Falling (17 page)

“How was your day?” Megan calls out as soon as she spots me in the dining hall.

“Good, thanks.” Pretending to be in a better mood than I am, wandering over to an empty seat by Sara.

“That's great. How did Keller get back to the store so fast? We thought we would swing by after we went to the library.”

I don't even pause for a breath, “His dad called him back to work before he even got to me, so I found a pretty tree to sit under and read a book.”

I half smile and hold up the book.

“That's weird. Because then he showed up here about two o'clock.”

“Did he?” I ask, like it doesn't matter either way. Where’s my phone. My tray is full of food, I can’t get to my pocket. I can feel my blood rushing to the tips of my fingers filling them with pins and needles. I need to get to my phone. But not in front of Megan.

“Yeah, I just said that you had gone out with him. And he said he hadn't spoken to you today. Apart from the phone call this morning. You know when he called you?”

“Yeah I remember. It was only a couple of hours ago.”

“Funny that, he didn't, though.”

“What's your point, Megan. Are you trying to say something, or are you just enjoying the sound of you own voice?”

“Are you sure you're not sick? You're not in a great mood, Reid. Maybe that's why he hasn't been over.”

“Or maybe it's your creepy stalking whenever he comes near this place. It's like you have a radar on him. You always seem to know where he is.” She turns away from me mumbling something to the girl next to her.

“So you got out of bed?” Sara looks annoyed that I went out without her. “I thought Keller had gone away.” She hisses at me.

“Me too.” I lie, dropping my tray to the table. Fishing through my bag to find my phone. “I’ll be back in a second.” I say ignoring the fact that it looks like I’m running off to call Keller. “Hi, just me.” I say to Keller’s voicemail. “Call me when you can.”

“So what did you do today?” Sara asks when I sit down again, looking at my bulging bag.

“Sat under a tree and read a book mostly,” I lie.

“We had an awesome day.” Sara says, forgetting that she’s supposed to be angry with me.

“Great.” I smile putting some real enthusiasm into my voice. I look at her intently trying to stop my head focusing on my not-ringing phone.

“So great.” She laughs looking at Hannah.

“Brilliant.” Hannah agrees.

“That’s awesome.” I say, if I just eat a few bites and push it around a bit I can leave and go call him again.

“Reid? What do you think?” Sara looks mad again, her head is tilted to the side. “Did you even hear what I said?”

“Sorry. I feel funny.” I say wincing like I’m sick, and push my tray away from me. “I think I’m going to head to bed. Sorry.” I grab my tray, dump it on the counter and rush out the door pulling my phone out again.

“It's Wednesday, Reid, if he hasn't called by now. He's not going to.” Megan is at the door of the dining hall, waiting for me to go past on my way to my next class, like my own special, personal tormentor.

“I wasn't aware that I was waiting for someone.” I keep pushing buttons on my phone as I walk to the dining hall for breakfast so it looks like I am texting, instead of checking my messages, again.

I left a message Sunday night to say sorry that I wasn't at school. But nothing. I don’t know why he came if he was just going to ignore me. And everywhere I turn, there’s Megan with more information about what Keller has been doing. It’s driving me insane.

“So Reid, is he going to come and see you?” She mocks. “Or would you rather sit around reading under a tree?” Her group of followers stands in a half circle around her smirking.

“I don't know when Keller's coming over. I'm not his mother. And I'm not the kind of girlfriend who tells him what he is and isn't allowed to do. Isn't that why Jason broke up with you Megan?” Her face blazes red. “'Coz he just ‘needed some space,’ right? That's gotta suck. Is it because you have to hover like a fly?”

Sacha, standing next to her, lets out a little pop of breath like her breathing space just choked her. The room is silent and every face is watching us. I thought everyone knew she had broken up with Jason. Haven't they all heard her talking about Keller? I hold Megan's gaze. She looks like she wants to hit me, then cry. Public humiliation isn't one of Megan's good friends.

I ignore everyone else and Sara, who’s watching me, torn between being worried about me and laughing at Megan. I wave, but go straight out the door.

Gross, Miss Lep; I’m sure she’s related to Mrs Snouse. She must be here to substitute for English next class. I have English next class. She walks past me glaring. No, not now, not here. Please, don’t do this to me. My heart races as I follow behind her, holding out my hand, catching the edge of the locker block, gripping it until the muscles in my shoulder screams at me from the pressure of the rest of my body moving forward.

My hand pops off the metal, ringing loudly down the empty hallway.

“Is there a problem?” Miss Lep asks turning around at the sound.

“No, I’m fine.” I smile, slowing my steps to make it look like I’m almost at my locker.

No
! She turns away and I fly at her back, reaching her almost instantly. No, no, no, no.

I have to get out. If I miss class I’m going to be in so much trouble, I try to step out the back of her, but I can’t concentrate. I can’t see myself stepping out and it won’t work. I just keep hitting her back and get bounced back in. I stamp my feet, no, no, no, no. Let me out.

I close my eyes focusing on myself stepping out calmly, nothing’s wrong, just a normal day I tell myself. Now step out.

NO. It’s like stepping into a brick wall.

She stops at the office and chats with a parent. “Get to class,” I tell her, desperate to get her moving. I only have a couple of minutes before class starts. “To class,” I prompt again. But she keeps talking over me.

The bell rings. Now I’m going to be marked absent. I’m going to be banned from the swim team for another week. My head doesn’t take it in, I feel numb. I am inside my stupid teacher!

Now she goes. Now, when the hall is full of people and I can’t do anything except stand here watching them fill the room.

“Let’s begin thank you.” Miss Lep calls. She starts reeling off the names on the roll.

“Does anyone know where Reid is?” Miss Lep asks when she gets to my name. “It's always the ones that need to be here.” She mumbles to herself while she rummages in the draw for a truant form.

That's a bit harsh. I'm not that far behind. And it's not even behind really; more like challenged. And it’s hardly my fault I can't figure out what Shakespeare is trying to say.

“I don't know where she is,” Megan volunteers. “But I do know that she is having some problems with her boyfriend. He is finished school. She could have gone to see him.” She says innocently.

“Thanks, Megan, I'll look into it.” Then Miss Lep starts on about female points of view in literature.

“Megan is texting.” I shout quickly. I know, I was supposed to be quiet. But it's not about me, and she doesn’t know my voice well enough to think of me.

Megan looks up to see Miss Lep glaring straight at her, so she quickly shoves her phone up her sleeve.

“It's up her sleeve,” I call out.

“Do you have something up your sleeve you would like to share with everyone, Megan?” Miss Lep asks her.

“No, Miss Lep,” she lies, her face growing red under her intense gaze.

“Can you shake out your sleeve, please?”

Megan smiles sweetly and shakes on the end of her sleeve. Nothing happens, and she goes to sit down like she is hard done by then the tiniest pink cell phone drops out the bottom of her jersey. She freezes on the spot staring at it.

Without a word, Miss Lep pulls out the bottom draw filled to the top with cell phones she has confiscated. And she's just the substitute. Most people don't bother getting them back, they just buy a new one, so she keeps them all.

Megan grimly drops hers to the top of the pile, and the lesson continues. After just one minute my phones starts to ring, I groan internally, I can’t turn it off, I can’t answer it. I don’t have a real body in here, I can’t physically pick up a phone. I can poke my eyes with my fingers, but I can’t pick up the stupid phone.

Miss Lep stops speaking, and starts looking around. “Does someone else have one they want to give up?” Everyone looks blankly back, no one else can hear anything.

She turns back to the board, then goes to the door and looks out. My phone rings on and on. Stop calling me. I reach down toward my pocket, even though I know I can’t do anything about it. On and on it rings. I feel around franticly. What if it's Keller, and I missed it because I jumped someone? Someone I didn’t even want to, someone who is going to get me in bucket loads of trouble.

“Someone has their phone almost on silent. I want to know who it is. Megan do you have another phone?”

“No. I swear, that was my only phone.” She pouts to verify it.

Finally it stops and she looks around. “Whoever it was, turn it off while you are in class. Have a little self-control, you have just over an hour until you go home. Your boyfriends and holiday plans can all wait until after school like everyone else's.”

Everyone nods their head back.

For the first time, I hope it wasn't Keller calling me. It probably wasn’t anyway, he knows I would be in class. Unless. I swallow thickly. Unless he is breaking up to my voice mail. I need something to slump against.

The bell finally rings, and I haven't heard a word that has been spoken in the last twenty minutes. I turn to run out of the room, but just as I push my foot out to take a step I pull myself back in. I can't just walk out of someone. I wasn't here for the whole lesson.

Miss Lep gathers her things into her giant bag, as the class empties instantly. She wanders back and forward between the filling cabinet and her bag sitting on her desk.

Come on. Hurry up. People have lives to live.

She finally leaves the room after locking the door; but stops at the next one. “I feel like I just bash my head against a brick wall with that class. And Reid South of all students skipped class. Apparently she's having boyfriend troubles, so reports the faithful Megan. Funny though, caught her with her cell phone out in class …” She keeps droning on and on to Mr. Cole.

What does she mean, “of all people”? What, like I am the only one who can't have a day off because I suck so much? Doesn't she know that I just don't care about English that much, I am doing my best to force my brain to care as much as I already do.

She tears herself away from Mr Cole and ambles down the hall.

“Miss Cutter. I wouldn't.” She eyes up Macy, who's just put her phone up to her ear. “I'm happy to take it with me.”

“Sorry.” Macy stuffs it into her bag and moves out of Miss Lep's all-seeing cell phone gaze.

Finally she reaches the door to leave the building, just as she pushes on the squeaky swing door, I push myself at her back with as much momentum as I can build up in so tight a space, and I throw myself out of her. I hit the ground softly while she continues outside and I duck down below the window line so she can’t see me.

I run as well as I can crouching down under the windows, until I reach the lockers, then sprint across the length of the campus to get to Human Biology. I slide into my seat just as Mr. Spencer enters. He sees me. “Ah, Reid. You are wanted at the admin office.” He raises his eye brow at me. “Something about you being truant?”

“Okay.” I grab my bag and head for the door.

I walk through to the main entrance. Mrs. Snouse is sitting behind the desk, why is it always Mrs Snouse? “Reid. Good. I need to speak with you.”

“Yes, Mr. Spencer sent me down.” She looks surprised, like she expected that I was coming from somewhere else. “Oh, right. Well. You were marked as truant last class. Something to do with a boy I have been informed.”

“Nothing like that. I was just feeling a bit sick. So I went to lie down in my room.”

“You know the dorms are out of bounds while you are at school. You should have come straight to see the nurse.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I just needed to lie down. But I had to get to biology because we have an assignment due today.”

“You were still truant, so you will have sweeping duty this afternoon to make up for it. If you are sick and get a note from the nurse, it can be deferred until you are feeling better.

“No, today will be fine.” I would rather get it over and done with.

“Do you want me for anything else, or can I go back to class?”

“No, please go back.” She turns her back to me and goes back to playing with a stack of papers, my signal to leave. I walk quickly back toward class ripping my phone out of my pocket on the way. All the teachers should be in their classes, so I shouldn't get caught. I quickly check my missed calls register and kick at the ground. It was from Keller. I look around checking for any late teachers, I press the call button just as Miss Lep walks in the door at the far end of the corridor.

I hit the end button just as I hear Keller say, “Reid, Hi. Are you ...”

Crap, crap, crap. I so should have taken an extra sweeping duty for talking to him. I walk quicker to get to the door of the biology lab before Miss Lep sees me. It’s okay, I tell myself, it’s just over half an hour and I can call him back. But my subconscious doesn’t want to hear my fake optimism; I just hang up on Keller. I want to lock myself in a dark cupboard and scream.

“Reid,” Miss Lep calls out, but I step into the biology lab pretending that I can't hear her. My phone starts ringing just as I get to my seat and I hit the off button. This day sucks massively.

Mr Spencer raises his eyebrows at me, “Sorry Sir. It's off now.”

“Good to know.” He just smiles.

Miss Lep puts her head in. “Mr Spencer,” she says, looking around the room. “Is Reid South here?”

“She is.” He points to me. “Working hard.” He smiles. I don't know why she's asking, she can see me sitting here.