Authors: Sadie Grubor
Was
she with someone? I never noticed anyone before, but I had found time for
Stacia and Jess…wait was she like me with the no strings hookups?
Quickly
killing those thoughts, I tried to focus on the TV. Nothing was working, so I
got up and took a shower. Once I was dressed, again I decided to get out of the
room and walk around. I glanced at the clock on the way out. It was almost
seven thirty.
Walking
to the indoor pool area, I then turned toward the restaurant for coffee. Of course,
my server was a fan. Droning on and on about being how great
The Forgotten
is.
Quickly excusing myself, I found my way to the fitness center.
Music
was blaring loudly, along with some laughter. Peeking in, I saw they had a
rather large fitness center. The first room was full of workout machines. The
second room was a large glass room currently full of people, mostly woman.
I
recognized Kat and Laney first. After another few moments, I saw Jessica, Sara,
and Mia. She looked like she wanted to go back to bed. The wall seemed to be
the only thing holding her up. I sat down to one of the machines giving me a
clear view into the room.
The
instructor entered and Laney grabbed her arm, yanking her out to line up. Mia
yawned largely and stretched her arms above her head. Kat pulled on her
oversized sweatshirt.
Wait,
is that my sweatshirt?
Mia
shook her head, but then Kat stood with her hands on her hips in a stare down,
until Mia gave in to her demand. She pulled the sweatshirt off, tossing it over
to the side of the room. Mia gave her a look that read 'happy now.' My eyes
drifted over her body.
Is
that even considered clothing? She's practically naked.
An unwelcome internal debate began. The urge to rush into the glass room, wrap
the sweatshirt back around her, and the desire to see more of her.
My
battle was subdued when the instructor began and they followed along. Laney and
Kat were trying their hardest. Mia on the other hand was goofing off.
"What
the fuck are you doing here?" I snapped my head around. Elliott was
smiling at me widely.
"Couldn't
sleep," Quickly I lie back on the machine and started bench pressing. I
don't need to catch shit for peeping. Lord knows what other crazy ideas Jackson
would come up with if he found out.
"Do
you work out every morning?"
Dumb
question, I lived with him for god's sake. I knew he didn't work out every
morning, even though he did work hard to keep his large build.
"Hell
no." He laughed and eyed me curiously before he continued. "I come
when I can roll my ass out of bed." He sat on the machine next to me. "Ahhh…Damn!"
"What?"
I sat up looking at him. Elliott wore a huge smile. I followed his gaze. He'd
caught sight of the glass room full of women just as I had.
"How
can you even workout when you have all of that right there for your viewing
pleasure?" He reached over, lightly punching my arm. "I mean look at
all the half-dressed ass in there."
"I
dunno," Shrugging went to lie back down. What are my chances he won't
notice the girls?
"Oh,
fuck me. The girls are in there." He sighed heavily. "I shouldn't be
allowed to watch them do this. It puts very bad images in my head."
I
sat up again.
"Then
don't watch."
"Are
you insane?" He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "How can you not
watch?" He pointed to the room and sure enough, they bent over, asses up.
I
was going to respond, but then Mia wiggled her ass at Sara causing her to burst
into laughter. My lower body woke up and began to stir. Apparently, I need to
get laid.
"See
what I mean. You're sucked in too." He chuckled leaning forward, elbows to
knees. "I'll tell you what, I'm gonna get Serena into bed, but I have to
admit Mia's ass is superb." He hummed a little. I glared. The urge to slap
him in the head for his comment was almost uncontrollable. After our
nonproductive workout, we went back upstairs. After showering once again, I got
dressed for the day.
Walking
into the living room, Jackson was already there lounging on the couch. He
looked at me and smirked. Then he sat up and leaned forward so his elbows were
on his knees. I sat down in a nearby chair.
"You
ready for tonight?"
I
shrugged. "Yeah, it'll be good to get back on stage." I scrolled
through emails and text messages on my cell.
"So…"
Jackson spoke.
"So
what?" I didn't look up at him.
He
started to chuckle. "Nothing, I guess."
I
was about to tell him to fucking drop it, but our door opened and Nicholas
entered.
"Ready?"
he motioned for us to go out the door. We headed out the door.
"Christopher?"
Looking to Nicholas I stopped walking. "I think we need to discuss your
meetings."
"What
meetings?"
"Your
meetings," Nicholas said sternly.
"Ah…okay."
I shrugged.
"I
have two people I want you to meet this afternoon, before you come to the
concert." I was about to interrupt. "One is already downstairs
waiting and the other is coming in about an hour. Once you're finished you can
head over." He put a hand on my shoulder.
"Fine,"
I sighed, not looking forward to this.
"Try
to be nice." Nicholas quipped as the elevator doors sealed shut. "Gwen
put a lot of effort and research into these two doctors."
There
was no need to look at him. I could feel his eyes on me. There was also no
point in saying anything else.
Once
the elevator arrived to the lobby, he led me to the meeting room and left me with
a small balding man who stood when I entered the room.
"Hello
Christopher, I am Dr. Schultz." He put his hand out and I shook it. He
gestured for me to take a seat. "I would like to just do some basic
discussing today to figure out what you want to accomplish from these sessions.
Okay?"
"Sure,
whatever." Shrugging, I slouched down into my seat. Pulling out my phone,
I restarted where I had left off with my emails.
"So,
what is it you would like to do and see from the sessions?" He asked while
crossing his legs.
"I
would like to not have nightmares and be able to sleep, can you make that
happen?" I raised my eyebrows at him.
"I
would like to try," he answered. I rolled my eyes. They always say that.
For
the next hour, I had to listen to his questions, and
"how much he
wanted to help me".
By the time I had to meet with the second head-doctor,
I was ready to slit my wrists.
Keeping
my slouched position, I sent a text to Nicholas telling him that Dr. Schmuck
was a big N-O. The door to the room suddenly opened and in walked a man about
Nicholas's age with dark brown hair and slightly overweight.
"Christopher?"
He nodded to me.
"Yep."
Staying in my slouched position, I returned to my tasks on my phone.
"It's
good to meet you. I'm Dr. Jenkins, but you can call me Dr. J." he smiled
and held out his hand. I shook it without moving from my seat. He sat down
across from me.
"So,
are you tired of meeting with different doctors yet?" He chuckled.
"A
little, even though I just started." I sighed.
"Alright,
well, what am I hear for?" I looked up at his question.
"What?"
"What
am I hear for? You don't look as if anything is wrong, so you tell me." He
sat back and crossed his legs.
"Umm….aren't
you supposed to go through all the 'I want to help you' crap?"
"I'm
sure most people want to help, but I'm not sure I can. Not if you don't know
what I'm here for." He kept a straight face and shrugged.
Spending
the next hour talking to him, I realized he wasn't too bad. His approach was
better than the other. He also wasn't telling me what was wrong with me or how
he would fix me. I liked that. After leaving, I sent another text to Nicholas
telling him that Dr. J would work.
Chapter
Twelve
"How'd
the concert go last night?" Dr. J sat down in my room.
"Good,"
I groaned.
We'd
gotten back from the arena even later than usual and sleep did not come easy,
as usual. I was still tired and hated having to get up this early to meet with
Dr. J.
"Just
good?" He chuckled. "From what I heard in the lobby this morning, it
was better than good. You had fans camped out down there." He smiled and
sat back in the couch. "They seemed to have given the hotel staff some
problems."
I
shrugged.
"So,
what do you want to do today?" He leaned forward, elbows on his knees.
I
shrugged again.
"Okay,
well how about I get some history directly from you, is that okay?"
"Sure."
Standing, I went for coffee – sure, I would need it.
"Alright,
well let's start with the basics. You grew up with your mother and father
correct?"
I
took a deep breath, exhaling harshly through my nose.
"Step-Father,"
His crazed eyes and red flushed face from that night flashed to mind, causing
my fists to clench at my sides.
"Okay,
step-father." Dr. J closely observed my reactions. "Let's move up to
recent events."
He
waited until I sat back in the large chair again.
"Tell
me about a few nights ago when you trashed your hotel room."
After
sipping my coffee, I put my head back on the chair with my eyes close. Revisiting
these things was never good.
"I
had…I mean…I was…"
"Christopher,
I know this is hard, but in order to do any good you have to want to tell me
about it. I assure you it's not going any further than you and me." Dr. J
laced his fingers together.
It
was difficult and complicated, how could he understand? What would he do if he
knew what I had done?
"Okay,
let me try this. I'm going to ask some questions and you just answer me the
best you can?" Dr. J stood up, pacing the room.
I
waited.
"The
night that you acted out was because of a nightmare?" He stopped to watch
my reaction.
"No,
not really."
"Was
it a memory?"
"Sort
of."
"Hmmm…sort
of?" he paused. "Was there something that set off the memory?"
I
sat my coffee down on the table in front of me and ran both hands through my
hair – frustrated.
"It
was the date. It was getting closer to…you know."
"No
Christopher. Tell me what it was close to." He sat back down looking at
me.
"Her
death," My hands tightened at the roots of my hair and eyes focused on the
floor. Afraid to blink for fear the images would be waiting.
"Your
mother?" he spoke quietly.
Silently,
I nodded.
"It's
okay Christopher, you didn't do anything wrong." I looked at him confused.
"I
hurt the girl I was with, I trashed a hotel room, and I almost attacked Jackson
and my da…Nicholas! How's that not doing anything wrong?" The ridiculous
dismissal of what I've done angered me. He has no idea what was deep inside me.
"You
went through a traumatic experience and you have never had anyone help you
deal. What you did wasn't something wrong, but something that happened as a
result of your anguish." He looked me straight in the eye. "Tell me
more about your mother Christopher."
Hesitating
I tried to figure this guy out before telling him memories of my mother and me.
Starting with my first memory of my mother, I told him everything. Everything,
until that night.
"Why
did you stop?"
"I
don't want to talk about it."
Truth
was I didn't want to admit aloud what I was. I knew if I told him then he would
see the monster.
"I'm
not saying you have to talk about it today, but you need to get it off your
chest before it destroys you. You know that right?" He got up and walked
to get coffee. "You've never talked about it have you?"
I
shook my head. "No. I don't want to think about it." The pain
accompanying it was too much.
"Yet,
you relive it every night, do you not?"
Nodding,
I put my head back into my hands.
"I
see. Have you ever not had a nightmare?"
Pausing,
my mind went directly to her. How do I explain what I don't even understand?
Pulling at my hair, my mind couldn't focus on anything, except Mia.
"I'm
going to take that as a no?" he interrupted my thoughts.
"Um…no."