Forever Baby (14 page)

I hold up a finger, indicating that I need a second. I see missed texts from Nolan and Nadia.

2:00 p.m.

Nolan: How are you? You okay?

4:35 p.m.

Nolan: Worried about you. Do you want me to come over?

8:00 p.m.

Nolan: What are your plans for the night? Do you want to do something?

10:02 p.m.

Nolan: Respond, Livi. Love ya.

9:30 p.m.

Nadia: Hey, are you guys coming back?

11:00 p.m.

Nadia: We are at La Esquina if you want to join us.

Crap.
I can’t believe I didn’t check my phone yesterday. Nolan must be worried, considering I left his house a heartbroken mess.
What a change a day makes.

I text Nolan back first.

Me: I didn’t check my phone yesterday. Sorry I worried you! I am great. Let me see what the plan is today, and I will get back to you. Muah!

I text Nadia back.

Me: Hey, I’m sorry. I stayed with Andres. I didn’t check my phone.

Nadia: No worries. Good night? ;-)

Me: Yes…great night!

Nadia: I want details later! See you soon.

Andres is watching me with an adorable grin on his face. He raises an eyebrow. “Everything okay?”

“Yes.”

“Perfect. Do you want to go out and get some breakfast?” He kisses me deeply on the mouth. “Shower first?”

My heart is already racing, and I’m again feeling drunk with longing. I manage to nod, and he grabs my hand, leading me to the shower.

The hot water sprays across my back as he kisses me. He lathers up some soap and massages my skin. His touch feels so good, and I close my eyes to really experience every moment. His hand reaches between my thighs, and my breath leaves me as he inserts his finger into me. He begins a tantalizing rhythm, and I splay my hand against the shower wall to steady my quivering body. He kneels in front of me and pulls one of my legs over his shoulder. Without slowing his pulsating finger, his tongue begins a cadence of its own, flicking against the spot that needs it the most. I whimper from the sweet, torturous sensations as I throw my head back, facing the shower ceiling, while I moan loudly.

“Omigod, omigod, Andres, omigod,” I chant as I become acutely aware of every movement he makes.

His finger rubs against the perfect spot within, sending a longing urge to my belly. My inner walls begin to pulse around his finger as my hips involuntary rock to counter the motion of his mouth. I am so close, and I concentrate on his tongue hitting the perfect spot over and over. I pull one of my hands off the shower wall and push his head toward my core. I’m hungry for this release to wreck my body. I am panting now as small quakes ripple through me.

“Omigod. Omigod. Omigod. Don’t stop. Don’t stop, Andres,” I beg in desperation.

The fire building at my core erupts and sends a deep, raw, mind-blowing burn through my body, out to my fingertips, down to my toes, up to my scalp, and everywhere in between, scalding me with fierce pleasure. At the peak of my sensation, my hand on his head grips his hair and pushes his head forcefully against me. I cry out and double over as waves of vibrations shake my body. I gasp as the currents lessen and then cease.

I moan as Andres slowly removes his mouth and finger. I fall to my knees, and my lips attach to his. Our tongues tangled, I kiss him hard as the water falls around us, streaming down my face and over our lips, as I consume him.

I break our kiss. “Let me wash you.”

I stand with Andres and lather my hands with soap. My fingers slide over his wet body, and I marvel at his beautiful skin. His body is nothing short of perfection, and I am in awe that I’m here with this exquisite man. While running my hands over his tight body, I think that I am the luckiest girl in the world. I kneel and massage his legs, working my way from his calves to his thighs.

I hear him inhale sharply when I grab his length, working my hands slickly from the tip to the base, over and over again.

“Oh, Livi,” he moans, rocking his hips slightly into my hand.

Holding him at the base, I cover him with my mouth, working my tongue in circles around his tip. I begin a delicious rhythm, my mouth and hand greedily taking him in. I remove my hand and grab the backs of his thighs, pushing him as far into my throat as I can take. I suck hard, my cheeks burning, as I work my tongue around him.

“I’m going to come, Liv,” Andres says through clenched teeth.

I increase my pace, and my heart races when he empties into my throat. I take in every last drop before licking from base to tip, sliding my lips from him.
Best shower ever.

After our shower, we catch a cab since Andres left his bike at my house the day prior when he’d met up with the guys to go to the pool. Staring out the window as the houses pass by, I think of the worry that came across in Nolan’s text, and I can’t help but question the last twenty-four hours.

It can’t be normal for someone to have emotions so far apart on the spectrum in a matter of a day, can it? Did I forgive him too easily? Am I not valuing myself enough? Am I jumping in headfirst, not knowing how deep the water is?

It seems reckless, and I am anything but. Andres is only the second person that I have ever had sex with, yet I jumped in his bed like I was a seasoned pro. Truthfully, I was almost begging for it.
This isn’t me. Or is it?

Sometimes, I don’t even know who I am. I am a junior in college.
Is there an etiquette handbook that I am unaware of that consists of rules and timeframes of appropriate behavior for someone my age? How long does one lust after someone before giving in to temptation? Who decides what is right and wrong? Who is there to judge anyway? And do I care what that judge thinks?

All I know is that I need Andres like a flower needs sun. His heat radiates into every pore of my body and fills me up with life. It’s unlike anything that I have ever felt. I know this can’t be love. It’s too soon. It might be infatuation or deep-seated lust. Regardless, it is all-consuming, and I can’t get enough of it.

I have never done drugs, but I imagine the need is similar. The powerful craving to be near him, touch him, and feel him is on my brain every second that I am not with him. That need was there prior to feeling his touch, before I dreamed that this could be a reality. But now…now that I
know
what it is like to have his hands and lips on me and know what it is like to have him moving inside me, it’s so perfect. It’s everything.

Screw the voice in my head that is judging me and telling me I am wrong for throwing caution aside so that I can have a taste of him, warning me that he can and probably will break me. I don’t care. I was never whole to begin with. For the first time, I feel the pieces coming back together with Andres. He did it without knowing.

I might very well fall hard and shatter somewhere in the near future, but right now, I feel damn good. I’m not giving that up. I wouldn’t be able to if I tried. That cautioning voice can think I am weak or stupid all it wants, but as long as Andres wants me, I will be here because feeling, really
feeling
, is so much better than not.

Hand in hand with Andres, we walk into the house. Carlos is on the couch, watching TV, and he snickers when he sees us. I’m wearing one of Andres’s T-shirts and baggy sweats with my sundress from yesterday in my free hand.

“Shut up,” Andres says to Carlos. Then, Andres leans in and kisses me. “I’ll wait out here.”

Once in my room, I hear a knock before I even have time to pick out an outfit. Nadia opens the door and walks in before I can get a word out. I close the door behind her.

Turning to me and eyeing my baggy sweats, she says, “Hey, nice outfit. Details, please!” She giggles.

I give Nadia a rundown of the evening, supplying only vague details.

She smiles at me. “He really likes you, Liv.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. I’ve never seen him like this with a girl. He definitely isn’t one to hang out with a girl the day after he hooks up with her. Believe me, he likes you.”

I can hardly contain my happiness. “Good, because I really like him, too—a lot.”

“I think you’re good for him, Liv.”

“I hope so.” I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face.

It’s a beautiful day, and I put on a knee-length halter sundress, only to take it off when I remember I’ll be on a motorcycle. Instead, I opt for jean shorts and a fitted V-neck T-shirt. I wear my hair in a ponytail. I text Nolan before heading out to the living room.

Me: Hey! Nadia says we’re going out tonight. You in? ;-) xo

Nolan: Will definitely see you tonight. xoxo

I’m immediately happy and then uncomfortable about Nolan going out with us tonight. I’m confused. I know Nolan will be glad for me when he finds out that everything with Andres has been smoothed over. Nolan wants me to be happy, and I’ve always been supportive of his relationship with Abby. I don’t know why I feel bad, but I do. It must be guilt that is coursing through me because Nolan’s summer of fun with his best friend has been interrupted by her new Spanish love. I’ll make it up to him when we get back to the States. We’ll have lots of best-friend time.

But I don’t want to think about going back. The thought is beyond depressing. The notion of being without Andres leaves me empty. I quickly brush it away. I still have the whole summer with him. I make a promise to myself not to think about leaving Andres. I need to be happy that I’m here with him now.

Andres and I are walking, hand in hand, through the city. We’ve eaten, and I’ve shopped lots. He is as sweet as can be, feigning interest as I show him one ridiculous souvenir after another.

Shopped out, he leads us to a park. We sit in the shade of a tall tree on freshly cut grass. I sit between his legs and lay my head on his chest while his arms secure around my waist. We chat idly, and it doesn’t go unnoticed that most of the conversation is about me. Andres is a master at changing the subject when the conversation starts heading toward him.

“Why don’t you like talking about yourself?” I ask.

“I guess there isn’t much to tell.” His arms tighten around me as he kisses the back of my head, nuzzling his nose in my hair. “You always smell so good. Just smelling you turns me on.”

“It’s your shampoo you are smelling. Remember this morning?”

“How could I forget?” he says as he snuggles into my neck, kissing below my ear. “It’s not the soap though. You always smell like this—so sweet but so spicy. It is hard to keep my mouth off of you.”

Soft lips trail down my neck, causing an epidemic of goose bumps to cover my skin.

“How are you feeling about everything?” I am so curious to know how he is processing our situation. “Like, with us?”

He thinks for a moment. “Good. This is new to me. I like it though…with you. I feel happy when we are together. You make me question everything.”

“Question what?”

“Just my thoughts on things. It is a good thing.”

I am glad that he is opening up a little but not that he’s still so closed off. I wish he would trust me more. I get the sense that he is hiding a lot of sadness under his carefree demeanor, and every instinct I have wants to fix him. It is still all so new, but I hope, in time, he’ll trust me enough to let me in.

Andres leaves me at my house, so I can get ready for the evening. I type a few quick texts to my parents and Cara, having received messages from them while I was out with Andres.

Nolan arrives first, giving us some time to hang out. He sits on my bed, and we chat as I get ready. I recap what happened at the country club and how I decided to move forward with the relationship with Andres.

Nolan listens attentively, and he is slow to respond. “So, you trust him? Doesn’t he have a reputation for being a player?”

Applying my mascara, I answer, “Yeah, apparently, but I think what he feels about me is different.”

“And you think he is being truthful about that?”

“Yeah. His actions seem sincere. When I am with him, I feel that he is really into me.”

Nolan sighs, leaning his back against the wall. “I sure hope so. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“I know, and I love you for that. This is the first time I have really been interested in a guy in forever, you know? I want to see where it goes.”

“Okay. You know I support you—always. I just worry. It killed me to see you so broken on Friday.”

“I know, and maybe that is the inevitable end, but I need to see where all this goes. The purpose of coming here was to get out of my comfort zone and experience life. Maybe this is part of it?”