Forgiving Lies (7 page)

Kash’s eyes roamed my face. “Well, I wasn’t planning on mentioning it . . .”

“Wow.” My jaw dropped and I blinked rapidly. “I don’t need to do a thing. You make yourself look like an asshole all on your own.”

He laughed loudly and leaned in closer than he’d been before. “I don’t know what happened in the car earlier, but you looked like you’d seen a ghost. And right now, you’re putting off an uncomfortable vibe that I’m sure half the restaurant can feel. You know you look beautiful, but that doesn’t hide the underlying stress that is rolling off you.” Before I could say anything, he continued. “So that makes me assume you’ve had a really bad day, which is why I offered to drive us all home so you could have another drink or two. If you honestly think what I’ve said means you look bad, then that’s your own problem you’ll have to deal with. And as long as you’re giving some attitude, be prepared to get some in return.”

Oh. Wow. If he hadn’t already bothered me so much, I’d have wanted to make him my new best friend. Or maybe that was the tequila already hitting my completely empty stomach. He cocked an eyebrow and I decided it was definitely the tequila talking.

When he sat back, I turned to look at the table and busied myself by eating chips and salsa, and the next time the waiter passed us, Kash ordered me another margarita. He and I didn’t say anything to each other or the flirting duo across from us until it was delivered to the table.

Pushing it toward me, he smiled softly and kept his eyes on the drink. “I’ll get us back to the complex. Just relax, and maybe try to enjoy this one, yeah?”

I laughed and his eyes flashed down to mine. Taking the drink, I took a sip and relaxed into the back of the booth. I didn’t understand this guy sitting next to me, and although I wanted to hate him, I found myself smiling as I thought about his no-bullshit attitude. I’d had a bad day and taken it out on a stranger—a gorgeous stranger, no less—and while I still felt embarrassed about the first and second impressions I was leaving, I couldn’t help but be intrigued by him.

But then thoughts of Blake crept back into my mind and I pushed down any feelings that may have started making themselves known about Kash as I scooted closer to the wall of the booth. Getting caught up in a guy was the last thing I needed right now.

4

Kash

“W
HAT THE HELL
are you thinking?”

“Uh . . . that she’s hot and I need to get laid?” Mason looked at me like I was missing something completely obvious.

“You really think it’s smart to get involved with someone while we’re in the middle of an assignment?”

He sighed heavily and dropped to the floor, leaning up against one of the walls. “You can’t tell me this assignment isn’t completely different from anything we’ve done. The only reason we can’t tell our families where we are is because of the hit. But other than that, what we’re doing—it’s like we’re detectives.”

“Yeah, and we’re still
undercover
.”

“Whatever, Kash, you think detectives don’t have relationships? Don’t have families?”

I groaned and raked a hand through my hair. He wasn’t getting it. “Of course they have relationships and families. They’re allowed to have lives.
This
”—I motioned to our empty apartment—“isn’t our life. We aren’t here to start new lives, Mason. We’re here to find a serial killer and stay hidden. All the rest of this is just for show. The minute we forget that is the minute James Camden slips through our fingers and another girl ends up dead. Do you want that on you?”

“What the fuck, Kash? Of course I don’t! Jesus, it’s not like I want to marry her. And from what she was saying last night, Candice isn’t the type of girl to be tied to one guy at a time. I don’t have to worry about her being clingy or wanting a relationship. So back off and instead of putting this shit on me, maybe worry about the fact that you couldn’t take your eyes off Rachel all night.”

My gaze quickly darted to the window that gave me a perfect view of the girls’ apartment. “She’s hot, sue me. But I’m not thinking about letting her get in the way of what we’re here for.”

“Perfect.” He stood up and stretched before heading to the front door. “I’m not going to let Candice get in the way either. But since we don’t check in ’til Monday, you can be damn sure I’m using this weekend to my advantage. See ya.”

“Have you forgotten we have no furniture?”

“Ask Rachel to go with you to pick out some stuff. I’m sure she’d be happy to
do
it.” He wagged his eyebrows and I groaned.

Just as he turned the doorknob, I slapped my hand down on the door to keep it shut and spoke low. “What we do? The lives we live? There’s no room for family or relationships, Mason. How many voice mails has your mom already left sobbing?” Mason ground his jaw but stayed quiet. “We’ve only been gone two days and they’re already freaking out. Because even though we didn’t tell them, they know what’s going on, and they’re fucking terrified. You hate doing that to your parents and sister; would you really want to bring a girlfriend or wife into what we do? Leaving them without notice for months or years at a time while we live the way those drug dealers do. You really want that for someone else?”

With a hard shove, he narrowed his eyes at me. “No, I wouldn’t do that. And what’s about to happen in that apartment”—he pointed toward the door—“will never make it that far. Even if it did, I would get out of undercover if I was getting serious with someone. You can’t do this for the rest of your life, Kash. And like I said, I’m not the one you need to be worried about. The way you were looking at Rachel last night . . . I’ve never seen you look at a girl like that, not even Megan. So stop freakin’ preaching to me and focus on yourself.”

Megan and I had dated all throughout high school, through the first couple years of college, and when I went through the academy. When Mason and I got moved to undercover, I told her as much as I could, but it wasn’t enough for her. She was engaged to some guy she’d met in one of her classes by the time we finished our first assignment. Mason knew I’d planned to marry her, and having Megan leave me put everything in perspective for me. I was happy for her now; she deserved someone who she could count on to be home for dinner, and I wasn’t that guy.

“Like I said, Rachel’s hot! Any guy with a working dick isn’t going to be able to stop looking at her. But whatever you’re thinking is happening for me with her, you’re wrong. She’s a grade-A bitch.”

Mason snorted. “Whatever, Kash. You weren’t just looking at her. You were studying her, like you were trying to figure her out. I know you better than anyone and I say if anyone here is in danger of losing focus, it’s you. Do me a favor, bro. Go get laid or something, lighten the hell up, and then we can focus on this case.” With that, he opened the door and practically charged across the hall.

The girls’ door opened, and like every other time I’d seen her, it felt like I’d gotten punched in the gut, all the air in my body leaving in one heavy rush. Rachel really was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. There was no doubting that. With long, dark hair; eyes so blue I’d found myself trying to see if she was wearing colored contacts—she wasn’t, by the way; and a soft smile that made me want to fall to my knees, it wasn’t hard to see why I couldn’t stop looking at her. And those legs. My eyes traveled down to her bare legs as she let Mason into their apartment and I subconsciously started sucking on my lip ring again. Dear God, those legs were freakin’ long and perfect . . . and headed right toward me.

My eyes snapped up and she looked back at her apartment door, which had just slammed shut, before meeting my gaze. “Morning, Kash.”

“Good morning.”

“Mason said you needed me for something in here.”

Oh hell no, he told her I needed to get laid?
I was gonna kill him. I locked my jaw and spoke low. “I don’t need anything from you.”
Especially pity sex.

Her blue eyes widened and she rocked back on her heels. “Wow, um, noted. Remind me never to come to you if something breaks or I need help moving heavy things. Have a nice day.” I swear I heard her mumble “
asshole
” when she turned and walked back to her door, then smacked right into it when she tried to open it and walk in at the same time. “What the— Oh
hell
no. Candice! Open the door!” She pounded her hand against the door. “Candice Marie Jenkins! I am in my pajamas and do not have my purse, cell phone, or keys. Open the damn door! I hear you two laughing!”

If I hadn’t been so pissed off at Mason for sending Rachel over here and for her agreeing to it, I’d have been laughing too.

“I swear, if you do not unlock this door and let me in, I will go Cali bitch on your asses!”

Okay, now I was laughing.

The door next to ours opened and a middle-aged man looked between Rachel and me. He had his cell in his hand like he couldn’t decide if he was going to call the cops or not.

“I will cut you!” Rachel swore and continued beating on the door; my neighbor looked at his phone and I groaned.

Pushing away from the wall, I took the few steps over to Rachel, grabbed around her waist, and pulled her back with me.

“Let me go, Kash. Candice! Open the door!”

“Calm down, you’re freaking the neighbors out.”

“I don’t care! I do not want to be locked out of my apartment so I’m forced to spend time with you! You’re rude, did you know that?”

I couldn’t help but laugh at her. “I’m rude? If you hate me so much, you should have never agreed to come ‘help’ me.” I nodded and gave a reassuring smile to the now-confused-looking neighbor before walking us into my apartment and releasing her.

“Excuse me for trying to be nice! That’s what people do, they
help
people, especially when they’re new to the— Holy crap, where’s all your stuff?” She looked around at our living room, which was mostly bare save for the two boxes Mason brought.

“We—”

“Is this what Mason was talking about? He said I’d know it when I saw it.”

Wait. What?
“What are you talking about?”

“Mason said you needed me for something in here. I asked him what that
something
was, and he said as soon as I walked into the apartment I’d see what you needed help with.”

Fuck. Me.
“Oh shit, Rachel. Um . . .”

“When is all your furniture coming?” She began walking around the place and her eyes got bigger with each empty room she came across. “Did you guys sleep in here last night?”

“Uh, yeah. Good news? Floor is actually pretty comfortable. So there’s that.”

“Bad news?”

“We don’t have anything coming, we need to go buy new stuff.” I took a deep breath and blew it out quickly. “And I’m starting to think that’s what Mason was sending you over here for.”

She’d been slowly nodding her head at the beginning, but then she stopped and tilted it to the side. “Starting to? What did you think we were talking about earlier?”

“Uh—so would you like to go furniture shopping with me?” I scratched the back of my neck nervously and she narrowed her beautiful eyes at me.

“No! I would not like to go furniture shopping with you, Kash. Did you already forget
just
telling me that you didn’t need anything from me?”

“I—that was a misunderstanding. I thought you . . . that Mason . . . it doesn’t matter. Like I said, misunderstanding. If you don’t want to come with me, that’s fine. You can hang out here, but obviously, you’d just be sitting on the floor.”

“What misunderstanding? What did you think was happening?”

I groaned and grabbed the keys out of my pocket. “Forget it, Rachel.”

“No, I deserve to know why you were so rude when I was offering to help you!”

I flung my arm out to the side and practically growled at her, “I thought he sent you over here to fuck me, and I thought you agreed to it!”

Instead of laughing at me, like I’d have expected any normal person to do, her stubborn expression fell, and all color drained from her face. Her mouth fell open and she quickly shut it, licking her lips as she forcibly swallowed. “I d-don’t want . . . I don’t want to have sex with you,” she whispered, and backed up until she hit the wall.

“Okay, Rachel, that’s fine.” I spoke like I was talking to a scared victim. What was going on with her? “That’s good to know, I don’t want to have sex with you either, that’s why I was an asshole earlier.”

That was a lie. I’d even freakin’ dreamed about this girl last night and woken with a painful hard-on I had to take care of in the shower, all the while Rachel flashing through my mind. And I’d lied to Mason earlier. Rachel wasn’t a bitch, though she’d definitely shown her bitchy side at our first meeting and before we got to the restaurant last night. But it didn’t take more than a handful of minutes watching her to realize it was her shield. It was her way of protecting herself. What she was hiding, I had no idea, and apparently it’d been obvious I was trying to figure it out last night. But there was something, and for some reason, I wanted to find out what it was and be whatever shield she needed.

And that was dangerous.

I’d been serious when I was talking to Mason about keeping focused, but he’d seen through my bullshit. I’d needed to say it to someone so I could try to get it through my head too. Anything with Rachel would be a bad idea. It wasn’t that I couldn’t have meaningless hookups; Mason and I had faced that a couple times with different groups we’d had to get into. To say we were paranoid about making sure we were still clean after being with those girls was an understatement. But from the moment Rachel had practically fallen out of her car yesterday afternoon, there was no doubting there was something different about her. There’s no such thing as meaningless when you find a girl like Rachel.

Rachel squeezed her eyes shut and took two deep breaths in and out before opening them again. But she wouldn’t look at me.

“Rachel?”

“What?” she snapped.

Shield. “Are you feeling okay, do you need something to eat or drink? I don’t have anything here but I can go get something.”

“I’m fine.” She took one more deep breath and forced her eyes to my face. “Tell me why you thought that’s why Mason would have me come over here.”

“It’s just something we were talking about.”

“You were talking about having sex with me?!”

“No! Jesus, no. We just—” I groaned and shifted my weight. “He was going over there to be with Candice and told me I needed to get laid. That’s all. Then you showed up saying what you said . . . and I just thought . . . It doesn’t matter.”

“Okay. Look, can we get out of your apartment? I’ll go help you pick out furniture or whatever. I just don’t feel comfortable being in here with you right now.” Her chest started rising and falling quickly and I just stood there staring at her.

I was scaring her? She was scared of me! That was fucking awesome. I couldn’t think about anything but getting to know her in every damn way possible, and I was freaking scaring her. Perfect. “Yeah, let’s go.”

We walked in silence out to my truck, and no, it didn’t escape my notice that she stayed an awkward distance from me. As soon as she was in the passenger seat, I ran to the driver’s side and hopped in. Just as I turned the ignition she cleared her throat and looked down at her hands, which she was twisting together. “Can we just get it out there right now that I don’t want anything with you or from you?”

I’m not going to lie; it felt like she’d punched me. But I still nodded.

“I’m not looking for, or interested in, a relationship. It’s nothing against you. I just—I can’t—I don’t. Um, I—”

“Rachel.” I waited until she looked up at me and again found myself wishing I could figure out what she was hiding from me. Did she have a boyfriend? Just get out of a bad relationship? “It’s fine. Nothing between us, I got it.”

With a quick breath in, she nodded her head and forced a smile. “We kind of got off on the wrong foot, but since we’re going to be neighbors I’d like it if we were friends. I’m sorry for how I was toward you when I met you, and I’m sorry for the confusion this morning—can we just start over?”

Only being friends with her sounded about as fun as kicking puppies right now. But this was good; I didn’t have time for a distraction and Rachel would definitely be a distraction . . . I don’t know why I even try lying to myself. The real problem was I couldn’t put Rachel in my world. I couldn’t put her in this danger, and being with her would put her right in the middle of it. So friends it was, then. “Sure,” I said softly, and watched a genuine smile cross her face.