Falling (Bits and Pieces, Book 1) (15 page)

I rubbed my forehead. I shifted my position so that I was partially lying down, with my knees bent toward the ceiling. I propped my head and shoulders up with my pillow.

“Head still hurt?”

“Yeah.”

He handed me the glass of water. “Here.”

I sipped the water. “Thanks.”

“You need rest.” His voice was gentle.

I got very anxious. “No. When I close my eyes to sleep, I just see and hear them laughing at me. No, I can’t live through that again….”

I realized it had to be really late, he must be tired and needed to get home. “But you can go ahead and go home…”

“I don’t want you to go through that again. I’m not going anywhere until I know that you’re going to be okay.” He reassured me.

“I don’t want you to get into any trouble.”

“Don’t worry about me.” He cracked a small hopeful smile. “As long as you don’t prove me wrong about being an optimist.”

“I’m trying…” I whispered.

“I know you are. I’m glad.” He squeezed my arm. “What can I do? You don’t want to go to sleep, so what do you want to talk about?”

I thought about it for a moment. “Tell me about your sister.”

“Lindsey? Okay.” He paused. I guess he was trying to think of what to say. “She’s great. Lindsey is three years older. I think I told you that she goes to Stanford.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I visit her a few times a year up there. She comes down here. We’re pretty close. She’s the smartest person I know. She was our school’s first finalist for the International Science and Engineering Fair. You wouldn’t know it from talking to her though. She’s low key about it. She was on the volleyball team, student council, debate team… she did it all.” He laughed. “If you looked up well-rounded in the dictionary, you’d find her picture.

“I remember when I was a kid and we went to
Disneyland
. I thought I was so grown up because I was tall enough to ride by myself on things. I was still kinda young, since I was tall for my age. Lindsey and I were in line for the
Matterhorn
. When we got to the front, the cast member asked how many in our party. We said, ‘One and one.’ I wanted to ride by myself, but wanted to be in the same bobsled with her.”

“Cast member? What or who is a cast member?” I was following his story up until that part.

“The people who work at
Disneyland
are cast members. That’s what they call them, because they are on stage and putting on a show. We, the customers, are called guests.”

“That’s kinda cool.”

“Yeah. They have this whole culture. So, the cast member, he tells us to line up together on for the same row. I was really bummed. Lindsey told me not to worry about it, next time I’d get to ride by myself. So we get on the ride and we put the seat belts on. I tug on it and I know it’s locked. The ride starts and I’m having so much fun. I’m in the front seat, sitting in front of my sister, so the wind is rushing over my face. I remember screaming and laughing as the bobsled dips and rushes by the abominable snowman.”

Then he paused as if he was reliving the moment. He shuddered a little. “There was this turn in the tracks, where it goes out of the mountain, then quickly back in. There’s a waterfall. I don’t know how, but I’m standing straight up in the ride… I could easily reach out and touch the waterfall. I’m screaming and Lindsey grabs me and yanks me down. She held onto me so tight for the rest of the ride. I was so scared, but Lindsey was there. She kept me safe, made sure I didn’t fly out of the ride. Huh… I didn’t want to ride by myself anymore after that. I didn’t care about being ‘grown up’. If that cast member had listened to us, I probably wouldn’t be here. I would have flown out and landed in Tomorrowland.”

“Wow. That’s crazy… and lucky.”

“Yeah. I try to believe everything happens for a reason.”

“In that case, it did.” I scratched my head. “I’m confused.”

He cocked his head to the left. “About what?”

“I thought
Disneyland
was supposed to be the ‘
Happiest Place
on Earth’. Why is there a scary abominable snowman there?”

A little laugh escaped him. “Sorry… Well, you got a good point. Ummm… I don’t know. He lives at the
Matterhorn
.”

“But what does the
Matterhorn
have to do with Mickey?” I asked naively.

“You’ve never been to
Disneyland
?”

“No.”

“How have you never been? We’re only like an hour away.”

I shrugged my shoulders and yawned, “Like my parents would take me as a kid. It’s definitely not their thing. It’s not exactly a place I’d want to go by myself. I’d have that alone feeling… intensified. Friends, families, couples there… I couldn’t take it.”

“Then you’ll have to come the next time the crew and I go.” He said it like it was already decided.

I closed my eyes and tried to imagine what that would be like. How would it be going to
Disneyland
with him and his friends? Would I fit in and be part of their crew? No, it’d probably be more like, I’m there with people but they’re all together and I’m an outsider tagging along. Hmmm... Still, I’d be at
Disneyland
and not completely, physically alone.

“Liz…” He whispered softly. “Are you asleep?”

I opened my eyes and saw him hovering over me. “No. I was just trying to imagine that… Going to
Disneyland
with you and your friends.”

“Try?” He was taken aback. “Like you wanted to but couldn’t?” He leaned back.

“Yeah.” I admitted.

“Huh. Okay. How about I tell you what it’d be like?” He thought for a second. “Close your eyes.” I did. “Picture this… We’d get to the park when it first opened. It’s you, me, Bobby, Emily, Jason, Cassie, Kraig and Tony. We enter the gates and there’s this big picture of Mickey made out of flowers. We stop and take a group picture together… the first of many that we’ll take throughout the day. We walk under the bridge and there’s
Main Street
. There are lots of little shops and it looks like a piece of small town
Americana
. In the distance, there’s the Castle. As we walk down
Main Street
, you’ll notice that the outside world doesn’t exist. You can’t see it at all. The air is even sweet. We get to the end of
Main Street
and the center of the park. We all strike a pose with a statue of Walt Disney and Mickey before going to our first ride in Adventureland…”

I could picture it all, just as he described. It was nice to think of a place where the outside world didn’t exist. Where I could just have fun, where even the air smelled different like fresh baked cookies. I could see us getting on rides together. I didn’t ride alone. I was one of them. Laughing, smiling, having fun with Patrick and his friends. Taking pictures and making wonderful high school memories at the ‘
Happiest Place
on Earth’...
Disneyland
.

10. NEVER FORGET

When I opened my eyes, I could see sunlight peering through the curtains. My eyelids felt swollen, heavy – a souvenir from last night. That’s what happens when I cry so deeply at night. I tried to remember what happened, why I was waking up at all. Then it all rushed back to me… Patrick. I quickly looked around my room and I was alone. He wasn’t there. Maybe I imagined it all in a desperate attempt to hang onto this miserable lonely life of mine.

My head was pulsating and I was parched. I turned my head to my nightstand and reached for my glass of water. I noticed it was empty. That was odd, I never finished my water. At most, I would drink half of it by morning. I started to sit up and saw a piece of notebook paper lying on the pillow next to me.

I picked up the paper. I recognized the handwriting. It was Patrick’s. He
was
here. I wasn’t imagining it. Good. I wasn’t losing my mind. That was reassuring.

Liz,

I hope you’re feeling a little better.

Call me when you wake up. I don’t care what time it is, just PLEASE CALL ME.

You’re not alone anymore…

-Patrick

I couldn’t remember where I left my phone. I tried to think, but my head kept pounding. It could be anywhere in my room. I sat up and felt it right by my hand. Leave it to Patrick to find my phone and put it next to me, so I had no excuse to not call him.

I opened up my cell phone and scrolled to my last calls. He was my last call. I hit ‘dial’ when I saw his name. It rang once.

“Morning.” There was a sigh of relief. “I’m glad you called. Did you sleep okay?”

“Yeah, I guess. I vaguely remember…
Disneyland
?”

“Good.” I could almost hear a smile in his voice. “You’re coming with us on our next trip there.”

I wasn’t going to make any promises about anything at this point. I just got through last night, somehow, with his help. Thinking about the future was too much for me to deal with. “I don’t know…we’ll see.”

He ignored my lack of commitment. “How are you feeling? Any better?”

“My head is killing me and my throat hurts.” I looked over to the glass on my nightstand, it was still empty.

“Go get some water. I’ll wait.”

“Okay. Hold on.” I put the phone down on my bed. I picked up the glass and checked the time, it was around nine. I wasn’t sure if my parents were still home.

They went to church on Sundays. That was another bone of contention with my parents. They couldn’t understand why I didn’t have some compelling desire to go to church every week, or any week. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe in God, I just didn’t believe that I had to go to church every week to prove it. My parents finally gave up on me on this issue and stopped asking or telling me to go with them. After church, they ran errands, went golfing or had lunch. So, I had Sunday mornings and at least part of the afternoon to myself.

Still, I didn’t know if they had left yet. Just in case, I shook my hair out, to make sure it was as messy as possible and had it cover my face, especially my eyes. I didn’t want them to catch a glimpse of my exhausted face and swollen eyes. I went to the bathroom to get water. I didn’t hear any noise in the house. They must have left early for breakfast.

I put my glass under the tap and turned on the water. I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like crap. Actually, worse than that. Even if I didn’t shake out my hair to hide my face, it was still a crazy mess. It was a good thing to hide my face, in case my folks were home, because I could see all the veins in my eyes and my eyelids were all puffy. My face was tear-stained. It was blatantly obvious that I had spent time crying. After my glass was filled, I took a long drink. I drank half the glass and refilled it. I washed my face, hoping that the water would remove the dried tears on my cheeks and refresh my eyes. It helped a little.

My head was still hurting. It was like a sledgehammer was going off in my brain. I needed to get it to stop. Drinking water wasn’t curing it fast enough. I looked through the medicine cabinet trying to find some aspirin or something. Funny, I would have sworn there was some in there, but I couldn’t find it. I guess, I’ll have to try to tolerate it for now.

I got back to my bedroom and picked up my cell phone. “Back.”

 
“Feeling any better?”

“No, well… my throat doesn’t feel like sand paper anymore. But my head… agh.”