Fashionably Dead Down Under (12 page)

I liked them and I didn’t. I didn’t trust
them a bit, but I was definitely going to find out what I could
from them. “So you’re the Seven Deadly Sins, what does that make
Dixie?”

“A spare heir,” Envy snorted and seated
herself next to me.

“Meaning?”

“Meaning if one of us bites it, she becomes a
Sin,” Envy explained and poked at the plate of pastries.

“Has that ever happened?” I asked, a little
shocked at the implications. I had assumed each cousin embodied her
Sin and was born that way.

“Nope,” Greed cut in. “Never and it would be
a total ugly turd waffle if it did.”

“Facebook?” I asked.

“How’d you guess?” Greed grinned and took
another Danish. “I understand that you met Grandpa last night.”

“How’d you hear that?” How did she hear that?
I hadn’t even shared with Dixie yet.

“I feel his energy,” she said. “Don’t you?”
she asked her sisters.

“Definitely,” Wrath said and Envy nodded.

“Yes, I met him and he was just as cute as
Dixie said he would be.”

“Did you break anything?”

“Nope, I’m fine.”

“Not on you. On him.” Greed blew out an
exasperated breath at my stupidity.

My stupidity was on purpose and that’s the
way I wanted it. Everyone seemed to buy my flightiness except
Wrath. She watched me closely with an odd expression on her lovely
face.

“No, he left in one piece,” I told them and
turned away to avoid Wrath’s intense scrutiny.

“What did you speak of?” Wrath asked.

“Not much. You know, ‘Welcome to Hell, learn
your heritage, blahblahblah’.”

“Did he give you any gifts?” Envy asked in a
tone I didn’t like.

“No books? No baubles?” Greed wanted to
know.

What were they angling for? I had no
intention of telling them I had a book. Unsure why, but trusting my
instincts, I played dumb.

“Nope, nothing,” I said. “Why? Does he
usually come bearing gifts?”

“No, but he always tries to pawn this stupid
little book off on us,” Greed said and rolled her eyes.

“It’s written in some ancient script that
none of us can read. I suppose it’s some kind of test,” Envy
added.

“I can read a bit of it,” Wrath said, still
watching me closely.

“Probably because you’re thousands of years
older than the rest of us,” Greed snapped.

Swallowing back my surprise at Wrath’s age I
wondered if I had been given the very same book . . . If I was, why
in the hell was I able to read it? Bad feeling number one—and I was
certain I’d have many more before the day was done.

“Coffee,” Dixie sang and passed cups to her
sisters. “Would you like some, Astrid?”

“Nope. Vampyre.”

“Right.” She giggled and served her sisters
dutifully.

“Do you need blood?” Wrath inquired as she
put an alarming amount of sugar in her coffee.

“No, not at the moment. Are you offering?”
Her head snapped up and there was serious interest in her eyes.

“I might be,” she answered silkily. “Let me
know if I can be of service.”

“Will do.”
Will not
. There was no way
Heaven or Hell I would drink the blood of a several thousand year
old Demon . . . not to mention I was fairly sure she had some kind
of icky girl cousin crush on me.

“What are your plans for the day, dear?” Envy
asked.

“I’ll spend the day with Dixie and rest. This
has been overwhelming so far.”

“Very well then,” Greed said and gave me a
light squeeze. “We shall see you soon.”

With that, they stood and vanished in a blast
of black glitter. I let out the breath I’d been holding and sagged
in relief in my chair.

“Do they come to breakfast often?” I asked a
similarly relieved Dixie.

“Never,” she admitted and scrunched her nose.
“Sorry about that.”

“I can handle them.”

“Better you than me.” She giggled and picked
at a Danish. “Did you enjoy your visit with Grandpa?”

“Actually I did and I didn’t break one single
bone in his body.” I grinned and sniffed the coffee. “God, I miss
caffeine.”

“Do you want to try it?”

“No,” I interjected quickly. “I tried peanut
butter last night and almost hurled.”

“Well, I have my therapy group coming later
this afternoon and I want to go to the grocery and buy some snacks.
Would you like to join me?”

“Hell has grocery stores?”

“Yep, we even have malls,” she said with
great pride.

“But you’re a princess—can’t you have your
stuff delivered?”

“I can.” She nodded her head. “But I want to
live like a normal person and I enjoy getting out. I do take a
bodyguard, but I drive myself.”

I gave her the thumbs up and she giggled. I
had no desire to go to the grocery and I wanted to find my little
ones. “Have you seen my Baby Demons?”

“No, but I’m sure they’re fine,” she said,
grabbing her purse and keys. “If you want to walk the property make
sure you take a bodyguard. They say there was a mild Hellquake
during the night and I don’t want you to get lost or hurt.”

“Are those common this time of year?”

“Hellquakes are never common. The first time
I felt one was yesterday with you. Word is that it wasn’t a
Hellquake at all. It was some kind of unnatural phenomenon.
Something bad.”

“Well, that’s great and especially since it
coincides with my arrival.”

“Yeah, unfortunately that’s the word around
town too,” she shrugged and gave me an apologetic smile. “You take
a guard if you want to wander the grounds. Okay?”

“You got it.”
Not.

Making peace with my Demon side was
difficult—mainly because I had no freakin’ clue how to do it. The
book was of no help whatsoever. It was just history and
gobbledygook. Although it did have a detailed picture of The Sword
of Death—one of the most impressive pieces of deadly art I’d ever
seen. If I was to find it, I definitely didn’t want to touch that
sucker . . . way too evil for me. In my gut I knew this was the
book the Sins were talking about. It was probably significant that
I could read it, but that was the least of my problems at the
moment. After Dixie left I paced her house trying to pick up on the
energy Grandpa left behind. I felt things, but I wasn’t sure which
energy belonged to which Demon. Shitshitshit. I was worried about
my little Demons. I needed to find Ross, Rachel, Beyonce and Abe
and I was hoping to be able to use that nifty little energy trick
to find my babies.

“Hell’s bells,” I muttered. I hopped around,
hoping to release some tension and become one with my inner fucking
Demon. “How hard can this be?”

Hard.

I tried walking and talking and yelling and
meditating. Nothing. I couldn’t make the black glitter gloves show
up at will and my Vampyre powers were still MIA. Ten more minutes.
I’d give myself ten more minutes to try and get this shit and then
I was going out anyway. There was no telling what kind of trouble
my tiny monsters could get into in Hell.

Peeking out of the window, I sized up the
bodyguards. They looked more like gun-toting, bodybuilding male
models than they did bodyguards. I was certain they knew their job.
Satan wouldn’t leave just any old guards with his daughter. The one
on the far left looked the weakest. He was who I wanted to be my
escort. Ten minutes . . .

What were some of the things Grandpa said?
Come on . . . think. Mother Nature was a colossal bitch . . . my
dad had made his own evil bed . . . seven True Immortals . . . mind
over matter. Wait. That was it. Mind over matter. Could it really
be that simple? I laughed at the possibility.

“I choose to accept both my Vampyre and Demon
heritage,” I mumbled. “I choose to accept my Vampyre and Demon
heritage,” I said a bit louder.

A tingling started low in my spine and
travelled up to the base of my neck. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but
it was unfamiliar. I moved faster around the room wondering if this
would be as debilitating as when I became a Vampyre.

“I choose to accept my Vampyre and Demon
heritage,” I shouted, uncaring if all the guards outside could hear
my lunacy. It was working. And I felt fine and my . . . shit. I
jack knifed over in pain as wave after wave of nausea ripped
through my body. Everything appeared blurry and red and I grasped
for purchase on the carpet. Fuck, why did everything immortal have
to hurt?

“I promise to be good or evil or vapid or
anything,” I screamed, praying to every deity I think of . . . Just
stop. Please stop. The burning was branding my soul and I planned
to rip my cute little son of a bitch grandpa to shreds with my bare
hands if this turned me into a full Demon. Wait. Why in the fuck
did I even listen to him? Was it because he was cuddly? I was an
idiot of epic proportions.

Crawling across the floor, I gasped for air.
The burning slowly subsided, but the tingling in my spine remained.
Please God, Satan, Jesus, Moses, Steven Perry and all the rest of
Journey, don’t let there be a Round Two of fire consuming my body.
Sitting still I waited. And waited. Nothing. Why the guards hadn’t
stormed the house was odd. I knew I’d been screaming, but the
duration was fairly short. Was screaming in pain a common
occurrence at Dixie’s house? I certainly hoped not.

Time to test the new me.

I closed Dixie’s shades to be on the safe
side, shut my eyes and took a flying leap. Thankfully I could fly,
but I learned a valuable lesson. Flying with your eyes closed is a
no-no. Bashing into a wall hurts and causes damage. I moved one of
Dixie’s paintings to cover the busted plaster and moved on.

I was still breathing and my reflection was
still there, but when I cloaked myself my image disappeared.
Positive that Steven Perry had been the lucky charm in my prayer, I
silently thanked him and forgave him for quitting the band.

Flying. Check.

Cloaking. Check.

Crawling into the minds of other Demons? Only
one way to find out . . .

Peeking out the window I focused on the
strongest looking one I could find and I slid in. Bingo. He was
bored and was attracted to the male guard named Tony to his right.
He knew Tony was seeing a woman, but felt that with his skills he
could turn Tony . . .

I slipped right back out. TMI. Next
experiment . . . I willed my sparkling black gloves to appear. I
did need to find my inner-angry-bitch to do it, but she was readily
available. However my inner-slut had all but disappeared. Thank
God, because Ethan was nowhere in sight. Closing my eyes I silently
commanded the gloves to disappear. They did. Score. Grabbing the
little book and shoving it in my back pocket in case I needed it I
cloaked myself in invisibility and stepped outside.

No movement from the guards I could see. I
was sure there were many that I couldn’t see so I planned to stay
invisible until I found my babies and had to reveal myself. Then
I’d cloak their in-trouble little asses and bring them home. Wait.
This was not my home. I’d bring them back to Dixie’s.

I easily walked right past the guards and
through the manicured yard. The uncanny resemblance to Kentucky was
bizarre. The flowers and trees and rolling hills were lovely and
strangely familiar. Did it look this way to everyone or was it an
illusion catering to the likes and needs of those it hosted? What
the hell did it matter to me? I planned to do whatever I had to do
to help out and then leave. Permanently.

Slowing my pace, I tried to detect the energy
of my babies. I concentrated and let my mind wander . . . I sensed
them, but they weren’t nearby. The thread of energy was distant and
weak, although it was stronger to the north. Moving quickly through
the overgrown grass on the outskirts of my cousin’s property, I
felt the connection to my little Demons increase. I’d probably
travelled several miles away from Dixie’s house before the terrain
went from manicured-lovely to wild-beautiful.

The scent of the grass tickled my nose and I
giggled. No one would ever believe me if I told them how stunning
Hell was. Running toward the energy, I froze when I saw a
free-standing door approximately twenty feet ahead. What was a door
doing in the middle of a field? It stood about eight feet tall and
was made of intricately carved wood. The shiny black lacquer finish
glistened in the sun and the handle looked as if was encrusted with
jewels. Was that a portal? There was no fucking way it could be
this easy.

Approaching slowly in case it was a trap I
moved closer. I kept myself cloaked and levitated off the grass so
I didn’t accidentally rustle anything on the ground. The air on
either side of the door shimmered and moved in the gentle breeze.
Was something there? I couldn’t tell. I floated around the door. It
truly was freestanding. There was nothing but grass behind and all
around it . . . and it was making me horny. My nipples hardened and
a tingling started low in my abdomen. What was happening here? Was
the door a succubus? Could an inanimate object be a succubus? When
had I lost my mind and thought humping a door might be a good idea?
I realized it wasn’t the door I want to do the horizontal mambo
with and I heaved a huge sigh of relief, but what was it?

The aroma of freshly baked brownies accosted
my nose and . . . Brownies? No way.

I needed to become corporeal if I wanted to
open the door, but was unsure if the owners of the brownie scent
would be happy to see me.

“General George Patton? Bambi? Is that you?”
I whispered, hoping to God I wasn’t attracted to them. “It’s me,
Astrid. I’m Dixie’s cousin and she said you wouldn’t, you know, um
. . . eat me because we have the same . . . ”

They materialized and I screamed. They were
heinous. I hadn’t remembered the Hell Hounds being quite so big.
Moving away slowly while keeping my eyes on them, I debated on
whether or not to run or hump them. Please tell me I didn’t just
consider humping Hell Hounds . . . Their eyes narrowed and they
lifted their bulbous snouts in the air.