Her body goes solid for a second or two before it’s
wracking with sobs. Her cries of anguish make me hold tighter as if
I can somehow take her pain away by the sheer strength in my
arms.
“Raven? Shh, it’s going to be okay. I’m here. You’re
safe. I love you, baby. Come back to me.”
My eyes start to burn. The pain in her cries is
tangible, making the air thick and hard to breathe.
“What happened? Talk to me.”
I kiss her tenderly and encourage her to turn and
face me. She does, but only to bury herself in my chest and cry
harder. The sight of her tear-streaked face and red-rimmed eyes
make me downright homicidal. From the looks of it, she’s been
crying for a while.
I’m going to kill that motherfucker!
I don’t know how long I lay there with Raven in my
arms. Her breathing evens out, and she takes a long shaky
breath.
“It’s over.” Her voice is quiet and devoid of
emotion. “My life, no matter what happens, is over.”
“What do you mean?” I smooth my hand through her
hair. “Your life isn’t over.”
She pushes herself up on the bed. I look to the door
and see no sign of Owen.
“What happened?” My voice is sharp with worry. I
fight the roaring in my head and focus on keeping my cool. “What
did he do to you?”
I swing my legs over the side of the bed and
something crunches under my feet. It’s a broken picture frame. In
the mess of glass and shattered wood is the picture of Raven’s
mom.
What the hell is going on?
I pull Raven into my lap, and she curls into my body
like she was made to be there.
Then, she starts to talk.
Raven
My head throbs as I blink open my swollen eyes. The
room is dark except for the dim light that shines through the
window. It’s evening. I roll from my side onto my back and know
instantly that I’m in Jonah’s bed. My hand reaches for him, but the
cool sheets tell me he’s not there. He brought me here after I’d
cried myself dry in his arms, snuggled in tight to the safety and
warmth of his touch, holding me as if I’d float away if he didn’t
ground me.
Thoughts of Dominick invade my mind, like an army
hell bent on eradicating my hope. Shame and embarrassment strangle
any pride I have left. I bury my face in the pillow, pressing in
deep, robbing myself of oxygen and welcoming the ache in my lungs.
The life I’d built for myself, friends, Jonah, all of it was erased
in less than an hour. I’m chained to the ugliness, caged in a
nightmare with no chance of escape.
I become a prostitute, or everyone I love dies.
I turn my head and gasp for air, sucking the
life-giving oxygen into my lungs. Rubbing my eyes, I try to erase
the memories of the pain I saw in Jonah’s face. He told me we’d
figure it out, that, together, we’d come up with something.
Impossible.
Reaching over, I click on the lamp. There’s a glass
of water on the bedside table along with two Tylenol. I grab the
pills and toss them to the back of my dry mouth. I swallow against
the sting in my aching throat as it draws my attention away from
the pain in my heart. The glass drained, I push my legs over the
side of the bed, giving my body a second to acclimate to being
upright. I’m no longer wearing my jeans and shirt, but I’m in one
of Jonah’s t-shirts. I pull the fabric to my nose and breathe in
deep, his scent a reprieve to my anguish.
Tying my hair in a low knot, I head out to find
Jonah. I freeze in the hallway at the sound of two male voices.
Jonah’s voice is as recognizable as my own, but who is the other? I
tiptoe closer and make the voice out to be Owen. Veiled in the
shadows, I listen in.
“I have too much to lose. I can’t afford to lose
everything.”
“Dude, I get that, I do. But just give it some time.
You might find a way to figure something out.”
“What other choice do I have? I have to end
this.”
“You’re going to hurt her.”
Silence, then, “I know.”
“I don’t like it, Jonah. She’s been through so much
already. She’s not going to handle this well. You have to know
that.” Silence. “All right, at least do it sooner than later. Like
pulling off a Band-Aid, just get it over with.”
“Yeah, I will.”
My heart plummets into an icy black hole. It’s
impossible to breathe past the constricting burn in my chest. I
bend at the waist, hands on my knees, trying not to pass out. My
head pounds with the beat of my racing heart. I pray that the
numbing will come and ease the ache, but my body takes no prisoners
as my stomach coils in agony. I lean my back against the wall,
pressing my fingers to my sternum, as if I could physically push
back the pain. The slight sting is on my cheeks from the tears I
didn’t know I’d cried. Hearing about the pain of a broken heart
doesn’t do justice to feeling the crippling devastation.
This
is a broken heart.
Of course, he’s leaving me. Why wouldn’t he?
Everything he’s worked for his entire life is waiting for him. His
career is taking off, the title fight only weeks away. That’s his
priority.
The voice in my head reminds me of what I really am.
I’m the daughter of a pimp and a hooker bred for a lifestyle of
meaningless sex and money. It all makes sense now. My mother never
saw me as her child . . . as a child at all. I’m nothing more than
a prized animal—a product they can profit from. Who was I to think
I could have a future with Jonah? My future is in that world, not
his.
“Hey, how long have you been standing here?”
Long enough for you to destroy me.
“Oh, um, I
don’t know. Not long.” My voice sounds like it’s been trampled by a
herd of buffalo.
He cups my face, wiping away my tears with his
thumbs. His warm eyes and empathetic smile threaten to burst the
floodgates, so I look past him.
“Baby, you’re crying.” He dries my tears with his
thumbs.
I shrug and force my mouth into a smile.
“Come on. Let’s get you something to eat.”
He hugs me to his side and guides me into the
kitchen. My muscles relax and my pulse slows, comforted by his
touch. Apparently my traitorous body isn’t aware that Jonah’s done
with us. Leaning down, he kisses tenderly his favorite spot on my
neck then pulls back a fraction to my ear.
“I love you.” His warm breath combined with the
power of his words make me tremble in his arms.
I finish his declaration with an unspoken,
but we
can’t be together.
“I love you too.”
And I do. That’s why I don’t mention the
conversation that I overheard. I know love doesn’t conquer all,
that it’s not always enough. I know that Jonah has to look out for
himself. He can’t afford to be wrapped up in my life, and part of
me is at peace about that. I want him, but more than that, I want
him to be happy—to have a life with a woman who can love him the
way he deserves to be loved: a woman free from the ugliness of my
reality.
“How you feelin’, princess?” Owen asks.
“I’ve been better.”
His dark eyes study mine. “Right. Well, I’m gonna
take off.” He steps to me and tugs me from Jonah’s hold for a hug.
His arms linger a little too long, making it feel like a long-term
good-bye.
He releases me with a final squeeze. I don’t miss
the look he gives Jonah or what it communicates. He’s not happy
that Jonah’s breaking up with me, but he understands.
The rest of the evening passes like a dream. Only
half-conscious most of the time, my mind pounds away at Dominick’s
words. Plans to escape my fate form in my head, but they all end in
one reality. I can’t protect everyone. And losing anyone I love is
a risk I’m not willing to take.
Jonah treats me like I’m made of glass. He feeds me,
bathes me, and dresses me for bed. He holds me in the dark,
whispering words of comfort while twisting tendrils of my hair
around his fingers.
I want to tell him that it’s okay, I understand why
he has to let me go, but words fail me. Physically incapable of
walking away from him, I choose to take this moment. I wrap myself
up in it, absorbing all the love I can from his touch, hoping it
will be enough to last me through a lifetime without him.
***
I open my eyes to a new day. The sun bathes the room
in yellow, but I refuse to move. For the first time, I don’t feel
Jonah behind me as I do every morning. I try not to think about
what’s ahead, but live in the moment. And this moment sucks.
Staring at the digital clock on the bedside, I watch
the minutes tick by. Sooner or later, I’m going to have to get up
and go to work. But leaving Jonah’s bed, knowing it may be the last
time I’m here, is a mountain I’m not ready to face. I sigh, long
and hard.
“You awake?” His voice comes from my back, but he’s
across the room.
I squeeze my eyes shut tight. Do this for him. Don’t
make it harder than it has to be.
Rolling over, I see him in the club chair across the
room.
“Good morning.” I say, my voice feeling a little
stronger than yesterday, but no less scratchy.
“Good morning, beautiful.”
I sit up and notice that his hair is damp from the
shower and he’s dressed for the day. “Where are you off to so
early?” My heavy heart drops to my stomach like an anvil.
He stands and makes his way to the bed, plopping
down beside me with a huff. “I have some things to do today. Just,
um, work stuff.”
He’s avoiding my eyes. This is it. He’s breaking up
with me.
“Oh, but I thought you had today off?” I want this
to be easy for him, and I know I should just nod and let him walk
away, but instinct has me clamoring.
“Yeah, well, I got called in for a meeting. With the
fight coming up, there’s a lot of publicity stuff.” He pushes his
hand through his hair then rubs the back of his neck. “I wanted to
know if you could stay with Eve tonight.”
And there it is.
I swallow a whimper that threatens to shoot from my
lips. Blood rushes in my ears distorting his words as he makes
excuses about training late.
Unshed tears burn my eyes, but I refuse to let on.
Make this easy for him.
He deserves that much.
“Sure, that won’t be a problem. But really, I can
stay at my place.”
You won’t be around to protect me
anymore.
His expression hardens, making his jaw tick. “Raven,
promise me you’ll stay at Eve’s. I can’t sleep knowing you’ll be
alone at your place.”
With a nod and a smile, I agree. I have no intention
of staying at Eve’s, but if it makes what he’s doing easier, he can
believe I am.
Leaning in, he brushes his lips against mine then
kisses my neck at his spot. He pulls back to look me in the eyes
and I see something there. Regret? Loss?
“I’ll try to call you later.”
Try?
“Okay.”
Standing with purpose, he walks away.
“I love you, Jonah Slade.” My whispered words are
said to the door that he closes behind him.
~*~
Jonah
“Come on, Blake, answer the door!”
I’ve been knocking on his door for the last ten
minutes. I know he’s home because I saw his Jeep parked
downstairs.
I bang on the door again. “Blake, open up!”
I hear him fumbling with the lock and the door
swings open. Blake is standing in the doorway, wearing nothing but
his boxer briefs. His eyes are half shut and his face puffy with
sleep and a possible hangover.
“Fuck, man. Where’s the fire?” His voice is rough
and laced with irritation.
“I need to talk to you about something. It’s
important.”
“What?” He yawns, scratching his chest. “Dude, it’s
like six o’clock in the morning.”
“It’s ten o’clock, idiot.”
“Oh, well then, come on in.” He gestures
dramatically with his arm, and I push past him into his place.
“What the hell happened to you? You look like
shit.”
“You don’t want to know,” he says on a groan.
“You alone?”
He stares at me and his eyebrows drop low. “No.
Why?”
“I need what I’m about to say to be kept private.”
My eyes dart to the hallway that leads to his room, then back to
him. “You mind sending your sleepover guest home?”
“Fuck. Yeah, hold on.”
He disappears down the hall, and I walk to the other
end of his living room. Last thing I want is a front row seat to
the dismissing of his overnight guest. I watch out the
ten-foot-tall window of his modern townhouse and shudder at the
show his neighbors must get most nights.
“But, I thought you said you’d make us breakfast,” a
female voice whines from the hallway.
“Yeah, you said you’d feed us your sausage,” says
another.
Fucking Blake.
“Change of plans, ladies. Maybe next time.”
“Aww.” The disappointed reply sounds in unison.
Blake walks to the door with two girls. One
stumbles, trying to slip on her high heel, while the other shoves a
wad of lace and silk into her tiny purse. I recognize them
immediately as Cage Girls. And I am intimately familiar with
both.
“Hey, Jonah.” The tall blonde calls out as she
passes me in the living room.
I nod.
The brunette tosses me a wave. “Hi, Jonah.”
“All right, ladies, thanks for last night . . . and
this morning.”
He all but shoves them out the door, slamming it
behind them.
“Screw you later,” he mumbles.
I shake my head. “You’re a pig.”
“So were you once.” He plops down on the couch,
still in his underwear.
“You want to get some fucking clothes on?”
He looks at me like I just asked him to wear a
dress. “You want to tell me why you’re beating down my door at the
shit crack of dawn?”
Dropping down in the seat across from him, I fill
Blake in on my situation. His jaw locks down as I tell him every
detail of Raven’s meeting. A whispered curse breaks free when I
tell him about how I found her after.