Falling (12 page)

“Thanks dad.” He pushes past John on his way to the stock room.

Once the door is closed, John turns to me shaking his head. “You don't have to come to work with him. You could wait until he finishes.”

I can't tell if he's joking, or if he’s serious and wishes I wouldn't keep coming in. Keller rescues me from having to say anything by coming back with a big cardboard rack. I watch him cross the room, lean it against the wall near the front and come back. “It's for the CDs, we're going to make a display.” He explains when he sees my face.

“That makes more sense.”

“What did you think it was?”

“I really didn't know. I thought you were just going to throw it out, but didn't know why you didn't walk out the back door instead of walking half a block down the road to get to the dumpster.” He grabs the boxes, bumping into me behind the counter on his way out at my guess.

“So, they are all the same CD?”

“Yip, just came out. Dad managed to get a couple of boxes before the release day tomorrow. They were delivered just before you walked in.”

“Very cool. All right, what do you want me to do?”

“Just stand there for now, I'll get the shelf up and we can fill it.” I stand behind him with my arms folded, watching him work swiftly.

I slide the box cutter out of Keller's pocket and open the first box carefully. I don't want to be known as Keller's girlfriend who cut through a box of exclusive before-release CDs.

My hand stops, maybe that's what his Dad was trying to say. That it's weird that I'm here. Maybe Megan is a tiny bit right. I glance at his dad, he doesn't look up from the computer. Maybe he was trying to tell me he thinks it's weird that I come to work with Keller. Maybe he's was trying to say in a nice way that I'm in the way and a real girlfriend would just wait until he is finished work and stop being with him all the time. He certainly gave me a funny look when I was in Keller's clothes and made sure I knew he thought I should get out of them as soon as I could.

Keller jumps up to serve someone, making me jump. I put the first CD back into the box. Maybe I am just Keller's waiting entertainment. Until his real girlfriend that he fights with, but doesn't have to pick up or drop off at six thirty every night, gets back. I stare at his face as he serves a man, he is so sweet. Would he really do that? He looks up, feeling my eyes on his face, and quickly smiles at me. He is so nice. Could he really do that to me?

Keller talks with the man on his way out of the shop, then stops once he's near me.

“Okay. I'll just reinforce the back a bit, in case someone falls on it.” He raises his eyebrows at me quickly.

He stands up, rubbing his hands on the backs on his jeans, sending tiny cardboard shards floating off. “Fill it up.”

He takes the box from my hands, unloading the contents onto the little shelves before I have time to do it myself. I cut into the second box with my hands shaking. Just be calm. Just don't think about it. I stand next to Keller and unload the rest silently. I feel so awkward.

He stands back. “Looks good.”

He scoops up the boxes, slides the cutter back into his pocket and herds me in front of him. “I am going to go throw these out.” He stops, “and I'm going to use the back door.”

I poke my tongue at him, but I can feel the blood in my face rise making me red. I rummage in my bag looking for my wallet.

“You want something to eat?” He asks coming back.

“No. Um, I'm just going to go down to the library for a bit, is that all right?”

“Yeah. No problem.”

“You sick of us already?” John calls from the other side of the store. Does the man have super hearing or something? “I have to get a book for English.” I say loud enough for John to hear, feeling like I need to justify myself. “I have to do an assignment on why Shakespeare is still as poignant today as ever.”

“That sound's really good.” John calls across the room again, Keller rolls his eyes.

“Well you go have yourself lots of fun.” Keller says muffled, leaning behind the counter, coming up with another box.

“Yeah I'll try. I have to find the section first.”

“599.10,” John says, just as I'm about to leave.

“Sorry?”

“Shakespeare,” he says, giving me a quick nod before turning back the shelf he's working on.

“That’s quite impressive,” I call back needing to say something. Keller moves his head to the side, like he's not sure he would describe it as impressive.

My hands feel like they are going to cause an earthquake they are vibrating so hard by the time I get out of the store. Stupid Megan. Why did she have to say anything? Now that's all I can think about. Am I the fill in?

I head straight to 599.10, partly because I do need a book on Shakespeare for my assignment and partly because I want to see if he was just making it up. And I guess I'll look stupid if I don't go back with one. I'm sure John will ask.

He's right. I stand in the aisle of 599.10, Shakespeare all around me. Maybe it's sad more than impressive actually.

Now, a book. I rub on the side of my face, slowing the movement of my hands. I'm not sure what kind of book I need. I grab a complete works of Shakespeare, and a book of Shakespearian commentary. I shudder slightly as I pull the book off the shelf. Really, someone wrote a commentary to Shakespeare? That is sad.

I tuck both books into my bag and sling it over my shoulder, Shakespeare doesn't come in small books it seems. Now what? I expected to take a little longer to find something. I guess I could go start the assignment. I pause. Then wander aimlessly for a few minutes. Maybe I'll go sit in the front and see if I can find something to use for my essay before I take the books out.

No I won't! I quickly swerve out of my path. Megan and her friends are sitting on all of them. Doesn't she get the hint? It's not even like it's a hint, more like a train smashing through a brick wall. He doesn't like you, and it's weird that you keep following us.

“Reid.” Megan calls out. “All by yourself? I thought you were going to see Keller? Let me guess. You're just making up all the phone calls, and we keep seeing you with him because you’re stalking him.”

Each one of them reverberates with laughter.

“You'd know all about stalking, wouldn't you, Megan?”

I quickly walk to the back of the library I cannot cry. I will not cry. This is pathetic. She is nothing. But there it is, water spills over my eyes and courses down my face. I wipe at them furiously. Everything in my head swirls around, John's comments, Megan’s constant mocking, Keller's smile… Does he look at everyone like that?

The tears keep coming, and I hide myself back in the Shakespeare section, there's no one down here. I cannot remember the last time I cried. Probably at my parent’s funeral, and now I’m doing it over Megan.

“Argh.” I use my sleeve to wipe more away, trying to soak them up.

I crouch down to look at the spine of a book more closely when I hear someone walking near me.

“Dad wanted me to see if you'd found it?” Keller says. “Really he wants you to say that he is brilliant.” He stops when I wipe at my face and sniff quietly. “What happened?”

I stand up straight and wipe the last traces of wetness off my face. “Nothing. I'm all good.” I try to laugh, but I realise the contrast to what I said and how I look cancel the words out.

“What happened?” He comes closer, pulling on the bottom edge of my hoodie, pulling me so I'm standing right in front of him without quite touching. “I saw Megan at the front. She's an odd person.” He says filling the silence.

He waits for me to say something while I stare at my feet. I haven't cried in years, and the one time I do it's because of Megan, and of course, Keller sees me do it.

He pushes me slightly away to look at my face. “Did she say something to you?”

I get redder. “No, it's … It's me. I'm just having a moment.” I laugh at my own stupidity.

“Is it me? Did I do something wrong?” He ducks his head down so he can peer up into my face.

“No, really nothing is wrong. I just … things were said, and I cried.” I point to myself as if that should explain everything. “I don't know why, usually nothing Megan says really bothers me, and it wasn't even like it was that bad. I just … I don't know.”

“Had a moment?” He offers.

“Yip. But really I'm fine.” I laugh again. He is going to think I need to be committed.

“You’re sure?” He asks, completely accepting my honesty.

“Yip.” I nod, my voice back to normal. The tears have stopped as suddenly as they appeared. But my eyes are still hot are red and probably puffy.

“You finished here?” He asks gently.

“I look crappy don't I?” I interrupt him pouting.

“No.” He laughs. “Sorry, no, you don't.” He pulls an, I'm-being-serious face.

“Sorry. I'm not usually a big crier.” I fan my face with my hands trying to cool down my eyes.

“Do you want to hang out here for a bit longer?” He offers.

“Nah, I'm done. But ...” I pull a face. “I'm not sure if I should go back with you.” I close one eye, trying to figure out how to say this without making it seem like I'm going to cry again. Or that I don't like his dad. “I think your dad thinks I should wait until you're finished work.”

Keller sighs.

“Don't get me wrong.” I rush on. “Argh.” I spit out frustrated with myself. “I'm sorry. I'm being a princess. Don't worry about what I said. I'm all good.”

“What did he say to you?” I have no idea why he’s starting to smile.

“Nothing. Really it's all good.” I add.

He raises one eyebrow at me while leaning his head to the side, which means that he doesn't believe a word of it.

“I don't know what he said, but he thinks you’re cool. He wasn't a big fan of Hayden. He thinks it's funny that you come to work with me.”

I think about it. It didn't sound like he was saying that. “Are you sure? I don't want to make things weird for you.” Not much less princess, but, better than crying.

“If that's all your problem is, let's go.” He tugs on my hand and leads me out of my hiding place.

“I've got to check these out.” I pull him to a stop. “Keller. I have books.”

He looks back at me. “Over there then.”

He continues tugging on me, just in the direction of the self-serve checkouts. I swipe each one, putting them straight back in my bag.

“So you did get a book?”

“I didn't just come here to cry,” I say indignant. “I really have an assignment on this stuff. Did you know that someone actually wrote a book commentating on Shakespeare?” I hold it up. “And it's massive. And I'm going to have to read it; at least some of it.” I screw up my face, putting it in my bag with its friend.

“I'm sorry for you.” He says solemnly.

Still tugging me, we march past the front door, past Megan still hogging all the chairs at the window. Keller is pulling on my hand three steps ahead of me.

“Was I right?” John asks while I am still half outside the store.

“You were. It was, very, um, impressive,” I say delicately.

“Yes. I am that awesome. You can be too, someday.” He nods his head like he is serious.

“Reid, you look so pretty.” Sara gushes at me.

“Thanks.” I stand perfectly still in front of the mirror. “I really don't look too bad.” My new jeans are sitting perfectly under my new silver top, I turn to the side to watch my, usually tied up, long hair fall down my back.

“No you look great. Keller’s going to choke when he sees you.”

“I wouldn't go that far.” I roll my eyes at her. “You're just being nice so I'll take you next time we go out.”

“Well, I wouldn't mind coming, but you do look fabulous.”

“Thanks.” This time I grin at her in the mirror.

My phone buzzes, and I lift it to my ear. “Are you coming down any time soon?” Keller asks.

“Soon.”

“Megan is standing by the gate,” he says. The sound is muffled like he's shielding his phone with something.

“Okay. I'll be there in a minute.”

“She looks hot,” Sara calls to the phone over my shoulder.

“She always looks hot,” he says back like I’m not here.

“Oh, thanks,” I say, my voice catching in my throat.

“Please come quickly.” He begs. “She just waved at me. I'm scared.”

“Okay, I'm coming now.” I shove my phone in my pocket, take one last swipe with my lip gloss and Sara pushes both hands on my back and shuts the door behind me.

I walk past Megan silently. I wish my brain would store all the things I think about saying to her for when I actually see her. But all I end up doing is saying nothing.

“You do look hot, Miss South,” Keller announces over the top of his car.

I so want to turn around and look at Megan, but I can't really beat what Keller said. So I get into his car without looking in her direction.”

“Take me away from here.” I say to him as soon as I’m in. “I have my leave pass and I don’t want to come back until I absolutely have to.”

“Sounds good to me.” He drives away just as Megan disappears back inside.

“You really look amazing Reid.” Keller whispers while we stand in line getting our tickets for the movie.

“Thanks.”

“I don’t think I have ever seen you with your hair not tied up.” He pulls on the end of it gently.

“That’s because I don’t leave it down. It gets in my way.”

“Oh.” He thinks about it.

* * *

“Oh my goodness.” I stretch my arms up after sitting in the dark for close to two hours. “That was the funniest movie ever.” I stand close behind Keller as we shuffle toward the exit.

“I am going to buy it the second it comes out on DVD.” He slinks his arm across my shoulders, staring far away. “So thank you for making me go. Your movie choosing privileges are restored.”

“Thank you.” I bow.

We push through the crowd and finally make it out onto the street, there are more people out here than inside. He grabs my hand and pulls me running toward the other side of the street. We melt into a huge crowd walking further into the city, laughing hysterically at lines from the movie.