Authors: Carina Adams
High-pitched screeching answered that.
“No,” he yelled back. “I pay for the goddamn manager. So if you wanna be a bitch about Gramps’ farm, then fucking sell it.”
I’d never heard him talk to anyone the way he was speaking to her.
“Yeah? Well, I’m fucking done. I’m not coming home.” More screaming from her. “I love her, Nik. I’m staying with her.”
I backed away from the door, bumping into his guitar case. My mind was running a mile a minute. He loved his grandpa’s farm. That was his history, the one place where all of his good memories were housed. He wouldn’t sell it, not for a billion dollars. And definitely not to stay with me. Right? But he was. He was going to give up everything to stay here with me. No wonder his parents were angry with us.
I needed to get out of there. I definitely couldn’t face him right now, not knowing what I did. I couldn’t let him give it all up for me. Why? Why would he do that?
I turned to the bed, grabbing my shorts and pulling them up quickly. The shouting from the bathroom was getting louder. I fastened my bra quickly, picking up my tank top and flip-flops and hurrying out the door. I dressed while I jogged down the hallway. Halfway down the stairs, I came face-to-face with more trouble.
“You know, sometimes around here, the trash does take itself out,” Ally crooned to her band of bimbos as they giggled.
I glanced at the group that blocked my way out, seeing the familiar face. I’d trusted Missy with so much over the years, and it still killed me that she’d traded Jules and me in for the richer, bitchier model.
“Move.”
Ally acted like she didn’t hear me. Instead, she pointed at my chest. “Who’d you steal that from?”
I glanced down, realizing that my necklace was out and tucked it back in. “It was a Christmas present,” I answered but Ally only glared at me.
“Red?” Hearing him call for me, followed by his steps pounding in the hall, I tensed. When he appeared at the top of the stairs wearing only basketball shorts, he looked pissed. When he saw the group in front of me, he somehow looked even angrier.
“Oooh. Trouble in paradise?” Missy asked sweetly. “Lover’s quarrel?”
“Or maybe he just came to his senses and is kicking her out,” Ally added.
“Both of you can fuck off,” he snapped, stopping on the step behind me. “Move. Or I will move you.”
He didn’t say another word until I was in my car. Leaning into the window, he stared at my lap instead of at me. “I don’t know how much you heard, but I wanted to apologize. My temper got the best of me. I should never have yelled like that.”
I didn’t care that he’d gotten angry, but I didn’t want to ask him the million questions running through my mind. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Nope,” he snapped immediately.
“Neil, if you have to go home for a while—”
“I don’t,” he interrupted.
I wanted to push, wanted to know what was going on. Instead, I sighed. “I’ll see you tonight?”
He nodded. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Grad Night was always the Saturday before actual graduation. Held at the local party venue that was usually reserved for weddings and large business functions, it was a five-star dinner followed by an evening of dancing and letting loose with your fellow seniors. The best part was that the teachers and coaches that we’d had over the last four years were our wait staff.
The meal was fantastic and full of laughs as the teachers told their favorite stories of us. Afterward, they bussed the tables and cleared them away, making room for a giant dance floor. Within minutes, the DJ was playing a mix of the top songs from the last four years.
I couldn’t find my happy, though. All I could hear was Neil telling his sister to sell the farm because he was staying with me. He might feel that way now, but he’d never forgive me if she actually did it. I’d thought about it all afternoon, knowing there was no way, short of breaking up with him, that he’d go home. After the last time I’d tried that, I knew he’d never let me break up with him, either.
Savage Garden was crooning away when Ally approached. I ignored her mostly, but it was hard to overlook the fact that she sat extremely close and put her hand on Neil’s knee. “Nate, can I talk to you?”
He adjusted, sliding his chair closer to mine. “Talk.”
She glanced at me. “In private.”
Shaking his head, he answered, “Anything you need to say to me, you can say in front of Lia.”
That’s when she nodded to Missy and I sat up, feeling that something horrible was about to happen. Glancing at Jules, I saw the panic in her eyes, too. As my old friend approached, she held out a bag for Ally to take.
“This is for you,” she said almost sympathetically. “I tried to warn you. You wouldn’t listen.”
He took the bag, but I could tell he was annoyed. He was wound so tight from his fight with his sister to everything else he had on his plate that I was afraid one small thing would set him off. Hopefully, Ally would leave him soon so we could try to enjoy our last night with Mike and Jules.
Ignoring Neil and Ally, I turned to my friends. “So I’m glad your recruiter is letting you march with us.”
Mike smiled. “Me too. Technically, we’re all done so we’re graduates already. The marching is just a formality. But I want pictures.”
He started to say something else but was cut off my Neil’s vicious curse. “What the fuck are these?” He was holding pictures out to Ally.
“Proof.” She crossed her arms smugly. Neil looked down at the prints in his hands, almost as if he didn’t believe them. “They’re real. You can ask your slut if you don’t believe me.”
It hit me then that whatever was in the pictures had something to do with me. I leaned over cautiously, gasping. They didn’t have something to do with me; they
were
me. Me and Craig. In various compromising positions. None of them PG. “Where did you get those?” I asked, horrified.
“See?” Ally smirked, sliding her head back and forth in a way that reminded me of a snake about to strike. “They’re real. This is what your girlfriend does while you’re gone!”
I tried to snatch them out of his hands, but he moved them slightly. “They’re old!” I cried. Then it hit me. They were proof I had used to win the Game. “Oh, my God!” I turned to Missy. “Those were supposed to be destroyed!”
Neil crumpled the pictures in his hands when they balled into fists. “What the fuck is wrong with you? This is a new low, even for you.”
Ally laughed. “If they’re so old, ask your girlfriend where she got that pretty little necklace she wears.”
Neil snapped his head toward me, eyes narrowed. I shook my head, silently begging him not to ask.
Ally continued, “The best thing about Faerie Dust jewelry is that it’s one of a kind. I saw a certain teacher buying that necklace on Christmas Eve. Weird how Lia has it now, isn’t it?”
I couldn’t do anything. I knew he saw the truth all over my face. He’d never believe my explanation. He stood, frantically looking around the hall. Then finding what he was looking for, took off like a lion stalking its prey. Craig didn’t see the punch coming.
Within seconds, there was an all-out brawl. I ran for them, but Mike stood in the way. “He’s got it coming, Lee.”
“It isn’t what he thinks!” The tears came before I could stop them, both from frustration and embarrassment. Mike reached out, pulling me into him and rubbing his hand up and down my back.
“Well, if it isn’t Mike stepping in to save poor little Lia again.”
“Go to hell, Ally,” he growled threateningly. “Haven’t you done enough?”
But I turned in his arms, facing the evil that was always out to destroy my happiness. “What in the hell is your problem?”
She stepped closer, hands on her hips. “You are. You think you’re better than everyone else. But you were born trash and you’ll die trash. Just like your mom.”
I slapped her. I’d never actually slapped anyone. The sting was a bitch.
She backhanded me back and pulled my hair. Suddenly, there was kicking and scratching and biting and yes, even punching until Mike pulled me off. Jules rushed up to me, moving the hair out of my face to see how badly I was hurt.
“Bet she wouldn’t be helping you if she knew what you were doing with her boyfriend last summer,” Missy yelled out, making me notice how quiet the entire building had become. Even the music had stopped.
Julie stood straight and turned. “Good Christ, you’re just as bad as Ally. You proud of yourself, Miss? Lia and I stopped playing your games a long time ago so you can stop trying to one up us. We don’t care anymore.”
“Is that really what you think?” Missy laughed. “Oh, honey, Lia’s been the ultimate player a lot longer than you or me. She may not have had points on him, but Mike was spending just as much time in her bed as he was yours.”
“Think what you want,” I started to yell, attempting to go at her. Mike tightened his arms, keeping me with him.
“You may be able to fool Nate or poor Jules, but we know the truth. How many nights did Mike stay at your house last summer, Lia? In fact, didn’t Mike threaten Mr. Knightly at one point? I heard they almost came to blows over you.” Ally laughed; a hollow, cold sound. “I don’t understand his obsession with you, but he’s had it since the third grade. Look, even now he’s comforting you and not his girlfriend. Did you really think you could fuck two men while your boyfriend was gone and he wouldn’t find out?” She smiled triumphantly. “He knows now, doesn’t he? We all do.”
I looked around for the first time, realizing that everyone in my senior class and every teacher in my school had just witnessed our exchange. The looks of disgust and pity were too much. It didn’t matter what I said, they’d never believe it. I stared at Neil, but he wouldn’t look at me. His lip was split, his nose bleeding, and come morning, he’d be covered in bruises.
Jules, though, was shaking her head. “You wouldn’t do that. Tell them you wouldn’t do any of that.”
I realized that Mike was still holding me. When I peeled his fingers away, he only hesitated as if unsure of what I was going to do. When I turned to him, there was no anger in his eyes, only confusion. I knew from that point forward, he’d be my only friend here. Loyal to the end. But he was leaving.
I knew what I had to do. It’s what I’d always wanted. One little white lie and every connection I had to this place would be severed. There would be no coming back. But that lie would break the three people I cared about most. I wasn’t strong enough to hurt them that way.
I turned to Neil again; this time, he was watching me. His eyes weren’t cold and full of hate. All I saw was a boy that would forgive the girl he loved for anything. Almost anything.
When he took a step toward me, I made up my mind. There was one thing he’d never gotten past with April. He’d never forgive me for it, either. Which meant he could let me go and live his life. He could have his farm and his family. And be happy.
I stepped away from Mike, facing my best friend. “I’m sorry. I can’t. It’s true.”
I turned and ran, hearing Neil’s roar of outrage and Mike calling my name.
I drove home in record time. I grabbed the suitcases and boxes I had already packed, filling my car. One last, quick look at my room had me grabbing a few photos and some of the pictures Neil had painted me, and I was ready to leave.
I weaved through my mom’s boxes and into the kitchen. My whole life was being packed away; mom was moving to her boyfriend’s house. I was happy she wouldn’t be here much longer; I didn’t want her to deal with the fallout of being the mom of the whore who broke the town’s golden boy.
Leaving a quick note for my mom, I promised a call and a full explanation soon. Glancing at the counter, I noticed the pile of acceptance letters I’d gotten over the last few months. Staring at the one on top, inspiration hit.
It had – just like all my college letters – been addressed to my legal name, Cecelia Foster. After my dad left, I started using Merrill so everyone would know I was proud of my mom and who she was. That and it made things much less confusing for the other adults in my life. Eventually, most people forgot that I’d ever had a different last name.
I knew no one else in my class was going to Franklin Pierce; most of them were going to state schools or much farther away. The school was far enough away for me to start over, but close enough for my mom to visit. If I could get a late admission… The wheels started to turn.
Knowing it was the last tie to him, I put my cell phone on top of my mom’s note. I hated the idea of her not being able to reach me, but I needed to make sure no one else could, either. I had to leave them all behind.
I couldn’t stop the tears as I hurried out of my home for the last time. I may have broken hearts and ruined plans, but I had broken me right along with the rest of them. The only solace I had was that it was better this way. For everyone.
Normally, we spent the day of a show locked away, each doing our own thing to get mentally prepared to go bare our soles in front of thousands of strangers. Today, though, we’d spent the day exploring my old stomping grounds, relaxing and drinking, excited about tonight’s concert. We never got to play to small audiences anymore; the demand for us was too big.
We’d outgrown the smoke-filled bars and county fairs years ago. This venue, which capped out at eight thousand fans, wasn’t even close to the honky-tonks we’d grown up in, but it was much better than the stadium shows we were used to. There was something strangely intimate about performing in a place where your audience didn’t need a Jumbotron to see you.
The size of the venue wasn’t the only reason I was practically bouncing down the halls backstage. Tonight was a different kind of show, the first of its kind. My gift to the local people that had supported me through the years. My recording label hated the idea, but I single-handedly brought in enough to pay most of their salaries so they let me have my way. Most of the time.
The only way in was to win. No tickets were being sold because it was a completely free show. Local radio stations had been all too willing to hand out tickets, but there was no promotion allowed. We didn’t want a media circus, but we wanted real fans to come out and have a fun night with us. How the winners were chosen was up to each individual station.
The meet and greet had been my managers idea. Twenty-five of the ticket winners and their guests were automatically upgraded, completely at random. Not only did they get to meet me, they got round trip transportation to the show and the total VIP treatment once they were here.
I hesitated just outside the door where there were a hundred people anxiously awaiting my arrival. I could hear the murmurs of excitement, but I had to wait for my cue. Another of my manager’s ingenious ideas – we used the theory of misdirection for my entrance.
As the pass-holders arrived, they were lined up in the designated room. Right before I made my way in, we’d send my opening act, whoever it was at the time, in the entrance at the front of the room near the tables. Then, I’d sneak in the back, meeting the people at the end of the line first.
“She’s going in,” Sam, one of my security guards, told me, relaying the message he’d just received from his earpiece and nodding at the door. I gave them a few seconds and then I turned the handle and snuck in.
I’d only taken a couple of steps when a redheaded tornado hurtled into me, almost knocking herself over. I reacted without thinking, grabbing her arms to steady her. Her head jerked back, eyes widening when she saw me, a small gasp leaving those perfect lips I remembered all too well.
My fingers tightened on her shoulders for just a few seconds as my brain registered who I was looking at and I fought the urge to shake her hard enough to make her teeth rattle. Before my fingernails could dig into her flesh painfully, I managed to get control of my emotions. I couldn’t look away from those goddamn fear-filled eyes, though.
If I’d had a few more drinks at lunch, I’d think I was hallucinating. Fuck, it had happened more times than I wanted to admit. Once I followed a woman out of a restaurant, convinced she was Red. I’d barely talked my way out of an assault charge, but once the woman realized who I was, she’d been more than happy to settle with tickets to a show and some pictures for her friends.
I’d tried to find her. I searched everywhere I could think of, calling every college she’d applied to, looking in the cities she said she wanted to live, forcing Carson to help me by talking to her dad, and even tracking down her mom. It was like she’d vanished into thin air. Her parents would only tell me that she was okay and if she wanted me to know where she was, she’d tell me.
For years, I’d been convinced that Lia was going to come find me. I’d believed Mike when he told me Ally had twisted the truth, manipulating us all. Holding onto the belief that she loved me as much as I did her, I knew my girl would come to her senses eventually.
Every time a strange car pulled up the road to the farm, I’d think I was going to see her step out of the driver’s seat. Each time my phone rang and the screen read “unavailable,” I assumed it was her. Once the band started playing, I’d searched the crowds at every gig, hoping I’d see her deep blue eyes staring back at me. I’d demanded to see every letter that was sent to me, convinced she’d hear her song on the radio and know I needed her.
After years of complete radio silence, I’d had to face the brutal truth; I’d been nothing more than a goddamn game. The girl I had loved with every fiber of my body hadn’t given a fuck about me. Not really. Or, she would have stayed and fought for the life we’d planned. The realization had broken a piece of me, made me bitter.
Most of the women I’d dated over the past few years said she’d ruined me and caused me to hate women. Bullshit. I didn’t hate women. Fuck no; I loved them. Except for this one. I wasn’t sure how I felt about her, but I sure as shit never wanted to see her again.
Yet, here she was. The one place I never thought I’d see her. Running away from a meet and greet like the pathetic coward she was. Big fucking surprise. My jaw clenched as I let go of her. “You okay, ma’am?” I asked, trying to sound as casual as possible.
She nodded, swallowing audibly. Her eyes darted down, trying to avoid mine at all costs and I saw the red tint of embarrassment start to creep up her cheeks. Without a word, she turned around and hurried to a group of women in the back of the line.
I didn’t move, not sure I could. Part of me wanted to grab her and yank her back, demanding to know where she’d been. The other part… fuck if I know. Thoughts filled my brain, but none of them made a damn bit of sense.
Sam stepped forward, ready to tell Lia’s group that they would be the first to meet me when I reached out a hand and stopped him. “You make sure no one leaves out this door, yeah?” I said, leaning in close. “I’ll meet them at the front and then you can show them out that door.”
He gave me a puzzled look but nodded. “Yeah, boss.” He grabbed his cell and made the call, letting everyone on my security detail know that plans had changed. Then he led the way through the crowds. People moved but only when they realized I wasn’t some crazed fan trying to push my way through to the front. I heard plenty of women call my name but, surprisingly, no one tried to get grabby.
Molly stared at me as I joined her. Never letting her smile fall from her bright red lips, she leaned in slightly. “What are you doin’ up here?”
I shook my head. Molly Ray was the biggest pain in my ass this side of the Mississippi. She had more talent in her little finger than most of the big names in Nashville combined, but because she was as difficult as I was and didn’t have that squeaky clean “good girl” image everyone was after, she’d hit road block after road block in her career. Yeah, the woman had the voice of an angel, but that body of hers, covered in just as many tats as mine, would turn the devil himself inside out.
I’d met her by chance five years before when the boys and I had snuck away for the night and gone into some random dive to grab drinks. She’d been on stage, singing her heart out to a crowd that didn’t care what she sang as long as she was wearing as little as possible while she did it. After her set, she’d knocked some loser’s front tooth out when he grabbed her. Of course, that loser had been my drummer so I’d had to get involved.
We’d been best friends since. To get her on this tour, though, I’d had to promise there would be no redneck hick moves and that she’d be on her best behavior. I also had to remind everyone it was my granddaddy that had helped launch Outlaw Country to begin with and point out that if fans were coming to see me, they would be more shocked by a clean cut, country sweetheart opening than they would be by Molly.
If it had been anyone else, I would have expected some gratitude. Not from Molly, though. No, she figured the best way to thank me for giving her the opportunity of her life was to stick her nose in my business constantly. It became her personal responsibility to drive me fucking insane every chance she got.
I smiled at the first group in line. “Meeting my fans,” I answered.
She greeted the women, signing autographs and smiling before sending them to me. “I know that, dumbass,” she whispered as they left the room. “But, you’re supposed to be in the back.”
“Changed my mind,” I answered in the same lame-ass singsong tone she’d used. She gave me an annoyed look, letting me know she didn’t buy it. She’d never let it go, but I sure as hell wasn’t getting into it now.
For the next forty minutes, I tried to avoid looking at the back of the line, attempting to focus on the faceless people that wanted my undivided attention, if only for a few minutes. I answered the same questions about my tattoos, my piercings, and my relationship status that I got every time I met a fan. I tucked tens of scraps of paper, all containing phone numbers, into my back pocket, winking at whatever woman, or man, had slipped it to me. I laughed at jokes, grinned for cameras, and flirted my way through, all while keeping one eye on the last group.
When the second to last group had been let out the door and all that remained was Lia and her friends, Sam clapped his hands once before rubbing them together.
“Okay, ladies. Sorry to rush you but we’re out of time. Molly, you’re due on stage.”
Molly nodded – momentarily distracted – before stepping up to the women and giving them all hugs. “I’m sorry we didn’t have more time!” she exclaimed as she smiled for a picture with two of them.
“Sam.” I leaned back against the table, gripping the edge, and propped one foot over the other. “I’m not going out right now. I’ll finish up in here with this group. You take Mols out and come back.”
Molly’s mouth fell open as she gaped at me, but Sam only raised an eyebrow and pulled out his phone again. Narrowing her eyes, my friend watched me. Then realization lit her dark features and she turned back to the group abruptly, looking at each of them as if searching for something. She stopped on Lia, staring a little too intently. When Sam called to her again, though, she made apologies one more time, gave those air kisses that women do, and walked to the door.
She paused just for a second, shooting me a worried look. “Love you.”
“Love you,” I replied instantly right before she left the room with Sam. I was as used to saying it to her as I was saying it to my mom, so much that it had become a thoughtless reaction. It didn’t make me uncomfortable and everyone that knew us understood the relationship we had. From the look on Lia’s face, though, the words had unnerved her; her nose scrunched in the way it used to when she was uncomfortable and she became fascinated with something on the floor.
Once the door was closed, it was just the five of us. Sam would be back in minutes but, for now, we had as much privacy as we could get. The metal on the underside of the table bit into my fingers as I held the table tighter, unable to let go while I figured out what to say. The women watched me, waiting for me to say something. Except for Red. She stared at the carpet like it was the most interesting thing in the world.
I didn’t know what I felt. Anger? I could have sworn I’d let that go years ago but, suddenly, it was back in full force and I was that teenage boy all over again, pissed off at the fucking world. Relief? Seeing her, here, in flesh and blood was definitely a change from the worry I’d unknowingly carried for years. There was also excitement. I wanted to shut it out and not be happy to see her, but I couldn’t.
That pissed me off and I clutched the table even harder, ignoring the pain. Fuck her. She left
me.
She packed her shit and walked out on me without as much as a goodbye. I didn’t get a “sorry I broke your heart,” before she abandoned me. There was no closure, just a fucking mess to clean up. I should not be glad that she was standing five fucking feet from me. But I was.
A blonde stepped forward slightly, attempting to break the tension that had filled the room. “Thank you for staying,” she stammered. “It’s our friend’s birthday and she’s your biggest fan. She’s so excited to meet you.” She held out her hand toward the other women, but none of them moved.
Normally, I’d make a big deal out of those words. Tonight, though, I didn’t feel like celebrating with fans. No, I wanted them to all disappear, giving me five minutes alone with the woman I would probably never see again. She owed me that; I deserved a chance to say my piece.
I blocked out the voice that was still speaking to me. All I could do was stare at the ginger, wishing she’d at least have the balls to look up and face me. If she felt my eyes on her at all, she didn’t show it. Instead, she just kept her eyes glued to the floor.
I took a deep breath. “Didn’t think I’d see you here, Lia,” I finally spoke and the blonde stopped talking abruptly. Three sets of eyes watched me cautiously.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw them glance around at each other, confusion clear in their expressions. I realized one of them was shaking her head as if telling the others she had no idea what was going on. The short one barked out a laugh, muttering something about inbreeding under her breath. The tall one next to her elbowed her, but Lia didn’t look up.
“You really gonna come to my concert and ignore me?” I didn’t care how angry I sounded.
The blonde frowned at me while the brunette answered in a bitchy tone, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but, I think you’re…”