Finding Me (15 page)

“Oh my God!” I said, loud enough for our neighbors to hear. My hands rushed to my mouth, anticipating another unexpected outburst. I firmly grasped what I’d done. My thoughts raced at me. I’d found a new ability on my own.

Matt tapped lightly on my closed door. “Chloe, it’s a power failure. Chill. It looks like the entire neighborhood is out.”

“The whole neighborhood. Oh my God.” I sneakered softly. “Power on.” Again, I twisted my hands in simultaneous motion. Then the lights pulsed steady. I laughed quietly at my inability to turn off my inner Inspector Gadget.

I sat on my bed, legs curled up, bubbling over with excitement.
What else can I do?
The abilities had always been cool. The responsibility behind the power caused me the most dread.

Accepting it all also meant embracing Amanda. I wasn’t certain who Chloe was yet. Now I had to become another girl. It was too much. Superiority didn’t interest me. I was a wimp, not a superhero. I realized that. But after this newfound ability, I wasn’t so sure.

Even if I was not one of them, Chris wouldn’t have left without saying goodbye. I was sure of that. There must’ve been a reasonable explanation as to why they were not here.

I pursed my lips. I might as well have fun with this. Before I had the chance to conduct any more experiments, Chris regenerated beside my bed. He cradled lilac orchids in his arms and looked delicious. I leapt off the bed and into his arms before he could say a word. I threw the flowers to my desk in my quest for his touch. Thrilled, I clasped my arms around his neck and breathed in his sweet aroma. Mint and chocolate. He didn’t speak. He didn’t have to. I held him tight.

I looked up at him, smiling into his soft brown eyes. Something was different about him, though. I couldn’t put my finger on it. I tilted my head to the side and stared at him from a different angle. It could be that I hadn’t seen him for a few days.

He wore navy blue long pajama bottoms and a white tee. He’d never worn pajamas before.
What’s with the sudden change?
Maybe he felt comfortable with me now. I wasn’t sure if it meant anything, so I grabbed him again and locked my arms around him, hoping to feel the electric current that always careened through me at his touch.

But I didn’t feel it.

“Where have you been?” I moaned after a moment since he still hadn’t spoken.

“Sorry,” he said, rousing from whatever spell he’d been under. “I had some things to take care of.” I waited, expecting more. But no further explanation came. I sighed loudly.
What is the matter with him?
Guys could be so moody sometimes. So cryptic. I didn’t usually have to pry every word from his lips, but if that was what he wanted…
Where’s that crowbar!

“For three full days?” I shot back, irritated with his lack of excuse. “You couldn’t have warned me that you’d be gone. You know, so I could’ve been prepared.” I backed up a foot from him.

“I–I’m sorry.”

I squinted and glared at him.
Is he nervous?
Was he hiding something from me?

“It’s just that this is all new to me, and I didn’t know what could’ve happened to you.” I stepped back even more to gaze at his face while we talked. He grabbed my hand and drew me back to him. His expression was intense, but he didn’t utter a single word.

Encircled in his arms, he whispered in my ear, “I am sorry I left you. I promise I will not do that again.” He caressed my back and stared into my eyes. “It seems you learned a new ability today.” He reached up, flicked his hand at the ceiling, and caused the light to blink two times. With no dialogue.

“Wow. You can do that, too?” I traced my hand along his cheek. Nothing. I felt nothing. Not even a small jolt. “I made the lights in the entire neighborhood go out.”

“That’s good,” he breathed into my ear. I expected my stomach to flutter. It didn’t. He moved his face until it rested beside mine. Then he drew a line with his eyes from my face to my exposed toes. With cold hands, not warm like usual, he pulled my face to his and kissed me softly.

I had to push him back after a while so I could take a breath. My hands were moist at my side and my stomach fluttered nervously. Something was different. Wrong. I swallowed hard.
He isn’t telling me something.
I could feel it. The kiss was different, but I wasn’t certain if it was him or me. I smiled weakly. He stared, not saying anything. I grabbed him and dragged him to the bed. I needed more information.

“Tell me what you’ve been doing while you were away.” I lay back and rested my head on a pillow. I waited for him to delve into a story of secret buildings and the walking dead. Instead, he pulled himself up on the bed until his body lay parallel with mine and stared at me for a considerable amount of time. Without talking. But he looked as if he were trying to suppress a smirk.
What the hell?

“Um. Is there something wrong?” I asked. My stomach clenched and my heart pounded in my chest.
You’re creeping me out,
I wanted to say. But I didn’t.

“You’re beautiful.” He looked serious, as if he was seeing me for the first time. “I mean you’re gorgeous. Your beauty radiates from inside of you…outward.” It sounded like a question, not a statement.”
You’re too cute to be this weird.
“I wish I could prick,” he actually pinched me, “you and draw out some of that beauty. I am positive it would be worth its weight in gold. It’s remarkable.” His gaze traveled to my eyes. “You’re remarkable. But I can’t figure you out. This out…how you’re doing this.”

“Doing what?” I asked, confused by his behavior.

His eyes bore into me and his mouth formed a sideways grin. But he said nothing. He traced his finger along my collarbone. I closed my eyes, waiting, concentrating on that familiar feeling.

It didn’t come.

I wasn’t sure what to say next. His behavior made me uncomfortable. He lay beside me and stared.
Why am I acting like this?
You like this guy.
This was what you wanted.
Remember.

But somehow, it was different.

Then without warning, he jerked himself on top of me. He hovered above me with his hands stationed on either side of my head. He bent to plant kisses on my neck. I tried to pull him off, but he won me over with his gentle touch. He kissed my lips, then my neck, my jaw, my cheeks. I had to remind myself to breathe. Though the electricity didn’t flow between us, his touch still sent shivers down my spine. Painstakingly slowly, he lowered himself onto me and moved his pelvic area as we kissed, sounding an inner alarm.

I had to stop this.

I pushed at his shoulders to pull him back. “Come on.” He didn’t budge. His kisses landed on my neck and shoulder. I pushed with more force. “Chris. Stop!” Still, he continued, as if I hadn’t said anything. “Chris.” I pushed him even harder. “Stop, we aren’t doing this.”

He continued his torturous kisses, down my neck, my jaw, my chest. He moved his right hand to my bra, and attempted to unclip it. I gasped. “I need you, Amanda,” he whispered into my neck. Not comprehending why he continued after I’d said no, I did the only thing I could think. I raised my right hand and brought it down on his face as hard as I could. So hard, it stung my own hand.

He jumped to his feet and grabbed his cheek. I rubbed my sore hand and gaped at him.

“What the hell did you do that for?” His eyes were wide and his mouth twisted into a snarl.

“Are you kidding me?” His behavior had me dumbfounded.
What’s his deal?
“I tried to get you to stop but you wouldn’t. What’s the matter with you? Are you crazy? Did you really think I’d sleep with you?”

He rubbed his cheek while I spoke. I shook my hand at him, outraged. My bottom lip quivered. I sucked it in. I swallowed a lump in my throat, trying not to cry in front of him. “You made me believe you were a different person–”

He took a step forward. His eyes glistened with anger. His hands clenched into tight fists by his side. Sitting on the bed still, I gripped the bedspread with both my hands. My eyes held his, unwilling to glance anywhere else. Frightened to look away.

My heart slowed. Something had gone seriously wrong.
Why?
A strange noise escaped his lips. I didn’t understand the garbled mess.

I pulled myself forward, feeling guilty for slapping him. I stepped down from the bed, still a distance from him. Maybe I was harsh in slapping him, but I remained adamant about not giving up my virginity tonight.

As I inched closer, his snarl turned upside down and a smile played at the corners of his lips.
Gulp
. I reached my hand out, keeping the distance between us, to rub the side of his face. With my hand in the air, poised to touch him, he vanished. But not fast enough for me to miss the rage in his eyes and the hatred that resonated from him.

I plopped down on my bed, confused, hurt, and angry all at the same time.
What the hell just happened?
I shook my head, trying to understand.

Would he talk to me again? He’d have to, I was certain. If I were to be part of his superhero clique. Possibly he and I – or he and Amanda – had been that intimate and maybe…

It didn’t matter. Whatever he believed, it should’ve been different. The thought of him not speaking when we arrived at the lockers in the morning crossed my mind. Him not talking to me at all made me feel awful. And as soon as the lights were off and my head rested on my pillow, I cried. For the love I never got to really experience.

Why were guys so stupid and yet so incredibly perfect at the same time?

When I awoke the next morning, I dreaded going to school. I knew I had to face Chris. To discuss what happened. However, I didn’t see how our relationship would be the same after we talked about what had happened.

I was so jittery about the conversation we’d have that I couldn’t eat anything. I looked up from my nearly untouched plate to find Mother staring at me in the doorway to the kitchen. I gritted my teeth.

“Is there something going on with you that I need to be aware of?” she asked as she strolled into the room dressed in a black three-piece Burberry pantsuit.

She grabbed a cup of coffee from the counter where our cook, Margaret, had placed it for her. Then she sat and pulled two pancakes from the stack at the center of the table. Eyeing me the entire time.

I swallowed softly so as not to alert her. She was a lawyer, trained to tell if someone was lying. “No, I’m fine. I have a test today in Biology. So I guess I’m a little nervous.” I looked up and met her eyes with a half smile.
I think she’s going to buy that.

“Nervous. You?” Matt said, laughing. My head spun around and I glared at him. “You probably helped your teacher write the test. I thought intellectuals such as yourself only worried about Office Depot running out of pocket protectors and calculators.”

Matt was smart, but you could never get him to admit it. He treated intelligence like a plague.

“I thought an animal with such a small brain couldn’t think at all. Does the zoo know you’ve escaped? Maybe I’ll turn you in to get a reward.” I smiled at my own wit. It usually took me forever to come up with things to say back to him.

“That’s funny, Chloe.” He beamed at me then stalked out the door with a pancake hanging from his mouth. It dripped syrup as he walked. Margaret ran after him trying to clean up the sticky mess. I shook my head and smiled at his stupidity.

“You’ll do fine, dear,” Mother said. “You always do.” She was right. Science had always been my favorite subject; I should’ve picked a better lie. Could I take a class to make me a better liar?

When I arrived at school, I searched the student parking lot for Chris’s black Jeep, but I didn’t see it. Our confrontation would have to happen another day. I exhaled a deep breath. I wrestled all night with what to say to him.

I walked into the building and rounded the corner to the junior locker hall. I waved hello to Jennifer and a girl I didn’t recognize as they stood by her locker.
Today will be a good day.
But not really. Because even if we were going to fight about last night – I wanted to see him.
How do I keep getting into these impossibly stupid situations?
I kept my face straight as I headed to my locker, but I was in pain.

“How could you?” a masculine voice shouted.

I jumped and hit the locker next to where I’d been walking. My head spun around to see who’d shouted and why it pierced my eardrum. But no one looked up. They talked and walked around like normal. I swallowed hard.
What the hell’s the matter with you?
Get a grip, Carmichael.

“How?” the voice screamed. I spun around looking in all directions. I swallowed hard then bit down on my bottom lip to gain some composure. I put my head down and stared at my feet.

“Chris,” I said softly. But I hadn’t seen his car. Or maybe he didn’t want me to see it. I thought about turning and going in the opposite direction. But what was the point? I had to face him eventually. It would be better here in the crowded halls than in my bedroom alone. The chicken in me squawked in fear.

I didn’t see him immediately, but his voice was clear now. In my head. His face came into view, too. He was at his locker. He shouted without moving his lips a fraction, but his scrunched brows, scowling mouth, and squinted eyes conveyed his wrath just fine. I ran my hands through my long hair nervously.

“Why?” he shouted again.
Really.
He was upset.

“Stop it,” I shouted, using my inner voice. I wasn’t certain he could hear but after a second, he was quiet.
Did he purposely park his car so I couldn’t see it?
He ranted, more furious words into my head. His anger was like a clap of thunder right next to me. I took a deep breath. I was nearly to the locker.
You can do this
.
You don’t always have to be the chicken.

Once I reached my locker, Chris leaned on mine and didn’t appear to want to move. He had his head bent looking at the floor and didn’t peer up once I stood in front of him.