When we’re finally
inside, she turns to me and I still see the desire in her eyes, but there’s
something else there as well. Fear grips my heart and I’m convinced that she’s
thought this through and she’s changed her mind after all.
“Carter,” she says.
I swallow hard.
Here
it comes
. She’s going to tell me she needs more time and I’ll tell her I
understand because I do and I’ll wait. I’d do that for her. I’d do anything for
her.
“I want this, but
I’m a little nervous,” she says, looking up at me. “I’m not sure why, but I
just wanted you to know that.”
The grip on my
heart releases. She’s nervous, I get that. I am, too. I’m not only nervous, but
I’m scared. Scared out of my freaking mind at how much I care about this girl
standing in front of me. I’m scared at how she makes me feel, but most of all,
I’m scared of ever losing her again.
The last few days
without her, thinking I lost her forever, were hell for me. When I saw her car
parked out in front of the mountain rescue headquarters, I’ve never been so
relieved in all my life. When I saw her in the bed, sleeping, I stared at her
for a moment before crawling in behind her, knowing in that moment that I loved
her, that I couldn’t and didn’t want to live without her.
I take each of her
hands in mine, tangling our fingers together and then bringing them around her
lower back, pulling her closer to me.
“I’m nervous, too,”
I whisper and kiss her softly, slowly, knowing there’s no rush for us to get
this over with. I want to take my time with her. I want to taste every piece of
her and relish in this moment for as long as I can. She kisses me back and
pushes against me, telling me where she wants to go. I begin to walk backward,
taking her with me, making small steps towards her bedroom.
When the back of my
legs bump against the bed, I pluck her off the ground and lay her down, trying
like hell not to break our connection. Bracing myself over her, I kiss her
carefully letting my tongue glide over her bottom lip, sucking it and massaging
it with my tongue, before moving on to her top lip. I fight to keep my
movements slow and deliberate, but when she sucks my tongue into her mouth, I
nearly lose it. Her hands move down my back, gripping the bottom of my shirt,
tugging it up and over my head, causing our lips to separate briefly.
When I look at her,
I see her eyes travel from the base of my stomach, upwards, before coming back
and meeting my eyes.
I carefully inch
her shirt up and lift it over her head before returning to remove her bra.
Starting at the base of her stomach, I kiss every inch of it, occasionally
sucking on small pieces of her skin, causing her to give out the sexiest moan.
As I unbutton her
jeans and pull her zipper down, I cautiously glance up to her, wanting to make
sure she is still okay with where this is going. She gives me an adorable smile
that makes my whole body warm, and then she lifts her hips up, and I throw her
jeans and underwear behind me, leaving her naked beneath me. My eyes never
leave hers and she watches me intently as I unbutton and remove my jeans,
causing my heart to feel like it’s going to explode through my chest. Before
lying back down, I pull a condom out of my wallet and watch her closely,
waiting for any sign that maybe she’s not ready to take this next step.
With my bare body
against hers, I kiss her lips softly before pulling back. “What I’m about to
say to you isn’t because of what we’re about to do. It’s because of what we’ve
been through, what you’ve done to me, and what you continue to do to me.” I
kiss her again. “I love you, Holly. You’ve brought me back to life, something I
wasn’t sure was even possible.”
She starts to say
something, but I can’t control myself anymore and my lips crush against hers. I
kiss her deeply; kiss her with everything I have inside me, like I need her
more than I need my next breath. Her hands run up and down my back, before
knotting in my hair, pulling me harder against her. When her legs reach up and
wrap around my back, I slip inside her gently and instantly feel her warmth.
Our bodies come together as one, moving in sync, and her thighs tighten around
my hips.
I kiss her softly
each time I press inside her and with each movement I make; it’s as if all the
pain, all the grief I’ve been holding in, melts out of me.
Did that really
happen last night or was that just a really, really good dream?
I ask myself, opening my eyes and squinting from the
bright light shining in through my bedroom window. I feel Carter shift beside
me, wrapping his arm tighter around my stomach, pulling me closer to him. Oh
yeah, it was real. The memories and images of the night before flow through my
mind and my chest constricts just thinking of how good he felt and how sweet
and gentle he had been with me. I bite my lower lip, remembering how my whole
body shook with pleasure and how we fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms.
He shifts again
and, when he removes his arm from around my waist, I’m tempted to pull it back,
not liking the emptiness it leaves behind. His arm doesn’t go far, though, as
he slowly trails his hand, starting at my hip, then running along my ribs, up
to my shoulders, and then back down. He repeats this path a few times and my
eyes fall closed; enjoying the feeling and what it’s doing to me.
“Did you sleep
well?” I ask after a long minute.
“I slept better
than I have in—” He pauses and kisses my shoulder. “I can’t remember the last
time I slept this well.”
“Yeah, me either,”
I sigh, leaning my head back, welcoming his kisses that continue up my neck,
knowing we aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.
❧
“I’m starving,” I
say, tracing designs across Carter’s chest.
He laughs and I can
feel the vibration in his chest. “I’ve been hungry since we woke up, I just
didn’t want to move.”
“Yeah, it is pretty
nice here, isn’t it?” I sigh heavily. “I’m not sure if we have anything that’s
edible, we may be forced to go out.”
“Well, we’ll have
to find something because going out will entail getting dressed and I’m not
quite ready for you to do that just yet.”
A smile breaks
across my lips.
I search the pantry
while Carter hunts for something in the refrigerator. “Wow. I don’t think I’ve
ever seen this much junk food in an enclosed space before.”
Laughing, I turn my
head towards him, remembering the junk food binge Jenna and I had gone on
before she left last night.
“Were the two of
you trying to overdose on sugar or something?” he asks, looking to me and then
back to the fridge.
“Something like
that.” I laugh and then make my way over to him. “This,” I say, reaching in and
grabbing the cake pan, “is amazing.”
“So, we’re having
cake for breakfast?” he asks, smiling.
“Chocolate cake
with strawberry icing to be exact.”
I cut us each a
piece and we stand in the kitchen, each of us leaning against opposite
counters, facing each other.
“Man, who knew cake
could taste so good for breakfast.”
“Well, it’s almost
one in the afternoon, so technically it’s lunch.” I shove another large bite
into my mouth. “We’ll have to remember to thank Jenna for this later.”
“Hey, you’ve got
something—” He uses his finger to point to a spot on the corner of his mouth.
Reaching my tongue
out, I try to find the icing or crumbs that seem to be lingering on my lips.
“No. It’s still
there.” He takes a large step towards me. “Here, let me.” Using his finger he
scoops up a glob of strawberry icing from his plate and then trails his finger
across my bottom lip, smearing it. He leans in, taking my bottom lip in his,
massages it with his tongue, sucking all the icing off... and leaving me
breathless. “Got it.” He pulls back, smiling.
Four months
later...
Josh hasn’t let up
since we left the house. He keeps giving me crap, telling me how bad I’ve got
it for Holly and how whipped I am. I keep my mouth shut because, in all
honesty, it’s the truth and I actually don’t mind him giving me crap. I don’t
mind that he’s telling me that I’ve got it bad for a girl that I’m absolutely
crazy about, for a girl that brought me back to life.
When it came time
to cross that line, to end our friendship and start something more, we made the
decision together and haven’t looked back since. There hasn’t been one second
that I’ve regretted, and I’m glad I got the chance to tell my mom how right she
was... how starting out as friends has given us so much more than I could’ve
asked for. I’ll always be thankful that my mom got to meet Holly; that she got
to meet the girl that has her son’s heart.
Holly was there for
me when my mom passed away and I’m not sure what I would’ve done without her.
It wasn’t like it was with my dad and my brother; I didn’t have enough strength
to be the strong one—the rock for my sister to lean on. I was a complete mess,
but I had Holly there and she was my rock. The two of us have been through so
much over the last few months and she single-handedly brought me back from the
depths of darkness. She showed me forgiveness, which I’m still not sure why,
but I still needed it from her.
We pull up to her
apartment and I’m excited as hell to see her, but I’m also nervous for her.
What she’s planning to do tonight is something she has been struggling with for
months, and I just want it to be everything she hopes it will be.
When we turn the
corner and head into her apartment building, I stop abruptly when I see Travis
jogging down the stairs in front of us. The last thing I want right now is to
get into anything with him. I’m past fighting and arguing; I don’t want
anything to spoil Holly’s night. He stops abruptly when he sees me, too.
“Hey, man,” I say.
Josh is standing beside me and I can feel the tension build in the small space
we’re standing in as Travis eyes us both.
“Gotta minute?”
Travis asks, looking directly at me.
“Sure.” Josh still
doesn’t move from my side. “I’ll see you up there, man,” I say, slapping Josh
on the back, letting him know that I’ve got this. From the look on Travis’s
face, it doesn’t look like there’s any need to worry.
Josh doesn’t say a
word as he moves around Travis and jogs up the stairs.
“Guess I deserve
that,” Travis says, clearing his throat. “I just came by to see Holly before I
left town, I couldn’t find her at the graduation ceremony earlier.” He looks
down at his feet and then says, “I’m actually glad I ran into you. I owe you an
apology for being such a jerk. The last year has been tough and I was still
dealing with stuff, but I went about it the wrong way. I had no right to say
some of the things I said to you. I know what happened that night wasn’t your
fault. I know you did everything you could and it was just an accident.”
As I look at him,
even though a part of me wants to hate him for all the shit he did and how he
treated Holly that one afternoon, I can’t. The guy lost his best friend and he
dealt with it the only way he knew how.
“Hey, man, don’t
worry about it,” I tell him.
He swallows hard
and nods. “Holly seems to be doing well. I’m happy for her, she’s a great
girl.”
“Yeah, she is,” I
say, knowing how lucky I am to have her.
The four of us are
on our way to Sterling’s. Carter is driving and I’m sitting in the passenger
seat, scared out of my freaking mind. In between shifting the gears, Carter’s hand
finds mine and strokes it slowly, trying to reassure me, reminding me that he
is here for me.
Tonight I am going
to keep my end of the deal that I made with Jenna many months ago. Not only is
a bet, a bet, but this is something that I have to do for myself.
“Holly, we’re
here,” Carter’s voice pulls me from my thoughts.
Carter meets me in
front of the car and grabs my hand. It’s weird, but I swear he looks even more
nervous than I do right now. We walk in, hand in hand, and I’m repeating lyrics
over in my head, hoping my mind doesn’t go blank when I get up on stage.
“You ready for
this?” Jenna asks me.
“As ready as I’ll
ever be.” I give her a smile. I’m trying not to let my nerves get to me, or
hide them so no one else can see them.
“You’re gonna be
great. Just relax and enjoy the moment,” Carter whispers in my ear as Joe hops
up on stage to introduce me. Taking a deep breath in, I try to push away all my
fears.
“It’s been a while,
but let’s welcome back one of our favorite singers… Holly Treadwell, everyone.”
Joe turns to me and claps, welcoming me onstage. I walk up the few steps and
hug him tight, thanking him for continuing to believe in me.
“Hi, everyone.
Thanks so much for coming out tonight. It’s been a while since I’ve been on
stage, but I’ve gotta say that it feels amazing to be back. This is something
I’ve been working on for a while now. It’s a song about my past, my present,
and my future.” I lean back away from the microphone and lock eyes with
Carter’s. I lick my lips before leaning forward again. “It’s called
Fall
from Love
; hope you like it.”