They all looked at me with
pity in their eyes. “It’s not that simple…I want to forget about
him, I want to pretend he never existed, I want focus back on my
career, I want find some fine ass rich brotha fuck the shit out of
him and never think about Grant again. But I can’t.” Cat stood up
challenging my feelings. “Why?” “Because I love him. Ok, I love
him, he could be gone tomorrow and I’m still going to love him.
There’s no changing that.” They all gathered around me teary eyed
at my situation. “Lucy if that’s true you have some serious
decisions to make.” Destiny put her arm around me. “Lucy whatever
decision you make I stand by you honey.” Meg and Alayah came
closer. “Yeah me too.” Cat wiped tears away from her face and
joined us. “Luce I just want you to be happy. And if Grant makes
you happy then honey you have to get past this.” I shook my head.
“How…how do I get past this?” I stood there cradled among my
friends wondering how make it out of bed in the morning let along
come to a decision about Grant.
Chapter 16
Take it
to the church
Alexia
“
Do you want the crib
right here?” Grant asked me. The pregnancy was moving further along
and it was becoming time to set up the baby’s nursery. Although his
marriage was falling apart Grant was determined to be a father to
our child and I couldn’t help but admire him for that. From what I
had heard Lucy had filed for divorce when finding out about me and
the baby. But Grant refused to let her have her way. I didn’t
understand, this woman clearly could never forgive him for this yet
he refused to stop loving her or bringing his family back together.
Why couldn’t he realize he had a new family, me and the baby were
all he needed. I was putting a baby book back on the shelf and I
found it a little difficult with my growing belly. I noticed Grant
staring at me the way he used to stare at me when we first met; it
was nice to know that even in my pregnant state he still found me
attractive.
I smiled at him and he
turned his focus somewhere else. He couldn’t hide the sadness in
his eyes; I knew the separation from his wife was really weighing
on him. I guess the joy of having a child was no comparison to what
Grant was losing. He seemed more reachable when I was willing to
talk about his problems with him. To be honest, I could really give
a damn how he felt about that bitch wife of his. But I like giving
him the feeling that he could confide in me. “She is still not
speaking to you?” I asked seeming concerned. Grant took a deep
breath he knew exactly who I was referring to. “Nope….Only when
it’s concerning Greg…other than that I hardly see her.” He stood up
after readjusting the crib. I heard so much pain in his voice, it
killed me to see him hurting like that, and knowing I would never
hurt him. I walked toward him. “I’m sorry Grant.” “Don’t be.” He
smiled at me; I had seen that smile before. It always fit well on
his handsome face. I don’t know if Grant realized I had feelings
for him.
I don’t think it would even
matter. It was clear to me he still wanted his wife as long as his
heart was with her there was no chance for us. “Well since
everything is set up here I guess I’ll get going.” I frowned and
watched him pack up his tools. I didn’t want him to leave, I wanted
him to take me into the bedroom and make love to me like I was the
only woman in the world he wanted. But that was just my fantasy.
“Oh Grant...” I called for him. He turned back to look at
me.“Yeah…” “Don’t forget the doctor’s appointment coming up.” He
nodded, “Don’t worry I’ll be there.” I smiled and waved him off as
he left. I was feeling so much heartache watching him go. I needed
him to realize that I could give him everything he needs and that
is marriage to his wife was over. I wanted my perfect family and I
was going to get it.
Grant
I was on my way to Lucy’s
condo to pick up little Greg for the weekend, it always irritated
me to come here knowing that my wife and son belonged home with me.
I reluctantly made my way in the building and down the hall. I
knocked on the door expecting to see Mona the babysitter but Lucy
came to greet me. I was taken back; I didn’t realize how bad I
missed her until I saw her beautiful face. She tried not to pay
attention to the pleading in my eyes that used to bring her to her
knees. Instead she ignored me and called for Greg. “He little man
are you ready.” “Yeeessss!” He yelled from the back and soon came
running to the front door like an energizer bunny. “I’m
readyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!........Hey dad.” He leaped into my arms and I
held onto him for dear life. “Hey there buddy.” I carried him to
the car while Lucy grabbed his bag. I figured since I had her alone
this was the perfect moment to reach some time of communication
with her.
“
Hey kid get in the car
and let me talk to your mama really quick. Ok” He nodded, “Ok.”
Greg took his bag from his mom gave her a kiss goodbye and hopped
in the backseat. Lucy and I stood there in silence for a moment
before I finally spoke. “Have you been doing ok?” She looked
irritated by the sight of me but still answered. “Yeah.” I tried to
be easy at first but I couldn’t resist the urgency that I was
feeling. “Lucy I miss you like crazy…I hate not being with you and
Greg…” It all came out so abruptly like air spewing out a popped
balloon. She let me ramble on for few minutes before speaking. “I
don’t know what you want me to say Grant.” She exhaled. I think she
knew exactly what she wanted to say but couldn’t due to a child
watching from the car window in deep anticipation. I decided to
keep pushing her for hope that we still stood a chance of being
together. “I just want you to talk to me…and try to work this out.”
“I don t think I can do that.” Her answers were cold and vague like
she really didn’t want to be anywhere near me.
I rubbed the back of my
head in frustration. “If you won’t do it for us do it for Greg… it
is going to be hard to explain a divorce to a five year old.” Lucy
looked over at little Greg who seemed hurt and confused by what was
going on and then looked back at me. “What do you want?” She asked
firmly. “Counseling…Let’s talk to someone about this…and try to
find some common ground. Are you willing to do that?” As much as I
hated the idea of going to counseling it was my last hope at
getting my wife back. She nodded. “Ok.” “Now Lucy I really think we
should do this just….wait what?” I didn’t think I heard her right.
She took a deep breath and said it again. “I said ok.” I was in
complete shock, I didn’t expect her to agree so fast if at all.
“Good. That’s good….I’ll set something up as soon as possible.” She
nodded and with that walked back into her building, I returned to
my car completely overjoyed. I knew I wasn’t out of the woods but
progress is progress. “What happen dad?” My curious little boy was
dying to know. I smiled at him brightly. “Mom and I just needed to
talk.” Yes we needed to talk and I’m glad we did. I cranked the car
up and drove me and my son home. Thank God she was willing, that’s
all I needed. I bowed my head,
Lord if you
let me make this right, I won’t mess up again. I’ll be faithful,
I’ll be supportive, and I’ll be everything she needs me to be. Just
help me make it right.
I silently prayed
to myself.
Lucy
“
Well let’s get started,
shall we?” Pastor Wallace was Grant and I’s appointed marriage
counselor, he also was the one who performed our wedding ceremony.
We meet up with him after Wednesday’s bible study in his church
office. Grant and I took a seat as far away from each other as
possible. Pastor Wallace was a good older preacher who wore bright
colorful suits every Sunday. I felt comfortable talking with him
because I knew his heart was in the right place. Me personally I
couldn’t stand being in the same room with Grant but we needed to
talk to someone and why not come to the church. Grant and I were
sitting in silence as the session began to start. “So Brother and
Sister Smith…how did we get here? It breaks my heart to see this
happen being that I was one that brought this union together.”
Grant grew intensely silent at the question but I
wasn’t.
“
Well Pastor Wallace, my
husband has been having an affair with his boss’s assistant who
happens to be carrying his child and now I want a divorce.” I said
with a lot of sarcasm and a big smile at the both of them. Pastor
Wallace gulped while Grant rolled his eyes and sat back on the
couch. “Well ok …Brother Grant do you agree?” He looked at me and
sat up. “Can I be honest Pastor?” He nodded. “Please do…it will get
you out of her a lot faster.” “Well I think we were heading here
way before the affair ever took place.” My eyes narrowed at him.
“Why is that?” Pastor Wallace asked more perked up. “Well we have
had a lot of problems throughout the years and instead of talking
about them we have chosen to ignore them.” Grant shifted his gaze
towards me. I choked on laughter. “Sister Lucy what’s
wrong?”
Pastor Wallace asked. “Oh
nothing, I just wanted to know what his cop out was going to be.” I
continued to chuckle. “You think it was just another reason?” I
shook my head. “There is no reason for infidelity just bull shit
excuses. Excuse my language Pastor.” Grant began to rub that spot
on the back of his head again while Pastor Wallace nodded. “So you
didn’t see any problems in your marriage before this adultery?”
Grant decided it was his turn to chuckle. “You would actually have
to been in a marriage to see any problems that occur, Pastor.” I
scowled at him while Pastor Wallace thought he was on to something.
He leaned back in his seat. “Now what exactly do you mean Brother
Grant?” Grant ignored my attitude and continued. “I mean ever since
she became editor of this magazine nothing seems to matter
anymore…It’s like our family took a back seat to shoes, parties,
and make up.”
“
That is not true.” I
protested, how dare he say those things. “So you feel she neglected
you in the sanctity of marriage?” Pastor Wallace said in his
preaching voice. “Neglect isn’t a strong enough word, disown is
more like it.” I was in disbelief. “Did you ever try to discuss
this with her?” “Of course I did…But she does what she wants to do
regardless about how I feel…Lucy practically has to schedule
meetings with me and her son.” “So now I’m a bad mother.” I was
infuriated now. Pastor Wallace intervened. “Sister Lucy, do you
think Brother Grant made some valid points about your lack of
wifely duties?” I laughed. “Since when does it matter what I think
…if it is not what’s he wants to hear its wrong.” “What!” Grant
exclaimed. “So you think… He dismisses… your feelings for his own
fleshly desires.” Pastor Wallace broke in. I didn’t know whether he
was counseling us or practicing on his preaching. “Of course he
does and if I even try to protest he practically bullies me into
doing it anyway.” Grant seemed taken back. “I bully you? Woman are
you crazy?” “Yes you do….you practically forced me to have
Greg.”
I yelled and then dead
silence fell on the room. We stared at each other coldly at what
just slipped out of my mouth. “So you didn’t want to have your
baby?” Pastor Wallace decided to break the ice. I looked from Grant
to him. “I preferred to wait till my career was settled……but big
man over here.” I said pointing in Grants direction. “Just had to
have a child at his convenience.” I turned back to look at him,
Grant had a sour look on his face. “What made you change your
mind?” I eased back with Grants glare still on me. “I caved… I got
tired of fighting with him…I figured if I would just give him what
he wanted then things would be ok…or he would at least mange to
come at night.” Grant was trying to calm himself down. “What’s your
take on this Brother Grant?” Pastor Wallace wondered. He shook his
head. “I don’t know…I thought this is what you did when you get
married, you start a family….If you cared more about your career
you should have married it.”
He snarled at me. “Do you
think I have spent my whole life in school getting a degree so I
could cook, clean, and have your children. I would like to actually
accomplish something in this world other than being Mrs. Grant
Smith.” Grant turned to me. “For some reason I thought you would
grasp the concept that there are more important things in life
rather than social climbing.” I laughed.
“
Coming from the man who
refused to marry me until he got finished social
climbing.”
“I worked so hard so I
could afford to take care of you.”
“Well I don’t need you to
take care of me.” We weren’t getting nowhere. just yelling back and
forth, I felt like this was such a waste of time. Pastor Wallace
nodded in the mist of everything it seemed as something was brewing
in his mind. “It seems to me… that there’s a pattern here….Whenever
there’s a con-front-tation of some sort… you Brother Grant seem to
enforce your opinion while Sister Lucy, you seem to agree to his
terms to avoid further conflict…..”
Pastor Wallace stood up and
paced the floor. “and when there are signs of protest Brother Grant
you tend to act out by staying out late, emotionally disconnect,
and etc…you could almost call it a form of punishment.” Grant
looked confused. My gazed shot to him. “Is that what you did by
having an affair…because Sister Lucy wouldn’t cater to your needs?”
I looked dead at him. “Is that why you did it …you thought you were
punishing me by sleeping with her?” Grant tried to protest but
didn’t know if he could. I stood to my feet and couldn’t fight the
tears swelling in my eyes. “I can’t believe you…you despicable
bastard what the hell is wrong with you?” Just as I was about to
strike him he quickly grabbed my hand. “I’m sorry….I’m so sorry.
You got to believe me baby.” I snatched away from him, “You are
pathetic and worthless….I can’t believe I married you.” I ran for
the exit and shot out of there. I couldn’t keep still, I was damn
near vomiting. I was in terrible pain right now and Grant was my
worst enemy. It would be a cold day in hell before I saw him
again.