Chapter 12
It’s
over…or is it.
Grant
I came in the house around
midnight, I left a message at Lucy’s office saying I had to work
late for the third time this week. I had been constantly seeing
Alexia since the company party a while back. Every time being with
her was like a habit I couldn’t break. We found ourselves all over
each other at any given moment. It’s been a while since I had a
woman so ready and eager to give herself to me at any time and in
anyway. She became my fix and when I needed it I got it no matter
what I had to do. But things were getting weird now, I feared
Alexia may be getting more emotionally involved in our tryst then
necessary and to be honest so was I. That’s why I felt so bad after
we made love; I was giving her false hope that we could be more
than what we already were. And I was hurting myself and my wife by
depriving us of working on our marriage.
I couldn’t deny that Lucy
had did a turnaround in the past couple of months and made drastic
changes concerning us, giving up her annual end of the year ball
came as a complete shock to me. There was not a chance in hell I
thought she would have done that and I was seemingly impressed. But
damn it I was so angry I didn’t even care. When I thought about it
I had been treating her pretty badly for the past weeks now and I
know it was killing her. Somehow Alexia had been completely
engulfed into my system I didn’t know how to break away from her
anymore…and to be honest I didn’t know if I really wanted to. I
made my way up the stairs. I figured Greg and Lucy would be asleep
by the time I came home. Boy was I in for a surprise. I got to the
foot of the stairs and saw two packed suitcases, by the time I got
to my bedroom Lucy was already starting on a new bag. She looked up
and saw me watching her in complete shock. “In before dawn
huh?”
She smirked at me and
continued to pack her things. “What the hell do you think you are
doing?” I couldn’t even believe what I was seeing and I was getting
really heated right now. She continued to empty her drawers
ignoring my presence in the room. “What does it look like? I’m
packing.” I stepped closer to her and placed my briefcase and
jacket on the bed. “Packing and going where?” My voice got louder,
I could tell it shook her but she tried not to show it. Lucy slowly
resumed putting her things into the bag. “Look we obviously haven’t
been seeing eye to eye for a while now, so I figured we need some
distance.” She looked up at me through weary eyes. “Kind of
ironic…being that we have been living in the same house and it
feels like were miles away.”
I rubbed the back of my
head as I took a seat.
This woman and her
shenanigans
, I thought. “I really don’t
want to deal with this shit tonight.” I sighed. She laughed at me
condescendingly. “Trust me honey, you got enough shit of your own
to deal with.” “What are you talking about?” I said. Lucy shook her
head at me. “What am I talking about…What have I been talking about
for the past weeks…..not that you have been listening…..You
obviously don’t want me here so I’ll give you your space….When you
decide you care about our marriage I’ll come back.” I leaned my
elbow on my knee, now it was my turn to laugh. “Coming from you
that is priceless.” She cut her eyes at me. “Well I’m done
talking.” She slammed down the top of her suitcase and zipped it
up. I looked at her through narrowed eyes; did she honestly think
she was leaving me?
“
You’re not going
anywhere.” I told her undoing my cufflinks and tie. Lucy scoffed at
my arrogance and grabbed her suitcase from off the bed. “I’ve
already called my dad... he’s expecting me and Greg in the morning.
So have nice night.” She grabbed the suitcase and headed toward the
door; I jumped up and grabbed her arm so quick I almost broke it.
She looked at me in shock and tried to snatch away from me, but my
grip was too tight. “Let go of me.” I was completely enraged. The
nerve of this woman to walk out on me after all the shit I have
endured from her these past years…no, hell no, she was not going
anywhere and damn sure wasn’t taking my son to that bastard of a
father of hers house. I looked at her, my dark eyes turning
extremely cold. “You have got to be out of your damn
mind.”
My grip got tighter and she
winced in pain. “Grant you’re hurting me stop!” I ignored her
pleading; I couldn’t even hear her cries for help. I was outraged
by her audacity to think she could do this to me. “You think you
can take my son and just leave….After all I have put up with
dealing with you…your bitching, complaining, and ignoring me. How
many times did I beg you to come home? Just spend a few hours with
me and your son. You acted like I was last damn thing on your mind
and now that you have gotten a few doses of your own medicine you
want to leave me? Why you ungrateful...” I couldn’t finish my
sentence I was practically screaming at her. Lucy was crying now
but I refused to release her. “Grant stop!” She begged. “No, what
the hell is wrong with you?” My anger had completely taken over me,
I became my better judgment became unreachable.
“
Dad” I turned around and
saw my little boy looking at me with complete fear and shock in his
face. I could tell he was about to cry. I looked at Lucy crying
hysterically as I held her limp arm. I released her and she had
backed away from me. “Oh my God…I’m sorry…I’m sorry.” I didn’t
realize what just happened. What I had done. When I came home and
saw her about to leave me I just snapped….everything that had taken
place over the past months came back to haunt me, the lying,
cheating, and now this. I couldn’t believe how far I had taken
things. She had every right to leave me. I looked at Greg still
staring at me shaking not knowing what to do; I slowly reached down
and picked him up in my arms.
“
I’m so sorry son….I am
sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your mama.” I said trying to calm him
down. He seemed to be relaxing the more I talked to him. I noticed
Lucy backed up against the wall holding her sore arm. She looked at
me like she didn’t even know who I was, like she was completely in
fear of me. I continued to hold Greg in my arms. “Hey kid, How
about I put you back to bed ok?” Greg raised his head from my
shoulder; he looked from me back at his mother for conformation.
Lucy wiped tears from her face and tried to gather herself
together. “Its ok honey…I’m fine…go back to bed.” I looked at her
through sorrowful eyes, and took our son back to bed. I walked into
Greg’s room, his train night lights florescent colors flashed
around the room. Greg cradled his arms around my neck until I laid
him down on his bed.
“
There you go son…” I
wrapped him in his covers and watched him snuggle up with his bear.
Even now he still looked sad. “Are ok?” I asked. He nodded his
little head. “I’m sorry you had to see that Greg. I should have
never hurt your mother liked that.” “Why did you?” He asked really
wanting to know why I got so angry. It broke my heart the fact that
my wife and son feared me. “There is not an excuse son, what I did
was awful and I am so sorry.” Greg leaned up from his pillow. “But
you won’t do it again. Will you?” I knelt down beside him and held
his small hand. “Never…I will never do that again. Do you hear me?
You and your mother are the most important things to me and I would
never hurt either of you. I love you.” He nodded hoping that what I
said was true. I gave him a hug and kissed his curly hair. “Go back
to sleep ok. Everything is going to be fine.” He lay down and
watched me leave. I closed the door knowing I had put this family
through more than they could bear.
Lucy
I was still shaking even
after he left, I wasn’t trying to cry but tears kept falling down
my face. My arm was still throbbing I actually thought he was going
to break it. He was so angry; he looked like he had gone insane.
And the look in his eyes, I had seen that look before. It was the
same look he had on his face when that crazy man attacked me, now
it was me who he attacked. That bastard I can’t believe after all
this he would hurt me like this. And Greg…oh God my baby…what do I
do….I don’t know what to do. I sat on the bed and tried to calm
myself down. I hand reached out and touched me and I jumped back
nearly out of my skin.
Grant froze when he saw
that he startled me, he just stood there and hung his head down.
After the fear wore off of me it was soon replaced by anger. I
charged at him. “You son of a bitch…if you ever touch me like that
again I kill you do you hear me?!” I pounded my fist at his face
and chest and he just took it not even trying to stop me. “Lucy
I…I’m so sorry…for everything…I don’t know why I…”He couldn’t
speak. I shoved him into the wall and looked at him. After all that
punching I hadn’t even left a mark. We stood and stared at each
other for the longest time not even knowing what to say. I grew
weary and sat on the bed. When Grant saw that I had calmed down he
joined me. “I don’t understand…” I spoke with my voice cracking. “I
don’t understand how we got to this point.” Grant covered his face
with his hands. “I don’t know either.”
I don’t know if it was
frustration or fear talking but I just blurted this out. “Look I
don’t need any surprises. So just tell me…is there someone else
because if…” “No.” His face shot up to mine. “No, it’s nothing like
that.” He cut me off abruptly. Grant moved over closer to me and
grabbed my hands. “There is no one I want but you, I know I have
been distant lately and I haven’t been trying to work on our
problems, but I promise you baby that if you give me another chance
I’ll do anything…anything you want I’ll do anything just
don’t…don’t leave me.” He was near tears and I couldn’t believe it.
Grant pulled me towards him into an embrace and reluctantly I let
him. “I freaked out…the thought of you and Greg leaving it scared
me…I didn’t want to hurt you ...I’m sorry.” We clung to each other
for dear life hoping to find some solace within each other. “I know
things have been awful between us but tell me what to do and I’ll
do it …Tell me how to fix it and I’ll fix it.” I needed to believe
that we could get through this and that everything was going to be
alright. Things were bad and didn’t seem to be getting any better,
but I wasn’t ready to let him go. I wasn’t ready to let my marriage
go not now…. not ever.
Grant
It was over with Alexia, I
meant it this time. My eyes were completely red and dark circles
lingered underneath. I was a little late coming to work this
morning but I didn’t even care, I had been through hell last night
and I wasn’t going back. I walked right past the front desk without
even acknowledging my coworkers hellos, I didn’t stop at the lunch
lounge to pick up my morning coffee, I headed straight to my office
and locked myself inside my tomb. I was surprised not to see Alexia
waiting for me but then again relived I didn’t feel like seeing her
anyway. I sat there at my desk wondering how I let my life become
such a living hell. I was beyond stressed; beyond frustrated, and
didn’t know how things could get any worse. I thought heavily on a
vacation, some time to get away, me and my family. Then I would be
avoiding my problems rather than facing them head on. No, I was
going to handle this today and not a second later. I was going to
tell Alexia that we were not going to see each other anymore, she
was going to be relocated to a new office, and that things between
us were over. I was going to work on my marriage, be a better
father, be a better husband and everything was going to be fine. I
marinated on this plan and rubbed the back of my troubled
head
. Oh God, if you get me out of this
one, I’ll do better. I swear I’ll do better.
I silently prayed alone.
I made my way down Seventh
Avenue, and turned three blocks to the garden apartments. Alexia
had been MIA for the past week; she hadn’t stopped by, or even
called in at all. To my disbelief I was worried for her. I feared
the worst, it was not like her to disappear and not tell anybody
anything. I had no idea what had happened to her but regardless I
definitely needed to make some things clear. I went to the elevator
and waited patiently till I got to her floor; I couldn’t help but
recollect the most intimate moments between us had happened in this
very elevator. I blocked all of that out of my mind and focused on
the task at hand. I needed to end things now and not a second
later. My heart was pounding as I came to her apartment door; I
began to knock a few times hoping she would hurry and come so I
could make this quick. “Alexia….Alexia it’s me open the
door.”
There was no response, no
movement, and no nothing; now, I was really starting to get
worried. I twisted the knob, the door was unlocked and I walked in
cautiously. The place was filled with all type of art like things
that brought so much life to the apartment, it now for some reason
seemed so dull. “Alexia…..Alexia are you here?” I heard movement in
the bedroom; in case of an intruder I picked up a nearby poking rod
from the fire place and walked in. Alexia appeared in the room in
her bathrobe and when she looked up at me she didn’t seem too
shocked to see me here. “Hey…I…the door was open so I….we need to
talk.” I managed to get out terribly. Alexia looked different, her
eyes were puffy which told me she had been crying, she looked
paler, and just not well. She sat on the lavender bed and pulled
her hair back from her face. “Yes, we definitely need to talk.” her
voice seemed strained and her body looked wore down. I looked at
her wanting to know what was wrong. “What’s going on
Alexia?”