Flicker (25 page)

chapter thirty-five

B
ehind her the stairwell is black, the soft light that once covered the stairs is gone.

“The lights are off, all of it is gone,” Timid rushes to explain. “You told me where Lucy could find you, so I knew to come here. Everyone’s running around, terrified. The moment they went off, I left our room, following along the wall to this door.”

“All the lights are off, Timid, you are sure?” Lukas asks.

“Yes, everything is pitch dark just like the dark rooms. Only people are screaming, can’t you hear them?”

We stand still for a moment, listening, and we’re able to decipher the cries. Rumbles roll through the Refuge below us. We hadn’t noticed because we had become too entangled in one another.

“What caused it, you think?” I look to Lukas for the answers.

“Our kiss,” he says, matter-of-factly. “We must have pulled all of the energy   towards us, there must have been some sort of malfunction when we did.”

“Our kiss short circuited the entire Refuge?” I ask, exasperated at this possibility. One kiss was not enough for me. I can’t deny that from ever happening again. “What does that mean? Do I need to touch you like before when you were sick?” I reach my hands toward him, but he pushes it away.

“I do not need to be recharged, look at me, I am fine.” His body is lit, with his face, hands, and mouth all reflecting the light. He is right, there is nothing amiss with him. His light went out briefly, right after the kiss, but I restored it with my touch.

Timid pipes in, “I think you need to come quick if you know how to fix the black-out. The little children are terrified, this has never happened.”

Growing up at the compound so much of our life was in the dark, but not like this. The Refuge is different because the ability Lukas has is remarkable. Energy is pulled from his body to make this place light up, constantly. Only at bedtime do the lights turn low in the rooms, but still the hallways and bathrooms remain at full strength. The Refuges are greedy and wasteful in the way they use Lukas.

“Maybe you shouldn’t go back and help,” I toss out. “It’ll just be like before, they’re going to use you until there’s nothing left to give, until you’re gone.”

“He has to help, Lucy. There’s no way we can survive without light. The sacred texts say the light is the only way we will be pure and good.”

“Listen to her, Lukas! That is craziness. You can’t go back down and help people who are brainwashing girls.”

“So what do you want me to do Lucy? I cannot
not help
.” He shakes his head, as the pressure mounts and the hollering below grows.

“So we don’t go back down, we leave. Right now. This is the only time we could get away. The lights have gone out. No one will find us, and by the time they start looking we will be long gone.” 

His eyes are sad, as though he’s reached a decision he knows I won’t like.

“I’ll stay. You go with Timid. There’s a dock with smaller boats, to the right of here and you can easily navigate them with your light. You need to get away, find the people Charlie mentioned. Whoever is rising up can come help. We can’t do this on our own.”

“I can’t go, not without you….” My hands hold his as he draws me close. Our bodies send flickers out into the night, and Timid gasps as she sees our sparks.

“If I leave there will be a witch-hunt for me. There will not be a stone unturned in this country until they have me again, and they will find me. I am quite hard to miss.” He’s right of course; his illuminated body will give him away the second he steps foot off the Refuge.

“I’ll request a transfer to Refuge Two and find Basil and Hana.” Lukas’s words are steadfast and sure, he squeezes my hand as if begging me to agree to his plan.

“Then what, Lukas? What about the other Vessel’s? I’m supposed to free them, that’s the reason I’m here.”

“Trust me, Lucy.”

“Trust means nothing anymore.”

“Then have faith in me, Lucy.”

“I will always have faith in you.” I mean it because what else is there? What else is left when you’re standing on a ledge ready to jump? You have to have faith the fall will catch you.

“You need to go. Now. Before they find us up here.”

“How will I know where to go, Lukas?” I have faith, but it doesn’t mean I’m still not a sixteen-year-old girl in a land I don’t know, wholly unprepared for a midnight voyage across a sea I haven’t navigated. “I want to be strong, but I thought if I was to leave it would be with you.”

“Lucy, we’ll be okay.” Timid steps forward and takes my hand. “The Nobleman will find us. Your light will guide him.”

“Go to the Safe House and find Charlie. You’re right, he’s the best hope,” Lukas urges.

“And you will come for me?”

“Nothing can keep me from you. We are bound in ways a ceremony could never create. We are bound by our light, and we are bound by our love.”

Lukas he takes my face in his hands, cupping my cheeks with his soft fingers, as our light surrounds us, blocking Timid from view. He says the words I will bind to my heart, the words I will remember.

              He pulls me into a kiss and knowing the lights are already gone down stairs, I have nothing to do in this moment but give in to his lips.

I let go of his hands, and I turn away, not letting my tears cloud the moment. I take Timid’s hand instead, and together we look down from the ledge, seeing a sloping roof a few feet below. If we jump down we can follow it to the edge, and climb off the building.

We jump, landing easy on the lower roof, and we balance with our arms stretched out as we walk across. Once to the threshold we look over, unsure how to get from the roof to the ground.

“Over there, Lucy, that tree branch.” Timid points to a tree where branches dangle over the roof. I test one for strength and then smile when it doesn’t waver, this is the right way to get down. I go first, not wanting a splitting branch to toss Timid. Thankfully the branch easily holds my weight; the hardest part is crawling across the limb with this dress on. 

We make it to the tree trunk, and then lower ourselves as we grip our feet in grooves. Once we’ve found safe footing, we jump down the last several feet, onto solid ground. I look towards the window at the top of the Refuge, wanting to wave goodbye to Lukas, but can’t see him from this angle.

We make our way towards the water; thankfully the Refuge is built close to the shore. I remember that from the boat ride here, how it was just a short walk to the building. The walk is different now, because there’s no lit path promising safety, food, and shelter. Instead we walk the opposite direction, into the dangerous unknown.

We run through silent woods, and I hold tight to Timid’s hand, trying to remember what Lukas said. My heart races as we make our way through the forest brush. There’s a small dock on the right and the waters edge is quickly revealed.

“Lucy!” Timid exclaims, pointing to the water.

“Shhh. We must stay quiet, okay?” I squeeze her hand wanting her to know I mean it.

“I’ve just never been outside before, Lucy. I’ve never seen the water or the sky or the moon. I never knew it was all so ... beautiful.”

My heart sinks, remembering my conversation with her earlier. How she told me she dreamed of one day being good enough to go outside. She’s never even dreamed of the moon, having no inkling of what it was. My days spent with latex gloves over my fingers felt constrained but Timid, and all the Vessels like her, have never dreamt of the man on the moon. They’ve never known a world larger than the one built around them.

A small aluminum rig is tied to the dock, big enough for two or three, with a small motor on the back. I have no idea how to make it start, but I’ll do whatever I can to try.

“Climb in, Timid.”

“Is it safe?” Her voice reveals her fear.

“Yes,” I answer, hoping this plan is safe, for the both of us, but most of all, I hope it’s safe for Lukas, the one I love.

The one I left behind.

chapter thirty-six

T
he boat holds us both. I pull the cord on the motor, but my hope of it coming to life in one rumbling roar doesn’t materialize. So I do the only thing I can.

I close my eyes and concentrate. I place my hands on the motor, watching as the small flicker of light appears. The motor becomes hot with my touch and a smile spreads wide across my face as the motor whirls to life in ways I know it shouldn’t.

I move the tiller to the left, propelling the boat where I want to go. Far away, fast. We gain speed as we zip across the empty water. The moon sits high and full, Timid couldn’t have asked for a better night to see the sky for the first time. Her face is turned to the stars. Her soul so pure, so blameless, getting her away from the Refuge is the noblest thing I’ve done in my life.

I turn back, looking for the rooftop window. I smile, seeing it lit just as a lighthouse would be. Lukas stands as my beacon of hope, my lighthouse leading me through the night. My heart aches, knowing that leaving Lukas is the last thing I want to do, but our only choice. The blinding light that comforts me at the Haven is the same light now filling my heart from the place Lukas stands.

I raise my hand high knowing there is nothing, and no one, I will allow to snuff the flicker I hold.

***

the end

of

book one

***

acknowledgements

There are some books that only need the support of a small group of people to make their presence in the world; Flicker took a tribe.

I offer my sincerest thanks to the earliest readers of this novel, my mom Cynthia Mora, who read the messy first draft and believed in this story from the start, Julie Hawkins who talked me through plot points without ever tiring of my obsession with Lukas and my sorta crush on Charlie. Pamela Zizzo, who offered love and support throughout the writing process, Alicia Thiede, who was my first fan-girl, and who’s in-house street team of Brooklyn, Tucker, and Sawyer Thiede helped me believe young adult readers would “get” this story, and Elizabeth Paulus, who offered enthusiastic feedback early on that fortified me for the work ahead.

Many thanks are offered to my beta readers Sarah Brooks, Kelly Farrand, Megan Hackman, Joey Hawkins, Jessica Husted, Cathy Lankenau-Weeks, Lesley Monroe, Tony Mora, Alessandra Rose, Kristalyn Similar, and Shannon and Zane Root. The story is better because of your invaluable feedback!

Thank you to Kirby Kim for digging Lucy’s story out from under the slush pile and offering editorial feedback during many drafts of this novel.

              I am forever grateful for the insightful critique partners I had while I wrote this novel, Eryn Carpenter, John Pelkey, and Gary Snodgrass,. You helped me develop this story from an idea into a novel. I am the luckiest writer to have you on my side!

Eryn Carpenter and Kristi Rose, thank you for the hand-holding when I needed it most [think #snapdragon 2014, for starters] and for the neurotic texts and overthinking and the general helping me get past the fear of really putting this story into the world after it had been my baby for so long. It has been a long, emotionally-fueled ride, and I truly would not be the writer [or person] I am without your support. I’m eternally in your debt!

              Thank you to my children Phoenix, Isabela, and Moses for reading this story and asking, “What happens next?”. Having your support as I worked to make my dream a reality is such a gift. I also offer thanks to my children Maisey, Lincoln, and Atticus for being so patient with having a writer for a mom [and for snuggling beside me when I sit in bed with my laptop].

              As always, thank you Jeremy Ryan, my partner and my rock. Even if the world ended, and I was stuck in a compound with you forever, I think we’d be okay. You are my light, my love. Thank you for helping me learn how to shine.

GLIMMER: BOOK TWO

IN THE SHINE ON TRILOGY

RELEASES MARCH 19
th
!

ORDER YOUR COPY TODAY!

Lucy has fled The Light, but her journey toward freedom has only begun. Setting foot in a world she is wholly unprepared for, she's forced to rely on the people who kept Lukas captive for so long.

When the Head Councilman forces Lukas into a Binding with another Vessel, the game changes. Everyone is a pawn and everything is at stake.

No one is safe, and Lucy and Lukas are on opposing teams.

The Light is more than a religion; the future of the world rests in their hands.

Or maybe in the hands of Lucy and Lukas, if they can come together to let their light shine.