Read For Myself Alone: A Jane Austen Inspired Novel Online
Authors: Shannon Winslow
I smile at the compliment but remind him, “You do not have me yet, sir, nor shall you for some time to come, I fear. You are currently in no position to take a wife.”
“But I soon shall be. In one respect, my luck has already changed. My professional fortunes are bound to follow.” Pausing, Arthur raises my chin until our eyes meet. Then he brushes my lips with a tender kiss, a tantalizing sample of what is to come. “Say that you will wait for me, Jo.”
“I will,” I answer, strangely out of breath, “but I pray you will not keep me waiting long. I suddenly find I am quite impatient for you to make a married woman of me, Mr. Evensong.”
“As am I, Miss Walker, I assure you. As am I.”
Epilogue
I have just filled the last page of my diary, which is entirely fitting since I am closing one chapter of my life and beginning another. Months have passed since that glorious encounter in the glade where Arthur and I confessed our love. Never once from that time until this have I had reason to regret the choice I made then. Whilst it is true that the waiting is a source of daily torment, the suspense is almost over now.
Tomorrow Arthur and I will be married at the same little stone church in Wallerton where we were both christened, he two years before me; where we saw each other every Sunday of our lives growing up; and where our neighbors – and, indeed, we ourselves – had originally expected each of us to be united with someone entirely different. To be sure, the setting will be far less majestic than the London cathedral where Agnes and Mr. Cox took their vows over a year ago, and even modest by comparison to Susan’s parish church in Kent where she will wed Mr. Ramsey in January. Still, despite the limited length of the nave and the unimpressive height of the vault, I expect to be quite thoroughly married at the end of the day, which is all I want.
To my mind, Wallerton church is precisely the right size to comfortably hold all our family and true friends. Susan will be my bridesmaid. Agnes, who did not take the news of my engagement to Arthur with as much philosophy as I had hoped, emphatically declined the office. Although I attempted to clear away the past difficulty, presenting her the same account of the misunderstanding that Arthur gave to me, she will not yet allow the justice of his explanation. Her implacable resentment has hurt me deeply, and perhaps one day she will repent of it. But for now, all intercourse between us is at an end. I am through making excuses for her bad behavior and allowances for the weaknesses of her character.
Dear little John is to stand up as groomsman and, after we return from our wedding trip to Ireland, he shall come to live with us. Robert raised no objection when we suggested the idea, and Arthur and I would have it no other way. The matter is thus settled to everybody’s liking. I know Mrs. Evensong would have approved, both of our marriage and of the arrangements made for John. We continue to mourn her loss, yet I make no doubt that we shall feel her benevolent presence with us tomorrow all the same.
My father will walk me down the aisle and bestow my hand on Arthur. I warrant this will pain him far less than it once might have done. He has had a full year to accustom himself to the idea, during which time pressure was brought to bear on our behalf by my mother. One day, according to her telling of the story, she reminded Papa about Maria and Mr. March, pointing out that, despite their equally unpromising beginning, their marriage has been blessed with three fine children, unexpected prosperity, and a vast deal of contentment. My father, who I believe knows the couple in question every bit as intimately as does my mother, was apparently persuaded by this compelling illustration to give his consent, albeit begrudgingly.
“Upon my honor, Josephine, I had hoped to see you do better for yourself as to fortune,” he said on the occasion. “A man of some little property would have suited my ambitions very well. Mr. Arthur Evensong may prove a great success in the end, but as of this moment, I have seen very little evidence of his genius. If it will be any satisfaction to you, however, to be told that I believe his character to be in other respects irreproachable, I am ready to confess it. Beyond that, all I can do is wish you – improbable as it may be – the same measure of happiness I have enjoyed with your excellent mother these many years.”
My excellent mother – for indeed so she is – has given the match her more enthusiastic endorsement. She is neither troubled by disappointed past expectations nor misgivings for my future. And, having foreseen the outcome months before I myself thought it possible, she boasts the added gratification of having begun to be happy for me well in advance of everybody else.
Both my brothers are returned to Fairfield for the wedding. Frederick came from Millwalk two weeks ago claiming he wished the favor of extra time with his sister (as if we will not be meeting with the greatest frequency after I am married). His noble assertion notwithstanding, I notice that he takes his duty to our neighbors at least as seriously as his duty to me, for he has called upon the Pittmans almost every day since his arrival. I daresay the once-pined-for Agnes is quite forgot, and her sister Judith – now a blooming young lady of nineteen – is the likely cause of Frederick’s liberal attentions.
Tom, who had planned to be away on the continent for at least a twelve-month, cut his trip short at the urging of Mr. Meacham. After meeting in Italy, they continued their exchange of ideas by correspondence until their mutual respect and like-minded purposes clearly demanded that the possibility of a more permanent professional relationship be explored. Hence, for the last several months, Tom has resided in London, flourishing under Mr. Meacham’s tutelage. Having recently accepted the offer to purchase a share in the business, Tom’s future solidly resides in that vocation now. He will give no more nervous sermons, I am happy to say.
The ramifications of that chance encounter between my brother and his benefactor have been surprisingly far reaching, impacting the lives of several others for good or for ill. For example, I would be willing to wager that Mr. Summeride had no notion that day in September that events had already been set into motion against him, that the fickle hand of fate would reach all the way from Padua to interrupt his comfortable life at Millwalk. Yet that is precisely the case. Henceforth Mr. Summeride will have to practice his profession elsewhere; he has spent his last night at the parsonage.
That fine house, which I have always admired exceedingly, will be
my
home now – mine and Arthur’s – the generous living of Millwalk parish having been made over to Arthur as a result of Tom no longer wanting or needing it. Accordingly, as soon as Arthur completed the one-year fellowship he renegotiated at Oxford, he took orders for his new post. By then, he had other offers, but nothing that suited us both so well as Millwalk parish. Tom threw his considerable influence on that side as well when he proposed the idea to Arthur in my hearing:
“…You would be doing me a great favor, old man. For if you will not take the living, you will force me into the position of acting as one of those absentee clergymen we all disparage so freely. This way, my conscience and reputation are preserved, and we both get what we want. You must admit there is a beautiful logic to the arrangement. As for compensation, I will not hear of it. When you consider all you will save me by taking this dependent sister of mine off my hands, I should more likely end by owing
you
something.”
So, thanks to Tom, Arthur will begin his clerical career as rector of Millwalk parish. His ambitions for higher office, although still with him, have mellowed somewhat. Should it be God’s will, no doubt he will advance despite the efforts of our detractors. Yet I cannot say that I would much regret being destined to remain always at Millwalk. I never aspired to be the mistress of a grand house or the wife of an illustrious man. A kind, honest husband and the more modest proportions of a parsonage will suit me very well. To live in a place that is so dear to me, and to be married to the man I love and admire most in the world – this answers all my ideas of happiness.
I marvel when I think that such an auspicious outcome hinged on the unlikeliest string of circumstances, beginning with Papa’s indisposition. Were it not for his gout, we would not have gone to Bath, and I would never have become engaged to Mr. Pierce, which led to the breach-of-promise suit, which in turn motivated me to give my inheritance money to Tom, allowing him to travel to Italy where he met Mr. Meacham. Indeed, had events not unfolded exactly as they have, my lot might have been quite different. As it is, all things have truly worked together for my good, and I do not regret any of what has transpired along the way.
How wondrous strange are the ways of God, for it is surely His guiding hand that has brought me through my troubles to this remarkable conclusion. Not that long ago, Arthur and I were each obligated to marry other people. Yet, according to the direction of providence, we are now both honorably free of our former encumbrances to be forever attached to one another. Of all the varied fates that might have been mine, this is the finest.
The End
Author Shannon Winslow specializes in creating fiction (novels and short stories) for fans of Jane Austen.
The Darcys of Pemberley
, a sequel to
Pride and Prejudice
, was her debut novel in 2011.
For Myself Alone
– a standalone, Austen-inspired story – now follows. For her third, she wrote something entirely different – a contemporary “what if” novel entitled
First of Second Chances
(publishing date yet to be announced). She is currently working on the next installment of her
Pride and Prejudice
series, which is entitled
Return to Longbourn
.
Her two sons grown, Ms. Winslow lives with her husband in the log home they built in the countryside south of Seattle, where she writes and paints in her studio facing Mt. Rainier.
For more information, visit
www.shannonwinslow.com
.
Follow Shannon on Twitter (as JaneAustenSays) and on Facebook.
Author’s Note:
Below you will find all the direct Jane Austen quotes used in this novel. In some cases, slight changes were made from the original text to allow the excerpted passages to fit more seamlessly into the manuscript. The reader may recognize other familiar phrases, too short and numerous to cite here, which also point to Miss Austen’s work.
Prologue:
“By heaven! A woman should never be trusted with money.” (Robert Watson;
The Watsons
).
“A lady cannot be too much guarded in her behavior towards the undeserving of the other sex.” (Mary Bennet;
Pride and Prejudice
, chapter 47).
Chapter 1:
A woman especially, if she have the misfortune to know anything, should conceal it as well as she can. (narrative;
Northanger Abbey
, chapter 14).
Chapter 2:
“Will you not shake hands with me?” (Marianne Dashwood;
Sense and Sensibility
, chapter 28).
Chapter 3:
“Is there nothing you can take to give you present relief? A glass of wine; shall I get you one?” (Mr. Darcy;
Pride and Prejudice
, chapter 46).
Chapter 4:
Husbands and wives generally understand when opposition will be in vain. (narrative;
Persuasion
, chapter 7).
Chapter 5:
“A single woman of good fortune is always respectable.” (Emma Woodhouse;
Emma
, chapter 10). “I have traveled so little that every fresh place would be interesting to me.” (Anne Elliot;
Persuasion
, chapter 20).
Chapter 6:
“I will get the Bath paper, and look over the arrivals.” (Henry Tilney;
Northanger Abbey
, chapter 25).
Chapter 7:
“Were I to fall in love, indeed, it would be a different thing! … And without love, I am sure I should be a fool to change such a situation as mine.” (Emma Woodhouse;
Emma
, chapter 10).
Chapter 8:
“Well, Miss [Morland],” said he, directly, “I hope you have had an agreeable ball.” “Very agreeable indeed,” [she] replied, vainly endeavoring to hide a great yawn. (Mr. Allen & Miss Morland;
Nothanger Abbey
, chapter 2).
Chapter 9:
“Surry is the garden of England.” (Mrs. Elton;
Emma
, chapter 32).
Chapter 10:
“Of all horrid things, leave-taking is the worst.” (Frank Churchill;
Emma
, chapter 30).
Chapter 11:
“I am afraid that the pleasantness of an employment does not always evince its propriety.” (Elinor Dashwood;
Sense and Sensibility
, chapter 13).
Chapter 12:
“He is just what a young man ought to be.” (Jane Bennet;
Pride and Prejudice
, chapter 4).
Chapter 13:
“You can hardly doubt the purport of my discourse… My attentions have been too marked to be mistaken.” (Mr. Collins;
Pride and Prejudice
, chapter 19). “Yes, I call it a very easy distance.” (Mr. Darcy;
Pride and Prejudice
, chapter 32).
Chapter 15:
“If it were admissible to contradict a lady…” (Mr. Elton;
Emma
, chapter 6)
Chapter 16:
“[He] can have nothing to say to me that anybody need not hear.” (Elizabeth Bennet;
Pride and Prejudice
, chapter 19).
Chapter 17:
“[It] had been my doing – solely mine.” (Cpt. Wentworth;
Persuasion
, chapter 20).
Chapter 18:
“I could rather believe every creature of my acquaintance leagued together to ruin [me in his opinion] than believe his nature capable of such cruelty.” (Marianne Dashwood;
Sense and Sensibility
, chapter 29).
Chapter 20:
“Resignation is never so perfect as when the blessing denied begins to lose somewhat of its value in our estimation.” (Mr. Collins;
Pride and Prejudice
, chapter 20).
Chapter 21:
“I do not know when I have been more shocked.” (Jane Bennet;
Pride and Prejudice
, chapter 40).
Chapter 22:
“I have said no such thing. I am only resolved to act in that manner, which will, in my own opinion, constitute my happiness…” (Elizabeth Bennet;
Pride and Prejudice
, chapter 56).
Chapter 23:
[And she] long[ed] to be able to say something more to the purpose. After and interval of silence… (narrative;
Mansfield Park
, chapter 10).
Chapter 24:
“How long has she been such a favorite? And pray, when am I to wish you joy?” (Miss Bingley;
Pride and Prejudice
, chapter 6). “I have not the pleasure of understanding you… Of what are you talking?” (Mr. Bennet;
Pride and Prejudice
, chapter 20).
Chapter 25:
While he [stood], as if meaning to go, but not going…” (narrative;
Emma
, chapter 45).
Chapter 27:
The little which [she] could understand, however, appear[ed] to contradict the very few notions [she] had entertained on the matter before. (narrative;
Northanger Abbey
, chapter 14).
Chapter28:
“If there were but such another man for you!” (Jane Bennet;
Pride and Prejudice
, chapter 55).
Chapter 29:
“I often think… that there is nothing so bad as parting with one’s [friends]. One seems so forlorn without them.” (Mrs. Bennet;
Pride and Prejudice
, chapter 53).
Chapter 30:
It [was] a sweet view – sweet to the eye and the mind. (narrative;
Emma
, chapter 42).
Chapter 31:
“It is not fair to urge her in this manner… Let her choose for herself as well as the rest of us.” (Edmund Bertram;
Mansfield Park
, chapter 15).
Chapter 32:
Every room on the west front look[ed] across a lawn to the beginning of the avenue immediately beyond tall iron palisades and gates. (narrative;
Mansfield Park
, chapter 9).
Chapter 33:
“Ah! You clever creature, that’s very true. What a thinking brain you have!” (Mrs. Elton;
Emma
, chapter 52).
Chapter 34:
“I never had the slightest suspicion… You may be very sure that if I had, I should have cautioned you accordingly.” (Emma Woodhouse;
Emma
, chapter 47).
Chapter 35:
It did come, and exactly when it might be reasonably looked for. (narrative;
Northanger Abbey
, chapter 26).
Chapter 36:
“It is over! It is over!” [she] repeat[ed] to herself again, and again, in nervous gratitude. “The worst is over!” (Anne Elliot;
Persuasion
, chapter 7).
Chapter 37:
“Very well; I will not plague you anymore.” (Mr. Knightley;
Emma
, chapter 5).
Chapter 38:
“You know how I dreaded the thought[s] of seeing her, but the very moment I was introduced, there was such an affability in her behavior as really should seem to say, she had quite [took] a fancy to me.” (Lucy Steel;
Sense and Sensibility
, chapter 35). “I have seen [you] only as the admirer of my friend. In no other light could…” (Emma Woodhouse;
Emma
, chapter 15).
Chapter 39:
“But you know married women have never much time for writing.” (Lydia Bennet Wickham;
Pride and Prejudice
, chapter 53).
Chapter 40:
“I am not sorry to see you alone,” he replie[d], “for I have a good deal to say to you.” (Mr. John Dashwood;
Sense and Sensibility
, chapter 41). “I must beg to return to the house.” (Elizabeth Bennet;
Pride and Prejudice
, chapter 56).
Chapter 41:
He [was] exactly the man, who, in disposition and talents, would most suit [her]. (narrative;
Pride and Prejudice
, chapter 50).
Chapter 42:
…at the perverseness of those feelings which would now have promoted its continuance, and would formerly have rejoiced in its termination. (narrative;
Pride and Prejudice
, chapter 46).
Chapter 43:
“If it will be any satisfaction to you, however, to be told, that I believe his character to be in other respects irreproachable, I am ready to confess it.” (Mr. Willoughby;
Sense and Sensibility
, chapter 10).