Faithfully (4 page)

             
“Get that look off your face. Lily told me while we made snacks. Actually, she was asking me if there was a reason Alex didn’t stay the night. I told her to talk to you and Alex and she told me she did.”

             
I was confused. “If she talked to you already, then why did you play dumb at dinner?”

             
“Because, my dear, you would have jumped in her poop. The poor girl wouldn’t have stood a chance. You would have told her it wasn’t her business, not to bring it up in mixed company, and blah, blah, blah. That poor girl has been through a lot, and although she is only eight, she is older than her years. You just don’t like to admit it.” My mother’s tone was firm, and she was right about Lily. She seemed older than her age and wise beyond her years. There were times I felt like she lost a lot of her youth with David’s death and the twins. She had to help a lot, and I felt it forced her to grow up sooner than she should have.

             
“It’s jump in her shit, and you are right, I would have. We discussed it this morning and I explained to her why. I’m not a hundred percent sure why you feel the need to get involved.” I kept my voice flat. My mother was good at playing a victim and saying I was yelling or picking on her.

             
“Because if I don’t, you will screw things up. You are not the best judge when it comes to people.” I knew she was taking about David. “I like Alex, he is a good person, and he loves you and those girls. Who else moves to a small town in the middle of nowhere?”

             
She was right, he gave up a lot to be here, and he wasn’t getting anything out of this move.

             
“Who are you protecting?” My mother was looking straight at me as she spoke, and it felt like her eyes were burning into me. “Are you keeping him at a distance for you or the girls? Because he has already showed more love in the past few months than their father showed them in the years he lived with them.”

             
I had tears welling in my eyes. I didn’t know who I was really protecting. I had already exposed the girls so much to him, so that if he did leave they would suffer and be hurt again. I kept telling Lexi that I don’t allow him to stay because I don’t want to have sex in the house with the girls home. Honestly, I’d been lying to myself a lot lately, and saying it so much made me believe it was the truth.  

             
“I don’t know. I thought I was doing what was best for all of us. Well, maybe not Alex, but the girls and me.” I paused for a second and looked down at my hands. I could hear my mother shuffle around the island and sit next to me. “I didn’t want to rush anything. Last time I jumped in with both feet, and I ended up in Vegas on spring break my sophomore year of college and was married by Elvis. I’m slightly impulsive.”

             
“Slightly? Listen, do things in your own time if that is what you need. The reservations you are having, I understand, but you can’t keep holding your past against Alex. You need to either let him in completely or let him go, because it is not fair to him. You both deserve to be happy, and those girls are already happy again. I can see it in all of you. You are all happy, so take down your guard and let him in.” She was right. My guard has been up to the point of me being a bitch at times. I wasn’t sure how Alex put up with it this long.

             
I kissed my mother on the cheek and gave her a hug. She looked surprised. I decided it was time to take down my guard with Alex, and also with her. I haven’t always been fair to her and knew I couldn’t keep holding my past with her against her now. I said my goodnight to her and my dad and headed out the door.

~4~

             
I sent Alex a text that I would be there soon, but to go ahead and get the girls to bed. I needed to make a phone call and a stop first. I quickly dialed Derek’s number when I climbed in the car. I was backing out when he answered.

             
“Hey, stranger, I thought you forgot about me or no longer needed me.” I felt the slight sting that came with the comment. Since Alex had moved to town, Derek and I didn’t spend as much time on the phone as we used to do a few months ago.

             
“I know, I’m a shitty friend! So are you still dating the lawyer?”

             
“Why? Have you come to your senses and decided you can’t live without me? Because I can end all the relationships I have going on.” I so missed the banter that always seemed to play out between us.

             
“Relationships, as in more than one? How can you keep everything straight? I hope you haven’t told them they are the only ones, because if you have I can’t be your friend anymore.” I was a bit disappointed in Derek if he was stringing along multiple girls.

             
“They know about each other and not one cares. They aren’t with me for a commitment. Everyone gets what they want. After all, we are all adults here.” Derek was stern, almost defensive.

             
“Hey, it’s your life, and I won’t judge. I called to tell you that I’m going to let Alex move in if he wants. I didn’t want it to be a shock to you.”

             
“Well, thanks for not judging, even though I know you don’t know how not to judge. And I thought he already was living there?” His voice took on a questioning tone.

             
I pulled into my destination and exited the car. I walked up the steps and used my key to enter Alex’s house. “No, he doesn’t live there. He has his own house.”

             
“Then I guess it’s about time. The poor guy drives home every night then back every morning? That’s commitment. I have never liked a woman enough to do that. Well, I do leave at night. I guess I could say I have never liked a woman enough to stay the night. Anyway, is he going to live with you?”

             
“Well, I don’t know. I haven’t asked him. I’m at his house now. I’m grabbing shit to throw in his overnight bag. I figured I’d surprise him with it. Is what I’m doing cheesy? I mean, will he be forced to stay if he doesn’t want to? Am I adding pressure?”

             
“Oh my God, can you shut up or shut your mind off? He wants to stay, and I think you are making a big adult step. I’m proud of you for growing up.”

             
“Shut the fuck up.” I could hear Derek chuckle. “I have to go. I have to go through his things and decide what I need to pack.”

             
“Wait, seriously, Abs, I’m happy for you, a bit jealous of Alex, but happy for you. Am I still invited for Thanksgiving?” I could hear the seriousness in his voice.

             
“Of course, you are welcome here anytime. I miss you and the girls miss you. You are a bigger part of us than you know.” I wanted to tell him I loved him, but it felt awkward. I did love Derek as I loved Lexi, but at times saying it felt almost wrong, because I always felt he still wanted more than a friendship.

             
“Yeah, yeah, I know. Tell my girls I love them and tell Alex he is lucky. I’ll talk to you this week.” We said our normal good bye. I went into Alex’s closet, took out a duffle, and threw together a few things. I figured he could come back to the house tomorrow and pack up his own things. I still wasn’t sure how this would go, but I felt I needed to make an effort, because he was always the one making sacrifices.

             
After I left the bathroom with his toiletry bag, I walked down the stairs, locking the door before I closed it behind me. When I got in the car, I felt nervous and a little anxious. This was new, but in reality, it wasn’t. I had to keep telling myself that Alex has been living at my house this whole time and only sleeping at his house. 

             
When I pulled in the drive, I saw his Jeep. He always parked to the side so it was easy for him to pull out. I did something I have never done before – I pulled in directly behind the jeep, blocking him in the driveway. I parked the car and shut off the engine. When I climbed out, I saw Alex open the door and lean against the doorway.

             
“You know I’m going to have to move that later, right?”
              I shut the driver door and immediately opened the back door, pulling out his duffle. I didn’t say anything as I shut the door, slinging the duffle over my shoulder. I looked up and saw a huge smile on Alex’s face as he ran down the porch steps. He didn’t say anything as he scooped me up and tossed me over his shoulder. Alex carried me into the house like that.

             
“So I guess you are okay with me grabbing a few of your things?” I finally said when Alex set me down. He didn’t respond, but immediately put my face in his hands and kissed me. When he was done, I pulled away and looked at him. “Good, but there are a few things we need to figure out. Like if one of the girls is sick and needs to sleep with me. Should she crawl in with us or where do you go? It’s confusing.”

             
Alex started to give a low laugh. “You think too much. If it happens I’ll move to the couch or I’ll sleep on the floor so I can still help. Whatever makes you comfortable. We will figure it all out in time. We don’t need to sit and map out every possible situation this minute.” He was right, I thought too much. We could take it in stride, but the thought of that made me slightly nervous too.

             
Alex ran his bag upstairs and put everything away. He said he did it in case I changed my mind. I settled into the couch and was flipping through the channels when he walked into the living room. Alex had a huge smile on his face. He didn’t say anything, but sat down and snuggled in next to me. The anxiety I felt earlier had eased, and I felt at peace with this decision. We sat there with my body leaning on him and my head on his chest for at least an hour. It was so comfortable that I didn’t realize the time.

             
“Hey, it’s almost ten, so let’s head up to bed.” Alex started to lean me upright. I watched him shut everything off and walk into the foyer to lock the front door. I stood and walked over to the stairs and waited for him. Usually, at this time of night, I would give him a kiss and he would tease about staying. When I wouldn’t give in, he would give me a final kiss and tell me he would be over in the morning. Tonight he walked over to me, grabbed my hand, and led me up the stairs. It was hard to describe, the only words that I could apply to this was that it felt right.

             
There was a comfortable silence in the room as we got ready. When I turned to climb into bed, Alex was standing on the opposite side. “So where would you like me to sleep? How about the side by the window?”

             
I shot Alex a warm smile. “That’s perfect. That way I am closer to the door in case the girls get up.” I really didn’t mind. I had gotten used to sleeping in the middle of the bed over the last year, and having to stick to my own side would be challenging. “For the record, I’m used to sleeping alone, so if you get punched, kicked, or if I take all the covers, it is not my fault.” Alex was already crawling into bed when I gave him the warning. I walked over and plugged my cell phone into the charger before crawling in next to him.

             
“So does the no sex rule still apply?” Alex asked teasingly.

             
“I’ll ship your ass home if you try anything funny. Plus I don’t think your body has built up to sex twice in a day.” I rolled over, placing my arms around his neck and kissing him again.

             
“You would be amazed at what my body is able to do.” I gave him one more kiss and rolled over. Alex immediately grabbed me and pulled me into him. I was comfortable and I felt safe. We talked a little bit about the girls and the bedtime that I had missed. Somewhere during the conversation, I fell asleep.              

             
I woke to the sound of Alex’s cell phone ringing. My heart was racing and I immediately looked at the clock, which read midnight. Alex stumbled out of bed to locate his phone. When he did, he immediately answered it in an almost panicked voice. “Hey, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

             
I couldn’t hear what was being said on the other end of the line and I wasn’t sure who it was. I thought for a minute it was Sam, Alex’s sister, but when he walked back to the bed, I heard a male voice on the other end.
              “Dude, it is midnight here. Yeah, I know there is a three hour time difference, if you forgot.” Alex sat on the bed listening. It seemed like forever, but it was only a minute in reality. “She’s right here, but I’ll talk to her tomorrow. I know it’s important, and after I talk to her I will call you.” There was another pause as the person on the other end spoke. “Look, I’ll call you around three my time, which is noon for you. Is that okay? Okay, talk to you then.” Alex set down his phone and climbed back under the covers.

             
“Who was that? Is everything alright?” I still wasn’t sure who it was and why Alex needed to talk to me.

             
“Just Johnny. He’s doing some forgiveness thing for his sobriety and would like us both to fly out to LA to talk to him face to face. We can talk about it in the morning.” Alex kissed the back of my head.
              I was now in a panic. I never told Alex about what happened in Portland. A few people knew, but Alex was not one of them. I had to tell him before he went out there. I could use school and the girls as an excuse to get out of it, but Johnny was Alex’s family, so he needed to be there.

             
The whole night I tossed and turned, thinking about when I would tell him about the running trail in Portland, and how I really didn’t fall, but how Johnny attacked me. I wasn’t hurt except for a few bruises and scrapes. Nobody seemed to question me after I told them that I fell running. I was a klutz at times, and the story was believable.

             
I knew Alex would hate Johnny and not help him get clean if he knew the truth, so at the time lying to him seemed like the best option. I didn’t think that I’d have to see Johnny again or the truth would have to come out. I thought it was just something to forget about. I had zero desire to see Johnny ever again. Now I was faced with having to tell Alex the truth, and for him to realize the majority of the people he cares about in life lied to him and knew the truth. I knew I had to call Sam as soon as I had the chance tomorrow.

             
My stomach hurt all night and I finally got a few hours of sleep. When my alarm went off in the morning, I wanted to throw it because my head and my stomach hurt. When I reached over to hit snooze, I was beat by Alex shutting it off and sitting on the side of the bed. I could smell the delicious scent of coffee. I whimpered a bit because I didn’t want to get out of bed. Alex set the coffee cup down and curled up next to me for a minute. He kissed my neck and my cheeks. 

“
Come on, babe, you know you have to get up. Why don’t you sit up and watch the news for a minute and have some coffee?” I liked that idea and nodded my consent. Alex got up, found the remote, and turned the television on. I started to sit up and propped pillows up behind me. I was just glad that I didn’t have to worry about getting the girls up and ready, because getting myself moving was going to be a feat in itself.

             
Once I got the pillows propped, I grabbed my coffee off the nightstand and started sipping it. It tasted so good, and Alex had become an expert at making my coffee just the way I liked it. Alex climbed into bed next to me with a mug in his hand. We drank the coffee in silence at first, just watching the news.

             
“Do you think you could take Friday off?” Alex was looking at me now.

             
“I can try, but it will depend on if the school can locate a sub. Would it be the whole day? I would have to get someone to cover me at the pub too, or is it just a day thing?” I wasn’t sure why he wanted me to take Friday off. He hasn’t asked me to take a day off since he moved here.

             
“The whole day. I was hoping we could fly out to LA Thursday after school and fly back on Sunday. Johnny is finally clean, and I think he will stay that way this time. He asked for you to be there too. I think it’s because he treated you so badly and blamed you for stuff that wasn’t your fault.” My stomach was back in knots and the coffee no longer tasted good, instead making my stomach turn.

             
“I don’t know. I mean, it’s super busy at the pub, and my dad has been stressed about it. I feel bad leaving him hanging on the one day that he is always off.” I didn’t want to go and was hoping using my dad as an excuse would work.

             
“I understand, but what if Daryl worked and the other two waitresses? I know it is last minute and I’m asking a lot, but this means a lot to me, and Johnny is my family.” I was feeling bad about not wanting to go, but only because of Alex. I knew this meant a lot to him. Alex’s bandmates and Sam were all he had for family. I knew I needed to do this for him, but I needed to figure out a way to tell him what happened this past August in Portland.