Faithless (12 page)

I was feeling pretty good as the vodka made it's
way through my system. That mixed with the anticipation of the next wave, had
me feeling like I was on cloud nine. I rode one last wave, when I glanced in
the direction of the monstrous houses a couple blocks away from where I had
been surfing. I had always pictured myself in a house like one of these. Every
time I came out here, I tried to imagine myself running up to one of the vast
decks and into my home. Honestly, there was only one house I ever kept my eye
on and today was no exception.

I wasn't sure if she would actually go to her
mother's house, but something deep inside me knew she would be too curious by
it not to. When I paddled back into shore a bit, closer to her house, I noticed
someone in the water just outside of her back deck. I wasn't sure if it was
Riley, because this person was fully clothed and bouncing around in the waves
like a kid at Christmas time. I knew Riley well enough to know that she rarely
got that excited about anything. As I paddled in closer though, I realized, it
was
her. I watched her as she splashed
around, but just as quickly as she had run into the water, she had run back
out. As much as I tried to take my eyes off of her, I couldn't. She ran back up
onto the deck and from where I sat, it looked as though she had collapsed. I
waited a few minutes for her to stand up and go inside, but she lay there
unmoving.

I wanted to run to her, to hold her and tell her
everything was going to be okay, but I couldn't. She had made it very clear
that she wanted nothing more to do with me, and I couldn't blame her. I had
called the hospital shortly after I left to make sure London would be okay, but
it was looking grim. I had to make sure she would be okay, so I waited outside
of the hospital to pay the cabby to take her wherever she needed to go. After
that, I had made my way home. She may want me out of her life, but I would
always make sure she was alive and well, and taken care of. Even if that were
all I could do for the rest of my life, then that would be what I would live
for.

I waited in the water to make sure she got up at
some point. After a good twenty minutes when she still laid still, I started to
paddle towards the shore, but made sure to stay back so she couldn't see me. A
short while later, she slowly pushed herself up and made her way back into the
house. As soon as she closed the back glass wall, I hung my head and made my
way back down the beach towards my condo.

When I got back home, my sister still hadn't
returned. I would've been worried, but I knew my sister could take care of
herself. Knowing that Riley was only a few houses away, was slowly eating away
at me and I found myself seeking out all the alcohol I had put away for a rainy
day. I was at a loss as to how to deal with her being so close and me not being
able to go to her, so I drank. And drank and drank, until everything was blurry
and I stumbled over to my couch. I collapsed down onto the soft pillowy
cushions face first, just as I heard the front door open. I slowly lifted my
head and saw my sister’s fuzzy frame come into view.

"Graaaccciiieee. Where ya been?"

"Someone's a little drunk, huh?"

I waved my hand in front of my face, "No, what
would you think that for?"

"Um, maybe the empty bottles littering your
kitchen counter."

I let out a loud laugh. "That wasn't me."

"Yeah, okay. Let's get you to bed." Grace
came over and tried to pull me off of the couch, but my six foot four build
dwarfed her five feet four inches.

"See, you can't even move me." I laughed
again.

"Funny, Tristan. Get your drunk ass up and go
to bed, now!"

"Yes, Sir." I saluted her as I tried to
push myself up and failed. "Can't I just lay here a little while longer?
Maybe she'll show up." My eyes were getting extremely heavy and I couldn't
even make out Gracie's face anymore.

"Who, Tristan? Who do you think will show up,
Riley? Because after what you pulled today, I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to
see you now or even ever again."

"You're mean, Grace."

"So I've been told, Tristan. Now get your ass
up and go to bed."

"Fine, but tomorrow I'm not sharing my
pancakes with you. Mom always said to not share with people who are mean, and
you're being mean."

"Oh my god, are you five? Get up!"

"Whatever, Gracie. You're just mad because I
won't share with you." I stuck out my tongue at her as I made my way to my
room.

"Sleep it off, big brother. I'll see you in
the morning." She shouted back as I slammed my door shut.

A noise caught my attention, and I glanced back at
the doorway as long brown hair caught my eye. "Riley?"

"Shh."

She made her way over to me and climbed into bed
next to me. I pulled back the covers and draped them over her as she nestled
into the crook of my arm. I held her tight and extremely close to me, wishing
for her to never leave. My lips found their way to her forehead and I placed a
chaste kiss to her chilly skin.

"Were you in the water again, Riley?"

"Mmmmhmmm."

I kissed her forehead again and snuggled into her.
Her body curled into mine and her thin arms wrapped themselves around my waist.
"I'm so sorry for today. I swear I never meant to hurt you."

"I know you didn't, Tristan. Just sleep now.
Everything is fine."

"Riley?"

"Yes?"

"I love you. I love you more than I think you
could ever understand. My world is empty without you in it. I need you, Riley.
I need you like I need air to breathe." My voice was soft and barely above
a whisper. I didn't want my sister to hear what was going on.

"I know you do, Tristan."

This caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting her to
pour her heart out to me, but I expected a little more than what she was giving
me. When I turned my head to speak to her, she was gone. I searched the bed
frantically for her. When I couldn't feel anything but the cold sheets beside
me, I realized that it had all been a dream. I slammed my fists down on the
sheets and threw myself back onto my pillows. There was no way I was going to
be able to deal with not talking to her. I had to do something, anything to
have her back in my life. I felt like I was going crazy and she was the only
person who could make me sane and stable. I closed my eyes, willing sleep to
take me under without dreams of Riley. As much as I wanted it, I didn't. I was
willing to take any form of her that I could get. Unfortunately, I got what I
wished for and I fell into a dreamless sleep moments later.

~~~~

The sun coming through my bedroom window was
practically burning a hole straight through me. All I could feel was pounding
in my head and I instantly regretted drinking the entire kitchen sink last
night. Not talking to or having any contact with Riley was going to be the
death of me. When I opened my eyes, the sun hit my corneas like a hot frying
pan, singing them to their very core. I slowly sat myself up and noticed the
tall glass of water and two aspirin on my bedside table. Ah, Grace could be a
godsend when needed. I quickly took the pain reliever and downed the entire
glass of water. I wanted to jump in the shower and wash the residual salt water
from my skin, but I just didn't have the energy and when I smelled the aroma
coming from the kitchen, there was no way I was passing up Gracie's world
famous pancakes and coffee for a shower.

I pulled on a pair of clean shorts and shirt and
stumbled out into the kitchen. When I caught sight of my sister cooking in the
kitchen, I had a flashback of my mother making us breakfast every Saturday
morning. Granted it wasn't Saturday, but it was still a memory I would forever
cherish. Those were the mornings when we got to spend quality time with mom
before dad got home from golfing with his "co-workers," which usually
meant he had spent the night before with his flavor of the week. But mom never
showed any inclination that it bothered her, and even though I knew better, it
was time that Gracie and I had both craved from her so we never asked
questions.

My father was a shitty man and an even shittier
husband and father. There were so many times I had wished for any of my
friend's fathers. The ones that used to take their kids to baseball games, or
played sports with them, or hell, even ones that actually came home on a
nightly basis. My father hadn't always been a prick. He had actually been a
pretty decent father, until I reached the age of nine and Grace turned five,
that's when the tables turned. My mother had been amazing though, and she all
but took the place of two parents when my father wasn't around. She did what
she could to make us happy and always showed us she loved us. That was always
the case, until our worlds came crashing down around us five years ago. I
remember the day like it was yesterday, and for me it was like yesterday,
replaying itself over and over again.

"Tristan?"

I jumped at the sound of my sister's voice as I
entered the kitchen. "Yeah?"

"Do you want some coffee?"

"Does a bear shit in the woods?" I
smiled.

"Well I hope so." We both broke out in a
fit of laughter as I poured my cup of coffee and took a seat across from her at
the breakfast bar.

"You know, you didn't have to make me
breakfast."

"Well, you said I was being mean last night,
so I was trying to be nice." She smirked.

Last night's conversation started to slowly pour in
my mind and I couldn't help the laugh that escaped my mouth.

"You know, when you drink you turn into a five
year old."

"Oh, I am well aware of it. Sorry,
Gracie."

"Don't even mention it." She waved the
spatula at me. "I still love you, even if you won't share your pancakes
with me." She winked.

I took a few sips of coffee as I made my way out
onto the back patio. The waves were perfect this morning and as much as I
wanted to run out and become one with the ocean, I was slowly starting to
realize that doing so was only making things worse for me. I took a seat at the
small iron table, propped my feet up and stared out at the mesmerizing water as
I finished my cup of coffee.

"Here, eat something so you start feeling
better." Grace sat a full plate of syrup-covered pancakes in front of me,
along with a fork and napkin.

"Thanks, Grace." Grace just smiled and
disappeared back inside.

After I was completely full and onto my second cup
of coffee, I decided that it was time to face the consequences of my actions
from the day before. I dialed the hospital and waited patiently as they paged
Mr. Rollins.

"This is Mr. Rollins."

"Mr. Rollins, it's Tristan. I just wanted to
check on London's status."

"Well hello Tristan. Honestly, I don't know
how comfortable I am telling you anything about him, but I know you and I know
what you did yesterday wasn't entirely your fault. London's awake and
recovering nicely. He only had a few broken ribs, but he did have to have his
jaw wired shut. You did quite a number on him."

"I know and I'm sorry for the mess I caused.
I'm glad he's on the mend. So, um..."

"She's doing fine. I heard from her just a
little bit ago, and I have an appointment with her today. Look, I'm not saying
what London is doing is okay by any means, but you have to see it from my side
too. I let you come into our group, knowing damn good and well who you were and
why you were there and I feel as though you took advantage of that. My first
priority here is Riley, not you."

"I know, and I'm extremely grateful for what
you have done for me, I really am. I just wish I could go back and undo all of
this bullshit I have caused."

"Tristan, it is what it is. There's really not
a whole lot you can do now, but let things play out on their own. You need to
give Riley time to adjust to it all. She found out everything about you, and
her mother, and then this whole thing with London happened. I think she just
needs some time to heal and learn to lean on herself. I'll call you if anything
changes."

"Thank you, Mr. Rollins."

"I'll talk to you later, Tristan." I hung
up the phone feeling like a small weight had been lifted. At least I knew I
hadn't killed London, even though I wish I would've.

I made my way back inside to find my sister. When I
entered the living room, she was sitting there with her hands over her face.

"Grace, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I am. I'm just preparing myself for the
worst."

"What do you mean?" I was utterly
confused at what she was saying.

"Mom won't stop until you talk to her. You
need to call her before she comes over here. I can't deal with that
Tristan."

I started to rub her back to calm her down. "I
know, Grace. I'll call her today, okay?"

She nodded her head and leaned into my chest.
"Thank you, Tristan."

"You never have to thank me, Grace.
Never."

I woke up on the couch, confused at where I was at
first. Last night was all a blur and I was having trouble remembering how I had
even gotten to the couch in the first place. I made my way into the kitchen,
and scrounged around in the cupboards looking for coffee or food, but came up
empty handed on both counts. Looks like I could add that to the list of things
my mother and I
didn't
have in
common. The funny thing was, there was a coffee maker on one of the counters.
Maybe she had to stop drinking it when she got sick, who knows.

I knew I wouldn't get a lot done if I didn't get
some sort of sustenance in me, or caffeine for that matter. I decided to search
the house for keys to the shiny new Mercedes I had found in the garage last
night. That, I do remember. I made my way up the long winding staircase, when I
stumbled across what I believed would've been my mother's room. It held a king
sized bed and matching dresser, but not much of anything else. There weren't
any clothes left in the closet and absolutely no sign that anybody ever even
lived in this room. I was confused and perplexed as I made my way through the
other two rooms up here. When I came across the room with the small balcony off
of it, my mouth literally almost dropped to the floor.

The entire room had been decorated with almost
everything I had liked as a kid. There was a fresh vase of tulips, my favorite
flower, on almost every surface. The bedding was almost exactly like the
bedding I had when I was little. It was a soft pink color and had small hearts
at each corner. Granted it was much bigger in size now, but if I didn't know
any better, I would've thought it to be the exact same blanket. I ran my fingers
across the freshly made bed and closed my eyes as I tried to remember her. When
I reached the small nightstand on the side closest to the double doors that
lead out to the balcony I noticed a sealed envelope with my name scrolled
across the front of it. I almost immediately recognized the writing from the
letter I had received, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to read anything else
my mother had to say to me right now. I tucked the letter into the drawer of
the nightstand, and made my way back downstairs to where I had left my bag.
When I bent down to grab my things, I noticed a flashy set of keys hanging from
a hook above the built in desk in the foyer. I left my bag and made my way over
to the desk. There was a note attached to the keys, and I quickly read it
before discarding it.

For my
baby girl. Enjoy!

My foggy brain was having a hard time comprehending
everything that was happening. Did my mother even live here at any point in her
life? The house didn't feel lived in and it still had that brand new house
smell of fresh paint and newly laid carpet. I was confused by the entire
situation, but still grateful in my confusion. As much as I wanted to hate my
mother for what she did to me, I was finding it harder to as time went on.

I was halfway out to the garage to go get myself
some essentials, but I stopped when I realized I was still wearing my salt
ridden clothes from the night before. I ran over to my bag and made my way
upstairs. I wasn't comfortable using my mother's bathroom or bedroom for that
matter, even if she didn't live here, so I opted for the guest bath and the
room that I could only assume was meant for me.

I turned on the water as hot as I could get it, and
waited for the steam to engulf me before I pulled the curtain back and entered.
The scolding hot water was relaxing as it hit my skin, leaving a burning trail
as the drops of water rolled off of me. After I was done washing up, I sat in
the tub under the water, contemplating my next step in life. Unfortunately, my
plan wasn't what it was supposed to be and now I was at a loss as to what I was
supposed to do. Of course, all thoughts and plans led to Tristan, but that
wasn't an option anymore. Although I knew how I felt about him, what he had
done to London was almost unforgivable. As much as I needed him in my life, I
was fearful of the cost of having him in it.

The water started to run cold, and I decided that
it was probably best to get out and get ready for the day. I still needed to go
to the store and I had my appointment with Mr. Rollins in just a few hours. I
had basically slept the day away and I was running behind. I dressed in one of
my nicer pair of jeans, a long sleeve navy and white striped lightweight
sweater and dried my hair. Once my hair was done, I put on a little bit of mascara
and headed downstairs to make a small grocery list. I wasn't sure where the
closest store was, but I would make sure to map it out on my phone before I
left.

As I hit the last step, there was a small knock at
the door. I wasn't sure who even knew I was here, so I headed to answer it
praying that that little bitch Nancy wasn't back to make my day worse.

I checked through the side window and saw a small
older woman standing there with what looked to be a small cake in her hands. I
pulled the door open and smiled at the tiny woman. "Hi."

"Well hi there. You must be Riley."

"I am, but I'm sorry I have no idea who you
are."

"Oh I'm so sorry dear. I'm Lucy. I live just
to the right of you. Your mother told me to look out for you and to make sure
you felt welcome in the neighborhood."

"Well thank you, Lucy. Did you know my mother
well?"

"I did, dear. I'm sorry for your loss,
although I'm not sure if I should even say that given the history you two
had." Apparently my mother had confided in this woman more than I would've
thought. "I'm sorry, I'm probably overstepping my bounds here. I tend to
do that. It's just that, your mother asked me to watch out for you and to keep
an eye on that little twit, Nancy."

I couldn't help the small giggle that escaped from
between my lips. "Oh, so you've had the pleasure of meeting her?" I
joked.

"I've met her twice, and both times, I
could've pulled that little entitled shit's hair out. She's very condescending
that girl. And let me tell you, she is very jealous of you."

"Of me? Why? She had the chance to know my
mother, I didn't."

"I know it seems that way, dear, but your
mother loathed that little girl from the time she met her. She was always such
a little brat and her mother, oh my. Her mother is just a grown up version of
her. I'd watch your back if I was you."

"Well thanks for the advice, Lucy. I think I'm
going to like you." I smiled. Lucy was a little spitfire and at her age
that was awesome. She had to be in her late sixties, but man she sure was
spunky.

"This is for you." She handed me the
small cake in her hands, and I felt bad for not even asking to take it from her
before now. "Now, make sure you come over and say hi every now and then.
I'd like to share some stories with you."

"I would like that. Thanks so much." Lucy
turned to head back over to her house when I remembered I didn't know where a
damn store was. I leaned over the porch railing to get her attention.
"Lucy, can you tell me where the closest store is?"

"Go down that way towards the other gates and
go left. The store is about six blocks up."

"Thanks." I waved at Lucy and made my way
back inside. I grabbed the keys, my money and made my way out to the garage.
When I stepped into the echoey space, the lights illuminated one by one
depending on where I went. I hadn't noticed before, but along with the Mercedes
there was also a brand new pickup truck and two wave runners on a trailer.
Apparently my mother was into water sports, or at least that was the impression
I was getting.

I climbed into the car and literally sank into the
deep leather seats. They were so plush I swear I could've slept out here and
have been just fine. I wasn't used to having the finer things in life and it
was a little weird to be driving this brand new car that technically wasn't
even mine. I was used to having to bust my ass to get anything in life,
especially a car. I wasn't able to buy one until I was eighteen, my foster
parents wouldn't allow it, and honestly, I couldn't have afforded one anyway. I
started working when I was fifteen and saved every single cent I had made
between then and now, and by the time I turned eighteen I was able to get a
pretty decent car. It wasn't much, but it was mine and I had earned it.

I backed out of the driveway and made my way up
towards the other gate that Lucy said existed. I noticed each and every house
as I passed them. They seemed to get bigger as the road wound up and at the
very end, just before the gate, sat a small group of condominiums. Now those
were more my style. I noticed that there were only two buildings with maybe
five condos in each building and found it rather odd that these small, but nice
looking condos would be at the end of this pretty upscale neighborhood.

Before I could finish thinking about it, the gate
in front of me was opening and I quickly made my way out, as to not get hit by
it if I took too long. I took a left and went up six blocks just as Lucy said
and almost ran right into the small market off to the right. It was such a cute
neighborhood and I was slowly beginning to understand why my mother had chosen
here to live. Everybody seemed super nice and they all made up their own little
town almost. It was more than I could've ever asked for.

I parked and as I made my way into the store a few
minutes later, I decided to call and see if Blake was still at the hospital. I
hadn't talked to her since I left and I just needed to know that she was doing
okay.

"Psychiatric ward, this is Jan."

"Hi Jan, it's Riley."

"Well hey there. How are you liking your new
place?"

"It's nice. It's a little too big for my
taste, but it works. Hey, I was just curious. How's Blake doing?"

"Mr. Rollins didn't call you?"

My nerves were on high alert as I waited for the
bad news I knew was coming. "No, what happened?"

"Blake checked herself out, right after you
left. She didn't leave a forwarding address or number to reach her at. I'm so
sorry, Riley. I know you two were getting close."

Obviously not that close. "That's okay. Thanks
Jan. Oh and if you do happen to see or hear from her, could you let her know I
called?"

"I will, honey. Have a good day now."

"You too."

I hung up the phone feeling a little sad and
disappointed in Blake. I guess when people leave, sometimes they just need to
be. I grabbed a cart and pulled my list from my back pocket. There wasn't a
whole lot I needed to survive, but I was going to splurge on a few things given
the fact that I had a little bit more money to my name than I had originally
thought. I made my way down the coffee/breakfast aisle when the aroma of the
coffee beans almost knocked me off my feet. I grabbed three bags and poured
them into the grinder. As I was waiting for my beans to empty into the bag
below me, I noticed a familiar face making it's way towards me. I wanted to run
and hide, to save myself the heartache, but then I wanted to know why he was
even out this way. He was still as beautiful as I remember and I couldn't help
my heart from racing just looking at him. The anger I had felt had disappeared
and been replaced once again with nothing but love.

I shook my head out of it's stupid love daze and
turned just enough so that he couldn't see my face. Maybe he would just keep
walking and never recognize me. I wasn't that lucky.

"Riley?"

Shit. I closed my eyes and counted to ten before I
turned and fell under his spell. "I thought that was you. How...how are
you?"

"I'm good." I whispered without making
eye contact.

"Good." He was fidgeting and pushing his
hands into his front pockets. Why was it so hard for him to talk to me?

"That's good." I glanced up and caught
the sad look on his face. "Riley, I'm really sorry, for everything. I
never meant to hurt you."

"I know you didn't, Tristan." I was
waiting for him to say something, anything to win me back, to show that he
wanted to fight for me.

"Well, I'm glad your good. If you need
anything, just know I'm close by." And just like that we were back at
square one. He went to move his cart past me, but stopped suddenly and turned
back towards me. "I miss you, Riley."

My heart melted and the millions of butterflies in
my stomach took flight. It was something. "I miss you too, Tristan."
I smiled at him, but his face held a stoic expression. "Hey Tristan, what
are you doing here? I mean, I guess I was just wondering how you knew I was
here."

"I didn't know you'd be here. My condo is just
up the road." Holy shit. Knowing that Tristan was so close to me put me at
ease, but also had me feeling a little self-conscious.

"Oh." I know how stupid I sounded, but it
was all I could think to say at the time. He started making his way out of the
aisle and I wanted to reach out for him, I wanted to say something else, but I
was stuck in the middle of the aisle unable to move. Then he was gone. I wasn't
sure if I would get to see him again, but something deep down told me I would.
I just knew it wouldn't be soon enough.