt found it challenging to look Rivvie in the eyes but he forced himself to do it. He had to be a decent person, at the very least, and not a coward. “I’m sorry,” he croaked, his throat dry, just like his mouth. “I shouldn’t have lost my temper.”
Rivvie blinked at him.
Matt sat up. His clothes were still on, and his dick tucked back in his pants. He was kind of disappointed. He’d have liked to be naked, just as Rivvie was. “Let me check your head.”
Matt bent and carefully felt the back of Rivvie’s skull. The knot that had been so large earlier was barely noticeable now. “The swelling’s gone down almost completely.”
“I heal fast,” Rivvie mumbled, his face against a pillow. “Still hurts.”
Matt mentally called himself every bad name he could think of. “I’m sorry. I’ve been of sorts for a long time now, and that’s no excuse. I’m just… I’m appalled at the person I’ve turned out to be.”
Much to his surprise, Rivvie flopped over and took Matt with him.
Matt landed on Rivvie. He was startled by the tender expression Rivvie gave him, and the gentle caresses Rivvie swept up and down his back. “Why are you being so nice to me?” he asked.
Rivvie shrugged. “Because I want to be. I’ve always wanted to be nice to you, Matt.
Really
nice.” He waggled his eyebrows.
Matt didn’t try to stop the snort of laughter. “Yeah, you made that clear before.” And it’d freaked Matt out. No, Matt’s reaction to it had freaked him out. “I…” He fought himself over making any admission, but in the end, the need to be truthful kicked his pride in the ass. “I was attracted to you then. It scared me. You were right. I behaved monstrously, I know. It— I have some problems, with the way I think of myself.”
“So when someone wants you, it makes you feel like you’re worth something,” Rivvie surmised correctly. “Unless it’s me. Then it sends you into a panic.”
“Any man’s attention would have, although maybe not as bad as yours did,” Matt admitted. “If I could have laughed it off, instead of wanting…”
“Me. Instead of wanting me,” Rivvie finished. He sounded happy, and that scared Matt all over again.
Matt squirmed until Rivvie let him go. He moved off Rivvie and sat up beside him. Matt brought his knees close to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. “You asked about children. I can’t make them. Something is wrong in me.” It made him feel defective. Who was he kidding? He
was
defective.
“How can anyone be certain?” Rivvie asked, propping himself up. “Could have just been that your seed didn’t mix with the woman’s…er…” Rivvie flapped a hand. “Stuff. Her baby eggs inside.”
That made Matt laugh and he sent Rivvie an apologetic look. “Sorry.”
Rivvie grinned at him. “No problem. I’m not the smartest man in this bed.”
“You’re pretty smart, Riv,” Matt told him quietly. “Smarter than me. You know you don’t have anything to prove.”
“Neither do you, Matt. You’re just who you are, and that’s all you have to be,” Rivvie reasoned.
He made it sound so simple. It wasn’t. Matt searched for the words to explain. “I was the oldest son, the one who was supposed to carry on the family line. I couldn’t do it. The women I was to breed with never became pregnant. She did with other men. Then Aaron was to have the brunt of that particular responsibility, but he, well…you know. He’s gay, and I didn’t know that—” Matt groaned and covered his eyes. “It sounds so stupid.
I
sound so stupid. It just didn’t occur to me that men could do the sort of things together that they can obviously do. I had sex with plenty of women because I thought it was what I was supposed to do. They wanted me, they liked it and since I wasn’t going to contribute to the village population, why not try to please people another way, you know?”
The bed dipped, then Rivvie tugged Matt’s hands away from his eyes.
Matt looked at him.
Rivvie’s eyebrows were arched nearly to his hairline. “Let me get this straight. You had sex to please the village?”
“That’s not it,” Matt snapped, then he groaned and thumped his forehead against the top of his knees. “Aw, gods. I can’t explain it. I just wanted to be useful, and making other people feel good was a way to do that. Then I met you, and you made me want things—things I’d only just begun to think about. I got scared, and things changed even more. Suddenly I was a consolation fuck, and I was lucky if I was even that. All the women want shifter men now.”
“You had plenty of partners,” Rivvie said.
Matt shook his head. “Not as many as I’d have had you think.”
Rivvie grabbed a handful of Matt’s hair and pulled his head up.
Matt hissed.
Rivvie let go of him. “Sorry. Anger’s an ugly thing, and I shouldn’t have given in. I wanted you to stop hiding from me.”
“I don’t know if I can.” Miserable. That’s how Matt sounded. “I just… I don’t know where my place is in this new living arrangement.”
“Pack,” Rivvie stated. “This is a pack. It’s our pack.”
Matt contemplated tucking his head down again but refused to give in to the impulse. “See? I don’t fit here. Maybe I should leave. That’s what I keep thinking, and it scares me, but it’s probably what I should do.”
Rivvie’s features pinched with anger. “Leave? Run off like a coward because things are new and scary—and hard because you
make
them hard? I thought you were as strong as a shifter.”
Oh, that made Matt so angry! He poked Rivvie’s chest. “I am! And stop trying to piss me off!”
“Stop feeling sorry for yourself,” Rivvie yelled back at him.
“Make me!” Matt covered his mouth with one hand. He hadn’t meant to say that.
Rivvie clutched Matt’s wrist and tugged his hand away from his mouth.
“I will
not
make you,” Rivvie said. “You’re not going to provoke me into an angry, sexual wrestling match.”
Matt’s cheeks burned with shame. He couldn’t look at Rivvie. “Like I did earlier. Hurting you, then…then forcing—”
“You forced
nothing
,” Rivvie snapped. “Don’t start that ridiculous shit. Even hurt, I could have stopped you. I sure as hell wouldn’t have kissed you back or grabbed your dick if I hadn’t been all for what was going on. Are you going to constantly be throwing yourself pity parties?”
“Pity parties?” Matt spluttered, lost for any more words.
Rivvie nodded at him. “You heard me. What are you, ten? Emotionally, I mean. You’ve been throwing a temper tantrum for months. Stop it.”
“I’m twenty-five,” Matt yelled, trying to get off the bed before he did something stupid, like tackle Rivvie and rub off on him. “I’m—”
“Shouting and throwing a fit,” Rivvie pointed out. “Should I put you over my knee?”
Matt gawped at the man. “You wouldn’t dare.” Funny, tingly sensations began bubbling in his innards. It took him a moment to recognize them as arousal.
Rivvie sniffed, and a wicked smile lit his entire expression. “Oh ho, someone likes that idea.” He patted his thighs. “Come here, Matt.”
Matt backed toward the door. “You’re crazy, and besides, you’re the one who liked being manhandled.” He was growing dizzy with the desire to take what Rivvie was offering him, and yet fear was overpowering him, too. The instinct to run screaming from Rivvie’s house warred with a need so dark and intimidating that Matt couldn’t face it.