Falling for Seven (35 page)

“What?” I snatched my arm away. “No way. Go yourself.”

“I won’t go without you. For the first time in my life, I’ve found something that’s more important to me than throwing a football. I won’t go to the Draft if you aren’t with me.”

“So don’t go.” My phone started to buzz in my purse, Julio saving me from having to argue my way out of something that my cravings for Julian were chomping at the bait for. I took the phone from my purse, excusing myself. “I should get this.”

Julian’s hand flew out to my wrist, stopping me from answering. His squeeze was a notch above comfortable. He was damn near hurting me. “Tell him you can’t make it.”

His relentless gaze was telling me, not asking me. “Why, Julian? What’s going to happen if I answer and lie to Julio?”

“I can put right what I should have put right six months ago. I’m not walking away this time, Angel. Not without one hell of a fucking fight. So answer your phone and get rid of him, because I’m not going anywhere.”

The light on my screen died, seconds before the ringing started up again. Julian quirked an eyebrow, a physical challenge aimed at me. “I mean, he can watch if you want to see him that bad.”

“Watch?” I tugged my arm from Julian, stumbling toward him when he refused to let go. “There won’t be anything to watch.” I wrenched his fingers from my wrist and answered Julio’s call. “I’m ready, come get me now,” I said to Julio in a rush, before he even got a chance to say hello.

I put my phone away, my eyes never leaving Julian’s. “Wrong move, Angel.”

“Not to me,” I said, walking away. If I could get to the end of the street without Julian following me, I could salvage this night and pretend he was never here. What Julio didn’t see wouldn’t need explaining. I looked back, relieved to see Julian wasn’t following me. “Goodbye,” I said for the final time.

He didn’t reply.

<>

“Angel, you can talk to me you know.”

“Huh?”

Julio put back his beer and wiped his mouth on the paper napkin. “You’re here, but only physically. It’s happening more and more lately.”

The candle flickered in the middle of the table and I concentrated on the whimpering flame rather than having to admit that I was counting down the minutes until this dinner was over and I could go home. Julio dipped his head in front of me, not fooled by my deafening silence. “Is it another guy?”

I looked up. It must have been in the wrong way because Julio sighed, sitting back in his chair. “I knew it, just didn’t want it to be true.”

“It’s not really another guy,” I explained. “Not the way you think.”

“If he breathes the same air as you, that’s bad enough for me.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, weakly. “I thought I was moving on.”

“But you’re not. It’s fine, I get it.”

I pushed my chair back and stood up, placing my napkin on the table. Bending over or too much careless movement made me and possibly everyone else aware how short my dress was. I put my hands on Julio’s shoulders and kissed him on the cheek, my lips grazing his ear. “
Eres fabuloso, papi
.”

He covered my hand with his, turning his head so our lips were near touching. “
No, Mami, ese eres tú
. Do you need a ride?”

“I’m good,” I said. “I always did prefer walking.”

It was cold outside compared to the heat of the taco bar. But the breeze was welcome, cooling me down inside and out. It took longer than normal to walk home in my unpractical heels, but I made it, flopping onto the couch in the dark and shoving a cushion over my face. I was too jumpy to relax, so I sat up, throwing the cushion to the floor. I dialed my dad’s number, tapping my foot against the carpeted floor. “Dad,” I said when he answered. “Where is Julian staying?”

“Are you sure you want to know?”

“Yes. I’m sure. Tell me before I change my mind.”

“You don’t sound sure to me.”

“Just tell me. It’s the biggest day of his life tomorrow and I have to make sure he doesn’t fuck it up.”

“I think he mentioned he was staying at the Shore. Get your ass over there now and make sure he doesn’t throw away three years of coaching. I will kick his and your ass all the way to—”

“Bye dad,” I said after I hung up on his ranting.

Some people never change.

I swapped my heels for my pink and black Vans, and my dress for leggings and a workout T-shirt that I found lying on the lid of my laundry hamper. I’d rock up to the Santa Monica hotel looking like I’d gotten the wrong hangout, but I had to make my life right. After all this time, I owed myself that much. I deserved to be happy and only I could make that happen.

I got in the car, held up by a few stoplights before I pulled up near the Shore Hotel and parked on the street. Inside the Ocean Avenue hotel, I had no idea where I was going, my feet carrying me up the stairs like a crazy person. I called Julian, hoping he still had the same number. I wasn’t expecting him to answer, I’d never heard from him before today. But he picked up. “What room are you?” I asked, searching for a wall plaque to tell me what floor I was on.

“You’re at the hotel?”

“What floor, Julian!” I snapped, drawing in a full breath.

“Third.”

I looked around. I was on the third. I pushed through the doors and onto the corridor. I slowed to a walk, the phone pressed to my ear. “Which number.”

The line went dead.

A door on my right opened and an arm dragged me into the room. Julian pressed me up against the closed door. My gaze lowered to his bare feet, languidly raking over his white sweatpants and his beautifully browned chest. “You came,” he said, as if he couldn’t believe I was here, in front of him.

“You asked me to. So what can I do to stop you throwing your future away?”

“I wasn’t throwing my future away. It’s a phone call. I can accept that call anywhere, I don’t need to be in Chicago to say yes.”

“You were invited, you need to be there. Your name is probably going to be the first name called.”

“Can we stop talking about that now?”

“What should we talk about instead?” my tone turned firm. I hadn’t drove here like a lunatic to mess around some more.

“Who said anything about talking?”

“I came here to convince you that you need to leave.”

“Because you’re coming with me?”

“Why would I do that? You’re a big boy, Julian. You can make that flight all on your lonesome. You made it here with no problems.”

“I told you, I want you sitting next to me when I get that phone call. I couldn’t give a shit about anything or anyone else. It’s only you now, Angel. Shit, it was always you.”

“Why do you care if I’m there?” I looked up into his eyes, my own eyes welling with a barrage of repressed emotions I’d locked inside since I’d moved away. “You’ve been fine without me this long.”
But I haven’t been fine without you.

“Because I fucking love you. That’s why I care.”

My eyes snapped wide open, my stomach lurching. “What?”

“I love you.” He took my hand, holding it over the left side of his chest. “Feel that? It’s beating for you now.” My fingers saturated the steady thud of his heart. “I can’t, and I don’t want to get you out of my head. I think about you morning till night, and it’s still not enough.”

“You love me?” I felt like my legs would give away any second, I was so lightheaded.

“More than anything, and for longer than I realized.” He brushed his lips along my forehead and then placed his fingers under my chin, tilting my head. “I might not deserve to have you, and I can sure as hell live without you, Angel. But why the fuck would I want to? I want to spend all day every day making my mistakes up to you. I want to go to sleep at night knowing that you’re mine.” His hands moved to my waist, fitting as snug as they ever did, and he tilted my hips toward his. “Tell me you don’t want the same.”

“I can live without you too, Julian.” His fingers dug deeper. “But my world is so much brighter when you’re in it.”

“Does that mean you’re coming with me?”

His need to have me there clawed at my defense, but I wasn’t sure yet. “I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t want you to think I’m offering more than one day.”

“Okay.” He nodded his head once, his gaze raining down on me. “You’re here now. I can live with that.” His fingers worked the band of my leggings, easing the Lycra down my legs. “I’ve fucking missed you. Everything about you.”

When his hands left my skin and he stepped back, I stopped him, grabbing the tie on his sweatpants. “I’m on the pill,” I said, a flush of heat coloring my cheeks. I knew how forward I sounded, but I also knew where Julian was just about to go. “And I haven’t had sex with anyone other than you.”

He paused, his eyes narrowing briefly. “You haven’t?”

“No.” Maybe I should have been more embarrassed by that, but I wasn’t. No one else could live up to the best, so why go out of my way for mediocre? “I only ever wanted you.” I rubbed my hands over his hard, flat stomach and over his chest. “I want you now, Julian.”

“Good. Because I haven’t been with anyone else, either.”

In seconds, my leggings were off and my legs were wrapped around his waist, my back up against the door. He pushed down his sweats, his erection springing free before he wrapped his hand around it and thrust himself inside of me. I dropped my head onto his shoulder, my fingernails dragging over the skin of his back, his muscles flexing beneath me. With Julian,
good
was out the window. The way he fucked was
amazing
, and I was an addict.

Darkness faded into light and I lay half wrapped in the white hotel sheets. Julian was asleep on the other side of the bed, and I gathered the sheet around me and wandered out onto the balcony. The hotel was on the ocean front and white-capped waves barreled onto the shore, the palm trees giving way to the slight breeze of the early morning. As the day went on I knew it would get hotter and the waves would settle. But for now, it was exactly how I liked it. I leaned over the glass balcony, breathing in the salty air. Last night with Julian would test all my limits if I was going to let go of him again. But what was the point in having him if I couldn’t trust him not to hurt me? Did I want my life to be safe and predictable, or did I want adventure, excitement—love. No matter how unpredictable. Did I want to map out my path or leap into it blind and with an open heart? Did love even exist without pain? Probably not. Where could my life possibly go without Julian when all I did was look back, searching for him?

Nowhere.

It wouldn’t go anywhere.

The padding of Julian’s footsteps followed me out onto the balcony and he stood beside me, leaning on the glass. “I see why you love living here. I could get used to it.”

His eyes creased in the rising sun, his hair so short it remained untouched from sleep.

“You could end up halfway across America, did you think of that when you were thinking of us?”

“Yeah, I thought about it. Doesn’t matter where I am, I’ll still want you.”

“I won’t leave California. Not while I’m still in college. And I intend on graduating.”

“I’m sure your dad would be proud.”

“I’m serious here, Julian. How would we ever make it work?”

“This is how.” He turned to face me, his hands finding his pockets. “I love you and I’ll do whatever it takes to be with you, halfway across the fucking ocean or not. Do you want to be cautious, or do you want to
live
? With love comes pain and challenges. Without it, where’s the fun?”

“You’re out of your mind, do you know that? One day someone is going to say no to you and you’re going to have no choice but to accept it.”

“Not today,” he said, confident over cocky. “I have a flight in two hours. The only thing I want to hear right now is that you are getting on it with me.”

I combed a chunk of hair from my face. “I don’t know.”

“Angel.” He pinned me with a look that had me clutching the sheet closer to my chest. My heart pounded in my ears, beating wildly, barely contained by my skin. It would burst free if he looked at me like that one more time. “You are in or you are out. You know what I’d prefer.”

“And what happens after tomorrow?”

“It’s me and you. Forever if I’m lucky enough. If you can love me enough.”

The world was spinning.

“I love you enough.” I was whispering, as if the words were so fragile, the wind would snatch them away, tearing them to dust. “I’m coming with you.”

“Thank fuck for that.” Both his arms cradled my waist and I reached up as he leaned down, my lips on his lips, both our hearts in time to the same rhythm. He pulled away, his gaze holding me prisoner. “I’ll fuck up, Angel, and you’ll be the one to keep me right. Every day I’m with you I’ll do better, because you make me a better person. I’ll improve, for you. You won’t regret this, I swear. I’ll make you the happiest fucking woman in the world. You have my word.”

Julian smiled, and I died and went to heaven right there above the palm trees.