Finding You (5 page)

Somewhere lost in all his anger was a twinkle of compassion.  No one had ever shown me compassion.  I didn’t deserve it though.  I was tainted goods in the worst way possible.  He just didn’t know it.  “I belong here more than any other girl,” I whispered so low he couldn’t hear me.

Taking me by the hand he turned me around and pressed me against the wall, his growing erection pushing against my back.  “Is this really what you want?  You want this from all of us? We don’t ask, we take and in case you don’t know already, Hartsen is one sick fuck.  Think hard, are you still so sure this is what you want?”

“No,” I answered softly.

“What do you want?”

I hesitated just for a moment and then a low whisper came out of my mouth.  “I want it from you.”

He backed away only long enough to drop his pants to the floor.  He turned me around and with one swift jerk tore my panties at the hip.  It happened so fast I didn’t seem to notice his hands go under my dress.  His eyes looked like they were on fire.  He smiled when he felt how ready I was.  With one movement it seemed, he snatched a condom from the bedside table, tore it open with his teeth and with one fast fluid movement he picked me up and drove into me.

Fighting back a scream I covered my mouth as I gasped at his harsh intrusion.  It had been a while since I had been with anyone and his large size wasn’t helping either. 

I felt his muscles strain as he waited for my body to adjust to his size.  My legs shook around his waist. 

“Fuck you feel good,” he said burying his face in my shoulder.  Despite the burn I couldn’t deny that he felt incredible too.

“You better hold on tight baby, this isn’t going to be anything less than hard and fast.

His warning hadn’t even had time to register in my brain before he pulled out and started pounding into me at a relentless pace.  I had never felt anything like it.  The feel of him inside of me with my back pressed hard into the wall sent chills across my skin.  Within a few hard strokes, I tensed.  My muscles contracting involuntary as my orgasm rapidly approached. 

“Not yet,” he said coming to a complete stop. 

My body ached for him to start moving again.  “Please,” I begged. 

“You feel so good wrapped around me.  I’m not ready to let go of you just yet.”

Instinctively I ran my fingers down my stomach.  I needed some relief from the fire he had set inside of me. 

“Oh no you don’t!” he said taking both my hands and pinning them above my head. “I didn’t give you permission to do that sweet heart.”

Over and over he slammed into me until I couldn’t hold back anymore.  I had never fought off an orgasm in my life but when I came, a powerful explosion happened inside me that I felt all the way down to my toes. 

Lost somewhere in post orgasmic euphoria, I didn’t even notice that he had finished until he lowered me back down to the ground. I had to keep my back against the wall.  I didn’t trust that my legs weren’t going to give out on me. 

Leaning down to pull up his pants he picked up my panties and tucked them in his pocket.  “I’ll keep these if you don’t mind.” 

I didn’t care.  At the moment he could have taken all my clothes and it wouldn’t have mattered.  He dressed leaving me still standing against the wall.  I had no idea where he found the energy.  Maybe he had sex like this all the time but I certainly didn’t.  I was still trying to recover. 

“I don’t want you out there tonight.  I will pay for you so please just go home.”  Without another word he walked out and closed the door behind him. 

When I got back to my room there was an envelope from Caroline.  Ten one hundred dollar bills were inside along with a note. 

“
It seems your differences have been worked out.  The additional money is a bonus he has given you.  He has paid for you the entire night, so you may go home.  You are due back on Thursday.
”

The next day I went to the bank.  I put the cash in the safety deposit box and went to class.

When I got to the club on Thursday night I had a note in my room from Caroline. 

“
He wants you again.  No drink service tonight.  Be in his room at 7 sharp.
”

I ran into a wardrobe issue and had to change last minute.  I dropped my black party dress and put on a red Versace with red high heels.   I knocked on his door at 7:05.  The velvet ropes were back on the bed along with a leather whip.  The room turned ice cold the moment his eyes met mine.  “You’re five minutes late, sweetheart.” 

The tone of his voice made me consider turning around and walking back out.  I couldn’t though.    “I’m sorry sir.”

“I appreciate your apology however I expected punctuality, you knew this already.  An apology isn’t sufficient.”

He picked up the ropes and circled around me.  My breath quickened.  He was the predator and I his prey.  I doubted he would have any sympathy for my broken zipper so I kept that to myself. 

Despite everything that had happened between us, not once had I ever been afraid of him but the minute I looked into his eyes he was someone else.  Hyde had come out to play.  I tried to slow my breathing.  This was a game. I knew that but when I felt the slide of ropes around my wrist I started shaking.  The feel of his body against my back made me panic, dropping to my knees I tried to raise my hands.  I struggled to break free, to get away, to get away from him.   

“What the hell are you doing?” he said untying my wrists and bringing me to his chest. 

“Shhh.  It’s okay. You’re safe. I wasn’t going to hurt you.”

She shook her head trying to push the panic away.  “I am sorry, sir.  That will never happen again.”

He threw the velvet ropes in the chair. 

She stood silently, eyes on the floor.  She had just made a huge mistake.  He knew her secret now. 

“Sit down.” His voice was meant to calm her as he helped her to sit down on the edge of the bed but she was overwhelmed. 

Slowly he knelt down in front of her.  Caressing her cheek, running his hands softly through her hair until she finally calmed down.

“Take off my shirt.”

She batted her green eyes at him, obviously startled by his request.  He needed to gain her trust and this was the only way he knew how to do it. 

It took her a moment to move but once she realized he wasn’t a threat she started unbuttoning his shirt. 

He watched her movements as she pulled off his shirt, folded and placed it neatly in the armed chair.  She was rhythmic like a machine in the things she did.  He wanted answers.  He wanted to know who had hurt her but right now, she needed him.  She needed him to make her feel safe and that’s what he intended to do. 

“Touch my chest.”

She looked at him again for reassurance that he wasn’t angry at her.  Smiling, he lifted her hand and placed it on his chest. 

He wasn’t a gentle lover and he never would be but tonight, for her, he would. “I’m going to give you something that I have never done for anyone but it seems that it’s the only way I am going to get you to trust me.”

~  ~

He stood pulling her to her feet.  Carefully he undressed her and laid her on the bed.  With a soft touch and even softer kisses he slowly made love to her.  With the fear forgotten, he brought her to climax over and over until he finally gave in and came with her. 

When they were finished he turned to face her.  “I don’t pay for that kind of fuck but I gave you what you needed.  I hope you know now that I would never hurt you, at least not like whatever you feared I was going to do.  Do you trust that I won’t hurt you?”

She nodded.

“I need to make myself very clear when I say that what we just did isn’t me and it never will be.  I want one thing from you and that is submission.  In return you have my word that I won’t hurt you.  From this point forward you will answer to my commands and that will include punishment for any indiscretions.  Do you understand me?” 

And just like that, the fairy tale ended.  “Yes sir.”

She hadn’t slept a wink which made the three classes the next day a challenge.  Finally she grew tired enough that her pen stopped writing and all she could do was focus on trying to stay awake.  She had two exams on Monday and she needed to study but when she got back to her apartment she had a message from Caroline to be at work at 9.  She wasn’t supposed to work again until Saturday.   

Caroline called her to work the later shift because someone had called in sick.  Coming in at 9 was different.  Most of the men had already made choices for the night and the ones who hadn’t were hammering intoxication harder than anything else.  Seven wasn’t there and neither was Hartsen which made covering drink orders an easy three hour shift.  Unfortunately she made no money other than a few tips.

Caroline gave her Saturday night off and she spent the rest of the weekend studying.  Despite how hard she tried, Seven was never far from her thoughts. 

When she went back to work on Tuesday, Penny was waiting for her in her room. 

“Hey,” she said seeming way too eager to talk to her.

“What’s wrong?”

“I am only in here because I am your advisor but I felt like you needed to know this.”  The sound of her voice was worrisome. 

“What?”

“Saturday night one of the members got a little rowdy when he found out you weren’t here.”

“Who?”

“You know I could get in trouble for calling him by name, but it was Hartsen.”

“Oh my god, why?”

“Apparently he came in Saturday night just for you.  When you weren’t here he lost his shit.”

My heart felt like it dropped to my feet.

“Mia, I want you to be careful around him.  I was here. I saw how he acted.  He has been known to get pretty rough and I know that last year one girl filed a complaint against him.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know.  I only over heard about it by accident.  I doubt anyone else here knows anything about it.”

“What did Caroline do to him?”

She hung her head.  “The girl never came back and he is still here.”

“Oh, shit.”

“I hope you know how to handle yourself because his idea of a good time is extreme even in a place like this.”

Nova cringed at her words.  “Has he hurt you?”

She shook her head.  “I have never been chosen by him.  He only goes for brunettes.  He isn’t interested in me.”

“Maybe I should dye my hair.”

She reached over and kissed my cheek.  “Somehow I don’t think that would matter with you.”

She was a nervous wreck as she dressed and wrapped her hair into a French Twist.  As she was putting on her shoes Caroline walked in.

“Nova, we need to discuss some things.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“It seems your change of schedule on Saturday evoked quite a stir amongst one of our members.”

I didn’t let on that I knew anything.

“Hartsen seems to have an extreme liking to you which concerns me gravely for your safety.  I know that it is not permissible to discuss the habits or likings of any of our members but I feel it only fair that you know his likings are very perverse.”

It must have been bad for her to be in my room telling me this.  “How so,” I asked trying to better prepare myself.

“Straight up, he is a sadist, but we don’t permit that extreme type of behavior here.  Rough sex is as far as we allow him to go.  I do feel that it is only fair to tell you that we have had issues in the past with him taking things too far.  Because of a past incident he is very closely monitored. In regards to his behavior on Saturday night, one of our members has pushed for a restriction against him in light of the apparent risk for your safety.”

“What?” 

“It has been decided that you are off limits to Hartsen until it felt certain that your safety will not be compromised.”

Oh, thank goodness. 
“Does he know that?”

“Yes.”

“May I ask who helped me?”

She smiled.  “I am not at liberty to disclose that to you Nova.”

She knew it was Seven but she didn’t know why? He had made it very clear what he expected from her.  In fact the only thing he wanted from her was obedience which made him looking out for her even more confusing. 

She worked drinks until 10 P.M. without site of him. Coming back from the bathroom she was surprised to see him standing in the hallway.  “Hello sir.”

He nodded and walked right past her without so much as saying a word.  His personality switches was exhausting.

She returned to the library for her last drink order of the night.  Expecting to leave soon she was surprised when a member handed her his key.  Looking over at Seven he turned his back to her as if she didn’t exist.  She had no idea why she looked to him. He certainly couldn’t keep her from being bought.  Had she been stupid enough to think he would? 

Smiling down at the older gentleman she honestly didn’t know if she would be able to get through it.  He was at least forty years older than she and the idea of his thick hands touching her made her want to vomit. 

Patting her on the ass in front of the men he was talking too he smiled back at her.  “I’ll have you in my room in fifteen minutes.”

She ran to her room to prep and headed back down the staircase that she was supposed to stay away from.  The corridor was dark which was perfect for members and staff who were entertaining but it wasn’t meant to use as an access.  She should have gone the other way but she didn’t.  Emotionally she was a mess, clearly she wasn’t thinking straight.

Leaning against the wall, she took a minute to straighten herself out.  She would do this, it was her job she repeated over and over in her head.

“You are breaking the rules.”

She turned abruptly at the sound of his voice, his words startling her. “I’m sorry, Sir.”

He walked in close enough to her that she could feel him breathing on her neck. 

“Thank you for helping me.”  Her voice was barely above a whisper.

He pushed his face into her hair.  “Don’t make me out to be any better than what I am
Nova
.”

Out of all the things he said, it was her name that cut her the most. “How do you know my name?”

“Your clock is ticking,” he said ignoring her question.  “Lucky for you, he will finish quick.”

She turned to him.  His crudeness pissed her off.  “I seem to remember you didn’t last so long yourself the first time.” 

He grabbed her, his hand tight around her neck.  “I have already made myself very clear on what your behavior will be with me, do I need to remind you?”

She gasped for breath.

“Afraid to talk now?”

His sweet seductive eyes were crazy.  Where had the man gone who had made love to her so passionately?  Where was the man who sought to keep her safe? 

The sound of someone coming up the hallway made him step away from her.  “Enjoy your date.”

She was off again until Thursday.  She skipped one of her classes and spent the better part of her first day alone bathing.  Over and over she scrubbed her skin trying to get the horrible feeling of what she had done off of her but no matter how hard she scrubbed she couldn’t make herself feel clean.

Wednesday night she was on the verge of breaking down.  The profound guilt she was covered in just wouldn’t wash away.  Thankfully he had passed out before it came to sex but every time she thought of him touching her, and how he made her touch him she would go back to the shower and try to wash herself clean.

What aggravated her most was the fact that she had never felt that way with Seven.  She should have.  In all regards he had done far worse to her than the other customer but somehow she still wanted more of him.  It made no sense.

Needing some fresh air, she put on her tennis shoes and grabbed her wallet.  She needed to get outside to clear her head.

She gasped as soon as she opened her door. 

“You and I have some business to discuss young lady.”

Before she could do anything Stanford grabbed her by the arm.  “Make one fucking sound and I will break you.”

He walked her downstairs and straight to an awaiting black Town Car. 

He didn’t speak the entire drive back to Boston.  Once the car stopped in front of a hotel he got out and she followed him. 

Once they arrived in his pent house suite finally spoke. 

“Have a seat Nova.”

She sat down across from him at the dining table.  The more distance she could put between them the better.

“Certainly you can imagine my extreme distaste with you right now having made me fly all the way up here to straighten you out.”

She shook her head to acknowledge him.

“I have had days to decide what punishment best suited you but I can’t think of one single thing to make this right.” 

She sank down in her seat.  She couldn’t endure what he was going to do to her.

“What do you have to say for yourself Nova?”

God, how she hated the way her name rolled off his tongue, he made it sound so vile.  “I have been very bad.”

He slammed his fist against the table.  “Your damn right you have been bad.”

He stood up and walked behind her.  “I have always provided for you.  Have I not?”

Stanford and I had had this conversation many times.  This was the conversation were he tried to make me feel grateful and the same conversation that ended in him beating me.

“Yes, you have always provided for me.”

“I kept a roof over your head and food in your stomach.”

“Yes, you did.”

“You wanted to go to Harvard.  I sent you to Harvard.  Do you know how much money I have spent on giving you what you want?”

“More than I deserve.”

“You don’t deserve anything.  I should have thrown you out the minute we put that whore in the ground but I felt pity for you.”

She couldn’t believe this was happening to her.  He was here in Boston.  This wasn’t supposed to happen. 

“Thank you for taking care of me.” 

“You are fucking right you should be thanking me. I have done everything for you.  That is what is wrong with you.  My generosity has made you ungrateful.”

The tears flowed down my cheeks.  “I’m not ungrateful.” My voice so low it was barely above a whisper.

I tried to shrink lower into the chair as he removed his suit coat and cufflinks. 
Oh please, oh please, don’t.
The words were a silent plea in my head. 

“Get down on your knees.”

I cried as I stood up and turned to him.  Slowly dropping to my knees I let out a gasp as I tried to control the fear inside me. 

My head was still fuzzy but the ache in my left cheek had my eyes watering as he pulled me up from the ground and sat me back in my chair.   

“This is for you,” he said throwing a manila envelope on the table in front of me.

Inside she found pictures of herself from night before at the club.  Her heart sank. They were pictures of her in the other member’s room.     

“Did you really think I wouldn’t find out how you got the money to pay your tuition this semester Nova?”

She said nothing. Instead she put them back in the envelope. 

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

“No.”

“I didn’t think you would.”  He patted the envelope.  “If you ever threaten me again Nova I will send these pictures to whatever company is stupid enough to hire you.  Do we have an understanding?”

“Yes.”

He pushed the envelope towards her.  “These are yours to keep.  I have my own.”

She would not cry, she would not cry.

“I am done with you unless you are stupid enough to do anything with the video you sent me.  I promise you little girl I will keep a close watch on you.  Fuck up one time or let that video leak and I will take you down with me.  You won’t seem so innocent when pictures of you selling your body end up on the front page of the papers.  You don’t stand a chance against me, you know that don’t you?” 

He was right.  “Yes, I know that.”

He pulled her up and walked her to the door.  “You better dry up the tears before you get to the lobby and don’t you dare make a scene.  If you so much as look at anyone on your way out this won’t be the last time you see me.”