Faded Perfection (Beautifully Flawed Book 2) (23 page)

I concentrated on the puppy standing in front of me; his head cocked as he stared at the treat in my hand.

“Sit, Bagel,” I said, signaling to his bum with my hand. I held my hand up. “High Five.”

Bagel did as he was told. I moved my hand and placed my arm in front of him. “What do we do before we go to sleep?”

He lifted his paws to my arm and then tucked his head down between them as if praying.

“And how do we go to sleep?” I asked as I stood, signaling to the ground with my finger and then circling the finger. Bagel laid down and then flipped onto his back.”Good boy!”

Dad chuckled on the porch behind us. “You’re quite the talented bunch, aren’t you?”

I smiled as I walked back up and sat down across from him. Bagel jumped into my lap.

“West’s better than I am. He already has Sadie and Walter speaking on command. I’m afraid if I teach him to bark he’ll never stop,” I replied as I scratched between Bagel’s ears and his leg thumped against my thigh. He sighed happily.

“Sounds like West’s just braver than you are, teaching a beagle to bark!” Dad said, and my eyes moved up to his as my pulse spiked and my throat constricted. I mentioned West. I never mentioned him to Dad before. Dad’s brows rose as he sat back in his chair smiling at me.

“Brave’s one word for it,” I managed to say, but my voice was a breathless squeak.

I looked down at Bagel and the air in my lungs seemed to catch there, not wanting to come out.

“I’m proud of you, Riv,” he said, and his voice was soft.

I let my gaze drift up to his. “For training a dog?”

He laughed, looking down at his hands on his knee before biting his lip and then answering, “That’s cool, but that’s not what I meant. I’m sorry I doubted you– that I said you’d be lost without Adam. You’re not, and now I see I was wrong. You needed to do what you did, and I’m glad you did.”

My jaw dropped before a smirk pulled at the edge of my lips. I leaned forward. “Did the great and wise Joel Ahlers actually admit he’s wrong?”

Dad scratched the edge of his nose as he shook his head at me. “I’m glad to be wrong this time. So tell me more about this West gentleman?”

I ran my fingers over Bagel’s coat, tracing the spot that looked like a heart when he curled up just right. “He’s just a friend. We met at the beginning of July. He actually did my tattoos, and it turned out he’s Maggie’s cousin. He also works at the shelter I got Bagel from… He adopted his brother and sister.”

“The woman you did wedding pictures for and became friends with?”

I nodded.

“Sounds like you’ve been seeing a lot of him?” Dad asked, and I let my eyes lift to his.

“A few times a week to bring the dogs to class and sometimes just to hang out,” I replied and my muscles tensed as I waited for his eyes to shift from interested to dark and disapproving.

They didn’t. Instead, he leaned forward on his forearms, forehead wrinkling with lines of concentration. “Do you like him?”

My whole body flushed with heat as I thought about that question. Did I like him?

Yes. A lot.

Dad chuckled, and I realized it must be written on my face. He reached across the table, taking my hand and squeezing it. “Then let him in, River. You’ve been different these past few weeks, and I thought it was just Bagel, but I see it’s more than that. You’ve found yourself again.”

My chest rose as I breathed in, locking eyes with him. “I kind of feel like I never really knew myself before this. I wish things had been different, though.”

“You miss them both?” Dad asked, cocking his head.

I sighed, biting the inside of my lip. “I guess I feel like there’s just a part of me that will never be whole.”

Dad’s lips pursed causing the wrinkles at the edge of his eyes to deepen. “Have you told him?”

My eyes drifted down to our hands as I shook my head. “He knows I lost a friend and recently broke it off with a boyfriend–but he doesn’t really know.”

And he knows Adam.

“Are you still in love with Adam?”

The question caught me off guard, and I leaned back as I struggled to get air into my lungs. I thought the answer would be a resounding yes, but suddenly I didn’t know. If I had feelings for West, could I still be in love with Adam? And how was that fair to West?

“I don’t know.”

Dad’s eyes dropped from mine, and they stared down at the table as he contemplated something. Finally, they rose up to mine. “I think you do know. Just remember, River, you need to do what’s best for you. Obviously, you know that better than I do.”

I smirked at him. “There you go, admitting you’re wrong again.”

He laughed. “Don’t go telling your mother.”

The thought of Mom tore the smile from my lips, and my mouth went dry. “I think you’ll be okay. If she ever sees me again, she’ll be more hell bent on my new tattoos than anything else.”

“I think she’ll just be glad you’re talking to her,” Dad said, and I grit my teeth looking at the ground.

“She hasn’t said sorry.”

“Because she doesn’t think you’ll listen.”

I looked up at him. “She’d have to try to find out.”

Dad shifted in his chair, rubbing the back of his neck. “Maybe you should
both
try.”

My chest rose as my lips parted and I thought about staying firm, but in the end, it did make sense. Life was too short to let petty things get in the way– as long as she changed the way she treated me.

“I will — just not quite yet,” I said, and Dad blinked at me hard.

“I never thought I’d say this, but I’m actually liking not being right,” he said with a chuckle as he took a cookie off the plate in front of us.

I leaned forward and took one too. “
When
Mom and I start talking again, I’ll be sure not to mention
that.”

We both laughed.

“I’d appreciate that,” Dad said with a smile.

I stared at the guitar on the wall, my heart hammering against my too tight chest. All morning my mind had been stuck between the situation with Mom and the question of if I still loved Adam. I’d been caught off guard when I heard Adam was dating someone else through a radio station– but in truth, as soon as West walked in the door, I forgot. It just didn’t seem to matter as much as I thought it would, and in the end, that was the thing that bugged me the most. It
didn’t
bother me that he might have someone else and shouldn’t it? I thought I was in love with him for ten years– and now for the first time, it didn’t bother me he was with someone else.  I squeezed my eyes shut, tipping my head back against the couch. Loving someone was supposed to make you feel whole, but with Adam, I never really felt that. The second we started dating our relationship started pulling down all my other relationships and all of his other ones. I felt the tears building in the corner of my eyes. I thought we were meant to be, but all we did was self-destruct ourselves. My muscles tensed as my stomach danced. I only wanted one thing: to talk to West. I looked down at my phone with a picture of Bagel pointing at a scent he caught in the air on the screen saver.

West was the one who helped me feel whole — he didn’t make me whole — he helped show me how I could do it on my own. Did that mean I–
not possible.
I shook my head, but my hand went to my phone, moving past the lock screen to the main screen, which had a background of the very person I wanted to speak to right now.

What did West say he was doing today?

My head hurt too much for me to remember. I swiped my finger across the screen and found the good morning text he sent me, which I hadn’t answered and hit the phone button. It rung a few times before a breathless West picked up, “Hey–what’s up?”

My voice cracked as I replied, “What are you doing today?”

“Riv, are you okay?” he asked, and he was panting like he was working out. My pulse quickened. I hoped that’s all he was
doing
. The headache deepened, and I fought the urge to vomit. The idea of
him
with someone else didn’t cause a pleasant reaction, and I certainly reacted to the idea.

“This is going to sound crazy,” I said as I pressed a shaky hand to my forehead.
Say it.
“I miss you.”

West’s breathing stopped for a second, and nausea hit me hard this time. Maybe he wanted the friend zone more than I did. Maybe I was misreading everything.

Shit.

“We can fix that by being together–I mean by hanging out,” he replied, and the breath I didn’t realize I was holding came out in a whoosh. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

I was nodding, but he couldn’t see me nodding. I found my voice, “I’d love that.”

“Here’s the thing–,” he said, and my mind spiraled.
Here it is–he’s with another woman.
“I’m kind of in the middle of running a 5K right now. I would’ve asked you to join me, but I know how much you love running.” I laughed at that. I hated running. “And I’m sure you don’t want to smell me after this. So how about a late lunch? There’s this great organic cafe slash juice bar that I’ve wanted to bring you to. It’s my favorite place.”

I laughed, looking up at my ceiling as a smile warmed my face. The pressure in my head eased with each passing moment. “And why haven’t you asked me until now?”

He must have started running again because I could hear his breathing picking up. “I didn’t want to cross that imaginary line we have going on here…but seeing you called to say you miss me, I figured I’d jump over it because I miss you too.”

Hearing his words made the tightness in my chest release. “I’m glad…otherwise, this phone call would’ve been hella awkward.”

West chuckled through his paced breathing. “I’ll text you when I’m on my way. I have to run–literally.”

“Okay– one last thing — if you’re running why did you pick up?” I asked.

“You just want to hear it again, huh? I missed you,” he replied, and I could hear the smile on his lips.

“Well, have fun running. See you soon.”

“Mhmm,” he said, and I knew he was picking up his pace.

I hung up and looked down at Bagel, whose eyes were wide as if to say,
what took you so long?
I shrugged as I reached across the couch and grabbed my book, settling in to read. At some point during my reading, I ended up
sleeping
, only to be woken up by the feel of my cell phone buzzing against the couch.

West – Be there in twenty

I shot up, and Bagel groaned, narrowing his eyes as he cuddled back against me. Twenty minutes? I hadn’t even showered. I managed to shower, get dressed and throw on some mascara before the doorbell rang.

“You look like you just showered,” West said, nodding at my wet hair.

I blushed, running a hand through it and pulling it into a tiny ponytail. “I kind of fell asleep with a book.”

West laughed as he tipped on his toes, and I was sure he could see completely behind me or down my shirt from the angle. I tilted my head up, and he laughed, scratching his chin. “That’s adorable.”

“What?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at him. I hoped he didn’t think my breasts were adorable. My face burned at the thought. They weren’t big, but I didn’t think they were small enough to be called
adorable.

He pointed to the back of my head. “The ponytail. I’m pretty sure I could make a bigger one with my hair.”

He ran his fingers through the top length of his hair until he reached the back and then turned, showing it to me. It was definitely longer by at least an inch. He turned back around, and I crossed my arms.

“You’re a guy let me remind you. Exactly why are you proud of that?” I asked as I narrowed my gaze at him.

He blushed for a moment before regaining his confidence. He ran his hand through it again, his bicep flexing as he did. “You know you like my hair.”

I rose an eyebrow at him. “And you don’t like mine?”

He looked at my hair and then back to my face, a crooked smile pulling up the edge of his lips. “I love your hair.” His arm reached around me, pulling the tiny ponytail out, his face lowering to mine. “But I prefer it down.”

I swallowed hard, my mouth watering. His eyes searched mine, and my pulse spiked as our lips lingered over one another. It was incredible how a few simple words changed the dynamic made by that invisible line, which was far less visible now.

“If you insist,” I replied, shrugging my shoulders and pulling away to grab my purse from the table next to the stairs. I didn’t want to pull away, but my bedroom was way too close to where we were now. “So where’s this fantastic cafe?”

“You’ll seriously wear it down for me?” he asked, his hands now firmly planted in the front of his pockets with his thumbs sticking out. The position flexed his chest muscles beneath his gray t-shirt.

“I’m not wearing any makeup, so why the hell not?” I replied.

“I didn’t notice,” West said as he opened the door for me.

I shook my head at him and his grin. “Now that’s a bold-faced lie.”

His brow furrowed over his eyes. “No, it’s not. The first thing I notice about you is your smile– and you don’t usually wear that sticky shit on your lips, so this is no different. Then I notice your eyes– the way they turn an almost turquoise color when you’re happy or a stormy gray when you’re upset.”

I stopped in my tracks, and he turned to face me, lips pursed. “What color are they now?”

“Turquoise,” he replied stepping forward. My lips parted as I stared up at him. His eyes were lighter now—like green sea foam– something I recognized as him being happy. They shifted to a bluer hue when he was upset. The fact he knew the same thing about me made my body tingle.

“I’m also hungry– so maybe you’re mistaken–maybe they’re just this color because of that,” I replied, finally finding my voice.

He coughed, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, that’s it. Apparently, you’re hungry ninety-nine percent of the time you’re around me.”

We fell in step together.

“It’s possible,” I replied as he opened the door to the car for me.

He raised an eyebrow. “Which begs to question what exactly you’re hungry for.”

You.

I got into the car without responding, and when we began to drive the conversation moved to something less filled with sexual innuendos and thinly veiled attraction. Throughout lunch, we laughed, and when there was no food left I looked around the now empty cafe biting my lip.

“What’s on your mind?” West asked, and his eyes flicked across my face.

“I don’t want to go home.” I bit my lip, and his eyes fell to them, causing his jaw to clench.

“Then I won’t bring you home,” he replied, standing and holding his hand out to me.

I hopped off the stool, placing my hand in his and let it stay there as we walked out. “Where are you going to take me?”

“Cloud watching,” he replied as he unlocked his car, staring over the roof at me as I blinked at him. “I promise it’s fun.”

We drove in a comfortable silence, and I watched as the crowded houses disappeared, getting farther and farther apart until we drove up to a small ranch.

West put the car in park and smiled over at me as I narrowed my eyes at him. “What? You said not to take you home– this is my home– I assume that’s okay?”

I got out of the car and stared at the little house. “I imagined it to be bigger.”

“Why?” West asked. “It’s just me and the two pups.”

“Well, being on television and famous and all,” I replied as I glanced around the well-manicured yard.

“I’m not very flashy,” he said, and I blinked at him as I turned and looked at his orange Audi. “Well, other than that.”

“Mhmm.” I rolled my eyes, and he laughed as he nodded inside.

“Try to be quiet — I don’t want to wake the pups up. They’ll get in the way of the cloud watching,” he said, and I stifled a giggle as we snuck into his house. He grabbed a throw from over the couch and then lead the way to the backyard. He laid out the blanket and then sat on it, looking expectantly up at me. I gave in and sat down next to him.

“So how does this work?” I asked as we laid down to look up at the sky.

He looked at me from the corner of his eyes. “We watch the clouds and tell each other what we see.”

“Cat,” I said, pointing.  He narrowed his eyes, looking in the general direction I was pointing and then frowned shaking his head. I moved closer to him, so our heads were barely an inch apart. “There.”

“Ah,” he said, his eyes moving to look at me from their corners again.

“Your turn,” I said, and he pointed to the sky.

“Heart,” he replied, and I shook my head, even though I saw it. I put my hand up as if I was trying to use it to pinpoint it. He laughed and put his hand over mine, taking it and moving it to where the cloud was and tracing its shape.

“Mhmm,” I managed to get out as I let our fingers weave together. A jolt rushed through my body as I turned on my elbow and he did the same. “Tell me something,” I said looking at our hands together.

“What?” he asked, and his voice was low and deep. The color of his eyes deepened as my gaze rose to his.

“Are the rumors true?” I asked as my heart pounded in my chest so much it hurt. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer.

“Which ones?” he asked, and when my eyebrows rose he swallowed. His tongue ran over his lips before he replied. “Ah, those
ones.
Sure, I’ve had a lot of girlfriends in the past few years.” His jaw clenched, and his hand loosened from mine, going to my face. The back of his fingers brushed against the curve of my chin, and I fought the urge to close my eyes. “That’s not who I am, though.”

I put my hand over his, and his palm flattened against my cheek. Tingles spread throughout my body as I locked my eyes on his. “You don’t seem like that kind of guy.”

His forehead dipped towards mine, and our lips were only separated by his thumb. “I’m not. I wish I could explain, River–just things happened, and I pushed everyone away–but I don’t want to push you away. I want to take you into me and never let you go.”

My voice was barely a whisper as I replied, “Then don’t. Please don’t.”

His eyes raced over mine as we sat up and his other hand found my face. His thumb moved, and his lips danced over mine, soft and tentative. My hands slid up his arms to the back of his head as the kiss deepened, and despite the undeniable heat between us, it didn’t become physically driven. He pulled me into his lap as his lips parted mine, his tongue moving into my mouth and my body trembled against him. He pulled away, and I pressed our foreheads together as I looked down at him.

“It took you long enough,” I said, biting my lip as I raised my eyebrows.

His hand moved up my spine, coming to cup the back of my head as he leaned up and kissed me again. “I’ve wanted to do that since the moment you fell into my arms at my shop.” The words were playful, but his eyes were serious as he moved my bangs from my eyes. “I just wanted to make sure this was different.”

“Is it?”

His lips reached for mine again and behind the softness of the kiss was a passion I never felt before. Where with Adam it always felt like yearning kept in too long, this was a friendship overcast by a stronger emotional and physical pull. My chest tightened with the feeling of it, and his mouth trailed down my chin as his hand moved my hair away from my neck so he could kiss the vein that pulsed with the way my heart was beating out of control.

His lips moved up to my ear, and he whispered the words I needed to hear, “Yes.”