Exposed (Free Falling) (9 page)

When she fini
shed speaking, I glanced over at Terrell as he spoke, asking the woman for clarity on what his cue was to lead Maisha away from the altar at the end, but instead my eyes settled on AJ.  He totally ignored the fact that anyone else was in the room as he stared in my direction.  I wanted to look away, but couldn’t.  Like, literally
couldn’t! 
His eyes were so deep that I got lost in them just like I used to.  Nervous, I chewed at my bottom lip, feeling a quivering breath leave my mouth when I did.  We watched one another long enough that the coordinator snapped her fingers at us when it was time to exit.  I was desperately trying to figure out what was going through AJ’s mind.  This had to feel just as surreal to him as it did to me.

Out in the foyer,
we gazed at one another often, but said nothing.  It was a relief when the coordinator made it out to address us.  Hopefully we’d be dismissed and I could get out of there and away from these confusing feelings.

“That was great!  Just remember to smile tomorrow, and stop at the end of the aisle for a photo.  If there aren’t any further questions, you’re all free to go,” she added with a smile.

I breathed a sigh of relief and only had a few seconds to recover before Jason and the others who’d sat on the pews came out to join the bridal party.  He caught me around my waist with his keys in hand.

“Ready?  Or did you want to –“

“We can go,” I cut in.  I wouldn’t even look at AJ now, feeling the pressing need to distance myself.  Being around him had me feeling a little off.  I gave Jason an uneasy smile and he didn’t question me.

I climbed into
the car when he opened my door and sat in silence as we drove back to the hotel.  Luckily, with the radio at a moderate volume, he didn’t pay my lack of conversation too much attention.  My mind was reeling.  Why didn’t it seem like AJ was mad at me like I thought he’d be?  Like my conversations with Terrell and Deanna suggested?  Did I misread their signs?  Here I was thinking I’d be walking into the lion’s den, and AJ’s behavior and body language was anything
but
hostile.  Dare I say there was a potential for us to actually be okay one day.

Jason and I held
hands as we walked to our room and he was still giving off that
‘can I get some?’
vibe, but I wasn’t exactly in the mood – as if I was
ever
in the mood, though.  Let’s just say I wasn’t up for faking it tonight.

“That went pretty smoothly.  I don’t think I’ve been in a wedding where we didn’t have to go over ever
ything at least twice.”

My absentminded response tumbled out while I thought.  “Yeah, I think that was a first for me too.”  I kept an eye on Jason as he removed his shoes, belt, and watch.

He crossed the room and disappeared inside the bathroom.  While he was gone, I stepped out of my shorts, placing them over the back of the chair with the matching blazer.  As I started unbuttoning my blouse, Jason reemerged and I could feel his eyes on me as I stood there in nothing covering my lower half except for my black panties.

He cursed softly to himself
as he gazed at my butt and I subdued an eye roll because I was sure he was watching my reflection in the mirror.  Pressing his erection into my backside, I exhaled a sharp breath that he either missed or ignored.

“Why don’t you let me get this?”  He said, whispering against my neck after placing a kiss there.  I reached behind me and ran my hand across the back of his neck.

“I’m kinda tired, babe.  Rain check, though?”

Jason’s kisses persisted and I watched him undo the rest of the buttons on my blouse.  “You won’t be tired for long,” was the response that he returned.

Clearly there was no getting out of this.

If I couldn’t stop it, the least I could do was make it quick.
“Lemme get the lights,” I offered.

Jason walked over to the bed and practically fell on top of it while pullin
g his pants down his thighs, kicking them off to the floor.  Once it was dark, I unhooked my bra and tossed it.  My panties followed.

I crawled up the length of Jason’s body and straddled his waist.  He was already panting and groping me as I accepted the sealed condom from his hand.  Despite us having been together exclusively
for two years, and aside from the fact that I’ve been on birth control since college, condoms were one of my many rules when it came to intimacy.  Jason knew them all by heart and never complained openly about having to abide by them…although I was almost positive that he wanted to on occasion.

Tossing the wrapper to the nightstand
, I lifted my leg a little to ease him inside.  Another steady stream of curse words left his mouth and I stared at the sliver of light on the headboard that filtered in past the closed curtain from the street lights outside the window.  I stared at it and counted the minutes while I rode him, knowing that I would get absolutely no pleasure out of the act whatsoever.  That wasn’t one of the rules – that was just a side effect of that infamous experience that had apparently changed the landscape of my sex life forever.

The rules were:
I had to be on top, condoms were a must because the idea of the skin on skin contact of making love without one freaked me out, and I reserved the right to stop no matter how far into the act we were.  Aside from the fact that these restrictions made sex for me more of a chore than an escape, it made it hella boring and methodical.  The element of surprise had completely been removed, but that was actually the whole point of having these rules in place, according to Dr. Gill.

She assumed that I still
bore quite a few emotional scars from Antonio – scars that heightened my anxiety when it came to sex.  So, to quell the fear, I enacted boundaries that Jason and I never deviated from since the first time we’d had sex. 
Ever
.  For this reason I sometimes wondered if I’d never had an orgasm with him because I was bored, but deep down I knew that it was psychological.  Either way, I was getting ready to fake it once more for the sake of not bruising his ego.

I moaned and
screamed like a pro, gripping and kneading his chest in my hands like I wasn’t in control of my limbs, grinding my hips into his pelvis.  Thinking I was getting excited almost always made him cum, which was technically the reason why I put on such a good act.  I wanted to get off of him, shower, and go to bed
ASAP
. 

He grunted and arched upward toward me a little when he climaxed, holding my waist tightly in his hands.  The second I was sure he’d finished,
I climbed off of him quickly and got to my feet.  Jason slipped the condom down his length and disappeared in the bathroom to flush it down the toilet.

“Want me to start the water for you?”  He asked, knowing that showering immediately after was
also
part of the rigmarole. 

“Yeah, thanks,
” I called out.

Before he returned, I had on the white robe that the hotel provided and was slipping on a shower cap to keep my hair from getting wet and looking like hell
for the wedding.  When he passed by, Jason kissed my cheek and told me how good it was.

Lies.
  But whatever. 

I closed the door to the bathroom and stepped inside the shower, letting the hot water roll down my back for a while before washing.
  Being intimate brought my issues to the forefront of my mind every time.  Jason had no way of knowing this – because I’d never admit it – but that was precisely why I didn’t want him living with me.  I could imagine it already.  Every night I’d have anxiety about us sharing a bed.  With him having his own quarters to retreat to at night, I had a little bit more control.

I hated that I was so broken.  More than that, I hated that Jason had to pay for it.  Sometimes, I wondered why he even stayed.  And then, as quickly as I’d ask the question, the answer wou
ld come to me – because he loved me.

When I stepped back into the
room, Jason was asleep and snoring heavily like I figured he’d be.  I pulled on a pair of pajama shorts and an old t-shirt before slipping beneath the sheets.  I eased in close to his naked body.  If I could just have this, the body heat and Jason’s company
without
the sex, I’d move in with him in a heartbeat.

C
hapte
r
F
ive

S
am

When morning came, Jason woke me with a kiss to the forehead.

“I already went down and got us some food.  It was like a zoo down there,” he added, referring to the crowd that must’ve gathered around the continental breakfast.

With a smile, I accepted the plain bagel and two sausage links he’d managed to snag for me.  “Thank you.”

He sat on the edge of the bed beside me and sipped from the cup of coffee in his hand.  I watched him and found myself thinking back to last night – how patient he’s been with me, how he doesn’t let my issues and hang-ups come between us.

“You’re a good man, Jason
Fenelus, you know that?”

He turned his head to look at me with that same warmth in those beautiful eyes of his that stole my heart from day one.  He leaned in to kiss me, tasting like cream and sugar.

“Thanks, babe.”

I nodded and held the side of his face, catching his lips once more before letting him back awa
y.  Jason was everything I could ask for – sexy, accomplished, loyal, giving, funny, kind, patient, and attentive.  Sometimes I didn’t feel like a girl like me – a girl as
flawed
as me – deserved him.  Yet and still, he stuck around through all of my ups and downs.  When he caught me staring, he gave a thoughtful smile.

“
What you thinking?” He asked, sipping from his cup again.

I shr
ugged and pulled the cover up my thighs to my hips.  “About how much I love you and how much it means that you came with me this weekend.”

He shrugged like it was no big deal.  “You’re my baby.  Where else would I be?”

I blushed and pulled a small piece off my bagel to eat. 

“I know you have a lot to do to get ready for the wedding, so I was thinking I’d get out of your hair for a while.  Maybe take in a movie or hit the mall or something.  What you think?”

I nodded and then looked at the time –
9:02. 
I needed to be to the church by 3:00, which meant I should head out around 2:30.  With another shower, hair, and makeup in my future, I could easily be at it from 11:00 until time to leave.

“That’s cool.  I have so much to do, I probably won’t even notice you’re gone,” I replied with
a smile.

“Ha-ha-ha…real cute.
  You know you’re gonna miss all this.”  He leaned in and kissed me again.  When he pitched his cup in the trash, he took his car keys and got ready to take off.  “Need anything while I’m out?”

I thought for a second. 
“Mmm…nope.”

“Alright, well if you think of anything, just call.  I have my phone on me.”

“K,” I answered, watching Jason make his exit.

The black-out curtains had our room looking like it was still nighttime.  I climbed out of bed and pulled them back, scanning the lot from the sheer curtains that kept the outside world from being able to see in.

With a sigh, I rested my hands on my hips and thought about the day ahead.  I had a couple hours to kill so I thought I’d check out the gift shop down on the first floor.  I could stand to spare thirty minutes and twenty bucks, so why not?

I grabbed a pair of jeans from my bag and some flip flops.  Pulling off the oversized t-shirt
and exchanging it for a black tank top after putting on a bra.  I ran a brush through my hair a few times and figured I looked good enough for the short journey downstairs.

I rode the elevator down and followed the long hallway to the right where the sign for the shop protruded fro
m the wall above the entrance – the flipping and flopping of my shoes echoing in the emptiness.  The sound of my mother’s ringtone just as I stepped inside made me look down to feel my pockets for my phone.  When I did, I wasn’t watching where I was going and ran smack-dab into a hard, wall-like chest.  The arms that encircled me, keeping me from stumbling back, felt familiar before I even realized who they belonged to.

I stood there, staring up into AJ’s dark eyes
as the heat from his body engulfed me like I’d stepped into a roaring fire.  Needless to say, I lost my breath.  His hands were hot against my back and his scent filled my senses as I stood there in…shock?  Awe?  I couldn’t tell which, but all I knew was that I couldn’t move.

A slight smile crossed his face at the irony of the situation
, and it was almost my undoing. 

“We
have to stop meeting like this,” he said lightheartedly.

The memory of our first encounter in the halls of
Allister Academy sobered me up a bit and only then did I take a step backward out of his grasp.

Running my fingers through my hair when my nerves kicked into overdrive, I instantly started apologizing. 
“I’m sooo sorry.  My phone went off, and I wasn’t looking where I was going, and –“