Falling (15 page)

We sit across from them. I have my eyes closed and try to breathe only once a minute as I absolutely need to so that I don't have to smell the glorious pizza smells that are being shovelled into a mouth that I can see but can't taste. This is complete torture.

“So how’s things been for you since I left? Have you been missing me?”

Why does she have to talk like that? Surely a normal adult voice can give the same meaning as that awful scratchy like an-old-wool-blanket voice.

“Did you?” She prompts him.

Focus on the pizza, I tell myself. My stomach snarls at me. Don't focus on the pizza. Thank goodness no one can hear that.

“Not really,” John answers when Keller says nothing.

“Why not?” She says sweetly looking up at him. He looks away.

Huh, I poke my tongue out at her.

“Reid's around most of the time these days. Not much time for missing, eh son?”

“Who is this Reid? It's not the twelve-year-old we met just before I left is it? The one that tried to break my neck at the mall.”

“She did not try to break your neck, Hayden. It was ...” He leaves it hanging.

“That's right it was that she is a giant klutz and almost permanently injured me.”

“One can always live in hope,” John says, I snort.

“I don't remember you being this much of a pain before,” she says. “It's like you've gone and gotten a newer, more abrasive personality.”

Keller and I both choke at the same time. He stares right into my eyes, he can't see me though, I tell myself. But he keeps looking once John starts speaking again.

“Ow, abrasive, did they teach you that at school? Or did you get yourself a dictionary?”

“Oh, yeah.” A piece of crust comes flying at us from across the table. She puts her head on Keller’s shoulder. “Come on, Keller, let's go.”

She grabs his arm, but he stays where he is staring at us.

“Not yet.” He is still staring at John.

“You all right, son?” He asks when he notices his intense watching.

Keller shakes his head and laughs. “Yeah, course. Sorry. Day dreaming.”

“So what do you want to do tonight?” Hayden asks.

I don't want to know. I have to get out of here NOW.

“Outside. Outside. Outside.” I keep shouting until John stands up. Keller looks up sharply.

“I'm just going to step outside. I have a full stomach now. I would hate for it to come up.” Keller relaxes into his seat, which Hayden takes as relaxing into her.

We get outside and I look both ways. I have never been here before, so I don't really know what I am looking for.

“Go to the corner.” I don't care what corner, or who is behind the corner. I just need to get out of here as fast as possible.

We get to the corner, and he leans on the wall. I couldn't have asked for a better place, even if I had asked. I launch out spinning around so that it is like I am crashing into him from walking around the corner, not seeing him.

“Whoa, Reid. Hey.” He looks awkwardly back to the restaurant. “Um. What are you doing here?”

“I was just out. Taking a few buses to places I haven't been before.” I raise up my shoulders. “Nothing too much. Just got bored at school all day. What are you doing out this way?” I ask.

“Pizza.” He motions with his head down the road.

“Something a bit better than your usual?” I joke, making it clear that I couldn’t have guessed that he would be here.

“Yeah.” He looks so awkward.

“Well, I’d better keep going. I'll see you later.” Don't do it, don't do it. “When were you guys leaving?” Just because I haven't let it stop me any other time today, I think I'll just do it anyway.

“For what?” He asks, blank faced.

Does it make a difference to know this? You know he's lying, leave it alone.

“For the long weekend. Keller said you guys might be leaving early.” It's like I have no control over what I do. I think something. It's not a good thing to do, and I totally ignore myself in favour of doing the stupid thing.

“Not that I know of,” he stalls.

Yeah, thought so.

“Thanks John.”

“Did Keller call you? Does he know you’re here?”

“No. Why? Was Keller trying to call me? I've had my phone on me all day.”

I pull it out and check through it to see if somehow I had missed something. But after checking roughly a hundred and sixty three times today, I doubt I could have. Still, he might have while I was checking it.

“No, um. Do you need a ride home or something?”

“That's fine. I can catch the bus.” I want this to be over and I don't want to see him looking at me like that. I hate pity.

“Really, let me give you a ride. Your school is nowhere near here.”

“Nope.” I smile. “That's the point.”

“I guess so.” John says awkwardly.

“But thanks anyway.” I walk away.

“Come on, Reid, come out with us.” Sara pulls my blanket off me. I yank my robe around my shoulders tighter. “You have your robe on?”

“Go on, just say it.”

“That's sad.” She complies.

“Yip.” I answer pathetically and tug my blanket back over me. “I'm staying in bed.”

“Come on. It will make you feel better.”

“I seriously doubt that.” I stare up at her from the flat of my back.

“I'm going to call you.”

“Okay, then.” I stay completely still.

“Come on, Reid.” She pulls on my arm, trying again. “Come hang out with me. You haven't been out with me in ages. You can't help it if Keller had to go away. Anyway you're like a legend with some of them.” She tilts her head toward the door, indicating the people waiting outside the door I wouldn't allow to be opened.

“Why?” I ask emotionless.

“Because you date Keller. Do you know how long some of them have been going there to see him?”

“No, and that's really sad. Why didn't they just talk to him?” She is sucking me in, but I resist the urge to be interested.

“Because he's Keller. Have you seen him?”

“No,” I say blank faced. “Why would I have seen him. I don't have a life. That's why I'm staying in bed all day.”

“I hope he is only gone for a day or two. This is sad.” She shakes her head.

“Yip. You guys have heaps of fun.”

“We will, and I'm going to call you while we’re having fun and make you feel bad.”

“You're such a good friend,” I call out, rolling over.

She makes a noise at the back of her throat and walks out. I can hear her talking outside the room, but I can't hear what she's saying, which is good, she's probably telling them how much of a loser I am.

Ah, why can't I go back to sleep? I don't want to be awake, it's bad enough that I have to go to school tomorrow and wait through a whole five days before I can escape this place. Not that I'm sure if I even want to go and see aunt Kelly.

I guess Keller is still hanging out with Hayden. Argh.

I kick back my blankets, pushing them into a pile at the end of the bed all scrunched up. Then I stumble my way down to the dorm library. It's tiny, just a couple of bookshelves pushed together against a wall in the common room. But the school library isn't open because it's the weekend, and, it defeats the purpose of not going out and staying in bed all day if you have to go into town to go to the library. Plus I might run into Hayden, and I might want to call her names, or tell her that her handbag is a fake in front of heaps of people.

The books are so useless here. I run my fingers along the spines of every book on the row. Letting out of gush of air, I pull out the last one on the shelf. It isn't any better than the others, but it isn't worse than them either. And it's the last, that means my choices aren't going to get any better. So I might as well fill up the space in my brain with this one.

I drag my feet back to the dorm. It's cold today. I pull my robe around me tighter. They really need to turn the heat up, or on at all. I shuffle back into my room and kick off my slippers, open the window, then pull the curtains shut over the top. I love to feel cold air coming in while I am all warm under my thick blanket.

I pull my pillow down so that I am perfectly comfortable. I open the book and get through the first word when some horrible, inconsiderate person knocks on my door, then walks straight in.

“Reid,” Lucy states. I think she is trying to be cheerful or something. I look at her with my face half screwed up. “Keller not coming to get you today? You guys didn't break up or anything did you? That would be too terrible. He is so fabulous looking.” That doesn’t even make sense.

“No we didn't.” I wouldn't be telling you anyway, I think.

“Oh, well, why are you hanging out all by your lonesome?” Seriously, who says lonesome? I can't even remember my Nan saying lonesome.

“Because I want to stay in bed.”

“You look sick,” she announces with concern. “Should I go ask Mrs. Snouse to take you to the doctor?”

“No. I'm not sick. I just don't want to go out today.”

“You fighting with Keller?” She gives me a sad-puppy face. “I could talk to him for you if you want. My mum is a psychologist.”

“Um … no. I think we'll be fine.” I stare at her with the best you-are–the-dumbest-person-in-the-world face I can manage, but all she does is sit down on the end of my bed.

“You need a friend to talk to?” She pats my hand. “Oh, I know. Why don't you come shopping with me? I was going to go out with a few girlfriends anyway. You should so come. It's not good to wait around for him to call. Come with us. We can get our nails done.” She claps her hands together, jumping off the bed like it is the best idea she’s ever had.

“Did you say you and Keller broke up?” Megan has her arms crossed, leaning in my doorway smirking.

“No. Go away.” Why does everyone want to torture me with their presence? I need to catch some contagious disease, so they have to stay away.

“Oh, that's just too bad. No wonder you came in so early on Friday. Did he let you down easy? He looks like he'd be a gentleman.” She winks at me.

“Whatever, Megan. You can go now.”

“I just wondered what I should expect when I start dating him.”

I chuckle one hard sound. “Yeah, good luck with that one.”

“I know his ex-girlfriend. He likes girls like us. I guess you were like those TV shows for him. You know, where people live it rough for a week to see what it's like on the other side. They never choose to stay roughing it, though.”

“Leave.” I'm not being sarcastic, I want her to go away from me.

“It's okay, you'll find someone better suited to you.”

I grab my phone under the blanket, I press the centre button twice fast, then arrow left, scroll down twice. I like to change my ring tone, so I know my way there without looking. I press the down arrow once, it takes a second, but then a ringtone chimes out muffled from the blanket.

“Keller, hey!” I stop, listening to silence. “Yeah, just give me five. I'll meet you there … no, it's all good. I'll just walk down the road till I meet you. 'Kay, bye.”

Lucy and Megan just stare at me.

“Sorry. It would have been great, but Keller is coming to get me.”

Lucy gets up. “You have a fun day, then.” But Megan keeps watching me, like she can't believe the perfect timing of the call.

“If you don't mind I need to get dressed.” I motion to my pyjamas.

“Of course. You have a great day. And tell Keller I said Hi.”

“Yeah, will do.” I step forward and she steps back in response. I smile and pull the door shut in her face.

I chuck on some clothes and head straight out. Megan and the followers are standing on the door step.

“Bye Megan.” I wave as I skip down the stairs. I make my phone ring again. “Hey, where are you?” I look down the street. “Cool, I'll just walk toward you.”

I don't turn around even though I can feel Megan's glaring gaze on my back. I'm surprised she doesn't offer to escort me there just in case I'm lying.

I walk quickly down the road, stopping at the corner. I check my watch then look down the road both ways to make it look like I am trying to see where Keller is. No one is watching me, so I run around the corner, sprinting for the back entrance of school hoping that Megan doesn't decide that she wants to go out and come driving past.

I side step into the gate, keep running until I come around the back of the pool bleachers. Slowing to a walk, I circle round the whole complex until I come to the fields at the back. I already know where I am going.

I pull the blanket and book out of my bag and wrap myself up, it isn't really that cold, but it nice. I slink down under a huge oak tree. This is almost as good as being in bed, except that I am not lying down on a really comfortable mattress. In my pyjamas. Where there is no wind.

I wiggle around in the blanket, holding open the book to the first page for the second time, I look at the words.

They aren’t making sense. I rest my head against the trunk of the tree. I take my phone out of my pocket and check my messages again. I roughly shove the off button and throw the whole thing into my bag. I jump quickly to my feet, pushing the book and blanket in my bag.

I run to the closest bus stop in the opposite direction away from school and wait. I step back as the twenty eight bus slows to a stop for me, then it pulls away faster as the driver realises that I don't want his bus.

The six arrives a few minutes later, and I hold up my pass. “To Metlam please.”

“Your card doesn't cover the whole trip. It will be another six dollars.” I pull my wallet out and hand over the cash, then find a seat next to the window. I hate having to use my own money. The bus pass is part of my school fees, and I hate using the little bit of money I have of my own.

I lean my head against the window for an hour as we wind our way north of the city. This is where I used to live. Aunt Kelly sent me to school at St. Maria’s because she thought it would be best for me if I didn't have to move “after everything I had already been through.”

It didn't make a difference. I didn't know one person when I started. Just because it's only an hour away doesn't make me a local here. Metlam is like a city all of its own, we didn’t came into the real city all that often.