Falling (22 page)

“Who else would it be? It’s not like you leave me alone long enough for it to be anyone else.” My face flames red. John must have told him I went to the store yesterday.

“Sorry.” My voice chokes off, lots of people are already looking at me and I can’t say anything else without crying.

“I don’t really want to hear it okay? Just stop. Stop coming round here. I don’t know why you came in the first place. Just leave me alone, I have a girlfriend, and it has nothing to do with you. Go back to school and deal with your own stuff all right. I don’t know how I can be any clearer. Don’t come to see me again. I do not want to see you.” I twist my face around to look out the window so no one can see me cry. But he’s talking so loud I’m pretty sure they can hear him.

“Fine.” I whisper.

“Don’t give me that crying. Just … argh, Just go away.”

“Okay.” It shakes with my voice.

“Don’t be just bumping into people I know either. Leave and don’t come near me again.” He spits with disgust at me. I hang up the phone when he does without saying anything else.

We pull into the central bus station. I was going to catch a bus back in to town to see if I could see Keller one last time before I left, but I want to go home. I’m so glad I wasn’t at school when he called.

I stay on the bus until there isn’t anyone else. Finally the driver calls out to me when we get to the central bus station. “Sorry Miss, but you have to get off, or pay another fare to somewhere else.”

“Yes, thanks.” I feel so tired, my legs feel like they are filled with concrete and I just want to go to sleep. My eyes are so sore.

“Hi.” I stare at the server behind the counter at the ticket counter. “I need a ticket to Arling.” She looks at me like I’m missing something.

“When would you like to go?”

“Oh. Sorry, today.” I don’t know how to change my expression. At least I have four hours to figure out how to smile before I face aunt Kelly.

I remain with the same expression while she taps on her keyboard. “Is it a return?”

“Um, Yeah I guess.” A fresh wave of tears burn at the back of my eyes, stinging my throat as I force them back.

“Okay,” she says slowly.

My heart pounds and my breathing comes in short gasps when my phone starts ringing in my pocket. A few people who were on the bus with me look in my direction. I slowly pull it out of my pocket. Keller is pulsing on the screen.

Why is he calling me back? What more could he have to say to me. What could there be left to say. Maybe he dialled the wrong number. The ringing stops abruptly. His name disappears and it beeps, telling me I missed a call.

“Your ticket.” The lady holds two rectangles out to me. “You need to hurry, the bus will arrive in five minutes. You need to be waiting at the right stop when it arrives.”

“Okay.” She narrows her eyes at me, and starts to say something, then stops.

“Have a good trip.”

That’s impossible. Beyond the realms of possibility. Cannot happen. “Okay.” I respond.

I shuffle to the café to get myself something to eat. I’m not hungry, I feel like I’m going to vomit. But I might get hungry latter and the ticket says it’s an express trip, only one toilet break.

I stare numbly into a glass case of muffins.

“All travellers going to Arling are asked to report to their stop, your bus will be leaving in five minutes.” The loud speaker announces.

I thought she said it would be arriving in five minutes, not leaving.

I shuffle back to the exit. I pass a vending machine. I’ll get something from there I tell myself. Go back to it.

I only have three dollars and eighty six cents, which narrows down my choices. I think I need a chocolate bar.

“All travellers to Arling need to report immediately to their stop, departure is two minutes. This is the final call.”

I fumble to get the coins into the slot, then seconds tick by as the bar slowly tumbles to the door and I shove in more for a granola bar.

I carry them both out to the bus, pausing near the door, I consider going to yell at the lady who served me for leaving me no time to eat. But I’ll miss the bus so I settle for staring her down on my way out.

“Are you going to Arling?” The bus driver asks when I walk up the steps onto the bus.

“Yes.” I’m confused. This is the bus to Arling isn’t it?

“You’re late.”

“I know.” I think he expects an excuse of some sort.

“You’ll need to get your bags in the luggage compartment.” He sighs, digging himself out from behind the steering wheel.

“I don’t have any.” I state.

“Oh. Well, take a seat then.”

I can’t think of the right thing to say, so after a minute, I just go find a seat, but there aren’t any by themselves. I have to sit next to someone.

Agh, I have to sit next to a guy. Who is smiling at me.

I look back at him. Nothing in my expression, not even dislike, just nothing.

“Hi, I’m,” I don’t care already. “Steven.”

I nod my head. “Do you have a name?” He prompts.

“I do.” I reply.

“Would you like to share it with me?”

“It’s Reid.”

“That’s quite cool.”

“Maybe.”

My phone rings again, and my blood gushes through my veins, pounding in my head. It’s only Sara, I think. But the pounding continues.

“Reid. Hey, where are you?”

“On a bus.” I work on sounding slightly more normal.

“Oh.” She stops surprised. “Why aren’t you at the airport.” Just hearing the words starts the shaking again.

“It got closed.”

“Really? What happened?”

“Someone left their bag, and I guess they thought it was a bomb or something. I never made to it to the plane.” I simply state.

She stops, knowing something is wrong with me. “Keller called looking for you.”

My blood stops moving, instead turning to thick sludge. “Yeah he found me.”

“Oh, okay. I was in class before so couldn’t call, but it sounded urgent.”

“Yeah, it was real urgent.” My ears are ringing. A hallow, metallic sound.

“Good, then. Um. I’ve gotta go, but call me when you get there okay.”

“Yip.” I have to keep my words short. She will know how bad I feel if I speak in full sentences.

“Um.” She pauses again, and I can imagine her with her hand on her hip, while she bites of the side of her lip.

“I’m fine.” I lie quietly.

“Call me.” She says.

I sit silently staring ahead. I don’t have a book, or anything to pretend like I’m busy.

“Sorry, are you okay.” Steven asks.

“Yip.” I keep watching the back of the seat like something depends on it.

“Okay.”

This is going to be a long five hours. Actually, I think alarmed, on a bus it’s probably more like six. Maybe even more with a break. At least there’s only one, and it’s short.

“So what’s taking you to Arling?” Steven asks after exactly eight minutes of staring at the back of the chair. I know this because I am still grasping my phone.

“My aunt.” I whisper, my throat dry, preventing any more sound.

“Sounds exciting.”

“Mmm.” I look at the words on the screen of my phone again. Missed call, Keller. I run my fingers across them to see if they will disappear.

“You going for the long weekend?” He asks after I’m silent again.

“I am.” I hold my finger on it, pressing until my skin is white.

“Have any plans?” I lift my finger off and it’s still there.

“Nope.” If he asks me if I want to do something I am going to jump into him and ask if he still wants to even sit next to me.

He looks like he’s thinking about saying something else, but he gets a book out of his bag instead and leans against the window. I can feel him looking at me past the pages.

I think I’ll give him a post-it. ‘People who stare lose their eyeballs.’

To ignore him, I unwrap my chocolate and keep holding onto my phone. I don’t know why I’m holding it, I don’t want it to ring. It doesn’t matter though, I don’t need it to make sense. I chew on the end of the chocolate, letting the slick sweetness coat my mouth, staring at the screen.

“Do you think it will ring again?” Steven asks after an hour.

“Don’t think so.”

I guess that was the weirdness that made him decide I wasn’t worth it. He went back to his book and didn’t talk to me again until we got to Arling. He looked at me plenty, but he never said anything, which suited me fine.

“Have a good break.” He smiles weakly at me as I get off the bus.

“Thanks.” He looks back at me again before he gets into the car waiting for him. I don’t want to talk to you, accept that and move on, I think walking past his car. I think he needs another post-it.

I need to find a way to aunt Kelly’s. I think I’m going to have to get a taxi. And I really need to get my smiles working. I thought four hours was going to be enough to get my head away from what Keller said. But even remembering his words send my heart racing again.

“Is there somewhere I can get a taxi from?” I practice my normal voice. It’s a little bit like a five year old who’s just been offered candy, but I think it’s better than the almost dead sound it was the last time I spoke.

“Sure love, just go out the main doors, and on the left is a taxi stand. Take any one you want.” She beams at me. Surely you don’t need to be that happy to be giving out directions, it was only for a taxi.

Stop it, I scold myself. Happy, happy cheerful thoughts. I cringe and shudder a little at the drippy sweet sound of my thoughts. Maybe I can pull off, nice to see you, but I’m really tired because I had to catch a stupid bus instead of a plane, so I don’t want to talk to any of you, even though I haven’t seen you all for six months.

I’m lying to myself and I know it, I think as I give the address for aunt Kelly’s and lean back watching the semi familiar streets go past. Aunt Kelly isn’t going to just let me go away and be by myself. Hopefully uncle Rod is there, he will save me from her most prying questions, which she always asks me.

Unfortunately it only takes five minutes to get home, I roll my eyes at myself, I love aunt Kelly and uncle Rod, but this will never be home.

“Is this it miss?” The taxi driver asks.

“Yes thanks.” I give my cheerful, but normal voice one last try while I hand over the last of all the money I saved up over the last semester. I’ve got about twenty five cents left.

I want to say that I can’t believe after everything I still ended up here. But if I’m honest, this is the best place for me. I can just lie about everything, I can make up some lie about feeling sick to excuse my horrible mood. Sitting on a bus will explain what I look like.

I stand on the side-walk for a minute after the taxi leaves, I can’t imagine what I actually look like, I think I only blinked four times on the whole trip down, so now my eyes feel like sandpaper has been shoved under my lids.

I drag myself up the path through the front yard. I pause before knocking to arrange my face and hold my eyes closed for a few seconds to calm some of the redness.

I have to do it, I suck in a deep breath and try and knock on the door.

“Reid? Wow, what are you doing here? I thought you were staying at school.” Aunt Kelly holds the door open, after my pathetic attempts at knocking. How hard is it to knock? You lift your hand, make a fist and bang it on something.

She smiles expectantly, right, I have to speak. “I was, but I decided to come at the last minute. Sorry I didn't call first.”

Her expression changes slightly, then she opens the door wider. “No problem. Come on. You must be tired. Have you eaten?”

“Not yet.”

“Put your stuff in your room. We are just about to have dinner.” Aunt Kelly walks ahead of me, pushing the door of my room open. I smile to myself, hoping she doesn't turn around.

“I'm sorry. I didn't even think of the time.” I look down at my watch, holding onto my wrist.

“Nonsense,” she says. “There's plenty here. And heaven knows your uncle Rod could do with a little less feeding every night.”

“I resent that,” he shouts from somewhere.

I stop in the doorway of my room, lingering for a second like I have stuff to put in there.

“Good to see you young lady.” Uncle Rod comes wandering in from the back of the house. He has a book in one hand, and an empty plate in the other.

“See what I mean?” Aunt Kelly says. “I could cook all day, and he would still come in to see what else I have made.”

“That, my dear, is because you are such a wonderful wife and make me such wonderful food. It would be rude of me not to eat as much of it as I can. Anyway, I'm on a diet. I'll be skinnier than you before you realise it. Isn't it shocking, Reid. This is the way your aunt greets you. By calling me fat.”

I chuckle softly and aunt Kelly pulls herself up from the cupboards to reply, but Charlotte walks in. “Reid!” She squeals. “You did come. That's so great.”

I spread my arms out. “Yip. All weekend long.”

“So why did it take you so long to get here?” She dives at me.

“The airport was closed this morning. Sort of a security problem.” I shrug.

“That was you?” Aunt Kelly's pitch rises. “You were caught up in that? Why on earth didn't you call us? We could have arranged something. How did you get here? Did they open back up? You should have called. I saw it on the news, but I didn't think you were coming. So I didn't even think about you being there.”

She stops to take a breath.

“Kelly, be calm. Clearly the girl is fine. She is standing in front of you. Take a moment. I'm sure if there is something to tell, she will tell us. Right?” Uncle Rod motions at her with his eyes.

“Of course. Yes, you’re right. I'm sorry. Just a bit startling, but of course you’re all right. You are here. You are all right aren't you?” She stops, really studying me.

I want to squirm out of her gaze, but I've got nowhere to go. “You didn't see the person? They weren't on your flight were they?” Her eyes and volume both get bigger at the same rate.

Do not laugh. Do not laugh. I can feel it rising in the back of my throat. Yeah, I did aunt Kelly, and she’s come to stay for the weekend too.

“I'm fine, really I'm fine,” I say. “I don't know what flight the person was on. Or even if the person was on a flight.”