Authors: Amanda Bennett
"Calm down, Riley. I was talking about the
cafeteria. I was just trying to be funny. Remind me never to try that
again." He laughed as he placed his hand on top of mine.
His touch sent a small, excited jolt through me. I
looked up at the man next to me, wondering just how much I was willing to let
him in. I had done it with Tristan and look where that got me.
"Whatcha thinking about so hard over
there?" He playfully elbowed me.
"Nothing." I whispered back.
I was starting to realize that opening your heart
back up could be dangerous. I was quickly walking the line between dangerous
and safe. I was confused about my feelings, but couldn't help myself from
exploring every new emotion I was feeling. I was just hoping that I wouldn't
break while doing so.
I lay back on the warm sand, letting every pebble
nestle in around my wet body. I closed my eyes as I soaked up every bit of the
sun that I could. The waves this morning had been epic. It felt amazing to get
back out in the water and just let myself go. It had been awhile since I had
surfed, but this morning something inside of me was urging me to take advantage
of the gorgeous day.
My entire mind was consumed with thoughts of Riley
and I knew if I didn't take a break from seeing her that I was only going to
make the current situation with her worse. Every perfect wave I caught this
morning had reminded me of her. How amazingly beautiful she was inside and out.
Just the smell of the salty ocean below me reminded me of her. I knew how badly
I had screwed things up when I saw the look of fear on her face when she had
found out the truth. We all had demons hiding deep down. I just wanted a chance
to get to know hers.
She had started to open up to me and instead of
being honest from the beginning, I tried my luck at hoping she would just see
me, for me. I don't regret for one second the things I had done, or I never
would've met her. When her mom had come to me, I looked at it as just a normal
job. Little did I know that the minute I laid my eyes on her, that I wouldn't
be able to let go. Her mother had told me what a special girl she was, but I
guess part of me didn't believe her. Given the fact that she hadn't actually
seen or spoken with her daughter for quite sometime, I found it hard to trust
in what she was saying. A big part of me wanted to think the worst of her
mother. I wanted to hate her for putting Riley through everything she had when
she was so young, but I've come to understand that people make mistakes. But
Riley was one mistake that I needed to change.
I opened my eyes as I heard a loud group of
teenagers heading out into the water, and I couldn't help but long for the
youth I had missed out on. One way or another I wasn't going to let my adult
life slip through my fingers. I needed to take a hold of my future and make my
life the one I had always wanted.
I knew eventually I was going to have to go back to
work, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it just yet. I needed to know that
Riley would be okay, even if she never spoke to me again. I debated heading out
for one last ride, but the better part of me told me to go find her, to try and
talk to her, even if she didn't want to hear it. I gathered my belongings and
grabbed my board. It wasn't too far to my condo, but it was a long enough walk
for me to plan out exactly what I wanted to say to her. That is, if she would
talk to me.
As I walked up the last flight of stairs to my
place, I saw a young girl sitting by my doorway. I instantly knew who she was
and I didn't waste a second dropping my board and running up the rest of the
stairs. I swooped the small blonde girl in my arms and spun her around. She
looked older somehow, but still as young as I had remembered her. She was
beautiful and I was having a hard time fathoming how she was here, with me in
this moment.
"Grace, how are you here?"
"I'm here because you need me to be here,
Tristan."
My state of confusion didn't go unnoticed.
"You don't know how long I've waited for this day, Gracie."
She smiled a knowing smile, "Oh I think I do,
big brother. Now are you going to invite me inside or what?"
"Yes, yes come in." I grabbed my board
and towel and unlocked the door, ushering my sister inside first. I still
couldn't get over the fact that she was here. The reality of the situation
still hadn't settled into my brain enough for me to comprehend what was going
on. Once we were settled inside, I sat on the couch next to my sister and
reached for her hand. Her skin was cold and clammy. I looked at her perplexed,
but she just smiled.
"Don't worry about it. So, are you going to
tell me about the girl?"
I pulled my hand back onto my lap. "What are
you talking about?" I should've known better than to think she wouldn't
figure it out.
"You haven't been surfing since I left. There
has to be a reason now, and I know you all too well. So tell me about
her."
"Her name is Riley." Just saying her name
brought a smile to my face. "She's everything I never knew I wanted,
Grace. Sure she has her issues too, but she's amazing. She's been through so
much and she's so strong and brave."
"She sounds amazing. I'm happy for you."
"Don't get too excited. She's pretty pissed
off at me at the moment. It's kind of a long story." I frowned.
"Tristan, I've got nothing but time. Tell
me."
"Well, when I first started doing the whole
private investigating thing, her mom was one of my first clients. I know what
you're thinking, but I didn't know it was her then." I proceeded to tell
my sister the entire story about meeting Riley's mom, the cancer, and even when
I saved Riley's life. "So now here we are. Now she knows everything, and
just like I thought it would happen, she hates me. I don't know what to do,
Grace. No matter what I do, I can't get her out of my damn head. I want nothing
but to be there for her. I don't even know how to explain it. I feel like if I
don't have her in my life, then I have nothing." I hung my head in shame.
I had never needed anyone in my life and it was a new feeling, needing someone
I barely knew.
My sister placed her tiny hand on my broad
shoulder, "Tristan, she'll forgive you. Even if she doesn't realize it
yet, she cares for you just as much as you care for her. I'm sure it'll all
work out."
"I'm not so sure. There's this other guy,
London. He's a total douche and I want to beat his ass on a daily basis, but
she has seemed to take a liking to him, as he has to her."
"Oh! Does she know about
your
issues?"
My head snapped up and I looked my sister dead in
the eyes, "No, and I plan to keep it that way." I stood and started
pacing across the living room.
"Tristan, you can't expect her to tell you
everything, but you give her nothing. If you care for her like you say you do,
then she deserves to know what she's getting into."
"Grace, I can't. She'll never
understand."
"You don't know that."
"I do! You didn't see her face when I told her
about her mom. It literally broke my heart to see that amount of hurt in her
eyes. I can only imagine how she'll look at me if I told her
everything.
"
Grace's hands reached up, cupping my face gently in
her palms. "Tristan, I will always love you. You're my big brother and nothing
will ever change that. I'll always be here, if that's what you're worried
about."
A stray tear escaped from my eye, but I didn't
brush it away. I needed to feel these emotions that I had closed off for so
long. "But, you did go away. You were gone for so long. I don't think I
can handle that again, Grace."
"I had to go, Tristan and you know that. But
now I'm back. I promise I won't leave until you ask me too."
"That's not going to happen."
"Maybe it won't, but when it does, I won't be
mad or hold it against you."
The tears were now falling endlessly down my
cheeks. I had missed my sister so much in the last three years. I had needed
her so badly, but she wasn't there. As I pulled her fragile frame into a deep
overdue hug, my phone began to ring on the coffee table. I didn't have to look
at the screen to know it was our mother calling. I had programmed in her
ringtone the day I left her house.
"Are you two still not speaking?" My
sister's voice broke through my train of thought.
"Occasionally we do. I just don't know what to
say to her anymore, Gracie."
"Tristan, eventually you're going to have to
forgive her and move on. Life's too short to not make amends. You should know
that better than anyone."
"Soon Grace, I promise."
"Thank you." She whispered as she hugged
my tight around my waist. "Now what are we going to do about this whole
Riley situation?"
"There's not much I can do. I can't force her
to talk to me."
"I have a feeling she
wants
to talk to you. Check your missed calls."
I reached over and grabbed my phone from the table
to notice a missed call from the hospital. I wasn't sure if it was really Riley
who called, but I guess I had nothing to lose at this point. I clicked on the
number and waited through the rings. It was late when I had gotten the call,
but hopefully Jan was still the one working the front desk. I was about to give
up hope when Jan's melodic voice broke through the line.
"Sacred Heart psychiatric ward, this is Jan
speaking."
"Hi Jan, it's Tristan."
"Well hey there stranger. We missed you
yesterday. How are you?"
"I'm okay. Hey, I noticed a missed call from
there last night. Do you have any idea who it was?"
"I believe I do. I let Riley call you."
I let out a relived breath. She
had
called me. "Do you happen to
know what she wanted?"
"I don't, but she was pretty insistent in
calling you. She looked pretty disappointed when you didn't answer. I don't
think she knew you weren't really a patient here."
"Okay, thanks Jan."
"Hey Tristan?"
"Yeah."
"If you want her, you might want to fight for
her. Looks like the new guy is trying to weasel his way in. Just thought I'd
give you a heads up."
"Thank Jan."
"Always."
I hung
up the phone and rushed to my bedroom. I quickly changed out of my board shorts
and threw together an outfit. When I came running out of my room to grab my
keys, my sister stood at the kitchen counter waving them in front of me.
"I'm going with."
"I don't think that's a good idea." I
reached for my keys but she quickly pulled them out of my reach.
"You do realize I am bigger than you,
right?" I chuckled.
"Yeah, but I have your keys and I'm not afraid
of you. So just agree to this and we can be on our way."
"Fine, let's go."
Grace threw my keys at me and we rushed down the
stairs to my car. I knew by the time we got there group would be half way over,
but I didn't care. There was no way I was letting that piece of shit London,
get my girl.
I sat across the table from London wondering how I
had gotten myself into this situation.
London was a nice enough guy, and he was definitely something to look
at, but something with him just felt off. I picked at my salad as he continued
rambling on about his absentee father and how he busted his ass to put himself
through school, blah blah blah. I had never been so bored in my life. I'm sure
I wasn't giving him a fair chance, given the fact that all I could think about
lately was Tristan, but I just wasn't feeling it anymore.
"Riley, did you hear me?"
My head shot up. "I'm sorry, what?"
"Look, I get it but can you at least try
here?"
"I'm sorry, London. Can we just go outside and
get some fresh air?"
"Of course." He stood and held his hand
out for mine. To my amazement, I actually took it. As much as I had been
fighting it, I still felt that spark whenever our flesh connected with one
another.
We made our way out to my favorite spot, where I
could get a full view of the ocean. I leaned over the edge on my elbows,
closing my eyes as I took in the faint scent of the salty sea air.
"You know, you look more beautiful than ever
when you do that?"
I sank back down on my feet and glanced over at
London. His eyes were sizing me up and came to a sudden stop when they found my
lips. I knew what he was wanting and as much as I wasn't ready and didn't want
to, I leaned in and let my lips slowly fall onto his. I must've caught him off
guard because he didn't' kiss me back at first, but after a few seconds, he was
reciprocating my actions. I couldn't help but notice the difference between his
and Tristan's kiss and how it made me feel, but I promised myself I would try.
I didn't let the kiss linger for too long before I was pulling back. I licked
my lips as I took in London's shocked expression and let a small smile form
across my lips.
"Well, that was unexpected."
"Sorry."
"No, don't apologize. It was a good surprise.
You don't know how long I've waited for that. I honestly have wanted to do that
since the first day I laid eyes on you. You're special, Riley."
"So I've been told." I muttered as I
leaned back over the edge with my elbows against the rough concrete wall.
"I'm really nothing special, London."
"I don't believe that for one minute. I just
wish you would let me in, even just a little."
"Doesn't everybody? Look London, I'm a
complicated person and opening up isn't something I do very well. I'm sorry,
but that's just how it has to be."
"You sure about that?" He whispered, as
he tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. I knew exactly what he was
doing, but he was going to be sadly disappointed when he didn't get what he
wanted from me. "Close your eyes, Riley."
I didn't want to do what he was asking, but part of
me yearned for the closeness of someone's touch, so I did. His lips crashed
against mine with a force that almost knocked me over. I gave a little back,
but held myself back from completely letting go. As much as I wanted to feel
his touch, I was also picturing Tristan as his lips moved against mine. Just as
his tongue slid across my bottom lip, I felt him quickly being ripped away from
me. When I opened my eyes, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Tristan had
him pinned against the wall, his arm across his throat cutting off his air. I
ran over to Tristan and tried to pull him off of him, but I was unsuccessful.
"Tristan stop, please!"
"She's not yours, London."
"TRISTAN!" I yelled and my voice finally
caught his attention. His eyes were as black as night and I couldn't help but
notice the vacant look in them. I'd only ever seen that look one other time and
I wasn't about to sit around and wait for the same abuse to happen to me all
over again. So I ran. I ran all the way to my room and locked myself behind the
door. I pulled the blanket over my head and prayed for the fear to fade away.
For the first time in almost three weeks, I wanted the darkness to take me
under. For good this time.
A sudden banging on the door had me sitting
straight up, tucking the blanket tightly around myself.
"Riley, please open the door. Talk to me,
Riley." Tristan's voice was slowly melting my heart and I wanted to run to
him and wrap myself up in his embrace, but I just couldn't. "Riley, I'm so
sorry. Please just talk to me."
I shook my head in disbelief. As much as I tried, I
couldn't get the look he had out of my head. "Please just go away,
Tristan." My voice was shaky and I knew he would hear it.
"Riley, please. I
have
to talk to you. I
need
you,
Riley. Please just open the door."
All I could do was shake my head. I was now
standing on the other side of the door with my face pressed firmly against the
grainy wood. My hand was splayed across the door as if he could feel my touch
through it. I tried to hold back the tears, but there was no use. They were
steadily falling down my face and there wasn't anything that could stop them,
besides Tristan's touch. When I heard his voice again, it was low and soothing.
"Riley there's so much I want to tell you. I
need you to let me in. I need you to show me that I can trust you. I need
you
, Riley."
I reached for the cold brass doorknob and just as I
was about to let him in, I heard a loud voice booming through the door.
"We're going to need you to come with us, sir." It was security. My
grip loosened on the knob and I hesitated to open the door. This was my out, if
I wanted it.
"Now, sir!"
"Please, I just need to speak to her."
"Well obviously she doesn't want to speak with
you. You need to come with us."
"Okay."
I could hear the defeat in his voice and before I
knew what I was doing, I was pulling open the door and running in the direction
of Tristan's large, strong frame. Seconds before I would've ran into the back
of him, he turned wrapping his strong arms around my waist. He pulled me
tightly against him as he spun me in a circle. My arms stayed wrapped around
his neck until I was forced to let him go.
"Miss, is it okay that he's here?" The
one security guard who had pulled us from our embrace asked me.
I stood nodding my head, "Yes. Yes, it's okay.
Thanks." I whispered, ashamed that it took me as long as it did to go to
him.
"Okay. Call us if you need us."
"She will." Tristan uttered.
I looked into his cloudy blue eyes, taking in every
single ounce of him that I could. I couldn't shake the feeling that at any
second, he would be ripped away from me. My hand brushed his cheek as I caught
a falling tear from his reddened eyes.
"I'm sorry, Riley. Please know that I would
never do anything to hurt you."
I cupped his face in my hands as I gently pressed
my lips against his. "I know you wouldn't." I muttered against his
mouth before he captured my mouth with his. My arms slipped around his neck and
his went around my waist, pulling me against him. His lips slowly made their
way from my lips, across my cheek and eventually to my neck leaving a heated
trail in their wake.
"I've missed you so much, Riley. I know it's
only been a day, but it was the longest day of my life."
My eyes were still closed in ecstasy as I replied,
"I know exactly what you mean."
My hand slid down into his as I pulled him back
into my room. There wasn't much we could do here, but I was willing to take
things as far as he would allow. As we entered my room, he kicked the door shut
and I couldn't help the small giggle that escaped my mouth.
"You're adorable, you know that?"
"So I've been told." Before another word
could be spoke he was capturing my mouth again as he slowly backed me up
against my bed. He gently laid me down and then sat back as he removed his
shirt.
My mouth dropped open just a bit as I took in the
breathtaking sight of his half naked body. When my eyes eventually made their
way back up to his face, I could see the desire he had for me built up in his
stare. For the first time in my life, I felt wanted and it was an amazing
feeling.