He seemed to be tracking every twitch of my eyes. I could feel them making big moves. “I don’t even know what you want with it.”
“I just want to see if it’s consistent with the damage in your legs.”
“Ok.” I shrugged. “So check it then.”
“I would love to, but no one knows where it is. Do you?”
“No.” I channeled the truth to help me with that. I had dumped it in a random garbage can miles away from my house.
“You don’t know why it’s not in the hospital storage room?”
“I don’t know.” I stared right through him.
He seemed to be reading everything off my face. It didn’t matter though. Without proof, he had no evidence of a crime.
I breathed noisily. Finally, he stood up.
“I might have more questions later,” he said and simply walked out.
Raynor waited till the door had shut on him and spat at the ground. “Fucking wetback.”
I just shook my head. The MP just understood his duty. Somehow, I felt more annoyed at Raynor than anything Montego had said.
“I’m going to lunch,” I said. “Keep an eye on things.”
“Hold up, I’ll get someone to cover,” Raynor said, reaching for the phone.
“No.”
He glanced at me, and I added. “We’ll have plenty of time to talk. I just want to eat quietly.”
“Got it, boss.”
I soaked in the sunlight and fresh air for a bit before heading into the mess hall. It was already after noon, so the place hummed instead of roared. There were plenty of empty tables and though a few men tossed me a smile or a nod, they let me be.
The food was much better here than a combat base. Better than even the hospital. They had set us up with lasagna for the day, and I let it melt in my mouth. Italian food was a glorious thing, even when not done right.
A couple people in the nationalism movement looked down on Italians. Some of them looked down on Russians, too. That had always seemed more like a Nazi thing than what we stood for.
My father had drawn his lines around Europeans of all types. It had always made sense to me, but suddenly, my brain filled with questions.
A lot of Italians were much darker than Montego. He might come from a different culture, but the Italians had been that once, too. His kids might fit right in as white nationalists.
But maybe those kids would be friends with Velez’s kids. They’d argue to include them on the basis of culture, not skin. They might even argue to let in Rosa’s kids.
My throat clenched. I didn’t want to think of Rosa being a mom, of being someone else’s wife. I forced myself to shove it down and keep going.
The point was not that she was special. The point was that the culture cut stronger than skin.
I’d noticed it even while deployed. A lot of Afghans were pretty much white. But their values were way off. I’d managed to set my questions aside then. Now everywhere I looked, the same situation presented itself.
I was supposed to be charting a new course. Something to bring before my father. Instead, I could only wonder one thing: Who exactly were we fighting for?
I had no idea how far the line could be drawn anymore.
A hand landed heavy on my back.
I snapped up, expecting to see Montego.
Instead, I saw a round black face, with just a wisp of a smile.
“You back already, Corporal?” Dennis asked.
“At half capacity,” I said.
“Sure as hell beats no capacity.” He laughed softly. “Well, I’m just glad to see you’re doing ok. I’ll leave you to it.”
“Appreciate it. Enjoy the lunch.”
He patted me again and headed off.
Dennis had served in my regiment in Afghanistan. We had been sent to the same forward operating base. We fought together and even bled together. I’d risked my life to save Dennis’s when he got cut down. It was how I earned my purple heart.
Out in the brush lands and desert, survival was the only imperative. I gave my trust to those around me, no matter their color.I spent downtime shooting with them. You needed the guys to keep you sane as much as to keep you safe.
I had convinced myself that I went in harm’s way for Dennis mostly for the cause. He got to live. I looked good. It worked out for us both.
But my mind had been blank when I ran through that sniper fire for him.
Was the cause buried so deep in me that keeping him safe was instinct? Or was it exactly what it felt like on the surface? A man helping a brother in arms?
To his credit, Dennis didn’t think it forged some bond between us. Still, as I saw him eating off by himself, I thought I wouldn’t mind sharing some old war stories. Most of the men here hadn’t been deployed. They didn’t understand things that we did.
I just shoveled down my meal and headed for the quiet of the armory. Raynor clicked out to lunch after another useless handshake and then I was alone.
I spent the rest of the day working on my military assignment only.
When I left the bunker later that evening, my phone showed a missed call. It was an Atlanta number.
It could have been the hospital. It could have been police. My throat went tight anyway as the phone rang.
I knew who I wanted it to be.
“Hello?” Rosa’s voice said.
A smile nearly split my face. I turned to the wall to so no one could see. There was no reason. I was only trying to hide it from myself.
“You called?” I said.
“It’s you.” Her voice went flat.
“Yeah, I’m returning your call. How are you doing?”
She didn’t say anything, but I heard her breathing, hot and furious. My stomach sank.
“You’re asking,” she said, “how I am doing? After what you did to me?”
“What did I do?”
She laughed harshly. “We both know what you did.”
“I don’t.”
“No, actually, maybe you don’t. So let me tell you what you did. You put my whole career at risk. They can track how my card was used, did you know that?”
A sour taste filled my mouth. “I didn’t,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry doesn’t cut it, you asshole.” The speaker crackled under her voice. “I thought you were a good guy. I thought you wanted to keep me safe.”
“I did,” I yelled. The private nearby glanced at me, and I moved away. “I do. Tell me what they’re looking for?”
“Oh, don’t worry, all the blame is on me. I couldn’t tell them about you. You truly fucked me when you came over last night.”
“I’m sorry.” I felt beyond useless.
“I want to know why you did…the things you did,” she said. “That’s the only reason I called.”
“I can explain. Just not over the phone.”
“Oh, of course. Of course. We don’t want any of this getting back to you right?”
I couldn’t say a word. What right did I have?
“Fine,” she said. “There’s a coffee place near work. Meet me there at seven. I’ll decide whether to feed us both to the dogs or not.”
“I’ll be there.”
She cut off.
I stared at the silent phone, and breathed in the cool evening air. No amount of it helped. I had fucked over this woman that I cared for. She was the only thing I truly knew I cared about in this moment. I saw it plainly now.
All it had taken was tragedy to collapse the lies I’d been telling myself. Now she could crumble the last one. She could tell Montego everything and take the army from me, too. Right when I needed it the most.
It was nothing less than I deserved - to be sent adrift away from those who had trusted me without hesitation.
I would be fine with that. If it would help her, there was no price I wouldn’t pay.
I would do whatever it took to keep her safe.
CHAPTER NINE
Rosa
I took the furthest table in the outside patio. The parasol from the table nearby cast a soft shadow on me as the sun began to set.
I sat tapping my feet and wishing I hadn’t actually ordered coffee. I didn’t need to be any more amped up to voice what I had in my head. I hadn’t chosen this spot to keep things quiet. I just wanted space to give Calix the tongue lashing he deserved.
No man had ever done anything this bad to me. I’d ended my last relationship when the boxer threw a bottle of Everclear at the wall that exploded in flames. He’d been jealous and petty but at least the bottle hadn’t been aimed at me.
Back in Miami, one of my middle school boyfriends had slapped me across the face. Even then, I knew not to let that slide.
But getting me in trouble with the law? Putting my job at risk? It was beyond anything I knew how to deal with.
I had stewed with it all of last night, fighting the hurricane building in me after Rhonda’s meeting. Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe it wasn’t Calix that had used the card. Maybe I just need a calm discussion to see if there was some mistake.
But of course there couldn’t be. He had left the hospital before me, which meant he took the card then, and he’d returned it at my house. At best, he didn’t use the card himself. At worst, he had planned it all out.
I had cried in bed just thinking about it. He had violated every memory I had of him. The security of that hug, that earnest intensity of our sex on the couch. It might have all been to keep me off his trail.
I emerged this morning in a rage. Even Elsa knew better than to ask. Lilly understood everything the moment I stormed in to work.
“He went bad that quickly?” she asked.
“I don’t know what you mean,” I’d said, stabbing at the main computer keyboard.
“This guy that you’re dating, duh. What did he do?”
“Dating?!” I spun on her, barking with laughter. “It was one night. One night and look what it cost me.”
“What did it cost?” She rubbed my back.
I almost told her. I was too furious to even think of a lie, but she left me be.
I got all the work done that I could before deciding that I needed to deal with this tonight. I got my script prepared.
Mostly, I wanted to know just what exactly he had chosen over me.
Still, a child-size little shard of me hoped this was just some misunderstanding. That it was all some mistake that could be fixed.
That he really did care for me.
That part of me shrank after every blown relationship. This might be the death of it.
I sipped and waited and wrung my fingers between the gaps in the mesh metal top of the table.
When I finally caught sight of him, limping down the sidewalk, the rage in me vanished. His chiseled cheek and jaw clenched with each step. His thick chest heaved in short strokes. It looked like he was off pain meds.
He wanted me to see him suffer and it was working.
God damn it.
He spotted me and ducked his eyes as he hobbled over.
Was he really that good an actor or did he genuinely feel bad?
“Rosa,” he said, blocking me from the sun. “Can I sit?”
“If you’re not getting anything to drink. This place is good.”
This place is good?
What was this, a date?
“I’m ok,” he said.
“Fine then.”
He dropped onto the chair. He tried to keep his eyes open, but it couldn’t hide the long gulps of air he took or the relief washing over him.
“Are you really ok?” I asked.
“Yeah, fine.”
“Why are you not taking the Valium?”
“I didn’t want them while talking to you.”
I remembered some of my fire. “So that you would tell me truth? Or so you wouldn’t reveal too much?”
“I came to tell you everything. I’ll do whatever it takes to get you out of trouble.”
I sulked and sat back. “It’s a little too late for that.”
He spread his arms on the table. “Rosa, I never intended to harm you. If I had any idea you could get in trouble, I would have never touched your card. What I did was stupid, and probably not even necessary.”
“So I’m being grilled at work over nothing? Ha, that makes me feel so much better.”
“I don’t understand why they think you did anything. There are lots of people who must go in that room.”
He looked off thoughtfully. That infuriated me more than anything he’d said.
“We’re not here to see why they’re after me. You admitted that you used my card. They were right to accuse me. The fault is on you, not them.”
The table shook under my grip. Calix’s eyes flared. He nodded.
“You’re right. I’m not trying to deny my part, just understand the sequence of events.”
“You tell
me
what happened.”
“It was a last minute idea. I thought they might still have the remains from surgery. I just got lucky when I stumbled into that room. I took the fragments and left.”
I stilled my breath. “And how did you even get my card.”
His shoulders went tense. His fingers tapped the table slowly.