Authors: Amanda Bennett
I hope
you are well and I want you to know that I think of you often. I love you Riley
with all of my heart and soul. Take care my sweet girl.
Until we
meet again,
Mom
I wiped the tears falling down my face with the
back of my hand and tried to even out my breathing. I neatly folded up her
letter and tucked it back into the envelope as I retrieved the next pack of
papers. My jaw practically hit the floor when I saw what they were. She really
did leave everything she owned to
me.
My
heart ached for the mother I never knew and for the mother who would never get
to know me. I was heart broken and alone, but all I could think about was the
fact that I would never get to know this wonderful person who was my mother.
As soon as group wrapped up, I rushed out of the
room in hopes of finding Riley. She had been called out and deep down I knew
something wasn't right. Just as I turned the corner that opened up to the
common room, I could see her slumped over form sitting on the bench outside. I
quickly made my way out there. I stopped just short of her and listened to her
weep. I had no idea what was going on with her at the moment, but I did know
that she needed someone, anyone who would love and comfort her.
I closed the distance between us and swooped her up
in my arms. I sat down where she had just been and tucked her trembling body
deep into my chest. I could feel her warm salty tears against my skin, as they
began to soak through my shirt. I ran my fingers back through her hair
repeatedly, waiting for her body to relax. When she turned her face into mine,
it took everything in me not to press my lips against hers. This girl did
something to me, and I was already aware that I couldn't be trusted around her.
I wanted her. I needed her, more than I have ever needed anything else in my
entire life. She had become my lifeline, and someone I knew I couldn't live
without.
My fingers were gently running down her back when
she finally spoke. It was so quiet, I wasn't even sure I had heard it.
"What's that, sweetheart?"
"She's gone."
"Who?"
"My mother. She's gone for good." I heard
her mutter.
My body stiffened beneath her, as I took in what
she was saying. "Did your mother die, sweetheart?"
She gave a quick nod of her head and then the tears
resumed. I knew there wasn't much I could do for her now. She had to learn to
deal with and work through her grief and I knew that. I could see the strong
woman that Riley could be, but unfortunately, she couldn't see it in herself. I
found myself wanting to tell her
everything,
but would she still want to talk to me after she knew? Would she understand
why I am the way that I am? I shook the thoughts from my head as I felt her
body begin to get heavy with sleep. Her face was directly under my chin and her
intoxicating smell was overwhelming. My eyes fluttered shut as I took in her
scent.
A little while later, her breathing evened out and
I knew she was fast asleep. My eyes glanced down at her sleeping form tucked
into me, and my mind began wondering about how we would be as a couple. More
than anything else, I just wanted Riley to find her own peace in life. Now that
I knew this amazing girl, I never wanted to lose her. I honestly couldn't
imagine how my life would be without her in it.
I gently pulled her closer to me, as I stood to
carry her to her room. When I did, a thick envelope fell to the floor and I
bent down enough to retrieve it. When we got to the doorway of her room, I
noticed that Blake is nowhere to be found. As I tried to lay Riley down on her
bed, her hand tightened its grip around my shirt and I had to gently pry it
free. I sat next to her on her bed, running my fingers through her hair, when
that envelope caught my eye. Without a second thought, my curiosity took over
and I opened the envelope.
I skimmed through the thick stack of papers before
I finally come across the one with beautiful handwriting scrolled across the
page. As I read the last, dying words that her mother had left her, my mouth
went slack and I found myself needing a drink. Her mother had gone into detail
about who she had looking after her. There wasn't a name, but there was enough
for Riley to go off of, if she ever wanted to go searching for this person. The
papers slipped through my sweaty fingers, and I quickly exited Riley's room
without looking back.
I didn't stop walking until I was in the parking
garage and in the driver's seat of my car. I gripped the steering wheel tight
as my body shook uncontrollably. Just when I thought everything was starting to
work itself out, another wrench gets thrown in the gears. Realizing I had work
to do, I headed home.
When I arrived at my condo, no one met me, as
usual. I live a secluded and lonely life, but it was one that I had decided on
my own. This is exactly how I need things to be right now. I throw my keys on
the counter and make my way over to my laptop on the couch. I open it and
immediately open Google. I'm not exactly sure what I was hoping to find, but
there had to be something, anything on this London guy.
I type in the information I know and go grab myself
a cup of coffee while I wait for the page to pull up. As I approach the couch,
a bright white blank screen is staring back at me.
I sat back and shook my head in disbelief. How is
there absolutely no trail of this guy? It's like he never even existed. I was
trying to find some answers, but have found more questions than anything. I
needed to find answers as soon as I could. If anything, for the protection of
Riley. There definitely has been some deceiving going on, and I will be damned
if I didn't try to protect her, the way her mother wanted.
Glancing at the clock on the wall, I realize that
it's getting later and too late for me to head back to the hospital. I decide
to just hop in the shower and head to bed. Maybe tomorrow, I can find some
things out.
My eyes feel like fifty pound bricks have been
hanging from them. I can barely open them, but I try to push through it,
needing a glass of water. When I finally open my weary eyes, I catch sight of
an empty bed across from me. Apparently I had either missed group this morning,
or it is still yesterday. My hand clumsily searches around for the small alarm
clock on my nightstand, and I find myself getting excited when my hand lands on
it.
I let out an irritated sigh, as I notice it is only
six in the morning. I glance back over at the empty bed perplexed by the fact
that Blake is awake before me. I'm always the one awake this early. I usually
have to pull her from her bed kicking and screaming in the mornings to get up
for group.
Begrudgingly, I throw the blankets off of my body
and make my way into the bathroom. I quickly shower and blow-dry my hair. I'm
feeling anxious today to get to group, and for once I
need
to talk about what I had found out yesterday. As I make my way
over to my bed, I notice the stack of papers strewn about the floor. My brows
knit together in confusion, as I can't recall how I even made it back to my
room last night.
I neatly gather the papers and fold them back up
before putting them back in the envelope in which I received them. I toss the
envelope back on the bed and continue getting dressed for the day. I'm feeling
better today, even optimistic. I can feel myself making real progress, and I
won't let something like this slow me down. I pull on my favorite pair of
skinny jeans, and a blue off the shoulder sweatshirt. Before I head out for the
morning, I decide that there is something I need to do. I slowly walk over to
my dresser and retrieve the sweatshirt I had always kept with me, and drop it
in the wastebasket by the door. I grab the envelope and tuck it tightly into my
back pocket as I make my way out to grab some coffee. Just as I reach the
cafeteria, I am met by the most beautiful shade of blue. His eyes are staring
at me questioningly and I can't help but feel a little nervous under his
scrutinizing gaze.
"Good Morning, Riley."
My heart melts at the sound of his voice and I find
myself at a loss of words. I smile a genuine smile before I finally find the
words to respond. "Morning, Tristan."
"How'd you sleep?"
"Good I guess. I don't remember ever going to
bed, but oh well. You?"
As I reach for a cup to pour my coffee into,
Tristan gently reaches for my free hand and places a hot cup of coffee in it.
"Cream and five sugar packets, right?"
I can feel my face flush a deep red and I nod. How
did he know how I took my coffee? His hand lingers on mine for a second longer
than usual, but he quickly pulls it away when he realizes what he's doing. My
eyes meet his as a small smile spreads across my face as I take my first sip of
mouth-watering coffee.
My eyes drift away from his for half a second, as I
notice London heading towards us.
Tristan begins to speak, but London's voice almost immediately cuts him
off.
"Well good morning, Riley. I hope I'm not
interrupting."
"You kind of are." Tristan mutters as he
stands in an intimidating stance at my side.
"Well I'll make it brief then. I just wanted
to make sure you were okay after leaving group so abruptly yesterday." He
sounds off and not at all genuine, but I play it off to my drowsiness.
"I'm okay London, thanks for asking."
"Of course. Well I'll let you to get back to
it. See you both in group in a few."
As London walks away from us, Tristan reaches out
for my hand and gently curls his fingers around mine. "Can we talk for a
minute?"
"Yeah, of course." I let him keep his
hold on my hand, not because I'm ashamed to pull away, but because for once, I
actually like the physical contact. Tristan leads me through the large room of
tables to the back patio, before he finally releases me.
"Riley, do you remember yesterday at
all?"
I take a seat in my usual spot and motion for
Tristan to sit next to me. "Kind of. I remember reading a letter from my
mother and then, it all gets a little fuzzy. Wait, didn't you come out here to
check on me?"
"Yeah." He's hesitant in his response and
this throws me a bit. "I'm the one who took you to your room last night.
You cried until you fell asleep and then I carried you to bed."
I can feel the embarrassment present in my blush,
but somehow find peace in knowing that it wasn't a complete stranger who helped
me to bed. "I'm so sorry, Tristan. You shouldn't have had to see any of
that."
His hand slowly slides onto my knee and he gives it
a tight squeeze. "Don't you realize, I would do anything for you?"
My face quickly shoots up to his, instantly finding
his lips. I remember this, that I am sure of. I deepen the kiss as Tristan's
hand makes its way into the back of my hair. His tongue slides across my lower
lip and I don't hesitate, granting him access to the depths of my mouth. When
our tongues meet, I feel a surge of excitement roll through me. This was
something I had never experienced. His touch is warm and I can feel his heart
racing beneath my touch. And just as quickly as it had started, he ended it. I
pull back feeling ashamed of myself. When I'm about to apologize profusely and
then run away, Tristan places a tender kiss to my cheek and smiles.
"Don't even think about apologizing for that.
The only reason I stopped it, is because we are going to be late. That and I'm
pretty sure, I wouldn't be able to stop myself if it went any further."
A small giggle escapes my lips and I smile up at
him. "You're a mystery Tristan. One I hope you'll let me try to figure
out."
"I think that could be arranged."
I sat there staring at him almost as if he was a
figment of my imagination. I can feel the butterflies in my stomach taking
flight, and I welcome the foreign feeling. Before I have a chance to say
anything, Tristan is pulling me to my feet and heading towards group. When we
reach the doorway, Tristan comes to an abrupt halt.
"Are you okay?" I try to whisper so only
he can hear, but unfortunately the rest of the group is standing behind us now.
"I'm okay. Look at Mr. Rollins and London.
Don't they look like they're getting into it?"
"A little. I don't understand."
"Never mind, let's just go inside."
Before I can respond, he's tugging at my arm and pulling me over to my usual
seat.
I glance over at London and can tell that he looks
heated. His face is flushed a dark red and his mouth is pulled into a tight
line. I wonder what could've caused those two to have such a horrible argument.
As far as I knew, they barely knew each other.
Today I don't pull my feet up under me and I don't
stare down at the ground. Today I am standing tall and ready to take on my
problems head on. Tristan must notice my confident posture, because he leans
over to me, making sure I can see the shit eatin' grin splayed across his face.
"You just think you're funny, don't you?"
I tease.
"Maybe."
"Alright group, let's start. Um, Riley have
you seen Blake this morning?"
"I haven't seen her since last night."
"Okay, I'll ask the nurses up front what's
going on. All right, back to business. Today I want everyone to share something
that they feel will or has changed their life since they've been in here. Any
volunteers to start."
Before I know what I'm doing, my hand flies up and
I am the only person willing to share any information. I feel Tristan lean in
closely, but I just put my hand up to put him off. This is something I need to
do.
"Well alright. Riley please go ahead, you have
the floor."
I slowly stand and try to steady myself, when I
feel Tristan's warm skin against mine. His fingers are sliding between mine and
closing around them. Usually I wouldn't like the public displays of affection,
but today I need this.
"Well, yesterday I found out some pertinent
information about my mother. The nurse at the front desk gave me the letter,
which basically changed my entire world in one day. First off, come to find
out, it wasn't my mother who tried to kill me as a child, it was my
father." I can hear the gasps echo off of the walls in the large oversized
room, but that was my second observation. The only thing I could concentrate on
was how tightly Tristan was now squeezing my hand. I give his a small squeeze
in a reassuring fashion, before I continue. "I also found out that she
left me everything she owned. Now, I'm not a materialistic person. It's kind of
hard to be when you bounce around in foster care your entire life, but this
made my day because now, I have a way out of here." I can hear Tristan
take in a sharp breath, but I continue anyway. "I have a home. A real home
with windows and a yard, and a car." I can feel the tears welling up
behind my eyelids, threatening to expose themselves. "For the first time
in my life, I have a place to call my own." I quickly wipe away the small
tear that has formed before anyone can notice, and then sit back down. Tristan
tries to pull his hand out of mine, but I refuse to let him. Little did he know
that him just holding my hand, actually gave me the courage to do what I just
did.
I was staring at Tristan when Mr. Rollins’ voice
broke through my thoughts. "Well, I think I speak for all of us here when
I say, that's wonderful. I truly hope that this will bring you some peace in
life. Now we can start on some one on one therapy and get ya out of here."
I gave Mr. Rollins a small smile and then returned
my attention to Tristan, who now looked a little bit angry.
"Are you okay?" I whisper.
He doesn't answer, just nods his head. Obviously
something is bothering him, but I wouldn't want to be pushed, so I won't push
him. I turn my attention back on the group and slowly slide my hand out from
under his. I can feel his anger radiating off of him and all I want to do is
hug him. I want to be there for him like he has been there for me.
The last half hour of group drags on at an
excruciatingly slow pace. When Mr. Rollins finally calls it to a close, I let out
a sigh of relief. Tristan quickly grabs my hand and forcefully pulls me all the
way out to the back balcony.
"Tristan, would you please ease up a little.
You're hurting me." He doesn't stop or slow down until we are completely
alone. He drops my hand and starts pacing back and forth not saying a word.
"Tristan, are you going to talk to me?" He throws his finger up to
tell me just a minute, but now I'm getting irritated. "Look, you dragged
me out here not the other way around."
"Do you remember who saved you that
night?"