Finding Forgiveness (Finding Series, Book 4) (14 page)

When Roman fell silent, Hunter gently asked, “Is it my turn?”

When Roman reluctantly nodded, Hunter reached up to cup his face in both his hands. “I’ve never said those words either, Roman. And while I’m not afraid to say them to you, I am afraid you won’t believe me…that you’ll think I’m saying them to spare your feelings or to keep from losing you. So I’m going to wait until I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you’ll believe me…that you won’t doubt for even a second how I feel about you.”

To Hunter’s relief, Roman actually relaxed and then his arms were folding around Hunter, drawing him in. Hunter wrapped his arms around Roman’s neck and just held on to him as his insides exploded with joy. Roman loved him.
Him.

“Can you stay for a while?” Hunter asked, his lips skimming over the skin just below Roman’s ear.

Roman’s only response was a nod and since neither of them seemed in a hurry to move, they just stood there in his tiny kitchen holding each other.

Chapter Nine

Roman cursed as he inadvertently knocked the empty glass off the nightstand next to his bed as he fumbled for his ringing cell phone. A glance at the clock showed it was just past three in the morning, London time. He couldn’t make his eyes focus enough to see the caller ID just before he answered.

“Roman?”

Roman’s heart nearly stopped at the sound of Hunter’s broken voice.

“Hunter, what is it? What’s wrong?” he asked gently even as he jolted upright and searched out the button that would turn on the light next to the hotel room bed.

“Um, I know it’s late…I’m sorry-”

“Baby, it’s fine, just tell me what’s wrong.”

Hunter didn’t respond at first and Roman’s panic went up another notch. He’d video chatted with Hunter earlier in the evening just before he’d gone to sleep and he’d been fine. Roman had been in London for four days and was scheduled to fly back to Missoula in two. He’d been in regular contact with Hunter the entire time via calls and texts and although he could tell Hunter was missing him, he’d still seemed upbeat.

“Hunter, I’m going to switch the call to video, okay?”

“No-” Hunter cried. “I don’t want you to see me.”

“Hunter, you’re really scaring me.”

Hunter sniffed and then said, “You said I should call you if…if I felt like I was going to…”

Anxiety coursed through Roman as he realized what Hunter was trying to tell him. “I’m so glad you did, baby…I’m really proud of you,” Roman said gently as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and got up so he could move around as he talked. “Take a few deep breaths for me, okay?”

But instead of doing as he asked, he heard Hunter start to cry. “I didn’t want you to ever see this part of me again,” he managed to get out between shaky breaths.

“Hunter, remember what I told you that day at the hot springs?”

Hunter was quiet for a moment before saying, “Good and bad.”

“Good and bad,” Roman repeated softly. “Now can you take a few deep breaths for me?”

“Yeah,” Hunter said and there was a long silence as Roman waited impatiently and cursed the distance between them. Even if he called Gray and Luke, it would take them an hour to get to Hunter. And if he called the police, Hunter could very well end up locked away in some mental hospital on a psychiatric hold until he was no longer deemed a danger to himself.

“That’s good, now do three more.”

Hunter’s voice sounded a little bit steadier as he said, “Okay.”

“Can you tell me what happened?”

“Um…I was thinking about tomorrow and I started getting nervous about what the doctor was going to ask me.”

Hunter’s first appointment with his new therapist was scheduled for the next day and although he’d expressed some anxiety about it when he and Roman had talked earlier, he also seemed eager to get it behind him.

“I started worrying that if I told him about hurting myself that he was going to say I was crazy and that maybe he’d have to put me in a hospital or something. What if he calls my parents, Roman? Can he…can he make it so they get to say what happens to me again?”

“No, baby, he’s not going to do that,” Roman said, though in truth, he had no clue. “I won’t let it happen, no matter what, okay?”

“My dad…he knows lots of people…”

“Hunter, I guarantee you, I know more. No one’s going to lock you up and your father is never getting near you again, do you hear me?”

“Yeah,” Hunter whispered.

Roman’s insides clenched as the helplessness snaked throughout his entire body. He could feel tears stinging his eyes and so it was more for himself than for Hunter when he said, “Baby, please let me see you.”

Hunter was silent for a long time and then his phone beeped and switched over to the video screen. He hit the button and smiled when Hunter’s tear-stained face came into view. “Hi,” he said softly.

“Hi,” Hunter responded, his eyes still watery as he wiped at his flushed face. Roman could tell by the tile at Hunter’s back that he was likely sitting in the bathroom, somewhere near the shower.

“What time’s your appointment?” Roman asked.

“Nine.”

“I’m coming home, okay,” Roman said as he began to run through the list of things he would need to do to get back in time. It would be tight but he knew enough people to get his plane readied, have a flight plan filed and deal with customs quickly enough so that he could get back to Missoula by morning.

“No, Roman, don’t,” Hunter said, his voice a little bit more even. “I need to be able to do this on my own.”

Roman sighed and went to sit down on the edge of the bed. “I could ask Luke or Gray to meet you…drive you there and back.”

Hunter smiled and shook his head. “It’s on campus in the health center – I’ll probably walk there.” Hunter wiped at his face again and then said, “Thank you, Roman. I feel better. I should let you get back to sleep.”

“Actually, I have to be up in an hour anyway so I’m thinking maybe you should keep me company for a bit,” Roman said as he settled back against the headboard.

“Okay,” Hunter murmured as he got up. The phone tilted a bit as Hunter moved but then settled again and Roman could tell Hunter had moved to his bed. That in itself was a relief. “What should we talk about?” Hunter asked.

Roman thought for a moment and then said, “What are you wearing?”

Hunter laughed. “You can’t be serious,” he said. “Phone sex? Really?” Hunter said, his voice dropping to a near whisper even though he was obviously alone in his dorm since his roommate was gone for the whole week.

“It’s either that or I read you the presentation I have to give in a few hours.”

Hunter seemed to think on it for a while and then finally said, “What’s the presentation on?”

“Running costs and revenue streams.” When Hunter remained quiet, Roman said, “Well?”

“I’m thinking,” Hunter quipped.

“Well, while you’re thinking, I’m going to get started,” Roman said huskily and then switched the view on his phone to reverse the screen. He let his hand slip into his boxers and then laughed when there was an audible indrawn breath followed by a curse as Hunter’s began fumbling with his phone in a desperate effort to get caught up.

***

Hunter felt completely wrung out as he left the therapist’s office but he was beyond relieved that he was doing it on his own two feet and not being carted out by two guys in white coats. Although he’d believed that Roman would move heaven and earth to get him out of any psych ward he could have potentially ended up in, the idea of having the freedom he’d worked so hard to finally gain taken away from him was overwhelming and had kept him up most of the night after he’d hung up with Roman. Of course, there’d been the brief time in between when he’d been nearly comatose after the orgasm Roman had wrung out of him with some incredibly filthy suggestions about what he was going to do to Hunter when they saw each other again tomorrow.

Calling Roman as he’d sat on his bathroom floor and stared at the lighter and spoon he’d rested on the edge of the sink had been one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do. But there’d been no condemnation in Roman’s voice and when they’d finally hung up, Roman had told him he loved him and nothing in his tone or body language made Hunter think it was anything but the truth. When Roman had said he was coming home, the weakest part of Hunter had wanted to cry in relief but the little voice inside his head that had slowly started to grow louder these past few weeks had reminded him that he needed to able to stand on his own two feet…not because he didn’t want Roman’s support but because he needed to know that there was a part of him that hadn’t been completely lost to his fear.

The therapist hadn’t been anything like Hunter had expected. For starters, the man was built like a tank and both arms had been covered in tattoos. He’d had piercings in both ears and the only hair on his head was actually on his face. The Mr. Clean lookalike hadn’t even bothered to take notes as he casually asked Hunter about himself and when Hunter had balked at telling the man about his self-destructive behavior, the guy hadn’t pressured him in any way. In fact, it hadn’t been until the last ten minutes of the session that Hunter admitted to burning himself. There’d been no look of horror when he’d said it and the guy hadn’t reached for the phone to call someone to come take him away. And to Hunter’s complete and utter shock, he hadn’t even asked to see the burns. He’d simply asked Hunter if he was interested in learning about some alternative ways to cope with his stress. And then he’d been allowed to leave. No guys in white coats, no recrimination, no lectures.

Hunter grabbed his phone from his backpack and wasn’t surprised to see several messages from Roman waiting for him. He’d gotten several before the appointment reassuring him that he was going to do great and that everything would be okay. The most recent messages were more of the same and when he dialed Roman’s number, Roman picked up on the first ring.

“Hey,” Hunter said softly. God, how did even the prospect of just talking to Roman turn his insides to mush?

“Hey yourself, how was it?”

“Better than I expected,” Hunter admitted. “I’ll tell you all about it when I see you tomorrow.”

“How about you tell me on the plane?”

Hunter stopped walking. “What?”

“I thought we could go away for the weekend. You don’t start your work study till next week, right?”

“Right.”

“Do you have any classes today?”

“No, it’s my free day.”

“So what do you think?”

The husky tone in Roman’s voice had Hunter shivering. “When do I need to be at the airport by?”

“You’ve got time,” Roman said. “I’ve arranged a car for you.”

Hunter began walking again as excitement flared in his belly. “When will it pick me up?”

“Now,” was all Roman said.

Hunter stilled and then turned around. A black Town Car rolled to a stop at the curb and Hunter held his breath as he watched Roman get out, phone to his ear. Hunter lowered his phone and then walked towards Roman. It was surprisingly hard to swallow so when Roman whispered “hi” to him, Hunter couldn’t do anything except nod and then wrap his arms around Roman.

“I let you go to the appointment by yourself because I knew it was important to you but please don’t be mad at me for not being able to stay away like you wanted. I just needed to see for myself that you were okay.”

Hunter shook his head against Roman’s chest. “Not mad,” he muttered. “Definitely not mad.” He felt Roman’s fingers close over the back of his neck and gently massage him.

“What do you say we get out of here?”

“I say yes,” Hunter murmured. “Always yes.”

He felt Roman chuckle against him and he knew it was because he was remembering using the same words to tell Hunter about wanting him to kiss him that day in the woods behind Luke and Gray’s cabin.

“Welcome home, Roman,” Hunter whispered.

Roman’s grip on him tightened just the tiniest bit as he said, “God, I like the way that sounds.”

***

Roman could tell Hunter was nervous as they entered the restaurant but he didn’t reach out to take his hand like he wanted because he suspected that would just make him more tense. It wasn’t something Roman had noticed until after they’d landed at the airport in Monterey and picked up their rental car. Although Hunter had been excited and interested as they’d explored Fisherman’s Wharf, he’d seemed slightly off too but Roman hadn’t been able to put his finger on what it was that wasn’t quite right. At first he’d attributed Hunter’s behavior as a response to what he knew was an extremely nerve-wracking first session with his new therapist. But as the day went on, Roman had finally started to realize what the problem was as Hunter would continuously watch the people around them. And once he figured it out, he had no idea how to deal with it.

“Mr. Blackwell, welcome back.”

“Alphonse,” Roman said with a nod as the well-dressed older man hurried past the hostess stand and greeted him, hand extended.

The restaurant was as busy as it always was but Roman wasn’t surprised when Alphonse said, “Just two in your party tonight, Mr. Blackwell?” and then at Roman’s nod, led them to a quiet booth in the far corner of the dimly lit space. The intimate table was beautifully set with fine white linen table cloths, expensive gold-trimmed dinnerware and gleaming silver cutlery. Roman didn’t miss Hunter’s look of concern as he took in the multitude of stem and silverware.

“I have a splendid wine for you tonight. A 1982 C
h
â
teau Lafite Rothschild Pauillac,” Alphonse offered.

Roman nodded. “Alphonse, this is a colleague of mine, Mr. Greene. Hunter, this is Alphonse Faroche, the owner.”

Alphonse did a little bow and said, “It is a pleasure, Mr. Greene.”

As soon as Alphonse left to get the wine, Hunter shifted nervously. “Why did you tell him I was a colleague?”

Roman didn’t miss the hurt tone in Hunter’s voice and he nearly reached out to cover Hunter’s hand with his but drew back at the last second. Hunter seemed to notice the gesture and actually flinched.