Feeling the Moment

Authors: P. J. Belden

Feeling the Moment

P. J. Belden

Feeling the Moment

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locale is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who wishes to quote brief passages for review purposes only.

As always I want to thank my kids and husband for their amazing support. Without you guys I’d be lost. Love you all so much!

To the real life Kim, though none of what happened to Kim Rose was depicted from your real life, it is how I see you. Strong, beautiful, stubborn, and above all a heart that is meant to love. I lovers you so much! I hope you enjoy the story I wrote in thanks to you.

In Memory of Rose M.

I miss you so much every day. It seems so unfair that you had to suffer the way you did. My heart still breaks even after all these years. I just wish you could have seen the family you had beyond the pain and torment you went through. In my heart of hearts, I truly believe you had a River out there waiting for you to come along and change his life. I’ll never forget you. I love you! I know those angel wings look good on you :)

Thirteen years earlier…

It was so cold, even colder than last night. The snow was coming down harder now. Sometimes I wish I was in Florida or Hawaii, at least then I wouldn’t be freezing. Looking around at the ‘walls’ around me, you could see the water soaking through and dripping down the sides. It was to the point that I never slept anymore. Anyone could tell you that the winter nights were the most beautiful, but they probably didn’t live on the streets either.

Climbing out of the box I pulled from a dumpster in hopes to find warmth, I wrapped my arms around me and left the alley. It was dark, but the streets were lit enough that it felt like daylight most nights. But not tonight. Tonight the snow blocked out most of the lighting and I couldn’t see very far in front of me. The wind whirled around me and the snow stung my face.

Hearing a sound, I turned and headed toward it. The snow started to take on this glow. No matter how many times I have been turned away, I always hoped someone would take pity on me and offer me at least a few bites to eat. The snow began to glow brighter, so I knew I was getting closer to something.

Once the building came into view, I paused and looked through the window. Inside there was a little boy probably a couple of years younger than me. He was laughing as he was being chased by a man. I believe it was his dad. The man was laughing with the little boy. A lady walked in carrying glasses of milk and cookies. My stomach growled again. As she set down the tray she looked up and saw me in her window. I shivered again. Trying my best smile and a small wave, the lady walks to the window and my chest filled with hope. It was quickly squashed as she closed the curtains and locked me out.

Turning away, I walked back down the sidewalk. Wrapping my arms tighter around myself, I walked back the way I came. No matter how many people turned their backs on me, I cried. You would think that I would be used to it by now. I’ve been on my own since I was eight years old. I’m ten now. I’m not a baby anymore. I crawled back in the wet box and shivered in there. At least the wind couldn’t reach me in here much.

As I fell asleep, I made a deal with myself to be a big girl from now on. No more crying and no more depending on others for what I need.

Chapter One

Present Day…

Looking around the nicely furnished apartment, I smiled. It was a homey one bedroom, two bath apartment. The realtor explained that there was a den that could be used for a guest room. I just smiled and nodded. No one would be over to stay there. Nope, it was my office complete with a couch and chair, bookshelves full of books, and a cozy little fireplace. There was a big kitchen and decent dining and living room. I loved it.

The apartment was a pretty penny to buy, but because of its location it was cheaper than others like it. Taking a deep breath, I spun in a circle in my living room. It was my first home. It was my first place to live. Here I was standing with a roof over my head and food in my belly. I couldn’t ask for more.

Looking down at my watch, I needed to get to work. I grabbed my cell phone and my keys and headed out the door. For safety reasons, I never carried my purse to work. You know that neighborhood I mentioned, yeah, well if I were to walk out with a purse on my shoulder I’d be mugged for sure. The streets didn’t scare me. I grew up unlike most others and I learned a few tricks of the trade. Most wouldn’t have survived what I have been through. Hell, maybe I haven’t even survived. I am just still alive is the best way to put it I guess.

Making my way through town, I found myself thinking about things I never thought before. The future was a taboo subject for me because there was a time when I never thought I’d have one. So to be thinking about it now made my stomach tighten. It wasn’t like there were many options anyway. I was just as invisible now as I was all the years before. Honestly, I was okay with that. Life held too much self-inflicted drama. It was an easier life being on my own. I was never hurt or disappointed. No, I was definitely happier on my own.

The constant chattering of the hospital sounded in my ears as I made my way to the back. Before you think, wow, she’s doing amazing… hold your tongue. I’m a janitor. I clean up pee and poop and play in trash all day. I see no one and no one sees me. I’m happier for that. The perfect job, well for me at least.

It was my week for nights. Nights were my least favorite shift to work because it seemed to be never ending. Five minutes seemed like five hours. However, the bonus is I get paid more. You can’t knock more money.

Checking my sheet, I began my shift. Tonight was more hectic than most. There was a band in town. Whenever there was something big going on like concerts, carnivals, games, whatever it was the hospital overflowed with stupid people. I’m not uncaring, but if someone walked into a mosh pit and not expect the possibility of getting hurt by jumping off a stage trusting others to catch you… you’re stupid.

Finally, about three hours before the end of shift, I made it up to the third floor. Third Floor was used for surgical care. It was pretty quiet and usually fairly empty on night shifts. There were about two hundred forty-seven rooms on this floor with a nurse’s station in the center of them all.

The nurses here were rude, old and set in their ways. Each bickering about a patient they just checked on. Most times I found myself wondering why they were even in this field if they hated it so much. Shit, they had to go to school to be a nurse. If they didn’t want it, they had many years to jump off the train. It peeved me to no end having to listen to them bitch about patients.

After three rooms of nothing but piss messes, I started thinking that they did nothing to even try and prevent them. I did tell you that they are old. None of them are under the age of fifty, I don’t think. They normally left any and all cleaning to the cleaning staff. When you work the emergency room shift, you are not called outside of it. So the only thing I can tell is that they chose to just wait for me to get up here. Yeah, I’m sure you’re thinking the same thing I am… how sanitary.

Making my way into the last room for my shift and I couldn’t be happier. My bathtub was calling my name. No, it was screaming for me to soak. Stifling a yawn, I quietly entered the room. In this room, I only needed to change the trash and check the bathroom before doing a quick sweep of the floor. My mind already calculated the time that would be before I could walk back home and enjoy my tub. Fifteen more minutes and then about ten minutes for the walk home. Soon I would be in my tub. The thought had me smiling as I began to change the trash.

“You have a beautiful smile,” came a groggy voice scaring me.

“Uh, I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t mean to wake you. I’ll just be a few more minutes.”

“No,” he sat up by using the bed. “Please stay and talk to me.”

“I really must finish my job sir.” I said, hurrying around the room.

When I glanced back at him, the look on his face pulled at me. I sighed and moved next to the bed. He looked up at me with his blue eyes that sparkled with what looked like hope. He was young, had to be around my age at least. He had brown hair, I think. It was hard to tell in the dim lighting of the room.

“What would you like to talk about?” I couldn’t believe that I was talking to this man.

“Anything. What would you like to talk about?” A smile spread across his face.

Hell, what was I going to talk to him about? It wasn’t like I had gossip to dish or a life to speak about. So I asked the first thing that popped into my head.

“What brought you into the hospital?”

“Boo, boring question.” He smiled. “I had my gallbladder and appendix removed. Oh, and I had to have some pins removed in my leg. You know, nothing major.” He laughed.

Shockingly enough, I found myself smiling at his humor. It had been so long since I smiled that I could almost feel my skin cracking with the gesture.

“That’s a lot to have done for such a young guy. You lose a bet and do something stupid?”

He laughed now, holding his stomach groaning mixed with his laughter. “No, no bet lost. I was hiking…”

“No, wait. Don’t tell me anymore. Not sure I could handle it if you said you fell,” I quickly interrupted him as I cringed.

“Okay, I won’t tell you,” he grinned.

“You have a nice smile,” I complimented before I could stop myself.

A bit of blush crept across his face. It was barely noticeable in this light. “Thanks. So when do you get off?”

“Your room is the last for the night,” I said as I stretched. “I have a bathtub calling my name. Tonight has been a bear.”

“Will you come back in here to talk to me some more?”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t. Hospital policy requires that I have to be family to visit you up here. I could get in trouble for talking to you now.”

He was just getting ready to reply when the door opened. In walked queen bitch, Felicia. She was one of the younger day nurses. Everyone says she’s so beautiful. Just ask her, she’ll tell you. I, however, only saw the horns and the ugliness.

“Good Morning Mr. Monroe,” she practically sang to him.

My whole body tensed. My hand squeezed tight, belatedly realizing it was on his hand. He looked at me curiously.

“What are you doing in here Rose?”

“My job,” I said flatly.

“Room one forty-four has a nasty mess to clean up. I just don’t have time to help you do your job.” She looked between me and Mr. Monroe. “Why are you conversing with patients?”

I opened my mouth to answer, but he beat me to it. “I’ve asked Ms. Rose to help me with my pillows.”

“Oh, I’m here, I’ll do it. I wouldn’t want her messing with your pillows. She plays with feces all day,” Felicia sneered at me.

“No, it’s fine. She stopped working to help me. I don’t want her to have wasted her time,” he looked up at me with compassion in his eyes. “Will you fix my pillows, please?”

I leaned over and began to adjust his pillows. There was this weird heat thing that filled me the closer I seemed to get to this man. If I didn’t know that it was completely impossible, I’d swear there was a fire between us. Then he whispered in my ear.

“I want to talk more. When can we talk again?”

“I work the rest of the week same shift,” I whispered back.

“Great. I’ll look forward to seeing you again,” he whispered.

I could have sworn I felt his lips on my cheek. Pulling back, I looked down at him and he smirked. Shaking my head, I brought myself back to the present.

“Is that better, Sir?” My voice shakier than I’d like.

“Yes, much better. Thank you. It was very kind of you to help me out.”

Felicia glared at me as Mr. Monroe thanked me. Part of me wanted to laugh, the other part, however, was afraid I’d just lost my job.

“It was no problem. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to finish things up so I can get home. Have a good day, Sir.”

“Probably will now,” he winked at me.

For the first time in as far back as I can remember, I blushed. I heard his soft chuckle as I scurried out of the room. I was just outside the door, putting my cart together when I heard Felicia talking to Mr. Monroe.

“I’m so sorry you had to put up with her. She’s this lonely little freak that actually seems to enjoy her job.”

I looked into the room and saw her shudder. He looked in the direction of the door, but I don’t think he could see me because of the angle of his bed.

“Nothing wrong with that, Ms. Jones. Everyone starts somewhere.”

“I’ve told you Mr. Monroe, you can call me Felicia. Ms. Jones is so formal,” she batted her eyes at him.

“Exactly the way I like to keep things. Professional,
Ms. Jones.
”

I heard Felicia’s frustrated sigh and left with a little more kick in my step to see little miss gorgeous knocked down a notch or two. Oh, that just made my week.

Room one forty-four was a nightmare. There is no way this wasn’t planned, but that was typical of Felicia. She was always making one mess or another for me to clean. Never did it to any of the other cleaning crew, just me.

Slipping on my gloves, I began to clean up the feces that seemed to be just about everywhere. I was about half way through when I saw a flash behind me. Turning quickly, I saw Felicia as she laughed, snapped another picture, and then headed out of the room. That bitch really pissed me off.

It was two hours later that I finally clocked out and started walking home. In my time of being homeless, I’ve run across lots of people. People willing to walk on anyone they can to get to the top. People that saw nothing beyond themselves. Rude ass people. But the rarity was caring people. They were rarely around during my times on the streets and even now as I have my act together.

I’ll never trust people. Never let them close, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t help people. In fact, I helped run a shelter for the homeless. They get food and a safe place to sleep. The shelter was started before by two women, Shawna and Kassandra. The shelter is called
The Next Step
. I’d run into Shawna one day during one of my donation trips. No matter how much I had, I always donated ten percent of my checks every week to the shelter. It was one of those weeks when I’d run into Shawna. Eventually signing on a dotted line made me a silent partner. Basically, I run their finances.

To save others from a life like I had, well, that means more to me than anything. The shelter seems to be doing well from the updates I get from the girls. Do I make money at the shelter? Yes, only because Shawna said she wouldn’t accept it otherwise. Honestly, I make enough from there that I could quit my lousy job at the hospital, but I needed the mundane job to keep myself sane. Working from home would make me go crazy. I want to keep loving my home. So getting out to go to work allowed me to appreciate it at home, even if it was a demeaning job, as Felicia called it.

My job wasn't as bad as it seemed. Well, when Felicia wasn't working it wasn't bad. No one bothered me and I made money. You just can't complain. Was I rich with all my endeavors? No, but I was comfortable. I'd take comfortable over drowning any day of the week.

Once I was back in my apartment, I breathed a sigh of relief that everything was the way I'd left it. All these people that I've seen or watched on television leave their keys by the door. Not me, mine are in my room. If I left them by the door and a robber came in, they'd have access to all things under lock and key. Why not just leave them outside of my door. Then again, many people haven't seen the things I have either.

I headed straight for my bath, ran it, added my relaxing bubbles and walked out of the room while it filled. Preheating my oven, I grabbed some chicken, rubbed it with a spicy blend I made, then drizzled a bit of Extra Virgin Olive Oil over the top and popped it into the oven. Diced up some potatoes added them to water with garlic and put them on the stove to start to boil.

By that time, my tub is full enough to enjoy. I had just reached for my phone when it started ringing. Checking the number, I answered it.

“I was just getting ready to call you.”

“Great minds and all that shit,” Shawna laughed.

“Where are you at?” I asked, the noise in the background almost drowning her out.

“The café, one sec and I’ll step outside.”

The sound faded to a dull roar in the background.