Falling (Bits and Pieces, Book 1) (16 page)

“Drink more water.”

“I don’t think that water will fix my head fast enough.”

“Just drink more water. You’ll feel better soon.” He held his position.

I continued, “I would have sworn there was Tylenol in the medicine cabinet, but I couldn’t find it.” I looked over to my nightstand. My bottle of night time pills weren’t there. Was my head hurting so much that I wasn’t seeing straight?

“Yeah…” He cleared his throat. “I have them.”

“Huh? Why…” I was confused. Why would he do that? What right did he have to go through my house and take stuff?

“I needed to make sure that you didn’t try to take anything.” There was no apology in his voice.

What was I supposed to say to that? Whatever anger I had toward him going through my things disappeared. I was touched that he cared and knew me. I might have been tempted to take more than the recommended dose. It was probably best that he took away all temptation.

“Liz… you still there?” He was hesitant and scared.

“Yeah.” I wanted to change the subject. I needed to do
something
today. I knew that staying at home by myself wasn’t the best idea. He had pulled me back from the precipice, but I was still on that cliff. I needed to throw myself into my work, keep my mind occupied. “Umm… Do you think we could work on our project today? Maybe edit the video?”

Maybe I should have asked if he was free first. I didn’t mean to put him on the spot.

But he didn’t hesitate to answer. He even seemed happy at the offer. “Sure. I can be there in a few.”

“Well, I still need to take a shower…” I had just woken up a few minutes ago. I needed time to clean myself up and change.

“No problem. 30 minutes? Is that good?”

“Uhh.. okay.” I don’t think he wanted me to be alone. Neither did I.

* * *

The hot water from the shower made the blood rush to my skin. It felt good to
feel
the water pelting me. I went over what happened last night. I started to feel anxious again. I didn’t want to feel this way. It was like I was drowning. I tried to push those thoughts out of my head and think about the carnival and our project.

I walked out of the bathroom and thought I heard the doorbell. I threw my dirty clothes in the hamper, grabbed my cell phone and went to the front door. There was no one there. I peered through the living room curtains and saw Patrick’s car out front. Just then, my cell phone rang. It was him. He must have seen me through the curtains because he got out of his car and the phone stopped ringing.

We got to work in the family room. He had his laptop and I brought mine from my room. I put in a DVD for background noise while we worked. I desperately tried to avoid any conversation that had to do with last night. I kept focused on our project and played the good hostess. I put out a bowl of snacks on the coffee table. At noon, I fixed lunch, even though I wasn’t hungry.

We finished a lot of work that morning and afternoon. Thankfully, Patrick didn’t bring up last night. I think he was hoping I was past all that and bringing it up might make me reconsider it.

Around 3:00pm, my phone rang. It was my mom. They had run into some friends at the golf course and were going catch up with them. She didn’t expect that they would be home for dinner, so I didn’t have to worry about cooking. I was glad that I didn’t have to think about them coming home and explaining why Patrick was there. It wouldn’t matter that we were doing schoolwork. I’d still get my head chewed off. I was not in the mood for that.

“Now, you don’t have an excuse to not go to the movies since you’re no longer on dinner duty.” Patrick flashed me a smile and tried to coax me to change my mind.

That was true. He had asked me earlier if I wanted to go with him and the crew to a movie this afternoon, but I used making dinner as an excuse. All my homework was done. We were as done as we could be at this point for our project. I didn’t have to practice since the auditions were over. Damn, I didn’t have any excuse – a real one at least. The question was, did I want to have the house to myself and be alone or go with him and his friends to watch a movie. At a movie, I’d be with people, but didn’t have to worry about making conversation or fitting in.

Part of me wanted to go, but part of me didn’t. What was the point? I didn’t belong. They all had a history together. I would be the outsider, easily expendable and forgotten, never really included. Like always. Why go through all that rejection and heartache? I should just save myself the trouble.

“Liz…” His soft voice snapped me out of my daze. “Look at me.”

I looked at him and saw the look of concern in his eyes. The topic that we had so carefully danced around the whole day was going to come up. I felt weak and vulnerable, like I was teetering on that edge again.

“About last night…” He waited to see my reaction. My face fell and my shoulders slumped even further.

I turned away and started to get up from the couch. “Yeah. Thanks for being there and coming over and everything… But, you don’t have to…”

He grabbed my wrist and felt my blood run hot. Instinctively, I recoiled and he let go. “Sorry. I’m sorry. Look, I don’t want you to ever feel like killing yourself is a solution. It isn’t. You don’t have to be alone.”

I really didn’t want to talk about this. I grabbed an empty bowl of chips off the coffee table and rushed to the kitchen. “Can’t you just forget it happened?”

He followed a few steps behind me. He shook his head and looked at me like I was crazy for suggesting it. “No. Never.”

“Please?” I begged.

“I can’t. You don’t get it, do you? The last time I was that scared was when Lindsey was in the hospital.”

That cut to the heart of me. I didn’t realize that it affected him that way. I vaguely remembered Mr. D saying that Patrick was scared, but I thought he was exaggerating. I had no idea it was genuine.

He continued, “Besides… I don’t want to. I don’t want to take you for granted.”

“I don’t want you to feel obligated to be my friend because of last night. I appreciate that you were there and all the trouble you went through to…. talk me down. But I don’t want you to feel that you have to stick around. I don’t want your pity.”

His jaw seemed to drop and he looked like I kicked him in the gut. “Is that what you think? That I’m here ‘cause of pity? That that’s the only way someone would be friends with you? Seriously?”

I bit the inside of my cheek and shrugged. “Well, isn’t it?”

“No!” He was so emphatic that it surprised me. I really offended him. “I wanted to be your friend before last night. I was your friend before I stopped you from committing suicide!”

I cringed at the word. Somehow I didn’t think of it as suicide, but more like euthanasia. Although that was just a semantic thing and an excuse to make it more palatable for myself, I knew what it was and so did he. He just had the courage to call it what it was.

“I will be your friend after. I told you…. You can’t push me away. I am your friend… whether you let me be or not. I would miss you if you were gone. If you think no one would, you’d be wrong. I can’t speak for anyone else, especially your family, but
I
would.”

I was sure he would want to run screaming in the other direction to get away from me, once he saw how screwed up I was. But he didn’t. It seemed to make him want to stay. He was the first person in my life that didn’t pull away, keep their distance and leave me alone.

“You don’t have to be alone anymore. Unless you really want to, in which case… you’ll have to work to avoid me. But, I would like you to meet me half way.”

“What does that mean?” I was suspicious.

“I’ll be your friend – unconditionally. No matter what. But you can repay me by being my friend.”

“And? What’s the catch?” There had to be more.

“No catch. But being a friend includes going out and doing stuff with me and the crew.” He said simply.

I made a face showing my aversion to going out. “I don’t know. What if…”

“Stop talking yourself out of it. Why do you do that?” He threw his hands up in frustration.

“I don’t want to waste anybody’s time.” Wasn’t that obvious? It was to me.

“That’s your mom talking.” He pointed out. “No excuses… the truth.”

Hmph. He’d seen me at my lowest point. He deserved the truth. Patrick was, after all, my friend. “So, I don’t get hurt. I can’t take getting burned, so it’s a hell of a lot easier to not chance it.”

“But if you don’t take a chance, you may not lose, but you’ll never gain either.”

“That’s probably true. But I can’t trust my instincts. It’s failed me… big time before. I don’t trust myself on things like this.’

He became empathetic. “Okay, well, you trust me. Right?”

I nodded, “Yeah, I do.”

“So, trust me when I say that Bobby, Jason and the crew won’t hurt you. They’re cool. You’ll see. But you need to give them a chance.”

I thought about what he said. After all he’d seen about me, he had to know how vulnerable I was. How the littlest thing could cause me to react. I had trusted him so far and he hadn’t turned on me. In fact, he had always been supportive, kind and friendly. He looked out for me and, well, protected me from myself. I looked up at him and a small smile was forming on his face. I think he knew he was getting through to me, getting me to switch my way of thinking, at least with regards to his crew.

His swagger and laugh returned. “Besides, I saved your life. So, I own you now.”

“Own me?” I laughed sarcastically. “And what exactly does that mean?”

“Well, okay. What it really means is that I’m responsible for you.” Then his tone changed to something more serious and thoughtful. “To make sure you don’t get in trouble… that you don’t get lost again.”

It was like he was my guardian angel or something. It was a nice sentiment. I wanted to believe it.

He cleared his throat, trying to switch back to a happier tone of voice. “So, cut me a break and come to the movies with me and the crew.” Then he seemed to think of a new argument in his favor. “Besides, Emily already invited you.”

“Huh?” I was confused. What? When?

“After the basketball game the other day. Remember?”

I sighed and rolled my eyes. I had run out of excuses. He appealed to my logical side. I was letting him talk me into going. I hope I wasn’t going to regret it. Finally, I surrendered, “Okay.”

11. INCLUDED

He called up Bobby to ask him what time everyone was meeting for the movie. Patrick let him know that I’d be coming along. He told me that Emily was happy about that. Everyone was meeting up in front of the movie theater. Even Becca was meeting Patrick there. She was hanging out with a couple of her friends getting manicures or something at the mall.

We met in front of the movie theater. Tony, Kraig, Bobby and Emily were already there and had their tickets. Patrick bought three tickets for himself, Becca and me. He insisted on paying for mine, saying it was his treat. Within the next ten minutes or so, everyone else had arrived – Jason, Cassie and Becca with her friends. Becca was the last to arrive. It was like she waited to make an entrance – throwing her arms around Patrick talking about how much she missed him. She even pouted until he kissed her and reminded her that she had made plans with her friends and probably didn’t think of him at all.

His friends were really nice to me. They included me in their conversations, asked me some questions, made me feel welcome. He was right… again. We all chatted while they got their popcorn, candy and drinks. The smell of freshly made popcorn was intoxicating, that even though some of them said they weren’t going to get any, they did. The crew let me choose the seats. So, I picked the back row, it was completely empty and had enough room for everyone.