Exposed (Free Falling) (5 page)

I was already shaking my head halfway through Terrell’s sentence. 
“No way.  I spent the better part of my college life chasing her and I’m done.  I can assure you that the air between us is clear and there won’t be any problems.  But calling her?”  I shook my head again.  “Out of the question.”

Terrell was quiet
.

Knowing I’d regret it later, I asked.  “What now?”

He took a breath and from the way his background noise was now void of the television show he and Maisha were watching, I knew he’d changed rooms.  “Listen…I know you have your own thoughts and feelings about Sam leaving back in the day, but…it wasn’t like you thought it was, man.  She was messed up.  I mean
real
messed up…for a long time.”  He added the last part under his breath and I wondered if he meant to say it in his head.  “Still kinda is.”

I waved my parking pass at the attendant and waited for the bar
at the entrance of the structure to be raised while I thought.  My mind was made up and I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that I would
not
be accepting Sam’s number to call her, but Terrell’s words still lingered in my head.

“Look, it was just a suggestion,” he finally spoke.  “As long as y’all don’t go all
Jerry Springer
at the wedding, I’m cool.  Whatever you decide isn’t my business.”

I didn’t respond, still deep in thought.

“I gotta take off, though.  Hit you up later,” he concluded.

I ended the call and sat in my parking space for a moment before heading inside to start my workday. 
A million thoughts crossed my mind –
Why would Dee run her mouth to Sam considering the fact that me and Kira’s relationship didn’t concern her at all?  Why had Sam even bothered mentioning it to Terrell?
  Shaking my head, I climbed out of the car and headed in. 

Half the day had passed and I couldn’t name one productive thing I’d done.  I was sitting
through the second meeting of the morning when my phone vibrated in my pocket.

“Oh, yeah…congrats,”
was all Terrell’s text said.  It wasn’t lost on me that he held out hope for Sam and me longer than
I
did.  He liked Kira enough, but, in his mind, Sam and I were supposed to have patched things up. 

While my father carried on about “quarterly goals” and “indicated dividends”, I zoned out, thin
king back to how Kira and I came to be.  The only reason I even discovered the first email she sent me was because I was checking it constantly, hoping to hear from Sam.  Kira hadn’t even made it to Virginia yet, but she reached out anyway.  Her excuse?  She didn’t know anyone else there, and refused to spend her summer vacation hanging out with her sister, Reina.

A week or so after the email came through, there was another requesting my
address so she could stop by.  Thinking nothing of it, I sent it, and an hour later she was standing in the hallway outside my apartment door.  It was completely innocent, although I’d already picked up on the fact that she had feelings for me.  However, at that time, I couldn’t see past Sam enough to even explore the idea of being with anyone else.  In fact, that’s basically how it was for an entire two years.  For all that time, Kira was nothing but a good friend, a friend who slowly but surely helped me realize that I was a whole person even without Sam. 

One day it was like a light bulb went off inside my head and I finally
saw
Kira – like for the first time.  It was three summers ago, at the end of my junior year of college.  I sprained my ankle pretty bad playing basketball with Karl and I was bummed about having to spend a good part of my summer on crutches.  Kira called one day and said that she had a surprise if I could, and I quote, “hobble my crippled-self to the door to answer it”.  She showed up with a box full of corny DVDs, boxed mac n’ cheese for days, and an assortment of Icy Hot products.  She ignored the beautiful weather outside for three weeks straight so I wouldn’t feel so bad about being stuck indoors, only returning home to sleep at night.  That was when she made the shift to the forefront of my mind, and Sam finally took a backseat.

“Any input, Anthony?”  My father asked, snatching me from my inner thoughts. 

Caught off guard, I sat up straight and cleared my throat.  “Uh…no.  I think you pretty much covered it all,” I replied, clueless as to a word he’d spoken in the last ten minutes.  Judging by the look on his face, he knew I wasn’t paying attention.

“Well, if there aren’t any other issues that need to be brought to the table, we’ll conclude until next we
ek.”

I was the first one out of my seat, headed for the door so that I could retreat to my office in peace.

“Anthony?”  My father called out from behind. 

With a heavy sigh, I turned and took a few steps in his direction, shoving my hands in my pockets when I stood before him.  “Yes?”

My father met my stare with kindness in his eyes, but I ignored it – just like I’d ignored every other attempt he’d made to show me that he’s not the same man he was years ago – apparently losing the majority share of his company to Kira’s father was a humbling experience for him.  My icy stare didn’t change.

“Congratulations, Son,” he said with an air of pride behind the words
as he acknowledged that he knew of my engagement.  “I would’ve loved to have been there.”

His lack of an invitation was completely intentional.  As far as I was concerned, our rift was irreparable, so why pretend like we’re ever going to have the father/son relationship that he seemed to be after lately – for the past three or four years to be exact.  The fact that he decided to change his demeanor toward me once word got to him that Sam and I were no longer together was another reason I refused to fall for the act.  He’d already let me know that his love and approval for me was conditional.

“Thanks,” I replied with a quick, tight smile, and then turned to attempt an exit once more.

“Son?”

I sighed, but didn’t answer.

“Your mother and I would like to gift you and Kira a honeymoon – anywhere you’d like
to go.”

I nodded.  “Thank you for the offer, but…I’ve got it covered.”

His expression fell slack when I rejected him, but he didn’t try to stop me when I crossed the threshold, headed straight for my office.  I sat in my chair, gazing out the window at nothing in particular.  My father was such a non-factor that I didn’t even waste any energy revisiting our conversation after I was out of his presence.  Terrell’s suggestion, on the other hand – the one about calling Sam, came back to mind.  When memories of her crept into my private thoughts, I didn’t actively fight them at first.  They were only brief flashes – one of her waking up beside me with the sun bathing her face as she smiled, another of her singing and dancing in the passenger seat of my car while I watched, and the last memory I had of her…her tear-streaked face as she passed through the doorway of my dorm room with her heart set on leaving me behind.  The last one sobered me and I cleared my throat, deciding to call and see how Kira’s day was going so far.

“Hey, babe,” she answered, sounding muffled.

I smiled at the sound of her voice, picturing her typing away at her laptop, glasses pushed up her nose, hair pinned on top of her head, pen pursed between her lips.

“Hey.  Sounds like you’re busy,” I said, leaning back in my seat, tossing the miniature basketball into the air that I kept in my desk drawer.

“Eh…a little.  Trying to finish this article before lunch.  How’s
your
day going so far, though?”

I thought back to my conversation with Terrell, and then the awkward one with my father a few minutes prior.  “Fine, I guess.”

“Uh-oh.  We’ll save a fortune on couch time in some snooty therapist’s office if you just tell
me
what the problem is,” she replied.  I could hear her smiling through the phone.

I smiled too.  Deciding not to tell her the part about Terrell, I cleared my throat before speaking.  “My father…he stopped me to say congratulations after our meeting.”

“Oh…well
that
was sweet of him.  He really seems to be trying,” she replied sympathetically, knowing to tread lightly when it came to this subject matter.  “I have a feeling you two will work it out.  Watch.”

Her optimism is usually infectious, but not this time.
  Her turmoil with her
own
father only solidified my belief that not all parental relationships were salvageable.  

“Yeah…
maybe,” was my only response.

“Well, listen, I’ve
gotta go hard in the paint to get this article on Sherry’s desk, but I’m gonna call and check in on you as soon as I take lunch, k?”

I smiled a little and reared back in my seat again, no
dding like she could see me.  “Okay.”

“I lo
ve you, Anthony Hahn, my fiancé.”

I chuckled at the corny statement and so did she. 
“I love you, too.”

We ended the call and I expected for my thoughts to be on Kira now, but that wasn’t the case.  Almost instantly, I revisited the same images of Sam that prompted me to call Kira as a distraction in the first place.  The one of us waking up side by side in her bed was now stuck in my mind and I sighed heavily
, realizing that I could still feel her skin against my hands and smell her sweet scent lingering in the air. 

Terrell’s plea came back to mind, but I quickly dismissed it.  There was no way in hell I’d call her – not after all this time, not even to
‘clear the air’
, or whatever he said.  One thing I’d learned over the years is that Sam and I are better off left in the past.  She clearly felt the same way seeing as how our current arrangement was all her doing.

We were living proof that
no matter how strong your feelings are for a person, that doesn’t always mean that you’re meant to be.  She and I simply weren’t written in the stars and I was glad that I was finally able to accept that.

C
hapte
r
T
hree

Sam

Twice, I double-checked the side pocket of my purse for my and Jason’s plane tickets.  Granted, Boston was less than a three hour drive away, but neither of us felt like spending a better part of our morning driving.  A thirty-five minute plane ride sounded much more appealing. 

Maisha had everything all planned out.  At noon, the entire bridal party was due to meet in a small banquet room of the hotel she’d booked for us.  There’d be a meet and greet there with light refreshments, and then we needed to head over to the church for rehearsal.  The wedding w
ould take place the next evening at 5:00 pm, followed by the reception.  Sunday morning would be a quaint farewell breakfast at her and Terrell’s house before the newlyweds bid us all adieu and boarded a plane headed for the Bahamas.  Just thinking about it all had me feeling like taking off work Monday was a good idea.  Being on the go all weekend would surely leave me exhausted. 

In my last session with Dr. Gill, w
e discussed the idea of AJ and me speaking again.  I explained that I wasn’t opposed to saying a quick ‘hello’, but especially given the fact that he was newly engaged, I didn’t think it was a good idea.  She didn’t agree, but respected my opinion all the same.

Jason’s ringtone distracted me from my thoughts.

“Hello?”

“Hey, babe.
  I already called your cab.  It should be there in ten.”

I z
ipped my last bag and rushed it to the apartment door to set it beside the rest of my luggage.  “Ok, I’m ready.  You headed out now?”

In the background, I heard Jason telling the driver his destination, which answered my question.

“Yep, I’ll wait for you out front.”

Grabbing my keys and purse, I nodded.  “Ok.  See you in a few.”

We ended the call and, right on time, the cab pulled up to the curb outside my building.  The short, African-American man driving stepped out to load up my suitcases.  Jason had already told him where I needed to go, so I climbed in and watched the tall buildings pass by as we drove.  As promised, he was waiting out front to help with my bags.  In no time, we were checked in and seated on our flight just waiting for takeoff.

“You alright?”
  Jason asked, gripping my hand when he did.

It wasn’t until he spoke that I realized how tense I was.  Forcing a smile, I replied, “Yeah…I’m fine.”

He studied my expression for a moment and then let my response be good enough.  As my gaze drifted out the window, I tried to steady my breathing.  It wasn’t lost on me that as soon as this plane landed I would be about an hour away from what I’d dubbed “the moment of truth” – my first encounter with AJ in five years.

I’m honest enough with myself to admit that I was feeling some type of way about meeting his fiancé, too.  The only thing Terrell or Maisha had ever mentioned about her was her name
– Kira.  I tried to imagine AJ with someone else, and could never seem to do it.  I couldn’t imagine him holding some other girl’s hand, kissing her…touching her.  Whenever I questioned myself about what created this mental block in my head, I reasoned that it was because of the sense of being the only woman that existed that I always had when it came to him.  He made it seem as though he couldn’t even
see
other women – another reason I felt so guilty about my reaction in the past, thinking he’d cheated.  Even if the letter I’d just found hadn’t told me so, I realized quite some time ago that AJ was nothing but faithful to me.  However, being young and dumb, I couldn’t accept that as the truth at the time that it actually counted.