Falling (Bits and Pieces, Book 1) (42 page)

“If she really loved you, she wouldn’t ask you to do something that you really didn’t want to do. Something she knew that you didn’t want to do. That’s not love.”

“You’re right. I know.” He sighed, “It’s not that I don’t
ever
want to do it, or I don’t think about it… It’s just… I don’t know. It’s supposed to be about love… About forever and the thought of forever with Becca… ugh. I guess, I
knew
that I didn’t want to with her. It wasn’t right. Lately, I can’t see New Year’s with her. I had a hard enough time getting through the dance last night, even before the hotel room.”

“Yeah, I noticed. The few times I saw you, you didn’t seem to be having much fun. You looked like you were just trying to get through it.”

“Well, I told you that I’ve never been into big public displays of affection and lately, she’s been getting more and more…” He searched for a word, “Outgoing. I mean, I could do without her attached at my hip or my mouth every time she feels like it, no matter who’s around and what’s going on. It’s embarrassing.”

I knew what he meant. To me, it was awkward to watch. Not just with him and Becca, but anyone.

“Liz, am I wrong?” He looked at me, searching for an answer.

“No. If it wasn’t right for you and something you didn’t want to do, then you did the right thing. No one has the right to force anyone into sex or anything else – stranger or not, guy or girl.”

He looked down and nodded. “I don’t know what to do… She was so angry… the things she said…” He stared back out to the distance, “Hurt. I don’t know if I could forgive her for it.”

“You’re mad, too. Give it some time.”

“It wasn’t just about me. If it was just me, I think I could deal… somehow. It was also about people I care about. My family… you… the crew… that…” His eyes blazed with anger. He cracked his knuckles. “Crossed the line. At that point, I knew I had to get out of there. I told her she could stay there alone in the room or I could take her home. But I was leaving.”

Always a gentleman, even when mad. I couldn’t believe he gave her a choice. If it were me, I would have been so mad that I would have left and not worried how the other person got home.

“When we were in the car, can you believe she said she wanted to go with me to the diner?” He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “She was worried about what everyone would say and wanted to ‘keep up appearances.’ I told her that I was going alone. I needed some space. So, I took her home.” He took what sounded like a cleansing breath. “It was too late to go running or come here last night, so that’s why I went to meet up with all you guys.”

That explained so much. How Becca was during the dance, how he seemed at the diner… the cracks Bobby and Jason made.

“When did she get like this?” Patrick scratched his head and stared at me. “Was she always like this?”

“I don’t know…” I looked away.

“Liz… tell me. Remember? Truth.” He begged, “Please?”

“Well, I didn’t really know her before hanging out with you. But…Becca always seemed… aggressive. Like you said, she knows what she wants… and charms her way to get it. It’s fine when you are on the good end of things and she wants something from you, but if she doesn’t get it… well, I’ve heard some stories.”

“How did I not see it? What’s wrong with me?” He was filled with self-loathing.

I wanted to say or do something that would make him feel better. But what? I wasn’t exactly sure what that was. I put my hand on his leg. “You liked her. She likes you, she wanted you. You were on the good end of things. There’s nothing wrong with you. You saw what she wanted you to see, that’s all.”

“God, why didn’t I see how bad she was?”

“I’m not saying that there isn’t good in Becca. There is. She has her moments. You always see the best in people. It’s one of the great things about you. Don’t let her ruin that. You can’t say that you guys didn’t have fun, right? So, maybe things have changed. Maybe she has. It happens.”

He ran his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, I guess it does. Doesn’t make what I have to do easier though.”

So, I guess he had made his decision. I didn’t envy him. “No, it doesn’t.”

We sat there for a while, watching the waves and surfers, just hanging out. After a while, Patrick got up and asked if I wanted to check out the rest of the bluffs. I guess he was starting to feel a little better or didn’t want to think about Becca anymore. We walked along a partial trail that led into a nature preserve. The view was beautiful - the trees and flowers overlooking the ocean. I could easily see why it was his favorite place to think. We must have hiked about a mile or so before turning around and walking back to the car. It wasn’t until we got back to the car that we realized how hungry we were. We decided to get something to eat before heading home.

27. BUBBLE BURST

I got to physics on Monday a little early before class because I wanted to talk to Joey and see how Patrick was doing. Patrick was usually there before class started, but he wasn’t there yet. I watched the door, waiting for either of them. The minutes ticked by after the first bell. Patrick came in just a couple minutes before class started.

“Hey, Patrick. How are you doing?”

He took a deep breath. “Okay.”

“Did you...uh…” I didn’t know how to ask if Patrick had broken up with Becca.

“Talk to Becca?” He nodded. “Yeah.”

“How did it go?” I asked carefully.

“Ehh.. I’ll tell you later.” He gazed downward and shook his head. The bell rang. “After school.”

“I have choir rehearsal.” I whispered as Mr. D started talking to the class.

“I have practice. Meet me outside the locker room after?” He replied quietly.

I nodded. I turned to look for Joey. I saw him as he rushed to his seat just after the bell rang. He kept his head down as he sat down. I guess I’ll have to catch him after class.

The first day back after a dance is always filled with everyone sharing their stories. Mr. D gave everyone two minutes to talk before starting on his lecture. Joey kept his head down and his mouth shut. I overhead a few people talk about what happened to Joey. I was glad that they focused more on him than on me. Two minutes was not enough time for Patrick to fill me in, but it was enough for me to let him know what my plans were.

“I’m going to try to talk to Joey today.” I told Patrick.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Patrick had a clearer memory about what happened than I did. The protective tone in his voice was strong. It worried me, but also made me realize how much I had to talk to Joey.

“I need to.”

“I’ll go with you.” I know that he wanted a distraction from his life, but I had to do this on my own.

“No.” I insisted. “I need to talk to him by myself.”

“Fine. But make sure you’re not alone with him.” It was clear that he disapproved of my idea, but not enough to really talk me out of it.

Mr. D called the class to order and started on his lecture. It was nice to focus on class work. Joey’s head didn’t move much during the class period. I wanted to talk to him right after class, but as soon as Mr. D dismissed the class, he was out the door.

* * *

With the concert this week, choir class was intense. Mrs. Marshall tried to get us through the entire program during the entire class period. Pretty crazy considering the period is an hour long and our program is 90 minutes long. The bell rang midway through one of our songs. Because she made us finish the song before leaving, I had to rush to my next class.

We had a timed writing prompt in English. I guess spending the entire period writing an in-class essay was a way to guarantee students didn’t talk. Of course, we did need the practice. I finished my essay a few minutes before the bell rang and had a chance to review it before the end of class. If I paced myself right, I would always re-read my work before turning it in. I always wanted to be sure that I answered the prompt and didn’t stray too far off topic. The bell rang and Mr. Ludlow collected our essays at the door.

From English, Patrick and I walked together to lunch. He didn’t meet up with Becca and she didn’t meet him at the door. As we turned a corner, I saw Joey. There weren’t many people along this hallway, so it seemed the closest I’d get, or want to get, to a private conversation with him.

“I’m going to talk to Joey.” I told Patrick.

“I’ll be here.” Patrick stopped just a few feet away from where Joey was.

I caught up with Joey. “Hi, Joey.”

Joey turned. He had some scratches on his face and a cut on his lip. “What the hell do you want?” He snapped at me.

I took a step back. I wasn’t prepared for the anger in his voice. I figured he’d be mad at me, but I didn’t expect him to bite my head off. Maybe Patrick was right, this wasn’t a good idea. No, I had to do this. I looked over at Patrick and he started to come over. I shook my head and motioned for him to stay and wait. My voice started to tremble. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“Go ahead. Talk.” He stood there, keeping a good distance from me, waiting.

 
“I wanted to… apologize for what happened at the dance.”

“You mean, going all psychotic on me?” Joey’s voice got loud. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Patrick walk over to us. I didn’t stop him this time. Now, I did want him next to me. I didn’t think that Joey would do anything to hurt me, but it didn’t hurt for Patrick to be there, just in case.

“Yeah. That.” I shook my head apologetically. “You didn’t deserve it.” I didn’t feel like I was being clear. I cleared my throat. “I should have just told you to stop from the beginning, instead of losing it like that. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

He glared at me, “Yeah, well…” He stopped in the middle of what he was going to say when he saw Patrick.

“I know that I shouldn’t have freaked out like I did, but you should
not
have done that to me. Don’t you ever…
ever
touch me like that again.” My voice was firm.

“I don’t get what the big deal was. I was just having fun. I thought you were there to have fun.” He was patronizing. It made me angry that he still didn’t get it.

“I was. But, it wasn’t fun for me and it
is
a big deal. In case you’re not clear, don’t
ever
do that to me again. I don’t like it. No matter what
you
think, I don’t want it. Do you understand?” I was going to get my point across. My tone was even harder and steadfast.

Joey looked at me and blinked slowly. “Yeah.” He spoke softly. Maybe it would sink in with him.

“Anyway, that’s all I wanted to say. I’m sorry about it, but don’t do it again.” Patrick and I walked away from Joey. We headed toward the table where the rest of the crew hung out. I sighed. “Thanks for being there.”

“Anytime. You did good.” He sounded proud.

“Thanks.” I took a deep breath. “I’m glad that’s over.”

Relief washed over me as we got to the table. I felt like I could get past what happened at the dance. It was nice to be around friends and relax. I quickly ate lunch and laughed at Tony and Kraig’s goofiness. Now, all I had to worry about was the concert this week.

Not that I really was worried about it, just nervous. I was always nervous before a concert, but once everything started, I’d get wrapped up in it and everything was fine. The more I practice, the better I felt. I was glad that I had rehearsals every day after school leading up to the concert. It helped build up the excitement and my self-confidence. Inside, I knew I could sing. I loved to sing. But the more I did it and rehearsed with the choir for the performances, the better I felt. It became more instinctual and natural, than me thinking about it. The minute I
thought
about what came next, I would be in trouble and get lost. No, practice was definitely good and I didn’t complain about it.