Forsaken (3 page)

I go to Nate’s room, but he isn’t in. I walk down to the pool area, and see him
lying back on a sun lounge. He looks gorgeous topless, all bronze and muscled. I slip off my dress and slide onto the lounge beside him. He jumps at first, but when he realizes it’s me, he takes me in his arms and pulls me close. I snuggle into him, breathing in his scent and enjoying his comfort.

“You smell like Ryder and sex.”

I giggle, “You smell like Trey and sex.”

He laughs,
“Touché.”

“I am so glad you are back
, Nate.”

“Me too bubba,
I have missed you.”

“How are things with Trey, really?”

“Honestly? Really good, he is a great man and he seems to really care about me.”

“And you?”

“I care about him, I do. It is hard…being back around Ryder but I think I have moved on for the most part.”

“If only you weren’t gay, we could all live happily ever after.”

He laughs, “Tried that, doesn’t work.”

I stiffen. I still don’t like the fact that Janelle had both Nate
and
Ryder at the same time. It hurts me, truly rips into my core.

“Aw bubba
, it was a joke.”

“I still hate it you know? Some nights it really bothers me when I am alone and thinking about it.”

“Don’t be hurt, it wasn’t anything special.”

“Maybe…but you still let her touch you and kiss you and…be with you. I can’t do that, not ever.”

He sits up and looks down at me, his brown eyes narrow, “Is that what this is all about? I thought you couldn’t stand the thought of Ryder doing it.”

I stiffen again.
“I can’t stand the thought of Ryder doing it, it burns me, but I also hate that she got a part of you I will never have. I get Ryder, as much as I want him and that helps but…she got you. You are gay and she still got you.”

He looks long and hard at me.
“I didn’t…know you wanted me.”

“Nate, I want you. Maybe not how I want Ryder, but I love you to the stars and I have always had just a touch of a crush on you.”

He grins, “Really?”

“Really really,
”

“
For whatever it’s worth, it wasn’t special to me.”

“But you still did it.”

He stokes my cheek, “Does it bother you that much?”

“I can’t say it doesn’t because that would be a damn lie.”

“Would it help if I kissed you?”

I flush,
“We kiss all the time Nate, it isn’t the same.”

He takes my face and brings his lips down on mine. I freeze in shock for a moment, because this time there is passion in his kiss. He parts my lips with his tongue and kisses me
deeply, I can’t help responding; I have always wanted to know how it felt to kiss Nate. He groans and pulls me closer, pressing my body to his. I can feel that he is hard and it shocks me. Apparently it shocks him too because suddenly he is up and on his feet, and I am slung backwards. He is panting and his eyes are wild.

“Nate…what…”

“Jesus, fuck…”

He turns and storms off, leaving me alone and confused. What in the name of
God just happened? I stand on trembling legs and make my way back to the room. When I get in, Ryder is sitting on the bed staring out the window and down at the…oh shit. He turns and stares at me, long and hard.

“What the
fuck was that?”

“I…”

He walks over and grips my face, tilting it up. “What. Was. That?”

“He kissed me, I don’t know. We were talking about Janelle and I said it bothered me that he and you had been with her
, and that she had a part of him I never did. Then he kissed me and freaked out.”

“Maya, do you love him?”

“Of course I love him Ryder, I always have.”

“I mean…do you
LOVE
him.”

I rub my temples,
that is a stupid question. How could I love a gay man? “No, he is gay, that is absurd.”

“This
is going to screw him right up,” Ryder sighs, taking my hands and pulling me to the bed.

“You aren’t mad?”

“No, heck I should be but…no.”

“Did you expect this Ryder?”

“I don’t know.”

“Nate is gay,
”

“
Maybe, but he still loves women; he has a knack with them.”

“Nate has never made a move on me.”

“He cares about me, of course he wouldn’t.”

“Then what the hell just happened?”

Ryder stands, “I don’t know, but I am going to find out.”

“Ryder don’t.”

He turns, “If he is hot on you, he needs to say something.”

“It won’t change anything.”

He looks long and hard at me. “Won’t it?”

“You know I love you Ryder,
God, you are my soul.”

“I know that baby, I know.”

“Then just leave it.”

“Nate is clearly confused, I need to know why.”

“What about what I want?” I yell a little, “what about if I don’t want to know because I don’t want to be put in that position? Well, what then?”

I pick up my bag and head for the door.
Frustrated with the two men in my life, they both have so many issues that have to be sorted. They never talk about Janelle and what happened; they never talk about Nate’s feelings for Ryder. They just never discuss anything serious.

“Maya!”

I spin around and glare at him. “No Ryder, don’t take away the two best things in my life.”

I slam the door as I walk
out; Nate is just walking back into his room. When he sees me, he freezes.

“He saw that, I hope you are happy. You two need to work out what the hell sort of relationships you fucking want because I don’t deserve to be put between this.”

I storm down the hall to Sandy’s room, and bang loudly on the door. She opens sleepily but when she sees me her eyes widen and she jumps to alert.

“What happened?”

“Can I come in?”

“Of course,
”

I walk in and she shuts the door behind me. I fall onto her couch and she sits beside me, looking confused.

“Well?”

“Nate kissed me.”

“Nate always kisses you.”

“No Sandy…Nate kissed me…hard…hot…and he got aroused.”

She blinks, “I beg your pardon?”

“He kissed me and he liked it…he actually liked it.”

“That isn’t abnormal sweetie; a lot of gay men enjoy kissing women.”

I blink, shaking my head.

“So he enjoyed it, but doesn’t…want more?”

“Did you ask?”

“He got angry and stormed off.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, because he got aroused.”

“NATE
, OPEN UP!”

I hear Ryder’s angry
voice down the hall and I freeze. He wouldn’t….surely.

“Oh no,
”

I stand and rush into the hall just as Nate walks out
, and stands in front of Ryder.

“What the hell was all that about?”

“Nothing,” Nate snaps.

“Bullshit, you kissed her!”

“Yeah, so what?”

“Why?”

“She thought I was leaving her out, thought I gave Janelle something I wouldn’t give her. I was showing her that it wasn’t the case.”

“That’s not the only reason, you tell me why Nate?”

Nate growls and his fists clench. “You know exactly why.”

“No I don’t, enlighten me.”

“Fuck off, Ryder.”

“Nate, I swear to
God, I will knock your fucking block off, now tell me.”

“YOU
KNOW WHY!”

“NO I DON’T.”

“Because she was asking why I wouldn’t do it with her, and why I did it with Janelle. I did it because of you, and the thought of doing it again aroused me. Maya is gorgeous, and you know that I care about you. The entire idea of it turned me on. End of story.”

He could have slapped me, and it would have hurt less. He was thinking…of Ryder? My heart clenches, hurt tears through me.
Shame swarms my body, how stupid can one girl be? What in the world made me think a gay man was attracted to me? I should have known better. Why does it hurt so much? It’s not like I didn’t know Nate was gay.

Ryder’s face has softened, and his voice grows gen
tle. “You aren’t completely over it, are you Nate?”

“I am over it,
she just started asking and it brought back memories. I fucked Janelle only for you and when Maya asked why I didn’t want her…I kissed her and it all came back. It was just a fantasy, and it shocked me. Shocked me that I would think of her or you like that after what happened with Janelle. It wasn’t Maya’s kiss that aroused me; it was the idea of being with you again.”

I make a hurt sound and both men turn to see me standing there. Tears thunder down my cheeks, because I have just realized how much Nate’s words affect me. How much it hurts
that he only did it for Ryder. Nate winces and he narrows his eyes, giving me a pleading look, “Aw bubba, I didn’t mean it like that…”

“Don’t.”

I grip Sandy’s hand; she has been silent beside me this whole time. She holds my hand with a vice like grip, and we walk down the hall in the opposite direction.

“Maya!”

Nate runs after me and when he reaches me, I turn and slap him harshly across the face.

“Thanks a lot Nate, for making me feel like nothing but a way to get to fucking RYDER.
You are my best friend and I thought…”

“It wasn’t just Ryder, please listen, it was everything…”

“How could you? How could you kiss me and hurt me like that?”

“I didn’t…”

“We are leaving,” Sandy snaps, pulling me into the elevator and hitting the ground floor button. Nate’s face is broken as the doors slide closed. When they are fully shut, I crumble and Sandy catches me in her arms. 

“Sweetie, shhh,
it’s ok.”

When the elevator comes to a stop,
Sandy leads me out the front door. I know the two men won’t be far behind.

“Get a cab, now Sandy,
” I hiss, with a crackled voice.

She waves down a cab and we slip in just in time to see the two men tear out
the front entrance. The cab driver turns to us, he is an older man, with grey hair and light blue eyes, “Where to ladies?”

“A club, any club,
” I answer.

“Very good,
”

He pulls away from the curb, and I don’t turn to look at the two men I know are standing and desperately wanting to make things right with me. The cabbie drives two blocks, and pulls
up at a huge, bouncing club. My eyes hurt from crying and I know I look like hell. We pay the cabbie, and get out onto the side walk.

“We need a bathroom,
” I whisper, my voice hoarse.

“Alright, come on.”

Sandy knows better than to argue with me. She knows I won’t take it well. We enter the club and it is jam packed full of people. We find a bathroom and shove through the drunk women to find a mirror. I wipe my face and let my hair down. God…I look awful. I splash my face with some fresh water, then I take a deep breath and pull Sandy back into the club, and over to the bar.

“Tequila, shots, make it snappy,
” I order.

“
Whoa, Maya…”

“Don’t Sandy, just don’t.”

“Is that wise after everything that happened?”

“It’s perfectly wise.”

I shoot down three shots of straight tequila in less than five minutes. I am an easy drunk, so after the fourth and fifth shot, I am literally living up to the tequila name - One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR.

“Maya, honey, get up.”

I stare at Sandy’s blurry face. I am laying in a booth, laughing to myself.

“He fucking kissed me coz
’ he wanted Ryder, I should have known,” I slur.

“Honey, why don’t we go back to the room?”

“No, fuck them, fuck them…”

She shakes her head and
pulls out my phone, I try to grip her hand, but I am too slow.

“What you doing?”

“Calling Ryder,”

“
Noooooo,” I slur, and top it off with a hiccup.

She runs off into the crowd, and I am too drunk to stand and chase her.
I feel my eyes blur and close, they don’t open again until I am being carried out. Hmmmm Ryder, I can smell him.